CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
Asher
My head throbbed as if someone hammered it from the inside. I cracked my eyes open. Daylight burned my retinas; blinking hurt. Everything did.
But I was alive.
“How are you feeling?”
I turned my head toward Dawson’s voice with a huge effort. He sat in a chair by my bed, large palms clasped on his knees.
“Like shit.”
He shook his head and sighed. “You shouldn’t have raced. It’s my fault for letting you. Your head wasn’t in it, and I should’ve stopped you.”
That was all it took to remember why I hadn’t been able to focus. Why I’d felt like shit even before I lost control of the bike. The same kind of accident had killed Dad, but I was here. I’d made it. Maybe because it wasn’t my time yet.
I swallowed; my throat felt raw. “Not your fault.”
Dawson patted my hand. Pity drenched his gaze, and I looked away.
Of course he pitied me—concussion, lung contusion, broken clavicle.
Surgery was the best option for the fracture. It’d shorten recovery time.
But it was over. I wouldn’t race for the rest of the season. I wouldn’t win. I didn’t have a team next year—no fucking way I’d race for Russell again.
“Everything’s gonna be all right,” Dawson said. “What matters is you’re alive.”
“Whatever,” I muttered.
Dawson blew out a long breath. “You know, if you need to talk or vent, I’m here.”
“I don’t.” The words came out sharp, and guilt pricked me immediately. It wasn’t his fault I highsided. It wasn’t his fault I’d walked away from the girl I loved like I’d never love anyone again.
I hoped Kaia didn’t know about the accident. I’d hate it if she worried. I didn’t deserve that.
“Sorry,” I added. “I just need time to process this. Is Ale around?”
“In the hallway. Want me to call him?”
I nodded. “Please.”
Dawson braced his hands on his knees and rose. As he left, I exhaled, wincing at the pain in my chest.
It wasn’t only the crash. It hadn’t stopped hurting since I told Kaia we couldn’t be together. They could drug me and stitch me up, but that other hurt wouldn’t go away. Might as well get used to it.
“Mi nino.” Ale strolled in and paused by my bed. “How are you?”
“Alive. What time is it?”
Ale dropped into Dawson’s chair. “Two p.m. Your surgery’s scheduled for later today.”
“Yeah, I remember. Is anyone else here?” I both hoped and dreaded Kaia was. Walking away once nearly killed me; doing it again would finish me.
“Just Dawson and me,” Ale said. “Your mother texted yesterday, asking for an update.”
I snorted. “Texted?”
She could’ve come. Talked to the doctors. Waited until I woke up like Ale and Dawson did—without even being family. I already knew what she’d say to justify not showing up: hospitals made her nervous. She never wanted this life for me.
Bullshit. She just didn’t care.
Ale nodded with his chin. Despite the ironed shirt and styled hair, I didn’t miss the dark shadows under his eyes. He was worried, and I was grateful he hadn’t started asking the uncomfortable questions yet.
“Listen,” Ale said. “I know we should focus on the surgery for now, but I want you to stay with me afterward.”
“Okay.” I wouldn’t go back to Russell’s anyway, so I was basically homeless.
“It’ll be okay,” Ale said, standing.
It wouldn’t be, but I swallowed the words before they escaped.
***
Five days later I was at Ale’s, swallowing painkillers and feeling useless.
My left arm hung in a sling. I could do most things with my right, but I couldn’t drive, let alone ride. If I wanted to leave the apartment I had to ask Ale, and he was buried in agency work and meetings. I was his friend—and a client—but not his only one.
A key turned in the lock, and I stood. He’d come home early, which kept me from spiraling during the day. Nights were a different story—full of thoughts about Kaia and the future I no longer had.
I shuffled to the foyer. The front door opened, and someone I hadn’t expected walked in.
“What the fuck.” I froze, staring at Javi as he dropped his backpack and scanned me.
He hugged me, careful not to touch the injured side. “You fucking scared me, tío.”
I was thrilled to see him. I also hated that he’d caught me at my lowest.
“Sorry about that,” I said, gesturing to the living room with my good arm. “Come in.”
