Chapter 24
Ashia
‘Femininomenon’ – Chappell Roan
Steam billows from the pot on the stove, and Serena’s voice echoes over the timer that’s currently blaring from our oven.
Daisy is lying in the bed I bought for her beside the counter, and Zeke and Carter are in the room connected to the garage.
After my meeting with Grease, we came back to the house to eat and go over the system again.
We’ve been trying to figure out how someone could’ve logged in and made it look like it was Damien.
So far, we haven’t come up with anything, but Carter knows that tech lingo better than I do.
“Okay. So, if I entertain this whole ‘it’s a girl’ idea, then I only have thirty-two bows in my cart.
That leaves plenty of room for other colors,” she says cheerfully.
Serena has called herself the ‘distraction crew’ lately.
As cute as it is, most of her tactics have been to focus on the baby.
I want that. I really do. There’s nothing I’d love more than to go out and buy cute little outfits and compare diaper brands, but I just can’t.
Damien would’ve been better at that than me.
Knowing him, he already has everything he wants planned out.
I’m sure bows are definitely in that scenario, but he and Serena can collaborate on that when he gets home.
I want the baby to have everything they need, and whatever is going to make them feel comfortable and loved, but I also want Damien to help me make those decisions.
I turn and give her a dumbfounded look.
“Thirty-two?! That’s excessive.”
“Oh, you don’t want to know how many pairs of cute baby-suspenders I have in the cart, then.” She grimaces.
“Baby-suspenders? That’s not very practical for changing diapers.”
“But he’ll look so cute!” she coos, and I can’t help but roll my eyes.
“Ser…” I take a deep breath. “I want to get excited. I want to buy all of these things and start planning on nursey aesthetics with you, but I just can’t.
It feels wrong…like somehow, him being gone is okay, and it’s not.
None of this is okay. The last thing I want is to come home and feel like his absence isn’t killing me.
I want to do all of these things with Damien.
” Her face falls, and I instantly feel like shit.
Serena has done everything she possibly can these past couple of weeks to keep me on my feet.
She took a leave from work for fuck’s sake, the least I can do is entertain her shopping urges for a moment.
“Not that I don’t want to do it with you, that’s not what I mean—”
“I know, girl,” she interrupts and stands from her chair at the kitchen island.
Her hand grasps the edge as she swings herself around in a fluid motion.
In a swift twirl around Daisy, she makes her way over to me.
“I know you miss him, and I know it doesn’t feel right without him, but it’s my job as your best friend, and this baby’s Godmother, to keep you happy.
It—” she pokes my belly “—feels what you feel. You’re going to make my little gummy bear depressed before they’re even born.
I can’t let either of you be sad. For you, it’s pretty much impossible.
Depression is one of your staples, but that doesn’t mean I can’t try to make you cheerful.
So…” She reaches across the counter to grab her phone.
A wicked grin sprouts on her face, and I instantly get a bad feeling.
“Oh, God. No Justin Bieber!”
She flings her head back and cackles before poking her hip out.
“I agree completely. He’s totally old news now. It’s time to spice up our little dance parties.” She wiggles her hips, and I instinctively take a small step away from her, in fear of my life.
“I’m scared.”
“You should be.” She grins again and starts to scroll through what I imagine is her Spotify app.
I can’t help but look over to my best friend as she stands there and looks so casual.
Normally, unless we’re going out somewhere, I have to see her in her scrubs and a ponytail.
But right now, her hair is down, and she’s wearing a pair of her lounge shorts and a shirt that I’m almost positive is Carter’s.
I can’t tell for sure, because she does have a lot of large, plain white T-shirts that she sleeps in.
A part of me wants to ask, but I know she’s upset about their situation.
So, I’ve tried not to bring it up unless she does.
“This ‘distraction crew’ isn’t the reason you took time off of work, right?
” I ask her softly, and she tears her gaze away from her phone long enough to cut me one of her guilty ‘fuck yeah’ looks.
We may have our moments and fights, but I can’t help but feel extremely appreciative for her right now.
