Chapter 19
You and I are happening
Clara
I watched him from the entrance to the kitchen.
He was wearing his full three-piece suit, stubble darkening his jawline despite him having just shaved, and his thick hair curled around his collar, still slightly damp from the shower.
Looking at him now, I had a strange sinking feeling, tinged with panic.
I had a habit of thinking three steps ahead to anticipate danger. My whole life had been about anticipating danger, really. It was completely built into my personality now. But Rafe wasn’t dangerous to me in the normal way. Rafe wouldn’t break me physically; it was my heart that was at risk.
When he caught sight of me, his gorgeous blue eyes lit up, and he smiled. That wide, white, glamorous smile, filling the kitchen with his magnetic energy.
“Hi,” I said, feeling lame for my completely inadequate greeting after what had happened the night before.
I tucked my hands into my pockets and shifted on my feet, still not moving from the doorway.
I wasn’t sure how to act around him in the light of day.
Last night seemed like some sort of crazy fever dream now.
Maybe in my super-stressed, anxious state I’d made all of it up?
My instinct was to run, but before I could back away out of the doorway, Rafe put his coffee cup down and strode across the wide space in just a few long strides until he was right there in front of me.
I automatically lowered my gaze to the floor, but, just like last night, his hands came to either side of my jaw to tilt my face so that he could look into my eyes.
I’d learned by now that Rafe really did not like when I avoided eye contact. When I was looking straight into his intense blue gaze, his smile widened.
“Hi,” he said, before he kissed me briefly, then pulled back to search my face. “You okay?”
I nodded against his hands, which were still in my hairline.
“I think so,” I whispered, then glanced behind me before I looked back at him.
“Maybe we shouldn’t…?” I hadn’t slept in Rafe’s bed last night, despite him making it clear that’s what he wanted.
I was still confused about us, and I certainly wasn’t going to sleep with him with his sister in the house.
Rafe kissed me again, longer this time. And, of course, because it was him, because he was so glorious, because his clean, expensive smell was invading my senses, because he smelled of shower gel and aftershave and man, I slid one of my hands into his hair, my other hand up his back and I melted into him, my mouth opening under his.
After a few moments, he broke the kiss to rest his forehead on mine.
“Now that is how I want you to kiss me in the morning, baby, okay?” He was using that tone again, the one that was soft but had a hard edge behind it, the one I knew he expected to be obeyed. I glanced behind me again, slowly coming out of the Rafe Daze.
“Your sister,” I whispered.
Rafe shook his head and slid his arms around me fully so that he was hugging me into his chest, his large hands rubbing my back. “Poppy won’t be up for hours yet.”
“Still, I don’t think we should take any chances, Rafe,” I said, my voice muffled by his shirt.
Rafe sighed and pulled back from me, but kept hold of my hand.
“Clara, I told you last night,” he said in that soft but firm tone, “I don’t give a fuck if my sister sees me with you. She knows I’m a grown adult. She knows I’m not celibate and she’ll be chuffed to bits that I’m shagging someone who isn’t a stuck-up bitch for a change.”
I managed a weak smile. “How do you know I’m not a stuck-up bitch?”
He laughed. “Just a hunch.”
I dropped my eyes from his and bit my lip. “Rafe, I just don’t know if us being open about having a relationship is the best idea for now.”
“Clara, I don’t—”
“Hear me out, okay?”
Rafe’s jaw clenched in obvious frustration, but he gave me a short nod to continue.
“It would confuse Ozzie. It might break some of the trust I’ve built with him. Most children of divorced parents want them to reconcile. A new girlfriend is not a step towards reconciliation. Ozzie will know that, and it might make him angry. That could affect my progress with him.”
Rafe started to shake his head, his mouth opening to interrupt, but I laid my hand over his chest and he closed it with a sigh.
“Trust me, I know kids. I know how they will react to things. Ozzie likes me now because he doesn’t think I’m a threat. If he saw me in a different light, it could be very difficult for him to deal with. He’s only seven, Rafe.”
Rafe sighed but nodded a couple of times. “Okay, okay. I guess you’re probably right,” he said in a grumpy voice. “I don’t want to do anything that might jeopardise how well he’s doing.”
My chest tightened. He was a good dad. I wished I could be completely honest with him about my reasons for hiding our relationship.
My hand moved to Rafe’s face to trace his stubble with my fingers, down from his high cheekbones to his strong jawline.
I couldn’t quite get my head around the concept that I could touch him freely.
