Chapter 43
Damien
‘Look To Windward’ – Sleep Token
It’s snowing. The flower petals are decaying and falling all around me.
They’ve burned to ash like everything else, and the spiced scent fills the room.
She secretly loved receiving those flowers.
I never bought her enough. She should’ve always had a collection of them on our countertop, and now they’re dying with her.
There’s so much more I should’ve done for her, and now I’ll never have the chance to make up for the time I’ve lost.
I’m almost there. The cold covers me like a blanket, and I’m letting it consume me.
There’s nothing but darkness now. I’ve made it to space, only there’s no stars like I thought there would be.
It’s dark—just a solid void. All of my fire has died out.
The moment my wife left this universe, so did every other good thing in it.
The ashes have mixed with my tears and are caked to my face.
With every twitch, my skin cracks and pulls, sending a wave of revulsion through me.
Bugs continuously crawl under and along my flesh, and I’m both too hot and cold.
My hair sticks to my face, and I can’t move to tear it away.
Every nuisance just adds to the ticks. I’m silently begging for it all to end.
I deserve to suffer, but fuck, I don’t want to anymore.
It hurts too much. It all just fucking hurts…
“Damien!”
She keeps trying to break this spell. Just when I think I’ll finally sink low enough, her voice breaks me out of it.
“Damien, please! You have to snap out of this!” Victoria screams. “I need you! My sister needs you! Please! She’s only four years old. I can’t do this alone!”
She’s worried about herself. That’s all.
None of them were concerned for my wife, or my baby.
They all saw her as bait. The thought is infuriating.
She dares to ask me for help when she is partially to blame?
Just as I was thinking we could be cut from a similar cloth, she reminds me that hers is made of the finest materials.
This may not be her fault, but I can’t look at her.
She shouldn’t even want me to help her sister.
It’s clear that I’m not useful to anyone. I can’t protect anyone.
The door slams open, and that forces me to open my eyes. DeLuca and Saconne both storm inside with a new fury lit under their asses. Saconne reaches out and grabs Victoria by the throat and then pulls her so close to his face that she grimaces.
“I knew it! You sneaky little cunt!” He spits in her face, then throws her to the ground.
DeLuca’s eyes meet mine, and I hold her stare.
The black void is morphing into a scarlet hatred, and hell’s fire blooms throughout my body.
The devil has a plan for me before I leave this earth, and I’m looking right at it.
“Don’t look so disgusted, feccia. We’ll get back to your training as soon as we’re through with her.
Perhaps we should let you do the honors and let you release some of that pent-up aggression.
” She smirks wickedly then turns around to witness Victoria’s assault.
Saconne is lashing out at her with all of his might.
My fingers twitch with fury as I watch her receive hit after hit.
She tries to fight back, and that only fuels my inferno.
My wife fought back. Every time someone laid a finger on her, she pulled out her claws and scratched, just to make sure they bled as well.
Victoria is fighting much in the same way, even though she doesn’t have a chance in hell.
That spirit is something to admire. It’s another testament to the strength of a woman.
It barely holds a candle to the strength my wife possessed, though.
They managed to extinguish her fire, but I’ll allow mine to rage in her place.
Her whimpers and groans echo between the walls, and they sound just like Ashia’s.
Memories rush to the surface, and flashes of her flicker to life.
Every moment she was in pain plays through my mind.
Hugo. Cooper. Her screams after she realized I was gone.
It’s their fault. They did this to us, and they continue to force their violence onto others.
I try to jerk out of the chair, but the restraints don’t allow me to move very much.
My body strains with the effort, and all I hear is that infuriating ‘tsk tsk’ from DeLuca.
“Oh, poor, poor, feccia. So desperate to save any soul he can. It’s too bad his wife was not one of them,” she taunts, and I snarl back at her.
My grief is forming into anger. Pure. Unadulterated.
Hatred. She caused my wife weeks of agony before her painful death.
