10. Ryder #2
I face the guys on the team again. “Trash-talking and taunting the other team. Insulting our opponents or their fans. Arguing with and yelling at the referees because you didn’t like their call.
Blaming our own teammate when a mistake is made.
We all make them, so calm down and be understanding.
Lastly, don’t break the rules and don’t cheat. No one likes a cheater.”
Cheating makes me think of Alice, and I look over at her.
Has she been in a relationship? How many?
How did they end? Did anyone ever hurt her?
Just the thought makes me see red, and then I go to a place I’ve tried hard to stay away from.
Has she been intimate with someone? That thought has my stomach bottoming out and aching.
An unwanted image of some faceless guy touching her and doing things that I’ve dreamed of doing with her .
. . I can’t take it even though I have no right to say one word. Suddenly, I feel guilty.
“You will be there tonight to represent your school. Y’all know what to do,” Alice says, pulling me from my misery.
Dean Rivas approaches. “Any advice for tonight?”
I get out of my chair and make my way to the team. Everyone is watching, and the guys stand a little taller as I approach. I walk down the row and look each of them in the eye. “My advice . . . is to win!”
King Silver takes off to find the school’s pirate mascot, and the two of them collide and start wrestling on the floor. It doesn’t take long for King Silver to be defeated, and the pirate stands over him in victory. It’s silly, and I love it.
“Photo time,” Dean Rivas calls out, and everyone settles down and begins scrunching in.
Alice and I move to the center line and turn to face the prepositioned camera.
The students have crowded in behind us. They’re packed on the bleachers and sitting on the floor.
Without thinking, I wrap my arm over her shoulders, just like I used to for photos.
I can feel her sharp intake of breath against my rib cage, and then I’m assaulted by the smell of lavender.
I don’t know why I did this. It has to be muscle memory because we’re back here, but she doesn’t pull away.
Tentatively, she wraps her arm around my back.
All around us, people are moving into place and laughing. But I feel like Alice and I are in our own private bubble. Is she as aware of me as I am of her? And then, just a tiny bit subtly, to where I don’t even know if she realizes she’s done it, she leans her head against me.
My throat clogs with emotion.
In another life, the life I wanted, this would be us all the time. This would be our normal, with her tucked into my side because she belonged there. Because she wanted to be there. Not because we’re forced to be.
In the corner of the gym, one of the band members drops something, and a loud crash echoes and startles us. It’s at this moment Alice jerks away from me. Our bubble pops, and she doesn’t look at me again.
The picture is taken.
We’ve met any student who wanted to come by.
And instead of getting smaller, our circle gets bigger, and that’s when Alice walks off. I glance at Brian, and he shrugs like he doesn’t know what she’s doing, and I follow.
“Alice, where are you going?” I ask.
Now I can feel more than just Brian looking at us. They have to be wondering the same thing.
She slowly turns and looks at the gymnasium around us, then she lets out a deep breath and composes her expression.
It’s the one she wears around me now. It’s plastic and fake.
With her scripted smile and expressionless eyes, I hate it.
“I’m sorry,” she says to the Tarpons team, who are only a few paces away.
“But something came up, and I need to go. Thank you for the invitation today. It’s been lovely to see you all. ”
Brian nods. “Thank you for coming.”
Without looking at me, she breezes through the side door and heads for the exit.
“Excuse me,” I mumble to the group, and I do something I never thought I’d ever do again: I chase her.
“Alice.” I calmly call her name once we’re out of earshot and just outside the back of the gym.
My voice catches on her name. I hate the way it sounds, and I hate the way it still affects me. She stops but doesn’t turn to look at me. “What, Ryder?” Her tone is impatient, and I hate it.
How did we get here?
I mean, obviously I know. It’s that everything is stifled and uncomfortable, when it used to be so easy.
“Where are you going? We’re not done yet,” I tell her, wondering why I care that she’s leaving.
Her stiff shoulders drop a little. “You might not be done, but I am.”
“What does that mean? They’re expecting us to be here a little longer.”
At this, she spins in place and pins me with a gaze so sharp it could cut glass.
“A little longer? I did what I was paid to do. I said hello, I waved, smiled, and did our thing at the convocation. I smiled for the cameras, talked to people, and now I’m done.
I don’t need to stand around and reminisce, and they’re really more interested in you than me.
Their big NFL star. You can go back in there, reminisce about the good old days, and dance like a puppet and sing ‘Kumbaya.’ As I said, I’m done. ”
This is not the first time since we’ve “reconnected” that Alice has verbally snapped at me, but it is the first time when I’m truly surprised.
Alice always loved her people. She loved this school.
The teachers and staff adored her, and I would have thought her loyalty to them would have led to a different outcome today.
But this Alice, she’s not as giving as she used to be.
She’s harder around the edges and definitely more cutting with her words and her time.
I don’t know if I like this new version or not.
Wait a minute. What am I saying? I don’t like her at all and am not planning on it any time soon.
“Done? More like you’re being rude. Those people are excited to see you too.”
“Rude?” She takes a step closer to me and tips her head back, while I stare down at her.
“I don’t know who you think you are, but you don’t get to have an opinion one way or another, or speak to me however you choose, and the fact that you think you can, and I’ll listen, shows just how far off the mark you are.
” She shakes her head in disbelief. “Have a nice day, Ryder,” she says condescendingly, and then she’s gone.