Javi followed me to the couch, worry plain on his face. I went to the cabinet where Ale kept the whiskey and pulled out a bottle.
Before I could open it, Javi yanked it from my grip. “Fuck, no. What the hell are you doing, Ash? You’re on painkillers. You can’t drink.”
“Did you come here to mother me?”
“Someone needs to.”
His words landed like a punch.
He put the bottle back on the shelf and shut the glass door carefully. “I came because if you watched me crash to the tarmac like a rag doll, you’d pack your shit and fly to check on me too. I would’ve come earlier, but Ale told me to wait until you were home. We talked every day.”
I sank onto the couch; standing more than a few minutes still exhausted me. “Thanks for coming.”
“No hay de qué, tío.” Not at all. Javi flopped down beside me. “Want to tell me what happened?”
“An accident.”
Javi snorted. “No shit, Captain Obvious. I rewatched the race a dozen times. That wasn’t you out there.”
“I wasn’t aware my mother had another child, but I wouldn’t put it past her. Hope she actually gives a fuck about that one.”
“It’s me,” Javi said, voice low. “The guy you’ve seen puking his guts out and crying. Drop the act, dude.”
“Want the truth?” I clenched my only working hand into a fist. “I broke up with Kaia the night before because Russell found out and threatened to disown her. Before that, I paid my asshole teammate more than the team paid me to race this season. And now I have nothing.”
That was part of the truth. The other part? Kaia was the only thing I couldn’t stand losing. I missed her so much I almost picked up my phone to beg for forgiveness. But I couldn’t do that to her.
She deserved her dream college, freedom from Russell and his neglect. She deserved more than a guy who couldn’t promise her a bright, problem-free future.
“Elaborate,” Javi said.
I spilled my guts. He wouldn’t let it go otherwise.
“What does Ale say?” he asked. “Can you join a better team next season?”
“After how this season turned out? Doubt it.”
He groaned. “Injuries happen, Ash. Sorry to break it to you, but you’re not the only athlete who’s ever been injured. You’re still one of the most talented racers I’ve seen.”
“Cause you’ve seen so many.” I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the couch. Dull pain pulsed in my temples—the fucking headache again.
“Don’t be a dick,” Javi said.
“Can’t change who I am.”
“Joder.” He blew out a breath. “Fine. Yes, your situation sucks. I get why you did what you did. I’d protect the girl I love from a piece of shit willing to wreck her future just to prove a point. But you can’t give up. The Asher I know wouldn’t.”
Only the Asher he knew was gone. What was left was an empty shell with no will to carry on.
I couldn’t change the situation. Couldn’t turn back time. Couldn’t undo my mistakes.
But I could try to ease Kaia’s pain. With Javi here, I could finally do what I’d planned.
“How’d you get here?” I asked, ignoring his pep talk. “Cab?”
“Rented a car. Figured you’d need help getting around while Ale’s busy.”
Thank fuck.
“Can you take me somewhere, then?”
He eyed me like I was about to ask for a drug run. Couldn’t blame him.
“Before you think weird shit—a mall. And somewhere else after.”
Javi pulled a key from his shorts pocket and twirled it in his palm. “Sure. But FYI, this conversation isn’t over.”
It wasn’t. But at least he was off my back for now. “Okay. Please, hand me my phone.”
He smirked, grabbing it off the coffee table. “You said please. Not everything’s lost.”
I snatched it from his hand. “Gracias.”
The person I was about to text might tell me to fuck off—and I’d deserve it. But I had to try, and I’d insist until I got what I needed.
***
“Russell must really hate his daughter,” Javi muttered, gripping the wheel as we neared Willowbrook. “This place is in the middle of fucking nowhere.”
Corn and sunflower fields whipped past the windows, broken only by barns and farmhouses.
“You’re just a spoiled city kid. It’s beautiful,” I said. “And the school’s good. She needs math help if she wants to get into her dream college.”
Javi snorted. “City kid? Like we didn’t spend summers in El Puerto together. Good times. And I’m sorry things ended between you and Kaia.” He veered off the highway onto the country road leading to school—the same one I’d taken to see her, to take her to the beach, to the hotel for our first time.
“They didn’t end,” I said. “I ended them—like the piece of shit I am.”