Once again, when I need her most, she’s here.
The moment Carter told her Damien was missing, she ditched the emergency shift they called her in for and headed straight here.
Ever since, any time I’ve needed her, she’s been right by my side.
Even with all of her and Carter’s drama, she’s been putting up with him for my sake.
Damn, I love that girl.
“Huh? You mean to take care of my bestie and my godchild while she’s in a crisis?
Of course not. Don’t be so selfish. It’s not all about you, you know.
” She winks at me teasingly as she taps her phone with an exaggerated jab.
I’m surprised when a slower song plays out over the speaker system, and I raise a brow.
“What is this?”
“WHAT?!” she screams. “You’ve never heard of Chappell Roan?!”
I narrow my eyes at her.
“Bitch. No. You know I only listen to this kind of stuff when you’re around.”
“Then I need to be around more often,” she teases.
The song starts to pick up a little, and she starts to sway.
I roll my eyes at her, but give in pretty quickly.
Instead of fighting her on it, I just move with her, knowing that in the end I would just lose anyway.
Exercise is good for the baby, after all, and I suppose some normal ‘I’m not about to kill some people’ movement is good for them. “Ha! I knew it!”
Daisy just cocks her head to the side like even she’s wondering what the hell we’re doing.
“Fuck off.” I shake my head, but laugh a little. “Which song is this?”
“‘Femininomenon’! It’s the best!” She grabs my hands and pulls me away from the stove before she does a spin.
“Seriously?”
“Hey! You did boss-bitch shit today! Embrace it!”
“Yeah, but ‘Feminin-neno-me’?” I completely butcher it, but eh. Fuck it. She laughs and shakes her head as she starts to jump around.
“Femininomenon!” she screams again. I don’t jump around with her, because I’d rather not have the baby think there’s an earthquake happening, but I do move a little more intently.
The beat is actually pretty good, and the moment Serena screams ‘can you play a song with a fucking beat,’ I can’t help but get into it.
She backs her ass up against me in perfect Ser-like fashion, twerks a little, and then she twirls around to scream-sing to my belly.
I lose it once she rubs her hand across it and continues to bounce around.
I can see it now. She’ll be babysitting, and when I show up to pick up my child, they’ll be wearing her sunglasses and screaming Little John’s ‘Yeah’ into a wooden spoon.
The thought actually makes me laugh, and it feels like some weight lifts off my shoulders.
I suppose I can try to relax for a little while.
As much as I hate to admit it, Ser might have a point.
I don’t want the baby to feel my sadness.
It’s not like I can help it, and this dance won’t actually fix anything, but I guess the moving around and happy vibes are what’s best for them right now.
Zeke and Carter come in from the garage, but we don’t bother stopping.
I glance up at them as I continue to sway, and their faces alone make me giggle.
They’re looking at us like we’re insane.
Zeke’s eyes are so wide that they might pop out, and Carter’s lip curls just a little in confusion, but his eyes definitely aren’t on me.
Don’t say anything. You’ll ruin it.
“What the hell are you two doing?” Zeke asks and puts his hands up in defense.
He’s acting like he’s being held up in the middle of the bank, and while his life may not be in danger, his manhood certainly is.
Serena starts to slowly dance her way over to them, and like he knows what’s coming, Zeke takes a step back towards the door.
“We’re making Ash and the baby happy!” Ser yells in a half-excited, half-demanding tone. Both men snarl, and Zeke groans disapprovingly.
“I don’t remember signing up for that,” Zeke retorts teasingly.
“It’s a Femininomenon, bitches!” Serena runs up to Zeke and grabs both of his hands before pulling him deeper into the kitchen.
For a moment, I think he may actually try to shove her away.
Instead, he rolls his eyes and looks over at me, but when I just shrug back at him, he starts to sway.
It shocks me so much that I almost stop moving.
“Damn, Zeke. I didn’t know you could move like that.
” Serena takes a step back and playfully checks Zeke out from head to toe.
And that’s when Carter inserts himself.
He steps over and grabs Ser’s hand before yanking her over to him.
