Chapter 39 #2
“What if he’s dead?” I squeak out as tears start to spill from my eyes.
Her face falls, and she squeezes my hand so tightly that I just instinctively squeeze back.
“It’s been a month, Ser! It's been an entire month, and we haven’t found anything.
There’s no trace of him! The only sign I've had is a fingerprint at a murder scene, and nothing else! What if it’s because he’s dead?
” I shake as I sob, and she climbs into the bed beside me.
Daisy walks around the bed and hops up here anyway, laying by my legs this time so she doesn’t mess with any of the cords.
Ser’s arms snake around me, and she rests her head on top of mine.
Both of their warmth seeps into my body, but it does little to help right now.
“He’s not dead, Ashia. You can’t think like that, okay? You really think he’d let anyone, or anything, take him away from you? I mean, come on. He's like a fucking cockroach. You can't kill those.” I know she's trying to lighten the mood, but it's not working.
“Then where is he, Ser? Why can’t we find anything?
!” I yell again, and she uses her hand to lay my head on her chest as she pulls me in closer.
Her fingers rake through my hair, and it takes me by surprise.
While it may not be Damien doing it, it feels really nice, and I find myself sinking into her hold.
“I don’t know, Ash. I wish I knew what to say…
” I bury my face in her shoulder and let it all out.
Our bodies lightly bounce against the bed from my sobs, but she doesn't try to stop me. She just holds me a little tighter. “I know it’s hard, but you need to try and stay calm. They just now got your blood pressure back to normal.”
I groan at the nurse in her.
“Fuck you and your tablet!” I huff through my cries, and she just chuckles.
“I know, my sweet little hormone bucket. I know.” She kisses the top of my head, but then she sits up a little to watch the door creak open.
I just turn my head some, not really caring who it is if it’s not Damien.
Zeke and Alex walk in, and apparently I look like a mess, because Zeke's face twists with worry.
“Everything okay?” he asks.
“Yeah, she’s just going to be out-of-the-count for a couple of weeks. The baby is fine,” Serena reassures him.
“Well, what’s wrong then? She doesn’t look fine,” he says a little angrier, and thrusts his hand in my direction.
“She misses Damien, asshole.”
I look at him through my tears, and I don’t miss the way his face falls.
He has to look away from me for a moment, but then he looks back, and I just cry more.
I want both of our hurt to go away, but we just can’t help each other.
His hand fidgets at his side, and then he starts pacing the room, like the fact that he can’t stop my tears pisses him off.
“Okay. Well, let’s go over that day again.”
“We’ve been through it a hundred times, Zeke. I don’t think reliving it is going to help her,” Alex chimes in.
“I’m not doing it to help her. I’m doing it to make sure we’re not missing anything.
” Zeke’s hands start flailing about. There’s a determined look on his face, like my brother is willing to do anything at this moment to fix everything—even though he probably can’t.
“Okay, so he went to the first spot, and then he had the meeting with Grease—”
“Wait, what first spot? What are you talking about?” I interrupt him, and he stops in his tracks.
They’ve been hiding something from me? Is he fucking joking?
! Damien has been missing for a month, and they’ve been keeping a possible location from me this entire time?
! He glances over at Alex before sighing and looking back at me.
“D went and got a tattoo that morning,” he says reluctantly, like I wasn’t supposed to know. Okay, he must be falling off his rocker, because there’s no way Damien would do that and not let me know.
“What? No, he didn’t. He would’ve told me.”
“He didn’t because he got it for you,” Alex chimes in, and my gaze moves to him. “Carter saw it before D left the Attic. We were trying to keep it quiet, because Carter told us how excited he was to surprise you, but—”
My heart continues to be pulled in all directions, and I immediately start crying again—not normal crying, either. The stupid, hormonal, ugly tears, and Alex immediately stops talking. Serena lifts her head up, and even though I may not be able to see her face, I can feel the furious expression.
“Great, now she’s crying again.”
“No, no. It’s fine, I can’t help it. Just keep going.
Where else?” I swat my hand in front of my face, like a little air would actually stop the fiasco that is my hormones, but it does very little.
I may not be able to control how I feel, but we need to keep going through that day if there’s something we could’ve missed—especially since they kept that from me!
“Wait a minute. That’s a good point.” Zeke points at me and his eyes widen.
“I didn’t make a point,” I argue through hiccups.
“Yeah, you did. Well, I guess Alex did. Whatever. It doesn’t fucking matter. What does matter, is that D’s whole life revolves around you.”
“Yeah. And? I’m not sure what that has to do with anything besides his tattoo appointment. Maybe someone—”
“No, no, no. We’ve already checked that time frame.
Stop getting me off track,” Zeke rushes out, and I shut up.
The sad tears are starting to morph into angry ones, and if he doesn’t get to the point soon, I’m going to screech—like, baby goat level scream.
“What were we doing that day?” I stare at him with fury for a moment, and watch as he starts to pace again. “Well?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Am I allowed to talk now?” I answer with an attitude.
“Yes, damn.” He rolls his eyes.
“Thank you, asshat.” I know I shouldn’t get so upset with him right now, but I can’t fucking help it. Doesn’t he think I’ve been through every second of that day over and over since Damien went missing? “We worked all day, remember? I did nothing but cut hair and argue with you.”
“Exactly!” he says excitedly and points at me, making me flinch. “We were supposed to go get ice cream with her, but I was being a dick, and she bailed.” He moves his finger towards Ser.
“To save lives, asshole,” she retorts.
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. It’s still half your fault. That’s not the point!” he throws his hands out, then brings them in and holds his forehead. “We’re a bunch of dumb asses.” He chuckles manically.
“Oh, great. Now he’s losing it.” Serena gestures to him before letting her hand fall back to my arm.
“No. He isn’t.” I’m not so sure about that. “What do you mean, Zeke?” I ask him. He holds his arms back out mid-air like he’s won the lottery.
“D’s pregnant wife wanted ice cream and didn’t get it. Do you think he’d stand for that shit?” He smiles triumphantly, and for the first time in weeks, a genuine grin pulls at the corner of my lips. “No. He wouldn’t.”
“Did you just come up with a lead?” I ask him, and he quickly grabs his keys off of one of the chairs.
“Hell yeah, I did.” He turns to leave, but then he stops in his tracks, like he’s hesitating.
As he faces me, his eyes meet mine. Fear and regret are the only things that shine past the determination, and I just shake my head at him.
Hope blooms in my chest for the first time since we found Popov’s location, and somehow, this feels more real.
I’m so sure that Zeke is right, that I almost want to jump out of bed and follow him, but I can’t.
I have to trust that my brother knows what he’s doing, and that he’s capable of bringing Damien home.
I have to let him go to get him back, and as much as I hate it, I do.
“Zeke. I’ll be alright. Go get my fucking husband back,” I demand. He nods once, hardening his features like he’s prepared for war, and he pulls Alex with him as he walks out the door.