Chapter 29
Damien
‘Torn to Pieces’ – Pop Evil
Man, the sky is really cloudy today. I hope they don’t cancel Emma’s soccer game.
She’s really excited about it because she’s playing her friend’s team.
Apparently, they’re not friends while the game is going on, and I’m not sure I understand why.
But, if she says we don’t like that girl for an hour, then we don’t like her.
Emma’s a little demanding like that. Maybe I should root for her friend just to see her get mad.
“Get up, son. Enemies aren’t going to let you rest,” my dad reminds me, and I stand back up. He actually got me pretty good that time. The bottom of his boot hit me square in the chest, and I didn’t even see it coming.
“You’re not my enemy, Dad.” I grin at him, hoping that he can’t tell that his kick actually hurt.
“I may not be, but you should always envision that I am when we have our sessions. This is serious, Damien. I need you to understand that,” he says through gritted teeth, and I straighten up.
“I do.”
“Do you?” He storms up to me, and when he swings his fist out at me, I react quickly and duck, but then fall to my face when my feet are swiped out from under me.
My face hits dirt once again, but I don’t turn to look at the sky this time.
I keep my momentum and roll over my shoulder, coming back up to my feet before I turn to face him.
“There will come a day when I’m not able to protect you all, Damien.
That will be your responsibility. A man always puts his family first—before anything. ”
He suddenly looks really angry. I’m not sure who he was talking to on the phone earlier, or what they said, but he’s been really upset since. This isn’t just a normal lesson anymore. Something disturbed him, and whatever that is, he’s going to make sure I’m ready for it one day.
“Yes, sir.” I square back up, ready to fight like he didn’t make us waffles this morning, but I relax once my father does as well.
He looks up at the sky, and now I’m confused.
Ever since that call, Dad’s been really weird today—really quiet.
Even more so than normal, which means he’s barely said anything at all. “You alright, Dad?”
He doesn’t respond. His chest is rising and falling like he’s calm, but I know he’s anything but.
Sometimes, he does this thing where he gets ‘stuck.’ I never know what to do.
Mom does it sometimes too, but not as intensely.
She’s easier to pull back. I pretty much just have to tell her I love her, or make her some tea, and she’s back to normal Mom.
Dad? Definitely not. He stared at the front door for six hours once, and it freaked Emma out so badly that she tried to convince Mom to call a doctor.
It wasn’t long after that he snapped out of it, and then we never spoke of it again.
Emma and I try to keep them occupied so it doesn’t happen again, but on days like today, there’s not much we can do.
His gaze remains fixed on the clouds until he slowly moves to look at me.
“I’m fine, son.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry that I put all of this on you, but it’s necessary.”
I can’t help but scrunch my nose. Dad’s face doesn’t look right.
He looks younger, somehow, like his eyes aren’t as hard anymore.
It’s similar to Emma’s when she watches some cute puppy video, and I feel bad.
He’s never said something like that to me, but I know.
My dad is afraid of a lot, no matter what Emma seems to think.
I understand why we do this, and I want to learn everything I can from him.
“I know, Dad. I like it.” I try to reassure him, but he frowns and looks away again. Did I say something wrong? Should I hate it? It makes me feel strong. Plus, it’s great when my friends want to wrestle. I kick their butts every time.
“Do you know that you could become anything you wanted?” my dad asks without looking back at me.
“Yes, sir.”
He looks back at me finally with a curious curl to his lip.
“What do you want to be?” he asks me seriously. I just tilt my head a little before I answer him, because I’m not sure he’s ever asked me that before.
“An astronaut, probably. But I guess if that didn’t work out, I’d want to be Batman. Both of those things seem a little out of reach, though,” I chuckle, hoping to lighten my dad’s mood. It doesn’t work. His frown only deepens, and he lightly shakes his head.
“Nothing is out of reach for you, son.” He steps toward me.
“If you want to be Batman, be Batman. If you want to be an astronaut, do that. Do anything and everything that will make you feel whole.” He stops only a couple of feet away and looks down at me.
It’s not by much, considering I’ve grown so much over the summer, but I’m not quite as tall as him yet. “Why do you want to be an astronaut?”
I shrug at his question.
“I think there’s a lot of resources that we haven’t discovered yet. Like, what if there’s a metal so strong on Pluto that it never breaks? Or water from Mars that keeps people from getting sick? I don’t think we were always meant to stay here. I mean, why else have the other planets?”
