Chapter 17 #2
“D normally handles the paperwork with DJ, Tyler, and Emmett, and they’re all due for a renewal.
Rotation schedules need to be done. Plus, he has to sign off on payroll details before everyone’s paid.
I thought Mel could work around that, but she can’t.
He has meetings with the MC, as well as Tyler and DJ, but his schedule and all of the paperwork is locked.
The digital map is unlocked, but it doesn’t update until D verifies the entries.
The only way to access the information is with his handprint and his permissions.
Satori wants me to grant him the same permissions as Damien, but I can’t do that, even if I wanted to.
” His voice raises a little at the end, and that’s when he explodes.
“WHICH I DON’T! I don’t fucking trust you, Satori!
” Carter shoves his finger in Satori’s face, and I actually flinch a little, not expecting that from someone as normally as collected as Carter is.
“If D trusted you to do this shit, he would’ve done it! Especially if he just up and left like you claim he did! He wouldn’t leave us like this!” Alex yells and steps beside Carter to back him up.
“Fuck you! I'm trying to help! Someone has to think of everyone else! Not just Damien!” Satori yells back.
“Enough! All of you!” I yell, and I’m met with wide eyes across the room.
After a few heavy breaths from everyone, including myself, I decide to sit down in Damien’s chair.
While it’s the same as all of the others, it’s warmer somehow.
It engulfs me like he always did, and I can’t help but sink back into it.
His laptop sits directly in front of me, looking shiny and a little wonky with the large handprint reader jutting out from the side.
“I’ve tried to get in it, Ash. We’ll get everything figured out.
I can call everyone and see what they were discussing, and we can go back to a paper map if we have to.
No one is changing anything.” Carter’s reassurance falls on deaf ears.
I don’t answer him. I just stare at the laptop.
Everything is on this one computer. DH doesn't run efficiently without Damien’s leadership, and this setup is proof of that.
It doesn’t even turn on until his handprint is scanned.
I know that it's a security measure, but his absence affects more than just our lives. A lot has happened in the past few days, but he would never leave his men this way. He’d never leave DH in such disarray.
I imagine what he would want me to do. What he would say in this situation.
Granted, if he was here, this wouldn't be happening, but all I have to go on are memories and what-ifs. He's always said that this is our home—our kingdom. The ‘what to do if I’m not around’ conversation never happened, but he was always sure to remind me that all of this was ours. His voice echoes in my head, and I can hear his perfect words as if he’d just said them.
“This is your fucking kingdom, baby. You rule over it just as much as I do. I will take this army and wage wars in your name. I command this army, but you just remember who has all of the real power here. It’s you.”
God, I miss his voice… I miss how he always knew exactly what to say.
He isn’t one to sugarcoat anything, and his emotions are always so raw that they can’t help but leave a lasting impression.
He’s permanently etched into every fiber of my being, and no matter what direction my body moves, it pushes on with pieces of him.
“THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS ROOM WHO HAS AS MUCH AUTHORITY HERE AS ME, IS HER!”
A warm feeling of anticipation cascades down my body, and as tears fill my eyes again, I hiccup. It comes out as a distorted chuckle, though, and I just shake my head—knowing how insane I sound.
“You’re crazy, you know that?” I whisper to myself, and think of a time, not so long ago, when I was actually speaking to him.
“Ash?” Carter draws my attention, and I can’t help but smile up at him sadly. I move slowly, like if I did it with confidence, the laptop would explode. My hand lays on the scanner, and I look back down to watch it. It blinks to life before the blue ray slowly and methodically examines my hand.
I don’t tear my eyes away. This is something I need to witness for my own sanity.
I need to know that I'm not crazy—that this overwhelming devotion I have for my husband isn't misplaced. Satori and anyone else who doubts him need to be proven wrong. If this doesn’t show how loyal Damien is to those he loves, then I’m not sure anything else could.
The beam moves agonizingly slow, and the anticipation might make me vomit.
I’m not sure what it would mean if I was wrong, but something deep down inside of me knows that I’m not.