“You wouldn’t have bought her books if you were.”
I ran my fingers over the pink package in my lap. I’d wrapped it in pink so she’d think a friend had left it, not the guy who’d broken her heart. My plan had a major drawback: if Alba refused to help, I was fucked.
Nerves shot through my battered body as Javi parked near the gates. I texted Alba I was here, praying she hadn’t changed her mind.
Javi climbed out, rounded the car, and opened the door for me.
“Thanks,” I grumbled. I hated being helpless, but it’d been a week since the crash. My body needed time.
We leaned against the car and waited.
Ten minutes later she came through the trees. Her eyes widened when she saw I wasn’t alone, and she stepped back, ready to bolt. Fuck—was she afraid?
“I’m Javier,” Javi said. “Asher’s best friend. I can wait in the car if you want.”
She shook her head and folded her arms, hugging herself. “Alba.” Then she turned to me. “You’ve got some serious nerve coming here after what you did to her.”
The frightened girl was gone. Her eyes burned with disdain.
Relief washed through me—she cared about Kaia for real, unlike that shitty friend from Kaia’s old school.
“I need you to give Kaia something. Don’t tell her it’s from me.”
Her lips curled in disgust. “Los tíos dais asco.”
We men were disgusting? Hard to argue, after what I’d done. Javi handed me the pink package and I offered it to Alba. “It’s just some books. Kaia loves reading—she’ll need something to—”
She snatched the package. “To stop sobbing into her pillow every night and checking her phone a million times a day, hoping for a message from the guy who thinks a few books delivered anonymously will fix everything?”
The image stabbed me. I felt that pang every time I thought of her—almost always.
What did I expect? That she’d get over me fast? I wouldn’t, so why would she?
I bit my lip and looked away.
“Why?” Alba asked. “Why did you have to ruin it?”
I swallowed the knot in my throat. “So she’d graduate and have the future she deserves. I can’t tell you more.”
Alba sighed, then lifted the books. “You need to tell me the titles. If I lie, I need to at least know what I’m lying about.”
I pulled a folded list from my pocket. “Titles and summaries—so you can talk to her about them. She loves discussing what she reads.”
She shook her head. “You’re not okay.”
Javi snorted. “I’ve been telling him this since I got here.”
I didn’t care about being ridiculous. I just wanted Kaia to feel cared for, even if she never knew it was me.
“We need a schedule,” I said. “I’ll give you one book a month. Tell me what day works.”
She stepped back. “Oh, hell no.”
“You’re my only option, okay?” I snapped. “I can’t send them here. I can’t ask anyone else. I can’t—”
Can’t stand the thought of her sobbing into her pillow. Can’t forgive myself. Can’t imagine a future without Kaia in it.
“Please,” I said. “I know it’ll help her. And believe me, I wouldn’t drag you into this if I could give them to her myself, but I can’t.”
Alba studied me for a few beats, then nodded. “Okay. Fine.”
“Thank you. Is she eating? She sometimes doesn’t eat when she’s nervous or sad. Please—make her eat.”
Alba slid the note into her polo pocket. “You make it hard to hate you, but my loyalty’s to Kaia. Don’t expect me to spill her secrets or tell you anything she wouldn’t want you to know.”
“I don’t. Thanks—for helping me. And her.”
“Only because I hope these will stop the crying.” She tapped the books with a finger. “She needs to focus on her studies, not what you put her through.”
“He put himself through the same thing,” Javi muttered for the third time since Alba appeared.
She shrugged. “He has you. Do your job and help him. I’ll help Kaia. I need to go—she must’ve woken up from her nap.”
“Thanks again,” I said.
She shrugged off the words and turned back toward the trees.
“No goodbye?” Javi called.
“You don’t deserve one yet,” she called without looking back. “Maybe one day.”
She disappeared into the woods and Javi chuckled. “Fuck, she’s cute. And Spanish. What are the odds?”
“Guess you’re not so mad at me for making you drive all the way here,” I said, opening the passenger door.
Javi circled the car. “I was never mad. I wanted you to feel better. Do you?”
I gave him the answer he wanted and buckled up.