Chapter 19
nineteen
brADY
I woke up with a splitting headache and a very anxious-looking Cole Abernathy standing over my bed.
“Wha—” I sat up, wincing. The rest of my sentence failed to materialize.
The clock on my bedside table read 6:29 a.m., and the sky outside my bedroom window was just starting to lighten.
“I was just about to wake you up,” Abby said. “For your concussion check-in thing. Are you okay? How are you feeling?”
I gave up on trying to get out of bed and just slumped against my pillows. “You’re supposed to ask me my name or something I can answer. Those are too open-ended.”
Abby glared at me.
Squinting up at him, I grinned. “I’m okay, man. I’m sore like I got hit by a truck.” I waited, but there was no laugh. Tough crowd. “And my head is killing me. Would you mind?—?”
But he was already out of the room.
Fourteen seconds later, he was back with two oblong white pills and a glass of water. “Mac said only Tylenol.”
I was wondering when he’d bring her up. Obviously, she was the reason he was here. I was honestly a little surprised that I hadn’t woken up to my mother or sisters beating down the door. Maybe Mac had to get to work or something.
There was a tiny flicker of disappointment that she hadn’t stayed, but I quashed it. She’d done enough. More than enough.
“Yep,” I replied noncommittally, but it would only be a matter of time before Abby wanted the full story on Mac. I snagged the pills and downed them, drinking deeply from the glass.
I managed to sit on the side of the bed without feeling dizzy. So I took it a step further and shuffled across the hall toward the bathroom. Abby hovered anxiously, like he might need to catch me.
“I swear, I’m okay,” I assured him.
“Okay.” He nodded. “Just leave it unlocked in case you fall or something.”
I did as he asked, but everything was fine. I used the bathroom and washed my hands, wincing a little as I took in the bandage and bruising on my face. There was some faint discoloration from
where my head and cheekbone smacked into the driver’s-side window. But, all in all, I was in pretty good shape.
A brief memory of Mac crying over me in the ER surfaced, and I realized it must have been pretty fucking scary to watch something like that unfold before your eyes. If our places had been reversed and I’d seen her get T-boned by another vehicle—no matter how minimal the damage—I would have panicked.
Abby was waiting in the hallway like a creeper, but I forgave him because he said, “You feel like eating? I brought stuff to make breakfast burritos.”
I groaned. “That is the best thing I’ve ever heard.”
We slowly made our way to the kitchen, Abby walking behind me like he was a new mother and I was a baby taking my first steps. I had half a mind to see if he’d carry me bridal-style just so I could give him shit over it for the rest of our lives.
Instead, I settled at the island on a high-backed padded stool as he went to work prepping our breakfast. A few moments later, he pushed a mug of green tea in front of me.
I eyed it warily.
“No coffee,” he said sternly. “Caffeine is bad for people recovering from head injuries.”
“Can you not call it that?”
He frowned. “What the hell else would I call it? You injured your head. It’s a head injury.”
“Just say concussion,” I argued.
He rolled his eyes and turned his back to pull out a carton of eggs.
“Have you heard anything about my truck?” I asked as I sipped the green tea. It tasted good. He’d put honey in it.
“Jackie towed it over to her shop,” he replied as he whisked.
“Totaled?”
Abby stiffened and looked at me over one shoulder. “Yeah, probably. I can take you over there later if you feel up to it.”
“Thanks.” I sighed. This was going to be a pain in the ass.
“Your stuff is on the coffee table in the living room,” he let me know as he dropped some cubed potatoes into a hot skillet. “From the hospital. Your wallet and phone and stuff. I put your keys over there, too.”
“Where’d you get the keys?” I was curious how the shift change went and what Mac had said to him. And if he was going to come right out and ask why Mac had been here in the first place. I wasn’t going to lie to him. If Buck Adams hadn’t run that stop sign last night, I’d have been done with all the secrets. I’d wanted Mac to come over so we could talk and figure out how to be together for real.
“They were under the mat.”
I frowned at that. “Under the mat? ”
Abby placed a lid on the pan and adjusted the temperature before giving me his full attention. “Yeah. Outside your door. Mac texted me early this morning. She told me about the accident and said she couldn’t reach Candace. She didn’t have Joan’s number and didn’t want to call the house and scare your parents. So she asked me to come over and wake you up at six thirty for a wellness check or whatever. She left the key under your front mat, and I let myself in ten minutes after she texted me.”
Oh.
Thoughts crowded for positioning as my friend explained what went down this morning. I hadn’t realized that Mac had tried to reach my sister and had been unable to get through. Maybe she hadn’t actually meant to stay at the hospital?—
But then she could have called Abby last night.
Maybe she felt bad or something. I didn’t know. Something seemed off.