“I can’t believe that we...” I whispered, then broke off, not knowing how to complete that sentence.
Rafe smiled again, slipped his arms underneath me and lifted me up onto the granite worktop, stepping in between my legs.
“You better believe it, Clara,” he said as he kissed the nape of my neck. “You know,” he told me, his hands sliding over my jumper up to my breast. “You’re very sexy when you’re in schoolteacher mode.”
“I doubt that, Rafe,” I said through a surprised giggle. I was wearing my super soft, but oversized jumper with a pair of leggings. “This outfit is anything but sexy.”
“I love this jumper,” he murmured against my lips, his hand lightly squeezing my breast. “It’s so soft.”
“I, uh… the kids like it,” I said in a shaky voice, rocking against him, feeling lightheaded.
He moved his hand to the apex of my thighs and pressed on exactly the right spot over my leggings, moving in small circles.
My breathing started coming in short pants as I felt myself coming closer to the edge.
“And these leggings are very sexy,” he said against my ear, his low rumbling voice sending sparks through me. “I can feel everything through them.”
“Oh my God,” I said, clinging to his neck as my orgasm built.
“That’s it, baby,” he murmured in my ear. “Right here on the granite, just like in your dirty little dreams.” His low, dark voice brought all the memories of last night flooding back and pushed me over the edge. I gave a sharp cry as I came against his hand.
“Well done, darling,” he said in my ear, one hand cupping me with firm pressure whilst the other held me up on the granite – otherwise I was sure I’d have melted onto the floor in a boneless heap.
After a few moments, he put his hands on my hips again, lifted me off the granite surface and put me safely back onto the kitchen stool.
Then he swivelled the stool around to face the kitchen island, reached across and put a mug of coffee in front of me.
When I didn’t move, he took both my hands and wrapped them around the mug.
“Drink your coffee, Clara,” he said, his body caging me in from behind. I could feel his heat and the hardness on my back.
“Right, yes, okay,” I said weakly as I managed to raise the coffee up to my mouth. He gently moved my hair back to kiss the side of my neck, then stepped to the side, grabbed his phone off the counter, glanced down and then back at me.
“I’ll see you later tonight, okay?” he said.
“Uh, yeah, okay. Um…” I trailed off, glancing down at his crotch, then back up at his smirking face. I wasn’t at all sure of the protocol here. “Are you, I mean…?”
He raised his eyebrows. “No time for that, I’m afraid,” he said through a smile. “I’ve got to get to court, but I wanted you thinking about me all day. I didn’t want you to forget what happened or how good it is between us, understand?”
I nodded, taking another shaky sip of my coffee. “Um, so about Ozzie. I––”
“Yes, I agree with you about Ozzie, so we’ll wait to tell him.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. The reasons I’d given Rafe were true.
It would be confusing for Ozzie, and I didn’t want to upset him or set back the progress I’d made with him, but I had other reasons as well.
A public relationship with Lord Sterling would not be in my or his best interests.
I had no doubt that eventually my family would come between us.
There was nothing in my life that they didn’t ruin, after all, but I wanted to wait.
I wanted to be selfish for a little while and keep Rafe for myself without my family’s interference.
“Hold on,” Rafe said as he stalked out of the kitchen. When he came back, he was holding his overcoat, which he shook out, giving me a significant look. “Are you going to be able to control yourself if I put on my coat in here?” he asked, with a twinkle in his eye.
I laughed, feeling my face heat. “I can’t believe I told you that!
Ugh! Don’t tease me,” I said as he proceeded to do some sort of ridiculous reverse striptease, by putting his arm slowly in his overcoat, followed by his other arm, and then adjusting it.
I was still laughing when he came over to me and closed his mouth over mine.
“I like you laughing,” he said softly when he pulled back from the kiss.
I smiled up at him. The truth was, I didn’t remember laughing this much in a very long time, if ever.
He kissed my nose before he moved away to pick up his bag.
“I agree with you about Ozzie for now. But Clara, I’m not going to wait forever to tell him.
This is happening. You and I are happening. You understand me?”
I swallowed and then nodded, trying to keep my smile in place, but when Rafe frowned and tilted his head to the side, I knew I hadn’t quite managed it.
“You do understand you’re mine, don’t you, Clara?” Rafe said in that low, commanding voice.
I gave a slight nod. “Yes,” I whispered.
“And I’m yours too. Don’t forget that either,” he said before he turned and strode from the kitchen, his super sexy overcoat billowing out behind him.