She yelps just a little, but she doesn’t fight him as he pulls her close to his chest. I’m surprised when he doesn’t waste a moment to start dancing with her, but when I see that tiny, bratty, victorious grin creep onto her lips, I can’t help but smile.
She knew damn good and well what she was doing.
Zeke just shakes his head and dances his way over to me.
“I’m going to burn dinner,” I warn him as he takes his spot a few feet away from me. He shrugs lazily and looks over at Carter and Ser.
“Who gives a shit. We all had to live through Serena’s cooking.” He grins right after the words leave his mouth, knowing that she could hear him.
“Fuck you, Zeke!” she yells over her shoulder.
“Is that an invitation, blondie?” When Ser tries to look back at him, Carter grips her chin and forces her to look back at him.
She giggles away and he looks like he’s going to cuff her to the staircase.
His eyes cut to Zeke, like he’s daring him to try and make a move, but we all know better than that.
I lightly shake my head at him, warning him not to do anything drastic, when my brother grabs my attention again.
“They need to get over themselves,” he whispers to me.
“Oh, definitely. They’ll snap out of it eventually. I’m trying not to get involved, but I know if they would both just swallow their pride, that they would make each other happy.”
“Well, we could always call Richard in. I feel like he’d set them both straight.”
I laugh at that.
“Please. Richard is the type of dad that would stare at Carter while holding a shotgun for two hours. That’s why we haven’t really kept them in the loop.”
It was hard for Richard to accept our life after bringing them to the Attic.
He was upset that I lied to him. Which, I didn’t actually.
I just kept it from him. But what was I going to do?
Walk up to him and say ‘hey, Dad. I know you just met my stalker boyfriend, but don’t worry.
Not only is he my stalker, but he’s also a vigilante!
’ Yeah, I don’t think that would’ve gone over very well.
“I can see that from him,” he agrees. We continue dancing, but I can’t help but look up at my brother.
I’m apparently extremely emotional today, because I can’t help but appreciate him as well.
He hasn’t left my side since Damien was taken.
Even before that, he stayed by my side to protect me.
I was such a bitch to him, and he still stuck around.
He’s done everything a brother should do and more, and now, he’s dancing in the kitchen because my best friend said I was too sad?
Zeke doesn’t just dance. “He’ll come around, though. He’s a good dad.”
“You’re a good brother,” I blurt out. He scrunches his face just a little, like he’s confused, and thinks I didn’t actually say it. But then his face relaxes and he smiles crookedly.
“Aw, how sentimental.” He puts his hand on top of my head and tussles my hair. “Don’t get sappy on me now. You’ll just start crying, and then Serena will make us do the ‘Macarena.’”
I just laugh and swat his hand away. He looks around the house, like he has to avoid looking at me for a moment.
Instead of taking it as a bad thing, I just look around with him.
Serena and Carter are still dancing and enraptured with each other.
Daisy is still looking at us like we’re crazy, but at least her tongue is hanging out now, and she looks happy about it.
I start to turn around when I eye the sink, and something so ridiculous shouldn’t make me so upset.
The last time I danced in this kitchen, it was with Damien.
His arms were wrapped around me so tenderly that it made my knees weak.
He was so happy. His smile spread across his entire face and his eyes were so bright.
We were still in our perfect little bubble then.
Nothing was going to hurt us at that moment—nothing was going to tear us apart.
We had no idea what tragedies awaited us just a few weeks later, and now that perfect moment seems so long ago.
Serena’s happy song fades away, and for just a moment, it all comes back.
I have to discreetly wipe a tear away, knowing that Zeke is right, and if Ser sees me crying, she’ll make us do more unreasonable things.
The pain is still there. There’s no magical song or special dance that could take it away.
This moment would only be perfect with Damien’s arms around me, and that can’t happen.
I blink a few times and turn back around anyway, slowly feeling myself crumble inside without him, but I’m trying like hell to hide it.
The others seem to be happy, and even if it’s for just a moment, maybe they’ll feel whole again when I can’t.