Chapter 32
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
The Ranch
“I’m going to be sick!” I shoved away from the kitchen table, made it to the back door, and puked all over my grandmother’s tulips.
I hastily wiped my mouth and stood up.
“Was that morning sickness or emotional sickness?” Muddy asked.
I glared at her over my shoulder before another wave of nausea hit me and I bent over the porch railing again.
“There can only be one dramatic person in this family,” I said after I recovered. “And I’ve long claimed that title. So next time, don’t drop a bomb so casually. Speaking of casual, how did you know? And why aren’t you shocked?”
“I had a hunch,” she said. “But I didn’t know for certain. Now I do. As for shocked, nothing shocks me. Someone has to be level-headed in this family. God knows you’re not. Neither is your father.”
“My father,” I groaned. “I’m going to have to tell him I’m pregnant.”
“Yep.”
“Not before the wedding,” I said. “No one can know.”
“You don’t think the morning sickness is going to give it away?”
“Muddy, please,” I begged. “I can’t do this to Hadley.”
“Do what to Hadley?”
“I can’t announce this before her wedding. I won’t. I won’t steal her day. Because you know the minute this gets out, it won’t be about her anymore, it’ll be about me.”
She patted my cheek. “You’re a good egg, Salem.”
“I’m cracked.”
Muddy grinned. “This stays between us. I swear.”
I hugged her tightly.
“One more question and I’ll let it drop,” she said.
“What’s that?”
“Does this mean you’re staying?”
I pulled back to peer at her.
“Cas and I haven’t talked about anything like that yet.”
“Okay.” She gave me a squeeze, and then let me go. “Whatever you need though, you come to me, yeah?”
I nodded.
“I lied. I have one more question to ask.”
I couldn’t stop the smile. “Shoot.”
“Are you scared?”
My smile softened. “No. I’m not scared. I was in shock. But that wore off pretty quickly. And in its place . . .”
“Yeah?”
“Love.”
“Love. It’s almost like that’s the entire point, huh?”
I laughed. “Yeah. The entire point.”
“It’s not my birthday,” Dad said, looking at the cupcake in front of him. “Why is there a candle in my cupcake?”
“It’s a celebration,” Hadley said. “You just had your first meal at the kitchen table since you’ve been home.”
Jane touched his cheek. “It’s your delayed welcome home party.”
Dad turned his head and kissed her palm. “Still doesn’t explain a candle.”
It was so natural and sweet, and it stupidly brought tears to my eyes. I wasn’t sure if it was the hormones or the fact that I’d opened the floodgates so my emotions were constantly at the surface now.
“If you don’t want the cupcake, I’ll take it,” Declan quipped.
“Get your own.” Dad blew out his candle. He went to grab it, but his arm dropped suddenly.
Exhaustion appeared to be kicking in, but no one said anything. Jane picked up the cupcake and peeled the wrapper from it and held it up to him.
“I’m fine, thanks. Actually, I’m a little tired.” Dad struggled to stand, but he did so without any assistance. “Dinner was great, Mom.”
“I didn’t cook,” Muddy said. “Hadley and Salem did.”
“Which means the boys get to do the dishes,” Hadley said to Declan.
“On it,” he said, rising.
Cas was sitting next to me, but not too close. He rose, and then the guys began clearing dishes from the table while my dad headed for the stairs. Jane followed behind him, clearly ready to lend a hand if needed.
Dad wouldn’t ask, though.
Muddy got up and put the untouched cupcake on a plate. “I’ll run this up to him in a bit. I know he wants it. It’s his favorite.”
“Red velvet with cream cheese frosting.” Hadley made a face. “Ew. Give me one of the chocolate ones.”
“Better do it,” I warned. “She’s looking a little piqued.”
“Then I’d better take two chocolate cupcakes.” Hadley grinned. “Wouldn’t want to go feral on anyone.”
“Feral Hadley? Yeah, right,” I teased.