“I got in touch with your momma, by the way,” Abby said.
“Thank you. I should call her.”
“They’ll be over in a bit,” Abby said when I started to rise. “Are you going to tell me why Mac drove you home from the hospital?”
“She was behind me during the accident,” I replied simply. It was the easiest answer, especially when I was growing less sure of her motivations by the minute.
“And why was she following you, Brady?”
I swallowed.
He leaned forward, resting his forearms on the island, staring at me expectantly. “Because a witness posted something very interesting in the Kirby Falls Facebook group this morning.”
My already-uneasy stomach turned over.
“The witness said Mac almost got arrested.”
“What?” I demanded.
Abby nodded sagely. “Yeah. Apparently, they had to pull her off of Buck Adams in the middle of Main Street. He tried to take off after the wreck, and she went after him. Elbowed Deputy Matthews in the stomach for his trouble.”
I didn’t recall any of that. There were some pretty hazy memories of her talking to me through the glass, and then she’d been in the ER when I’d woken up.
The thought of her losing it on Buck was ... I didn’t know what. Typical hellcat Mac, for sure. But the fact that she’d done that in defense of me was something else entirely. It was violent and irrational. So I didn’t know what it said about me that it also made my chest feel warm.
“Why would she . . .”
“Why do you think?” Abby managed to catch my eye as I processed too much all at once. “You ready to tell me what’s been going on?”
So, I did. I told my friend the truth. That Mac and I had been seeing each other in secret for months. That her failed experiment to get it out of our systems turned into a relationship—a secret relationship.
He was plating the burritos by the time I finished speaking. Then he just stared at me for a long moment, face impassive.
“You don’t seem surprised,” I said.
“Of course I’m not surprised, Brady. Jesus. I’m not an idiot. I’ve seen you three or four times a week my entire life. But the last few months, you’ve been a ghost. Obviously, I assumed a woman was occupying your time. Did I think it was Mac? Of fucking course I did. She is literally the only person you’d implode your life for.”
I rolled my eyes. “My life is just fine.”
He raised accusatory eyebrows. “Is it? Because normal people don’t keep whole-ass relationships a secret from their families and friends. Not unless they’re doing something they’re ashamed of.”
“Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, okay? But I’m not ashamed or whatever you’re making this out to be. I just needed it to stay under wraps for a while. I needed time.”
Abby’s eyes bulged. “The secrecy was your idea?”
“Yeah,” I admitted .
“Who even are you right now?”
I reluctantly set my burrito down and sighed. “I needed time to make her fall in love with me, okay? Time to see that we’re right for each other. Without distractions. Without expectations. Without reminders of our history and our past getting in the way. Without this town and the fucking Facebook group reminding her how much she’s always hated me.”
I knew without seeing the look on my best friend’s face that this hadn’t been my smartest move. And I was plenty aware that I’d been dragging my feet on being honest with Mac about what I wanted. But the truth, plain and simple, was ... I was afraid of losing her. I didn’t want to be added to the list of men who couldn’t hold MacKenzie Clark’s attention—who couldn’t earn her love.
“Trying to surround your relationship in Bubble Wrap is completely unrealistic,” Abby finally replied. “Love doesn’t exist in a vacuum. And it’s been months. Does she love you back?”
“Man, why are you pushing this?” I could hear the irritation in my tone as uncertainty twisted my stomach in knots. I’d thought Mac and I were getting somewhere. I’d thought?—
Abby must have noticed my mounting frustration, too, because he sighed and said, “I don’t want you to get hurt.”
I shook my head in exasperated disbelief. “You’ve been giving me shit about Mac since I was thirteen years old. You finally got your wish. I realized I was in love with her.”
“But is she in love with you?”
I hesitated.
I’d been tallying up proof in an imaginary ledger all this time. Every kiss, every text, every step forward. But in the face of my friend’s question, I could only think of the deficit column. Her reaction at the family dinner at Maggie’s. The way she’d smuggled me out of her house rather than introduce me to her grandparents. The way she’d taken off this morning without a word.
With doubts swirling and my head pounding, I ignored the question. “I’m going to talk to her about going public, being together for real. ”
Abby gave me a look I’d seen many times over the years. It was the you-are-so-full-of-shit staredown he’d perfected at age eleven.
“Damn, I will, okay?” I insisted. “It was my stupid idea anyway. I’ll fix it.”
“I hope it works out the way you want it to, Brady. I really do. But secrets and lies are ...” He took a deep breath, and for the first time in my life, I wondered what secrets Abby was keeping. “This is the definition of fuck around and find out. All I’m saying is, be careful. You can’t hide away from the world forever.”
