50. Fifty Freya
Fifty: Freya
I couldn’t believe it. I was at a celebrity party. Madison Ainsley’s party, to be exact. With Kaleb. He was off the clock, having finished right before it had started, and he’d sent me a text to let me know Madison had asked if I wanted to come too before he picked me up.
“It was really nice of Madison to let you have a plus one,” I told him as we made our way through the hall.
“We’re a package deal.” Kaleb flashed me a smile, taking my hand in his. He looked incredible tonight in his blue shirt and slacks, the sleeves rolled up to reveal his forearms, his hair styled messily on top of his head.
“Remember, we can leave whenever you want.”
Therapy had been going well, and although I was still plagued by nightmares some nights, I reminded myself that there was a chance that I hadn’t killed Will. I was clinging to that when occasionally teetering on the edge of insanity. But the relief that washed over me whenever I thought back to Pierce’s situation stopped me from plummeting over the edge.
“ This is Madison’s house?” I spluttered.
“One of them.” Kaleb smiled. “Not only does she make money from her singing, but she also invests in properties, which makes her a lot of money. She’s a smart woman.”
I felt a flash of envy briefly reach the forefront of my eyes, and Kaleb chuckled before I had the chance to conceal it.
“Relax, my little artist. You’re the only one I want.”
I shivered at his words, arousal gushing from my pores at the huskiness of Kaleb’s voice, and his large hand travelled down to the curve of my hip. Pushing back against him, his chest became flush against my back, and I breathed in a sigh of contentment.
“I don’t really want to be getting a hard-on in the middle of Madison Ainsley’s foyer, Freya,” Kaleb told me, his hot breath fanning against the back of my neck, causing me to stifle a laugh.
There weren’t too many people in attendance. Madison preferred to keep her circle small, which only heightened the feeling of honour that I’d been invited.If somebody had told me a few months ago that I was going to be visiting Madison Ainsley’s house, I would have laughed in their face and asked what drugs they were on. Life could change so quickly—for the better, but also the worse.
The crowd buzzed with excitement, and Madison rushed over once she spotted us, her eyes a little hazy. It appeared she’d already been on the alcohol.
“You made it!” She beamed, turning to me. “Freya, it’s so good to see you again. I still can’t believe you came to my meet-and-greet and reconnected with an old lover who just so happened to be my bodyguard!” A cackle rose from her throat. “What are the chances?”
Not like Kaleb had helped put it into play or anything.
“I know. Thank you for letting me come tonight. This place is beautiful,” I exclaimed, sneaking a glance over her shoulder to look at the huge dessert table.
Eclairs. Jello. Cake. A fucking chocolate fountain? I was in heaven. If there was one thing I was usually good at, it was eating my feelings.
“Of course, so listen. I’ve been speaking to your boyfriend a lot about his tattoos since I’m so desperate to get some. He told me you designed the beautiful bird on his shoulder.”
My eyes widened.
“I’ve been searching for someone to draw some designs for me, and it would be amazing if you could be the one to do it. You clearly have talent, and to be honest, that’s hard to find around here. Most people are overrated, in my opinion.” Madison bounced on her feet hopefully, looking as if she was the fan and I was the acclaimed celebrity.
Designing tattoos? I’d never considered it.
“I don’t expect you to do it for free, of course! I’ll pay you a good fee for your time.”
I released an exasperated laugh. “Of course. I would love to.”
“Thank you so much. Let me grab your number, and we can talk about it.”
She punched my number into her phone before skipping off happily, and Kaleb laughed from beside me. I turned to him with a cocked eyebrow.
“I swear, I didn’t push her to do that at all.” He flashed his white teeth. “She made that decision all on her own. Although I can’t say I’m not jealous that I’ll no longer be the only person with your beautiful artwork tattooed on their body.”
“Well, you’ll always have the honour of being the first,” I teased.
“You have no idea how much I’m going to love telling people that.”
Love.
The word replayed repeatedly in my mind. My thoughts raced back to the moment in Kaleb’s bathroom when he’d confessed that I was the only woman besides his family that he’d ever loved, and I shivered, having been wanting to bring it up to him but lacking the confidence. I had to leap head first, though. Nobody got anywhere by being safe.
“You said you loved me.” My voice was quiet.
Kaleb paused before nodding casually. “Because I do. I’m utterly in love with you, Freya Henderson. Every inch of my mind is filled with your existence. There’s no one else I’d rather be obsessed with, and I don’t use that term loosely.” My gaze travelled to his lips, my eyes desperate, and he cleared his throat. “If you want me, you’re going to have to make the first move, sweetheart.”