“Am I allowed to say anything?” Declan asked.
“No,” Hadley and I said at the same time, and then both dissolved into giggles.
Muddy took the cupcake upstairs to Dad as the boys finished cleaning the kitchen. After the dishwasher was loaded and running, Declan asked, “Fire circle?”
Hadley shook her head. “I’m beat. Can we go home?”
“Sure, bear snack. Whatever you want.” Declan leaned over and kissed her forehead.
“That’s both the cutest and grossest nickname I’ve ever heard,” I said.
“Agreed,” Cas said.
“How are you doing, Bowman? The full house must be driving you crazy,” Hadley said as she moved toward the front door. The rest of us followed.
“It’s fine,” Cas said. “But Salem’s a bathroom hog.”
“I am not,” I muttered.
“You are,” Hadley said with a grin.
Cas and I stood on the front porch and I waved to Hadley and Declan as they headed to the cabin.
“Alone at last,” I said, turning to Cas.
“Your room?” he asked.
I nodded and the two of us went back inside and headed up the stairs. Once I had the door to my bedroom closed, I turned to him.
“Muddy knows I’m pregnant,” I said without preamble.
“How?”
“She suspected, and then I confirmed it by puking on her tulips. She understands why I want to keep this between us until after the wedding.”
“But after the wedding, we tell people.”
“We have to.” I took a seat on my bed and propped a pillow against the headboard and laid down. Cas sat at the foot of the bed and patted his lap.
I stretched out fully and placed my feet on his thigh.
We sat in silence for a moment. It felt like contentment, but also as though each of us was waiting for the other person to talk.
Finally, I broke the silence. “Look, Cas. This baby threw us both for a loop. And I don’t want you to think that you have to be involved—”
“Stop right there,” he commanded.
I fell silent.
“It takes two to make a baby. I love you. I’m not going anywhere. You hear me?”
I nodded.
“Say it. I need you to say it.”
“I hear you,” I murmured.
“You thought I was going to bail.”
“I thought this wasn’t something we planned,” I said slowly. “And so I’d never ask you to—”
“I’m trying not to get upset. Because if I get upset, that’ll get you fired up and you need to be calm. Especially now that you’re pregnant. So, I’m not going to yell. But you’re going to listen to me now, okay?”
“Okay,” I whispered.
“I’m here. I’m in this. We’re doing this. Together. Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Good.” He nodded. “Glad we got that settled.”
“But nothing else is settled. We have a bit of a geography problem.”
“Yeah, we do,” he agreed.
“I’d planned on going back to New York, but not until Dad was stable. More stable, I mean.”
“Yeah?”
I nodded. “I haven’t told my boss yet, but now . . .”
“Go on.”
“I definitely don’t want to raise a baby in New York,” I said simply.
“Hallelujah.”
“I want to be here,” I admitted. “Close to family. I can’t believe I’m even saying that. God, I can’t believe I’m pregnant. And Hadley’s pregnant. They’ll be cousins so close in age. I kind of like that.”
“Can I say something?”
“Always.”
“You don’t seem at all fazed by this turn of events.”
“What in my life has ever gone according to plan?” I asked with a wry chuckle. “This is just par for the course. Plus, I crave adventure. Clearly.”
“But it’s a baby.”
“Yes.”
“That’s a pretty big curveball.”
I peered at him. “You’re having doubts.”
“What? Not at all.”
“No?” I pulled my legs away from him and sat up. “I’m not expecting you to change your entire life because of this. I know you’re not a family man. You can be as involved as you want. You can come and go as you please. When you’re on a break from the circuit you can come back and—”
“Woman, are you fucking delusional?” he snapped.
“Delusional is in the eye of the beholder.”
“Don’t be cute and quippy, Salem. Not right now.”
I smiled. “You called me cute.”
He scooted closer and grasped my upper arms gently and stared into my eyes. “What do you mean I’m not a family man?”
“Well, Declan said that. I don’t want to try to change who you are.”
