Chapter 20 - Karter
“You sure you don’t want me to come by? I don’t mind. I would like to take care of you,” I plead into the phone for the fourth time. When Diana texted that she got sick at work and headed home, I was already halfway to my bike before the next one came in that said not to come over.
I called her after that and have been trying to convince her that I’m not afraid of a little puke or even catching whatever it is. I’d rather be the one to take care of her than sit on my thumbs and just hope it all works out.
“No, seriously, I’m already feeling better.
Might have been food poisoning or just a twenty-four-hour bug or something.
I’m just going to take some Tylenol, drink a gallon of water, and pass out.
I feel more drained than usual, so I’m sure I’ll be out all night.
No use coming over just to watch me drool. ”
“But you’re so pretty when you drool,” I can’t help but add, knowing it’ll make her smile.
“Shut it, old man. You know I don’t drool.”
“You do when my cock is jammed down your pretty little throat.”
“Karter,” she says in a way that’s supposed to reprimand me, but it comes out soft, like a breathless little moan, and has me thickening. Maybe it’s a good idea not to go over there after all. If I do, I’m liable to fuck her, and she needs the rest over my dick buried in her sweet pussy.
Damn it. Now I’m hard as a rock.
“Get some rest, Babygirl. Call me when you wake up.”
“Okay. Love you. Bye.”
There’s a pause on both our parts as her words register.
“I… I didn’t mean that. I was… I was just on autopilot. I say it to Nana. I… I wasn’t.”
I chuckle and let the warmth of her words flow through me. “Night, Babygirl.”
She hangs up after that, not even attempting to say anything else.
“Now what?” I ask the universe, but it doesn’t respond.
I’m outside my house, by my bike, with a boner and a happy feeling knowing my girl loves me. Even if it was a slip, it was a Freudian slip. She meant it, though it’ll take her some time to figure that out. And I’m perfectly fine with waiting her out.
I debate what to do for all of three minutes before I hop on my bike, adjust my dick, and take off. By the time I roll past the gates, I’m no longer hard, but at least the happy feeling is still there. For one part of my life at least.
I need to fix the other part.
I see Kooper’s truck, so I know at least one person is here who I need to make amends with.
“You here to punch me again?” the man of the hour asks as he steps out from around the clubhouse. No doubt someone monitoring the cameras told him I was pulling in.
“Depends.”
“On what?”
“Ruby. She with you?”
He looks me over, then throws his head back. “Backside of the property.”
“What’s she doing there?”
He looks away with a shake of his head. “Just head down the path. You can’t miss it.”
“Miss what?”
He just walks back the way he came with more shakes of his head. Probably pissed that I don’t remember what’s back there.
Awesome. More people mad at something I can’t control.
I stuff my hands into my pockets and kick at the stones as I walk in the direction he told me to go.
It doesn’t take me long to find her, sitting on a swing that seems to have been there for years, with vines wrapping around it but still looking brand-new.
The boys must be keeping it up. But the question remains: Is it for her or her mother?
“This was Mom’s spot,” she says without me asking. “You built it for her when she learned she had cancer. It was her way to stay close to you and the club but also give herself some space to breathe when needed.”
I take a few more steps till I can lean against the frame. Ruby’s sitting on the other side, but with one leg propped up to take over both sides, the other dangling to rock her. She makes no move to give me space to sit, and I don’t know if I would even if she did.
“I’m sorry.” It might not be enough, but it’s all I have.
“For what?” Her voice is flat as she holds my stare. She’s right to ask. There’s so much more between us that I should say sorry for than just what happened three days ago at the barbecue.
“For a lot of things, but not everything.” I speak slowly.
Not because I think she’s dumb or anything, but to make sure I say what I want.
This is the first time we’ve had a moment to talk with just the two of us.
Nothing will get solved today. I know that.
But hopefully I can mend shit enough to put us on some ground that makes it better for both of us.
“I ever tell you why I quit the Army?”
She shakes her head, but the scowl on her face morphs into confusion. Better than nothing.