Kaleb grunted as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his. He tasted like mint and dominance, causing me to melt. All I could think about was the sensation of his fingers digging into my waist and his stubble grazing against my chin as he pulled me impossibly closer. “Kaleb,” I whispered as I pulled away, meeting his gaze, his stormy eyes darker than usual, and I smiled to myself as I felt his hard dick graze against my stomach through his pants. “I need you.”
There wasn’t anything I needed more than him.
My therapist and I had been working on my belief of being deserving of love and pleasure. My mind self-sabotaged itself by conjuring up gruesome images whenever Kaleb and I would get close to reaching another milestone. It was a trauma response to keep myself stationed in the same comfortable position, but I couldn’t stay motionless forever. The train was leaving the station, and waiting for the next one was going to do nothing but delay my healing.
Kaleb arched an eyebrow and studied me carefully, tracing his fingers down my neck and across my shoulder, looking for any sign of reluctance. My muscles were free and flexible, though —not an inch of tension invaded them. I’d been working on loosening up my body. It hoarded stress.
I deserved love.
I deserved pleasure.
“I need you to understand what you’re saying to me, Freya.” Kaleb’s voice was slightly strained.
I nodded. “I do.”
He dipped his chin, gripped my hand, and led me through the small crowd and down a narrow hallway. It led to a cute study—a mahogany desk placed in the room's corner and bookshelves surrounding us, filled with classic literature.
“On the desk,” he ordered me after closing the door. I adhered, hiking my dress up so I could lift my legs. My thighs were slick with arousal, and I leaned back against the wall, watching as Kaleb trailed his fingers up and down the skin of them, dangerously close to my core. “I love seeing how wet this pussy gets for me.”He smirked.
My underwear was already soaked, and I muffled a moan as he dragged the fabric aside and sunk two fingers into me, his thumb swiping against my clit teasingly.
“Oh, fuck.” My nipples hardened against the fabric of my forest-green dress, rising into stiff peaks, and a shiver wracked through me as Kaleb teased them.
“Have you missed me, my little artist? Have you missed the feeling of me inside of you?”
I nodded, gulping, feeling my walls tighten around his fingers, a pit growing deep in my abdomen as I pushed myself further against him, encouraging him to thrust his digits faster. My heart felt like it was going to explode, and I clamped my eyes shut and took a deep breath when Will’s voice threatened to appear inside of my head. But I barricaded him well before he had the chance to speak, opening my eyes again and focusing on the man working my pussy in front of me.
He quickly pushed me over the edge, and I gripped the front of his shirt as I reached my peak, moaning loudly and kicking my head back, bright white stars flashing in my line of vision. My orgasm was so intense that it left me dazed, and as I composed myself, I leaned forward and unbuttoned Kaleb’s pants. Mischief pulsated through me as I pulled his cock free. Studying it, I licked my lips, placing my sparkly heel on his muscular chest when he tried to take a step toward me.
I shook my head.
“What do you want me to do, Freya?” Kaleb swallowed, and I cocked my head at him, raising my eyebrows.
“Beg,” I muttered. It was my time to smirk. I wanted him in the palm of my hand. I wanted to call the shots. I wasn’t in control of most things in life, but this? This was something I was, and fuck, did it feel great.
Kaleb looked like he wanted to object, but he slowly dropped to the ground in front of me, his eyes blazing. “Please let me fuck you, baby.”
I moved my hands from the desk to my pussy, playing with myself, smiling at the way he shivered, his fingers twitching. “You want to fuck me?” I asked, tilting my head.
“Yes, baby,” Kaleb said, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. The sound of my wetness filled the room, and he closed his eyes, leaning his head back until it was pointed towards the high ceiling. “Jesus Christ, Freya. You’re killing me here, sweetheart.”
“Tell me why.”
His eyes shifted to a dark smoky colour. “Because I want to do nothing more than throw your legs over my shoulders and fuck you until you’re screaming my name—so loud that everyone on the other side of this wall knows who you belong to.”
I hummed in approval. “Then do it.”
Kaleb needed no more encouragement before he got to his feet, pulled out his wallet and slipped a condom on, pushing into me. His size stretched me out, but the slight sting only turned me on more, and I yelped as he grabbed my legs and placed them over his shoulders as he fucked me senseless, my fingers finding their way to my clit.
“You look so good with my cock inside you,” he grunted, the sound of our skin slapping filling the room.
I clawed at his chest, my nails scraping at his tattooed skin. I’d never willingly taken drugs before, but I imagined that this was the kind of ecstasy users eagerly chased—the type of elation that filled every pore on your body and sunk into your bones, rooting itself so deep that it became a part of your soul.
“Be a good fucking girl for me and take every inch.”
My whole being was on fire—as if I was drowning in a pit of lava. The heat was indescribable, though. The dictionary didn’t possess the words to express how good it felt.
“Don't stop. I need it harder,” I whimpered.