I picked up my burrito again and grumbled, “It’s not the whole world, Abigail. Just Kirby Falls.”
Abby nodded, the hint of a smile twisting his lips. “Well, for some of us, it’s the same thing.”
We ate in awkward silence until my family arrived a few minutes later. Abby made a pot of coffee while my parents and sisters and Mercer crowded me and loved me in the way only a family with boundary issues could. I was grateful for it. Glad to have people who cared.
While my mom loaded my favorite foods into my refrigerator and my dad and Joan and Mercer chatted with Abby in the kitchen, Candace pulled me aside.
“So, uh,” she began uncertainly, “I’m prepping for that garden party event at the orchard, you know?”
I nodded, a little confused why she was bringing up promotional events and whispering about them.
“I scheduled some social media posts to announce it,” she said anxiously.
Uhhh.
“And while I was on Chatter ...”
Shit.
“I noticed some drafted posts.” Candace winced.
I sat down hard on the couch and ran a palm down my face, mortified and slightly nauseous that my baby sister had read my pathetic inner monologue and secret feelings.
“Brady.” She patted my back. “What’s going on with you and Mac?”
Mac
I turned off the Jeep and sat motionless in the parking lot while the engine ticked like a countdown to certain doom.
My phone buzzed from my cup holder, and I jolted from the sound.
I tapped my forehead against the steering wheel a few times and then got up the courage to look.
Candace: He’s doing well. He napped a little while Mercer and I were there. But he kicked us out after dinner. Said he was a grown-ass man and he’d be just fine
Me: Thanks for letting me know. Glad to hear your brother is doing well after the accident.
Candace hadn’t really questioned it when I’d texted her throughout the day asking for updates on Brady. I figured I’d have had to explain my interest away, but maybe, in her eyes, knowing I’d witnessed the accident gave me permission for details.
I’d tried Abby first, of course. But his one and only response this morning had given me pause.
Cole Abernathy: You’re both idiots. Check on him yourself.
But I couldn’t very well check on Brady. I’d been at work, and he was supposed to steer clear of screen time to alleviate his concussion symptoms. Plus, I was actively avoiding my feelings and trying to figure out the best way out of this fucking mess I was in.
I watched the bouncing dots beside Candace’s name for a long moment before a surprising reply came through.
Candace: If you need to talk, I’m here for you, Mac. I hope you know that.
I turned off the screen and placed the phone back in my cup holder, unsure what to make of her message. It didn’t matter. I didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to handle her sincerity, not when it was taking everything in me to wrangle my own fears and inadequacies.
I walked slowly up the stairs and gave a quiet knock on Brady’s front door, willing my nerves to settle and my breathing to slow.
“I said I was fine!” he called, voice muffled through the door.
But it swung open a moment later. His very obvious irritation transformed when he saw me, and I almost turned around and walked right back down the stairs.
“Hey,” he said. “Sorry, I thought you were another member of my family come to check on me.”
The bruising was darker on his face, and he looked tired, his hair messy in a way that made me want to comb my fingers through it.
I clenched my hand into a fist and stepped inside but didn’t remove my coat or shoes. “They were worried about you.”
Some wariness was starting to enter Brady’s features as I stood awkwardly in the small foyer.
I swallowed hard. “How are you feeling?”
“Better than the last time you saw me.” He shoved his hands into the front pockets of his joggers. “Want to come in?”
I shook my head, still desperately sifting through words, knowing that none of them were right.
Brady’s sudden, bitter laugh had my attention snapping his way. “Well, at least you aren’t running and hiding this time.” He nodded. “This here, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call personal growth.”
“Brady,” I tried.
His blue eyes were cool. “Nah, go ahead. Let’s hear it.”
My mouth was so dry I could hardly swallow. “I just think that things, maybe, went too far. Got out of hand. And we should, uh, take a step back.”
He nodded again, as if considering, and then sought to clarify, “A step back where, exactly? Back to getting it out of our systems—which worked wonders, by the way. Or were you thinking a step farther, back to when you hated me? ”
I hadn’t expected this—this role reversal. I thought I’d be the belligerent, angry one, rushing out my words in an attempt to just get it over with. To break things off and simplify my life once again.
But, Brady—he was bitter and cold, and, suddenly I wanted to cry and run away.
“I don’t know, Brady. I just can’t keep doing this. It wasn’t going to last forever.”
“Why not?” he snapped.
I frowned in confusion. “You wanted to stay in a secret relationship forever? How exactly were we supposed to manage that?”
He sighed. “Forget the secret thing. That was?—”
“Forget it?” I asked incredulously. “You were the one who said it had to be that way.”
“And why do you think I did that, Mac?”
Frustrated anger was a little easier to pick out now in the mass of emotions swirling around my gut. “How should I know?” I practically shouted.