Her atrocities spanned through the void and reached Ashia’s purity.
My father suffered at her hands. My mother is forever scared by years of torment at her choosing.
Gianna DeLuca is a name etched into the walls of hell by the devil himself.
She is the exact evil that generations of soldiers have fought to rid the world of.
I may not be able to deliver her eternity of suffering, but I will be the one that brings her to her cage.
The beast that resides within me, the one that I’ve kept at bay for my love, has clawed its way out.
My veins constrict with the call, and I can feel myself changing.
She wanted me to become a monster, and now it’s heard her demand.
I have a date with my wife in the afterlife, but I’ll be sure to finish my last assignment before I go.
Victoria screams as Saconne throws her against the wall.
Her body collapses as she attempts to brace for the impact, but she hits so harshly that her head smacks against the stone.
As she scrambles, her hands claw at the wall behind her.
There’s not a chance for either one of us, but she’s fighting like there is. She’s stupid for thinking of it.
“You have tested us for the last time, Victoria!” Saconne screams at her.
“You’ve only damned yourself and your sister by acting so irrationally!
Your father has kept her hidden away. Just as he did for you!
I may not be able to kill you yet, but I know just how to break you!
I’ll see to it that you witness her in my grasp before you die! ”
I start to tremble with rage. What’s left of my heart pounds in my ears, and the blood rushes to every inch of my body that it can.
These vile, disgusting, demonic beings would threaten a four-year-old girl?
They would simply use her as a toy? Of course they would.
That’s another reason they were dropped on my plate.
They were always meant to be my demise, but I was meant to deliver theirs in return.
It’s now or never. Either I kill them today, or they walk the earth victorious, with my wife’s death as a trophy. I can’t let that happen.
Victoria’s eyes meet mine, and she gasps, like she saw her only salvation.
She snaps her gaze back to the wall behind her, and I can see where she aims before she even reaches for it.
The wall she leans against has just become our weapon—the wall with the stone button.
The monster charges in my chest the moment her hand starts to move. My time has come.
“Damien, NOW!” She leaps to her knees and slams her hand on the button.
The moment the cuffs release my wrists, I snap into motion.
I lash out and grasp DeLuca’s throat in my hand, feeling the strongest I have in weeks.
She yelps and thrashes, trying to fight me off, but I don’t let up.
It’s almost as if she weighs nothing when I lift her off the ground.
I squeeze her boney neck like if I were to just break it, it’d change the torture I’ve endured.
None of this would’ve ever happened. I’ll wake up from falling asleep at my desk, and I’ll be able to go home to my wife and baby.
Sinful!
The voices call to me again. My demons block everything else out. They’re no longer speaking to me. They’re demanding her sacrifice and bowing to their will as the most admirable thing I’ve ever committed.
Corrupt!
I squeeze even tighter, and watch as her face turns red. Her nails don’t penetrate my skin, and the kicks from her feet have no force behind them. I’m so hollow, so numb, that I don’t feel anything. My last moments are solely to end her pathetic life.
Foul!
I hear metal clanking behind me, and I briefly see a couple of bodies run into the room, but they’re too late.
Nothing could possibly tear my hand away.
She will see all of the pain she’s caused in my eyes before she meets her demise.
My swirling vision will give her a glimpse of the torture she’ll endure in hell.
Unholy!
Her eyes widen as if she sees what I thought. The monster she’s unleashed has now turned on her.
Unworthy!
The room feels hot, and her skin color only deepens as I continue to clench tighter.
Dishonorable!
Murderer!
FAILURE!
With a fierce twitch, I snap her neck. The cracks rings out across the room, and her head falls limply to the side.
Breaths flee from my lungs as I hold her there to show as an offering.
Her body is ripped from my grasp as nothing but black whooshes in front of my vision.
Men pour into the room, but I still feel nothing.