Kaleb grunted. “Your pussy is so fucking greedy, Freya. Look at it, taking all of me.”
“Kaleb, fuck,” I moaned, my insides tightening again. “Holy shit. I love you.”
Silence filled the room, and Kaleb abruptly ceased his movements before he leaned down to gaze at me dead in the eyes, his face stunned. “What did you just fucking say?”
I dragged my bottom lip into my mouth, sucking on it for a few seconds. “I said I love you.”
My confession seemed to ignite something deep inside of him, and he gripped onto my thighs tightly as he fucked me harder, pushing my dress up higher so that my tits were accessible to him. He pinched my peaked nipple, harsh groans falling from his lips. “Say it again.”
“I love you. Fuck, I love you.” Heat erupted through me, and I released again, my pulsing walls causing Kaleb to pump into me a few more times before he finished too. Our heavy breathing mingled—filling the air and making it impossible to breathe, and Kaleb leaned down to press his clammy forehead to mine, planting a loving kiss on my lips.
“Come on,” he said. “Let’s get you cleaned up and go and enjoy the party.”
Madison flinched again as the tattoo artist pressed down on her skin, his pierced bottom lip jutting out with concentration. He narrowed his eyes at her, demanding she keep still.
“I won’t get ink poisoning, right?” Madison asked for the third time.
“No, but I do have to commend you for getting such a sizeable piece for your first tattoo.” The tattoo artist smirked. “It’s brave.”
Kaleb was on the clock, but Madison had wanted me here to watch her get my design tattooed on her skin. The studio had been booked out completely, and her other bodyguards stood watch at the door, ensuring no crazed fans tried to barge their way in.
“Look at you,” Kaleb said to me with a smile. “A tattoo designer to the stars.”
I rolled my eyes, swatting his arm. “It’s a one-off.”
Madison snickered. “That’s what you think. Once I show my friends, they’re all going to want the Freya Henderson to design their pieces!”
The cash was tempting. Madison had forked out way more than I’d thought necessary when I sent her my sketches, but money was no issue to her. She probably made more in a week than I did in an entire year.
I glanced over at the piercer, who sat patiently at her station, picking at her nails with boredom.
“Want to get matching nipple piercings?” I joked, glancing up at Kaleb, and he glared at me, fighting a smile.
“Baby, if you want a nipple piercing, I’m more than happy to do it for you when we get home,” he offered, and the bodyguard beside us reddened, shuffling awkwardly from side to side as he attempted to block out our conversation. It caused me to laugh, and Kaleb checked his watch, clicking his tongue. “Alright, I’m done for the day. We need to get going.”
Taking one last look at Madison’s almost-finished tattoo, I requested she send me a photo when the artist was done before we exited the studio. My eyes honed in on Kaleb’s body as we climbed into his Jeep, spotting his shiny gun that poked out from the waistband of his jeans, his shirt having ridden up slightly. He immediately pulled it back down when he saw me staring, his jaw clenching as he cleared his throat.
“You don’t have to hide it from me, Kaleb,” I said, even though the sight made me shiver. “I understand that it’s part of your job. You’re not you without your gun.”
Silence.
I sighed.
“Do you think you’ll ever be able to look at one and not think about what happened?” Kaleb asked me, and I shrugged. My gun had been seized by the police after the incident, and although they had offered it back to me, I’d told them to keep it. I didn't want nor need it.
“I don’t know. I’d like to think that one day I’d be able to be around one and not feel uneasy, but my body seems to go into panic mode whenever I even think about them.” I pinched my eyebrows together. “Have you found a new shooting range to go to?”
“I have. It’s just outside of town.” Kaleb appeared on edge talking about it, and he quickly glanced at me, analysing my facial expression and body language with furrowed brows.
It made me scowl. I didn’t want to be seen as breakable. Flimsy. Frail. My triggers would not control me. This was fight-or-flight, and I didn't want to surrender.
“Show me,” I said, and Kaleb gripped his steering wheel tightly, running his tongue along the front of his teeth at an agonisingly slow speed.
“Baby, I don’t think—“
“I want to go, Kaleb.” My tone was low. “I’m serious. If I freak out, we can leave, but the only way I’m going to get past my issues is to work on them. Ignoring them won’t benefit me.”
He hummed, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel as we stopped at a red light. His biceps were tense. “If that’s what you want.”
It looked as if he wanted to put up a fight, but he clicked his teeth shut, turning the radio on and setting the volume to high. Loud music interrupted intense thoughts, and I gathered it was some psychological trick to get me to remain calm. Kaleb had done his research on trauma, and it warmed my soul.
The journey wasn’t too long, and the new shooting range was nothing like Will’s shady, run-down building. This one was clean and professional-looking, and we'd received the necessary checks before we were allowed in.