“You’re telling me that you expect me to go about my life as if nothing’s changed?
Christ, woman, we made a baby together. You and I.
You think I’m not going to be there every step of the way?
You don’t think I’m going to love you and care for you and rub your feet and catch everything you throw at my head when you’re in a hormonal rage?
You don’t think I’m going to watch your body change and go to doctor appointments?
You don’t think I’m going to plan a life with you and our child? Jesus, woman, do you know me at all?”
I blinked, tears coating my eyes. “Do I know you at all? Yes, I know you, Cas. But I also don’t, not really. Because we haven’t been together long at all. You’re at the height of your career. Kids ask for your autograph at airports. You’re talking like you’re willing to give all that up.”
“Of course I’d give all that up! It’s not even a question.”
“But—”
“Salem,” he said, his tone harsh. “I’m going to tell you how this is going to be.
We’re going to build a house like Hadley and Declan.
We’re going to raise our baby in the mountains of Idaho and he or she will grow up with family and friends and want for nothing.
And if this life isn’t enough for you, then you can start your own marketing firm and travel wherever you need to for clients.
You don’t need New York. And when you’re ready, we’ll have another baby.
Or if you just want one, we can do that too.
Not a family man . . . Tater tot, you just made me one. ”
“Cas,” I whispered.
He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine and mumbled close to my mouth. “I’ll give you whatever you want in this life. I’ll give you everything you’ve ever dreamed of.”
My hands slid to the back of his neck and into the blond hair at his nape. “Is it that simple?”
“It’s that fucking simple.”
“You’ll have regrets.”
“No, I won’t.”
“What if you do, though?”
“I won’t,” he said. “I promise you, I won’t. We should probably talk about when we’re getting married.”
“Uh, what?” I asked.
“Marriage. A wedding. Fall, maybe?”
“Veto.”
“Fine, winter, but I gotta warn you, it’s going to be a bitch for guests to trudge through snow.”
“No, I meant veto on the wedding,” I clarified.
“Ah, elopement then? Hadley will never forgive you—”
“Cas,” I began, dropping my hands from his neck. “I meant, no to the marriage.”
He smiled.
“What?” I demanded.
“Didn’t I tell you how it was going to be?”
“Well, yes, you did, but this—”
“You’re going to be my wife, Salem. You’re the mother of my child, and if I have it my way, you’ll be the mother of my children.”
My lips quivered with the need to smile, but I held it in.
“I don’t want to get married just because we’re having a baby,” I protested. “That’s not a reason to get married.”
“Is that why you think we’re getting married?”
“Well, uh, yeah?”
“Hmm. That’s my fault. I told you I wasn’t one for flowery words.”
“No, you’re not,” I agreed.
“Okay, I take it back.”
“Take what back?”
“The marriage proposal.”
“That was your idea of a marriage proposal?” I snapped.
“It was. No wonder you said no.”
“Actually, I’m saying hell no.”
“All right.” He nodded, not looking at all upset by getting his wants denied. Cas stood up. “You want something to drink? Water?”
“Get back here,” I commanded as he walked toward the bathroom door.
“I can hear you fine from here. You can keep talking if you want.”
“Cas Bowman.” I rose and placed my hands on my hips. “You do not tell a woman you’re marrying her—at least not without some romance.”
“You’re right. Which is why I took back my marriage proposal and formerly request a do-over.”
“A do-over?”
“Yep. A do-over. It’ll be a surprise. And next time, you’ll say yes.”
“Oh, will I?”
He grinned. “You will. Because you love me and that little temper tantrum you’re throwing is bluster.”
“Bluster? Bluster this!”
After I fired off a crude gesture, I marched to him and pushed him into the bathroom.
“Enjoy your hand tonight, buddy!” I closed the door in his face.
He lightly rapped on it.
With a glare, I opened it. “What?”
He leaned forward and brushed his lips against mine. “Christ, you’re quite a woman. And you’re mine.”