He nods a little bit, like he’s actually impressed.
My father isn’t one to show his emotions so openly.
So, now that he’s actually showing some interest, I’ll tell him whatever he wants to hear.
I get a little excited, but then he just looks back at the sky another time.
Is he thinking of what I said? Does it sound stupid?
“My one wish for you, Damien,” he starts, but then has to swallow harshly. “Is that you become a greater man than I.” He takes a deep breath, and I don’t miss the way his fists clench at his sides. “I think you’re already off to a great start.”
Did I just hear him right?
Did that really just come out of his mouth?
I’ve never seen my dad like this, and it’s actually starting to worry me. Angry? Oh, yeah. Sad? Definitely. But this? I’m not sure. He looks to be somewhere between a caged and a scared animal.
I look over at the back porch and through the door to see Emma dancing around the kitchen in her soccer uniform.
She’s clearly excited for her game, but if she notices that Dad is upset again, she’ll get sad, too.
I turn back to my dad and take a step back, knowing he probably needs the space.
As much as it sucks, I need to change the conversation before he gets stuck again.
He looks back down at me, and even though his face still looks burdened, I can tell he’s listening.
“Will you teach me how to throw the knives like you do? Just really quick, before we leave?” I ask him softly.
“Damien?” A voice pulls me from my dream. I lift my head to watch Victoria step up to me with a bowl in her hand. “I brought you food.”
“I don’t want it.” My stomach is rumbling and cramping so harshly that I know if I don’t eat something soon, I’ll starve to death.
Whatever dog food they put in those bowls almost makes me throw up every time, but it’s the only thing they give me.
Even though it’s the vilest thing I’ve ever consumed, I don’t deserve it.
Every bit of pain I’m forced to endure, I’ve earned.
“You need to eat something,” she says softly, and it only pisses me off.
“Don’t act like you give a single fuck about what happens to me, Victoria.”
She walks over and sits the bowl on top of DeLuca’s torture table. The tools, half of them with my blood and skin on them, rattle at the force.
“I’m not like them…”
“You keep saying that, yet we’re still here. You haven’t done a damn thing other than watch them torture me or do it yourself.”
She flinches, and then that fire returns to her eyes. Her dark purple orbs move closer to me as she bends down. I’m sure to keep her gaze, daring her to get close enough so I can bash her face with mine.
“Do you know what I’m risking by asking you for help?
You don’t have any idea what I’ve done or have dealt with to keep my sister safe!
I’m fucking desperate, but we have to do this right, or they’ll kill us both.
Then they’ll kill my sister, then your wife, and they sure as hell won’t be lenient.
You’ve witnessed what they can do. Do you think it’ll be any different for them?
Your pregnant wife? My four-year-old sister?
Is that what you want? Or do you want to go home to her? ”
What kind of question is that? Of course I want to go home. It’s more than a want—it’s a need. I need to hold my wife and feel her against me. My soul is screaming for hers. The demons have been clawing at every nerve and vein in my body to try and force me back to her.
I want to feel our baby move under her skin.
I long to watch her belly ripple and wave from the innocent motions.
My wife should be waking me up at two in the morning to fetch her some ridiculous craving, not walking into our base and preparing for battle.
We should be staring at paint colors and not blood.
But I also want to see my father.
I yearn to see him hold my child. He would tell me all of the best things a father could do for their kid, even though he’s already shown me through the years.
My mother would fawn over my baby, and while my father would roll his eyes or huff in feigned annoyance, he’d be just as wrapped for them as I am.
That’s something I’ll never get to see.
Victoria’s face falls, and she slowly stands to her full height.
“What happened to your dad… It’s not your fault.” She shakes her head like I’m supposed to believe her.
“The hell it isn’t.” I have to look away from her. The regret and guilt I feel is bubbling to the surface, and I don’t need her to see it.
“Listen,” she says softly again. “They are vile people—some of the most disgusting people I’ve ever encountered, and I’m sure you can say the same.
You are not responsible for their heinous crimes, Damien, and we can stop them.
We may not be able to save your dad, but we can still save your wife and my sister.
Our families need to be our priority. Their deaths can come at another time. ”
She grabs the bucket from the table and brings it over to me.
“Get it together, eat this bullshit they call food, and I’ll get us out of here. We just have to wait a little longer—”
“How much longer?” I ask harshly. She sighs and then picks up the spoon, so she can feed me like the pathetic piece of shit I am.
“I’m working on it.”