“I signed up because my dad wanted me to become a man. In his eyes, it was the only way. So I did what he wanted, and when the time came to re-up, I didn’t. Then my mom pushed me to go to law school. For her, she saw it as the only way to be successful.”
“Then you met Mom and quit that too.” She rolls her eyes and breaks eye contact with me as if she knows the rest.
I shake my head. “No.”
She looks back at me.
“I might have memory lapses and shit missing, but I remember typing up the resignation letter long before I headed to that bar where I met your mom. The club sought me out before I went to them. They knew me because my dad served with the former president when they were in the Army. But unlike my family, the Hounds didn’t tell me what to do or who to become.
They gave me options, and then they waited till I was ready. ”
“What’s your point?”
“Point is this: Since I woke up, every damn person in this place is telling me who I should be. What I should do. How to act.” I rub a hand over my face.
“Not one is giving me the chance I first had. What drew me to this place is gone. I get that I was a different person, someone else back then. And you can’t see it, or maybe don’t want to, but I’ve changed.
I know it ain’t easy to accept, especially since you’re grown and I acted one way your entire life, but I can’t do a damn thing about being what I was. I’ve tried.”
I continue before she can say I haven’t. “I went back home, picked up the shit people said I used to do. Came to the club like normal and shot the shit, but it’s all changed. You all changed, but somehow you expect me to not have. Feels like double standards if you ask me.”
She looks away, and I give her a moment, but I’m not done. I move her foot and she sets it down, giving me space to sit beside her.
“I looked at old pictures, videos. Did meditation and other stuff someone online said would work to get my memory back, but it’s gone. I don’t know why, and I don’t know why it centers on you and your mom, but it does.”
“You don’t remember anything?” she whispers, so softly that if it wasn’t for the wind, I would have missed it with the way she’s turned away from me.
“I get flashes. Feelings if I go somewhere or enter a certain room. Not warm feelings or anything, just a sudden burst of something I can’t describe other than sometimes it feels like happiness, other times sadness.
A part of me remembers her, remembers you, but it’s nothing more than flashbangs right now.
Will it change? No clue. I know you might think I’m running from my memory, but I’m not.
I just don’t want to sit around and wait for it to come. I want to live.”
She turns back to face me, and I see tears in her eyes, but none have fallen just yet. “And what happens when you remember? You used to say that the thought of touching another woman made you physically ill. Do you think you’ll be able to still be with her if you remember Mom?”
I breathe out heavily through my nose and feel my shoulders sink.
I shake my head and answer honestly. “I don’t know.
But I will not let Diana go just because I might remember someone who consumed my entire life once.
I don’t want to wake up hating that my memory is gone and that I wasted my life wanting it back. ”
A tear falls, and then her head turns, but not away. Just facing the front, giving me her profile.
“When I was held captive, I thought about you. At first I wanted nothing more than to have you hold me in your arms like you used to do when I was a little girl and had a nightmare. How you would rock me and sing offbeat heavy metal to get me back to sleep.” She laughs and rubs her nose with the back of her hand.
“You always had terrible taste in music.”
I crack a small smile but say nothing else. I said my piece; now it’s her turn.
“Then I was mad. So mad. Knowing you didn’t remember me, that you probably weren’t even looking.
” She glances at me, and it’s my turn to look away guiltily.
She turns back and looks forward again. “But then I knew I didn’t have to want you to come.
Just the family you gave me. You raised me here, with everyone.
I hated them at times, especially with all the shit they pulled keeping you and your coma a secret.
Making me think I was alone in this world.
” She shakes her head, but a small smile spreads across her lips.
“You used to say that you and Mom fell in love instantly. That for you, it took one look and that was it. Mom said she needed a lot more convincing. Guess I take after her more than I thought.”
I hear her words and glance at the back of her leather jacket. The Hounds logo is on it, but so is a name: Peaches. She glances over her shoulder, and her smile doesn’t fade for once as she looks at me.
“He makes me happy,” she murmurs, and I move my gaze from her new club name to her face.
