Chapter 7 Valentina
VALENTINA
Oh. My. God.
My body trembles, delicious aftershocks rippling through me as Cristian's thumb makes one final circle against my sensitive flesh.
I collapse against him, my lungs burning for air.
I feel like I should say something.
Thank you?
But words fail me.
Nothing in my sheltered life prepared me for this overwhelming rush of sensation.
My body feels weightless, like I'm floating, and only Cristian’s strong arms banded around me are keeping me from drifting away.
Cristian watches me with dark, hungry eyes.
His breathing matches mine, ragged and uneven.
A thin sheen of sweat glistens on his forehead.
A new wave of heat flares inside me.
Not just desire but curiosity.
I want more.
Need more.
My body craves in ways I never imagined.
My gaze drops to the bulge straining against his pants. I've never touched a man there before, but suddenly, nothing seems more important.
My fingers find his belt buckle, fumbling as I try to work it loose, eager to fully experience the ways a man and woman can find pleasure. "Let me touch you."
Cristian's strong hands grasp my waist, abruptly stopping my exploration.
For a moment I think he's guiding me, but then he lifts me like I weigh nothing and places me back in my seat.
"This can’t happen." His voice is firm. The passionate man from seconds ago has disappeared.
My heart plummets.
The euphoria of moments before dissolves into confusion and shame. "I don't understand. You want this too—”
"What I want doesn't matter." Cristian straightens his shirt, shifts in the seat as he tugs on his slacks. "You belong to another man. To your family's alliance."
Each word hurts more than if he'd struck me. I'm nothing but a commodity. Even to him.
"So, I'm just a job to you? A package to be delivered safely to Maksim?"
Cristian's jaw tightens. "You're Don Alessandro's sister. You're promised to Pakhan Vasiliev. That's all that matters."
I pull my dress down, trying to reclaim some dignity.
Humiliation burns through me, not just from his rejection but from my own desperation.
I threw myself at him like some lovesick girl.
God.
He must think I’m pathetic.
“I understand perfectly.” I turn my attention out the window, unable to face him. "Forgive my indiscretion. It won't happen again."
“Valentina—”
“Stop talking.” I’m relieved when the car pulls into the drive. I burst from the car before it fully stops.
Tears of embarrassment threaten, but I refuse to let them fall.
Not here.
Not where anyone can see.
I rush through the door and toward the stairs, intending to hide my mortification in my room.
"Valentina!" Alessandro's voice rings out, but I keep moving.
Adriano appears at the top of the stairs. "Where's the fire, little sister?"
I brush past him without slowing, my shoulder bumping his.
I can't face either of them right now.
Not with the evidence of what just happened still burning on my skin.
The door to my bedroom slams behind me, and I slide down against it until I hit the floor.
Only then do I allow myself to break, pressing my hand over my mouth to muffle the sound.
How could I have been so stupid?
So na?ve to think that Cristian would risk everything for me?
The humiliation burns like acid in my stomach.
One minute he'd been touching me, making me feel things I'd never imagined possible, and the next, nothing.
Just duty.
Loyalty to everyone but me.
In a few weeks, I’ll be Maksim’s wife.
I’m sacrificing for my family, and all I want is one moment of happiness, of pleasure before I enter a lifetime of unhappiness and suffering.
Seriously, is that too much to ask?
I close my eyes as my humiliation in the car comes back to me.
I can still taste his kiss.
Feel the touch of his fingers.
What a foolish, stupid girl I am.
I'd thrown myself at him like some desperate virgin, which is exactly what I am.
I'd wanted to give myself to someone worthy before Maksim could claim me, but all I've done is humiliate myself in front of the one man I truly wanted.
Before tonight, I'd been kissed exactly twice.
Once by Roberto Gallo at sixteen, who left me wondering what all the fuss was about.
The second time by Marco Ricci at a charity gala last year as he tried to use me to angle for a connection to my family.
Neither prepared me for Cristian.
How his lips moved against mine.
The feel of him hard under me.
The reverent way he touched me, like I was something precious.
For those few minutes in the car, I wasn't a virgin to be sold off or a Dante princess to be protected.
I was simply a woman discovering pleasure.
And now I know.
I know a kiss given from passion.
I know what it feels like to have a man's hands on my body.
I know the explosive power of an orgasm given by a man, not just from my own touch.
This knowledge is both a gift and a curse.
How am I supposed to surrender myself to Maksim now?
How can I possibly endure his touch when my body knows what it feels like to be touched with reverence?
I wish I’d never come up with this silly plan because now I know just how much worse it will be with Maksim.
I’m so frustrated with myself, I want to scream.
Instead, I pick myself up off the floor and strip off the dress I thought I’d been so clever to wear.
I toss it on my bed where my purchases from today have been delivered.
I ignore them and head to the shower.
I stand under the scalding spray until my skin turns pink, scrubbing at my body as if I could erase the memory of Cristian's touch.
But I can’t.
Images of him flash unwanted in my mind.
Damn him. I curse him even though I know all this is my fault. I agreed to the marriage arrangement.
I set out to seduce Cristian.
I’ve created my own hell, but I’m powerless to escape it.
I exit the shower, drying off and throwing on a robe.
I enter my bedroom feeling utterly lost. I perch on the edge of my mattress, suddenly exhausted.
I've lived my entire life as a female in a male dominated world.
I’ve been fortunate to have the limited power and respect from my brothers.
I’d fooled myself into thinking I was as much a part of the business as they were, and like them, I needed to do whatever I could to protect the family.
It’s why I agreed to the marriage.
It seemed like something I could do when my brothers often risk so much.
My brother Luca was exiled and then was willing to hand himself over to Maksim to save the woman he loved.
The least I could do was marry Maksim in the hopes of peace.
But until today, I hadn't fully understood what I'm sacrificing. It isn't just my body I'm giving away.
It's the possibility of gentleness.
Of hands that touch to worship rather than to own.
I close my eyes as the memory of Cristian's fingers against my skin returns.
His breath had caught when I pressed against him.
For those fleeting moments, power had shifted, not through force but through desire.
What will Maksim's touch feel like in comparison?
Will he notice if I flinch?
Will he care if I cry?
Or will he take pleasure in my discomfort?
My throat tightens, and tears threaten again as reality crashes around me.
This marriage is happening.
My virginity will be claimed by Maksim, whether I want it or not.
I look from my bed to the vanity mirror.
The woman staring back is lost.
Perhaps that's fitting.
The Valentina who dreamed of something more is already dead.
What I wouldn't give to disappear.
To walk out the front door and keep walking until I'm somewhere no one knows the Dante name.
Somewhere I could be anonymous, ordinary, free to make my own choices.
To love whom I want.
Cristian's face flashes again in my mind.
The way he looked at me in the car before duty reasserted itself.
For those precious moments, I glimpsed what might have been.
A life where I'm cherished.
I press my palms against my eyes to get rid of the images replaying.
These fantasies are painful.
There's no running from this. Alessandro would find me. Maksim would hunt me.
And anyone who helped me would pay with their life.
I am a Dante before I am Valentina.
Like Cristian, I have a duty, a greater duty, as I’m bound by blood to protect the family.
I let out a scoff at that. I have a duty and yet no agency.
I’m a member of one of the most powerful families in New York, and yet I’m utterly powerless.
I rise from my bed, knowing my pity party only brings misery.
I need to push my schoolgirl dreams away. I need to act my part. Be smart but not opinionated.
Be beautiful, but not too sexy.
Be the dutiful Dante daughter everyone expects.
But inside, where no one can see, I'm already dead.