Once it finally gets to the bottom of my palm, the entire surface lights up green, and the computer screen blinks to life.
A wave of relief, endearment, and pure adoration crashes through me, creating more tears behind my now-closed eyes.
I knew he wouldn’t leave me—he wouldn't leave any of us. Knowing that he trusts me enough to enable me in the system like this is everything. It’s just as meaningful as the ring set on my left hand, because this organization, and these men, are a part of who he is.
He truly meant it when he said that every piece of him belongs to me. Damien proved his commitment, once again, and that perfect man didn’t even have to be here for it.
“I fucking knew it! I called it!” Alex whoops, making me look over at him, and then he freezes like he’s embarrassed. He lets his arm fall back to his side and clears his throat. “My bad, Ash.”
Zeke playfully slaps him on the back of the head, and Satori steps up to me.
His gaze is a little softer now, but there’s clearly still some aggravation lingering—like he really wasn’t expecting this.
There’s a hostility in his motives, and while I may not be able to pinpoint it yet, I know it’s something we’re going to have to watch out for.
He places his hand on the back of the chair next to me in a serious, but silent, demand for attention.
“Ashia. I just want to help. Please, let me assist in some way. The facts still haven’t changed, and I know that you don’t want to believe it, but someone needs to—”
“I’m going to stop you right there.” I cut him off and take a deep breath, gathering whatever courage is buried deep down to stand up to him.
“I know what you’re going to say, and I don’t want to hear it.
I understand that the system logs say one thing, but you’re not hearing me when I say that I don’t care.
Someone made it look like he did this. Someone made it look like Damien just up and left.
But all of us that know him? We know for a damn fact that it isn’t true.
You don’t know him like we do. So, I get your reservations, and you may be thinking rationally, but whenever it comes to Damien, nothing is coherent.
Please, just…stop with the bullshit theories.
If you truly want to help us, then stop fighting us. ”
He clenches his jaw just a little, and I barely notice how he grips the chair tighter.
His gaze drops down to the floor like he’s deep in thought.
I can’t imagine what it’s like to be in his shoes, and I certainly don’t know what it’s like to run an organization like this alone, but that doesn’t excuse his behavior—or this resentment.
As much as we don’t like it, Satori isn’t going anywhere.
We need to be able to utilize him, or it’s only going to slow us down.
“If we’re going to find Damien and keep this organization afloat, then we need to work together. Not against each other,” I say a little more confidently. Satori picks his head up and looks at me with a softer tension.
“Okay,” he says plainly, and while the bickering may not be over, we may be finally moving in the right direction. Damien needs our full attention, and I’ll make sure he gets nothing less.
“Okay. Thank you.” I nod lightly at him, and he reciprocates it.
As much as it pains me, Satori could be a vital asset to keeping operations running as smoothly as possible.
He’s proven that he’s smart and capable, and he clearly has enough experience.
I just hope that no matter what we decide, that it’s the right move.
“I’m going to talk to the guys for a few minutes, and then we’ll talk to Kade separately before we bring you back in.
Okay? But if you’re serious about helping, we’ll all discuss it. ”
He looks over at the guys before turning back to me, only nodding slowly once again before stepping towards the exit.
“Where’s John?” I ask the three of them as Satori walks out and shuts the door.
“He’s out on an errand,” Alex says with lifted brows, and I know exactly what that means. He’s probably torturing some poor soul, or at least, he’s getting ready to.
“Okay. I know a lot of what you guys do, but I’m going to need your help figuring everything out.”
“Yeah, you got it. If anything comes up and you have questions, just ask,” Alex says back to me before he and Carter take their seats. Zeke doesn’t, though. He steps up to me and looks down with a worried gaze.
“What do you think you’re doing, Ash?”
I look up at him, and I hate that there’s a little bit of fear in his eyes.
He’s taken such good care of me in the past few days.
They all have, and I’ve done nothing but be a sobbing mess.
Even now, I want to cry and hug Damien’s laptop like I’m hugging him instead, but that won’t bring him back.
It’s time that I step up the way he needs me to.