“I might not remember, but I want you to be happy. I think I always have. The other night, I remembered asking Kooper something. Something about watching someone who I can only assume was you. I wanted him to protect that person with his life. Was even willing to give up the club to him for it.”
The memory of agreeing to do anything for her safety sits heavy with me.
She nods. “Yeah, he told me. Well, after the blowup. Still debating if I should be pissed about him keeping eyes on me or not.” She turns away from me again. “Told him I reserve the right to be pissed about it later.”
“He agreed to it?” I can’t see that happening. The Kooper I know isn’t one to take orders from anyone but his president.
“Yeah.” The smile on her face says it all. She’s in love. And if he agreed, Kooper’s a goner as well.
She stands and stretches her neck to one side, then the other before turning to face me. “I don’t know what you want from me.”
“Same.” Her eyes widen as if she’s shocked by my response. Probably something she wasn’t expecting. “You grew up thinking of me one way, then another. Figured we owe it to each other to stop expecting shit from either of us.”
She nods slowly as she lets my words sink in. Just enough time for me to stand and keep talking.
“I’m not going to give you some bull about needing time to remember or trying harder.
What I can say is I won’t fight memories that come at me.
If I’ve got questions, I’ll ask. If feelings come up and I can’t rein them in, I’ll walk away.
” I snort as a thought pops into my head.
“I doubt the dad you knew would be too happy knowing his little girl got with a brother, especially one who was your bodyguard.”
She huffs and smirks before sticking her hands into her back pockets and shrugging. “If it helps, we only started something earlier this year. And when the brothers found out, let’s just say they took it upon themselves to get a little dad rage in.”
“No shit?” I ask with my own surprised face.
She only nods.
I smile, giving the club props for stepping in when I couldn’t.
I’ve loved this club for most of my life.
Being on the outside, even if it is only me thinking it and not actually a reality, has been harder than I’ll admit.
But knowing that they stepped in, did what I should have done, makes me damn proud of all of them.
I might have only fathered one kid, but a lot of the brothers were just boys when they came in.
I watched most grow into men, and I am honored to call each one family.
“I’ll be sure to remember that if I start feeling a bit extra around him.
But look.” I reach out and grab her hand.
She doesn’t pull away like I expect, and I’ll take the olive branch she’s giving me.
“I want us to get to know each other. Memory or not, you’re my kid.
You’re stubborn like me. The good looks must come from your mom’s side. ”
“She also said I got her brains.” She sniffs but doesn’t look at me, only at my hand holding hers.
“No doubt.” I might not recall Special K, but I can appreciate that she raised one hell of a woman.
I had some hand in it, too, but I’m skeptical to think it was much.
“You good with starting over? Well, in a way. I accept you being an old lady and you accept me for… well, being me and learning how to navigate this world with things missing and gone?”
Her eyes remain on our hands for a while after I finish before she finally looks up. “Koop and I were going to wait. Wanted to make sure we were in the clear and all. But you should know.”
I shake my head slowly, not following. Are she and Kooper planning on leaving?
Moving to a sister chapter or something?
Maybe even starting a new chapter at another location?
Kooper has the brains to pull it off, and if Ruby is half as amazing as I suspect, with her knowledge of the club, they would make a hell of a pair running a place.
“I’m pregnant.”
The world goes quiet for a moment. My hand tightens out of instinct. But I don’t drop hers, and she actually grips mine harder. It’s trembling a bit.
“It’s new, but we’re… we’re, um, keeping it. He got us a house and everything. I’m going to be a mom. And… and you’ll be a grandpa.”
The breath leaves my body at her words. Hearing my new title is a bit off, like panic setting in, but more. Joy. Shock. Pride. All hard to understand, but it’s a similar feeling to when I look at old pictures or go to certain places in the house.
Through it all, there’s just one strong emotion that pushes through, and I don’t deny it. I let her hand go, seeing the hurt in her eyes half a second before I enfold her in my arms and just hold her. Her and her kid. My kid and my grandkid.
Fucking hell of a day, that’s for sure.