My monster lashes out in an uncontrollable storm, and it’s as if I’m watching from afar.
He delivers hit, after hit, after hit—mowing down anyone who dares to cross his path.
I can feel the crushing bone beneath my knuckles and my muscles strain, but I am no longer at the reins.
The room spins, and my mind returns to my sight.
Darkness strobes at the edges of my vision, and the bodies continue to come forward.
I fight and lash out until one single movement brings me to a halt.
Saconne runs out of the room.
Like a fucking coward, he scurries away, and I roar in defiance.
Just as I go to move after him, Quattro jumps into my frame.
He throws out his fist, and I meet it halfway.
Our knuckles meet in the air, and I use all of my momentum to take him to the wall.
My body explodes in pain as I ram him into the stones, but it’s quickly pushed out.
He manages to shove me away and pulls his pistol free.
There’s no warning anymore. I’m not afraid to die.
The voices still demand Saconne’s head, but they also call to an end. They call for my wife.
Before I can lunge again, a gunshot explodes to my right. My gaze snaps over to it, and I see Cinque aiming his pistol in my direction. Out of the corner of my eyes, I see Quatro drop to his knees to my left and then fall to the floor motionless.
My chest heaves, struggling to breathe. Cinque looks at me, and his stare is no longer blank.
It’s full of remorse. Fear. Anger. I barely make out Victoria’s form cowering in the corner and the bodies on the floor.
I’m now standing in a graveyard. My monster lies just beneath the surface, waiting for a command, and the voices hush to a whisper—knowing my reluctance to finish this.
End him…
Unworthy…
Unholy…
I kneel down and grab Quattro’s pistol before aiming it at Cinque.
He holds his position for a moment, like he’s not sure what to do, but then he drops his gun.
It clatters to the floor in something that’s not defeat.
I watch his entire stance relax, almost as if his own voices have silenced themselves.
He’s free. The years of pain have come to a close for him, but I don’t feel the same relief as he does.
For him, it’s stopped. He knows this is the end of the line for him, and he welcomes it.
A part of me wants to believe that there could be something better for him, but that’s exactly why he has a number.
There is nothing else for him. The person he was before his time here is long gone and buried.
There is no true escape for him other than death. I almost feel sorry for him.
He closes his eyes and allows his head to fall backward.
Then, he holds his arms straight out from his sides.
His hands turn so his palms are facing the ceiling, as if he’s accepting his fate—like he’s grateful.
He’s praying to a God that has long forgotten him.
This world has not shown him an ounce of divinity.
Yet, he continues to search for it. He’s looking for even a trace of salvation, when we both know he won’t find any in the afterlife.
A glimpse of a tear graces his face, and without any further hesitation, I pull the trigger.
He falls back flatly, stiff as a board, and once he hits the ground harshly, there’s no movement from him again.
The silence seeps in. It’s not as cold anymore. My monster’s heat still radiates around me, but it’s starting to cool off.
Damien…
I hear her now…
Did I do enough? Will she accept my offering?
Am I worthy of a word in her presence? I stare at the pistol in my hand, knowing what needs to be done.
I’ll never be able to feel her touch as long as we’re on different planes of existence.
I can give her one last gift—one last sacrifice to ensure our eternity together.
“Damien…” Victoria shakily calls. She trembles as she crawls along the floor towards me. “Damien, please. Don’t do this. Your wife wouldn’t want you to do this. Please…”
I stare at her with a clenched jaw. She doesn’t know what Ashia would want.
Our life together is what she wanted. She craved the safe spaces I provided for her.
She needed the strength that I only conjured for her.
Even in death, my wife would want me beside her.
Right now, she’s alone… She doesn’t like to be alone…
“My wife needs me…” I pick up my heavy hand and hold the gun to my head.
“NO!”
“DAMIEN?!” A different voice yells.
Pain radiates from my limb, and the rest of my strength vanishes. My arm falls to my side as I collapse into the void.