Anxiety was riddling my body, the sound of guns being fired causing my muscles to cramp and my head to spin, but I elbowed it aside. Kaleb comfortingly placed his hand on my lower back, leaning down to whisper, “if you need a distraction, all I need is the word,” in my ear.
I smiled to myself. I hadn’t immediately legged it for the exit after hearing gunfire and smelling the muskiness of hot metal, and that was a win in itself.
Murderer.
Kill—
I forced the voice from my head, imagining the words disappearing into nothingness, taking Kaleb’s hand and pulling him towards an open spot. The target hung from the far wall in the shape of a person, and Kaleb furrowed his eyebrows, gazing around the room.
“Let’s pick a different spot. There are circular targets over there.” He pointed to the far corner of the room.
I took a deep breath. “No. This one is fine.” I gestured for him to begin, and he moved past me slowly, his hand grazing my ass, causing me to stiffen. It made him chuckle, and he sent the bullets flying straight into the centre of the target with ease.
Watching him do something so easily—it was a massive turn-on. This was something Kaleb could do blindfolded. Or in his sleep. Or even blindfolded while asleep.
I placed my sweat-covered hand on his gun when he was done, and he moved behind me, pressing his torso to my back. Images of our first encounter at Will’s shooting range flashed before my eyes, remembering how distracted by him I’d been when he’d been manoeuvring my fingers with his own.
We had come full circle.
My instincts were screaming at me. They wanted me to throw the weapon across the room and pelt out of the building, but I remained grounded, imagining that my shoes were glued to the floor and there was nothing I could do but face the music.
“Ready?” Kaleb muttered huskily into my ear. “All you have to do is fire when you’re ready.”
I nodded, attempting to steady my shaking digits, and I took a deep breath. My eyes closed for a few seconds before I fired the gun, realising that Kaleb had released me and was standing back with a small smile.
The bullet hadn’t gone remotely near the target, but it wasn’t about that. I’d actually managed to fire a gun after not even being able to even think about one for months without spiralling.
“That’s my girl,” Kaleb said with a grin, spinning me around and planting a soft kiss on my lips, lowering my hand and prying the gun from my fingers. “You did it.”
I nodded. My throat was dry, and my body was shaky, but I had done it. Was I going to pick up shooting as a new hobby? Not a chance. But knowing that the last bullet I’d fired hadn’t been one to lodge itself into someone’s skull—it felt like I was moving on.
Moving on from the girl who loathed herself because of what she’d done.
Moving on from the girl who constantly wondered why her father cared about his job more than her.
Moving on from the girl who was floating through life without much of a purpose—whose future was uncertain.
Kaleb Evans was my new future, and I was a much better and braver person because of it.
“What if she hates me for it?” I asked with concern as we hovered in front of the door to Kaleb’s house.
My comment caused him to chuckle. “Hate you for making her son happy? Freya, that’s not going to happen.”
This was what I’d been dreading—admitting to Jackie and my mother that Kaleb and I were in a relationship and that it'd been going on for a while. They were going to have a million and one questions, and I couldn’t get the image of their shocked and confused faces out of my mind. I loved this man, though, and I was hoping they wouldn't be offended that we hadn't told them sooner.
Jackie and my mother were seated on the couch, and Kaleb clutched my palm in his as he cleared his throat to gain their attention, causing their eyes to dart to our linked hands.
“Can we talk to you two for a second?” I asked.
“Am I correct in guessing that it has something to do with the fact that you two are holding onto each other like your lives depend on it?” my mother said, arching an eyebrow.
“Yes.” Kaleb's voice was calm and collected.
Jackie laughed, slapping her hands down on her knees before standing up. “Well, it’s about time. Sarah and I were getting tired of pretending we didn’t know something was going on between you two.”
My mouth popped open, and I stared dumbfounded as my mother released her own throaty laugh.
“What? How did you—“
My mouth ceased its movement as Jackie held up her phone, a photo of Kaleb and I kissing on the front porch flashing up on her screen.
The porch cameras. Shit. I’d completely forgotten about them.
“I wasn’t sure if you actually used the login I gave you," Kaleb said, fighting a smile.
“Well, I did. Once, and this was what I saw.”
My eyes narrowed up at Kaleb. “It doesn’t seem like you to forget about the cameras.”
He shrugged, a smile creeping up onto his face. “I didn’t. I just didn’t care if they saw. Nothing was going to make me hide the fact that I love you.”
Jackie and my mother gazed at us with adoration, and my shoulders sagged with relief, a small laugh bubbling up my throat.
“Does anyone fancy a celebratory drink?” suggested Jackie, pulling out a bottle of wine from the cabinet. “It was hard work playing the na?ve moms who didn’t suspect a thing.”