“I did it for you! To take the pressure off of you and this town and all your hang-ups about Kirby Falls. You don’t date townies; almost like it means settling, instead of settling down. You would have gotten in your own head about our past and our history. I thought if we kept it a secret—kept it between us—then you might not get scared off.”
I stared at Brady like I’d never seen him before. He’d—he’d planned this? In order to manage me? To what end?
“I made a mistake,” he admitted, voice low and urgent. He visibly collected himself and took a step toward me. I retreated, my back bumping into the door. “It was a mistake. But, at the time, I thought it was the only way. I thought you’d get tired of me. That if the town kept reminding you of who we were to each other, I wouldn’t be worth the whispers and the knowing looks. I didn’t want everyone to get in your head. I wanted a chance, Mac. A real chance.”
“A chance for what?” I breathed, not understanding. Not getting it.
He looked down at the floor briefly before meeting my gaze. The freeze had thawed, and his blue eyes were pleading. “A chance for you to fall in love with me. For you to get where I’m at. Hell, where I’ve been . ”
My mouth fell open in surprise, despite all the signs along the way. Not ignorant but perhaps unwilling to see what was right in front of me all this time.
“I love you,” he confessed, voice desperate and raw. “I’ve been so careful, the most careful I’ve ever been in my life, just trying to hold on to you. To not frighten you away or give you a reason to run. I hid how I felt.” He huffed a humorless laugh. “Not very well. But I love you, Mac. I’m in love with you, and I always have been. I was just too stupid and stubborn to do anything about it before.”
My heart was beating so hard. I wanted to shut my eyes and cover my ears like a child. I also wanted to beg him to say it again, over and over, until it sunk in.
“But I’m telling you now,” Brady said, taking a step forward and reaching out for my shaking hand. “I love you. And you love me too. You’re just scared to accept it. Too terrified that everything you want is right here in this tiny town.” He pressed my hand to his chest, right over his heart, and I wanted to die. “You think people who stay don’t deserve to be happy. You’re so fucking determined to resent it.”
It hurt—these accusations he was slinging at me in his calm, confident tone. Hurt worse because they were true. But he didn’t get to pass judgment on me. He didn’t know what it was like. Brady Judd, the golden boy with the soccer scholarship and the one-way ticket out of town. But he’d come back. He’d chosen this place. And I didn’t know how to reconcile that in the twisted ideologies in my head.
“This wasn’t how it was supposed to be,” I snapped, jerking my hand away. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”
“Like what, Mac? You weren’t supposed to fall in love with someone like me? You were supposed to keep dating boring insurance salesmen until you found one you could stomach long enough to settle down and have two point five kids with?”
“That’s not?—”
The bitterness was back. Brady’s jaw clenched before he interrupted, “Or were you supposed to move on and move away and do great, big things? Meet someone who doesn’t know you like I do? Is that how it was supposed to go? ”
I stayed silent and seething. I didn’t understand how he could read me so well. And how saying it all out loud like that could make me feel so small and ashamed.
All of a sudden, the anger stringing his body tight loosened its hold. He took a step back, eyes drifting away from me.
“I think you resent me for leaving,” he said quietly to the floor between us, “and for coming back. For choosing to make Kirby Falls my home. It’s your hometown too, Mac, not your prison. You want to travel? You’re dying to see the world? So fucking go. Get on a plane, take a trip, and live your life. Stop acting like we’re holding you hostage—like I’m holding you back.”
“It’s not that easy,” I gritted out, stripped bare and seen through once again.
But he ignored me. “I thought if I had enough time, you’d realize how right we were for each other. I really thought there was a chance. But now I realize you’re never going to be ready. I already had two strikes against me for being born in this town and being happy here. You’re going to strike me out because I’ve known you your whole life and love you just the way you are.”
I finally gave in to the urge to close my eyes, but I couldn’t shut out his words.
“We would have been happy, and you know it.” He sighed. “Instead, you’d rather break both of our hearts just to prove a point. That you don’t need Kirby Falls or anything in it—even me.”
His thumbs brushed the tears off my cheeks, and I opened my eyes. Brady looked at me like he felt sorry for me. In that moment, I wished his anger would come roaring back. I’d take the righteous indignation over the pity any day.
Finally, his hands lowered to his sides. “Everything between us has been a competition—since we were kids. Well, here you go, Mac. You finally got what you wanted. You won.”
My hand found the knob at my back. I turned without meeting his gaze and fled. Pride and hurt and fear kept my feet moving down the hall and toward the stairs.
As furious tears found their way down my cheeks, I had the bitter satisfaction of knowing Brady was wrong.
Because I knew without a doubt, I hadn’t won anything at all.