Chapter 15 #3
I thought about the guy who came into my bar—again this past Thursday night—to pick up women.
The corny lines and the same ill-fitting blue button-up on a tall, reedy frame.
The misplaced confidence. The ego. The smarmy smile below a too-thin mustache.
The spineless piece of shit who’d thrown Bonnie away for what?
Freedom? To fuck any woman who’d take him?
I wondered what had happened between them. Why couldn’t Bonnie get over him? Why would she still take him back if she could? From everything she’d said and everything I’d heard, it didn’t sound like there was much to miss.
It seemed a little like admitting defeat or showing my hand. Something that made me more vulnerable than I wanted. But I asked anyway. “Bonnie, what happened with your ex?”
Her throat moved against me as she swallowed hard. “He cheated.”
I felt it like a punch, validation and anger swirling together and forcing me to take a steadying breath.
I’d speculated, of course, but hearing her admit it was worse.
I could only imagine how difficult that must have been—still was—for someone like Bonnie.
A person so loyal and steadfast. Someone who I could never envision making that sort of mistake.
“It was a while ago,” she explained quietly.
“Last fall . . . at a bachelor party.” Her laugh was bitter, all sharp edges and resentment.
Nothing like the woman I’d come to know.
“Cliché, right? He told me right away. Apologized and said it was an accident. That he’d been drunk, and it never would have happened if he’d been sober.
We tried to move on and get past it. But I just .
. . couldn’t. I couldn’t forget. I wasn’t strong enough to let it go. ”
My thumb had been rubbing circles on her arm, just beneath the sleeve of the shirt she wore.
But at her admission, I settled my palm against her shoulder and pulled her tighter into my chest. “I’m sorry that happened.
It couldn’t have been easy. But I don’t think it had anything to do with you being weak, Clyde.
Everyone has deal breakers. Their lines in the sand.
No one would blame you for wanting a divorce because—”
“He asked for the divorce,” she interrupted, and the rest of my words caught in my throat.
“It was him. He got tired of waiting for me to get over it. I took too long. Danny said I was punishing him. But I just couldn’t stand the thought of him touching me after what he’d done with someone else. So he decided enough was enough.”
I worked to make my voice even. “I see.”
Maybe Bonnie hadn’t been able to move past her husband’s infidelity, but clearly she was trying since she still wanted him.
Her words came back to me, the misery in her voice, the tears she’d cried on my lap all those weeks ago.
The whole reason she’d gotten drunk and emotional in the first place.
I don’t want to move on. It feels too big.
How could I throw away something I spent half my life building and just start over?
She missed her life, and she’d been willing to fight for it. The divorce hadn’t been her call.
Anger and jealousy twisted something ugly inside me.
It made sense that Bonnie hadn’t been able to just get over Danny’s deception.
Because when I thought about that asshole, his hands on her and the life they’d built together, all the years and the history, it made my jaw clench.
I hated it. Couldn’t fathom that she’d wasted so much time on him.
He wasn’t worthy of her love or all the devotion Bonnie carried around with her.
Danny’s not here, I reminded myself. Not anymore.
She had me. In her bed. In her home. In her life.
Our relationship had drifted like a boat on open water. I knew that we’d wandered past casual into something . . . more. Something unexpected and a little bit frightening. Because for the first time in my life, someone had the power to hurt me.
“Come back to bed,” I urged. “We’ll think of three things. And if that doesn’t help you fall asleep, you can read all you want. It won’t bother me. Just come lie down.”
“Okay.”
Bonnie let me lead her back to the bedroom, but before she could climb under the blankets, I stopped her. Reaching down, I lifted the hem of my tee shirt up and over her head.
“Three favorite places to be kissed?” I asked, my voice low in the darkness.
Her breath hitched, but I was already reaching for her hand and bringing it to my mouth when she replied, “The inside of my wrist.”
I tasted the delicate skin there. Pressed my tongue against her as she ran her fingers through my hair.
Then I slid my hands over the smooth skin of her waist and leaned in to place a sucking kiss beside her collarbone. “Second favorite.” It wasn’t a question.
“Right there,” she breathed, her pulse fluttering beneath my lips.
I was painfully hard inside my boxer briefs—the only clothes I wore. Bonnie’s hand gripped the waistband as she pulled me closer.
“Last one?” I whispered against the shell of her ear.
She leaned back enough that I could see her face, barely visible in the moonlight, and tapped her lips with a finger.
I grinned and shook my head slowly. “That’s not your favorite.”
Then I guided her down onto the mattress, tugging her underwear off and lowering to my knees.
She widened her thighs, and I didn’t waste time. I didn’t wait for her to pull back or reassure me that I didn’t have to, which was what she always did when I went down on her. Probably another reason I hated her fucking ex, and she should too.
I gave a long, slow lick through her center that had her crying out, the sound sweet and welcome to my ears.
I encouraged Bonnie to slide her legs over my shoulders. Then I tucked my hands beneath her ass and pulled her toward my waiting mouth. She was hot and slick, and the taste of her made me groan.
Using lips and tongue and single-minded determination, I feasted. Bonnie made these perfect little noises as her breathing grew heavy. Her fingers slid through my hair, and her hips took up an urgent rhythm around the pace I set.
I could feel myself leaking inside my boxers, desperate to be inside her, to feel her inner muscles clamping down on me. So I slid a finger inside her pussy and moaned as she squeezed me tight.
She was close; I could tell. Her body familiar. Her needs etched across my skin.
There was that understanding again. Knowledge and fluency in someone else that I’d never had before.
I’d learned the things Bonnie liked and all the ways I could make her come undone.
This sort of intimacy was different than anything I’d ever known.
Being with someone you cared about was overwhelming but so, so good.
I didn’t take that knowledge for granted now.
I added a second finger and thrust in time with every roll of her hips, intent on making this perfect for her. To drive away her doubts. To banish the ghosts of her past that lingered in every room of this house. To be what she needed over and over again.
Her fingers tightened on my scalp as I kept my tongue firm on her clit.
Then she panted out, “Wait. Wait. I don’t want to come yet. I want you up here with me. Please.”
I wasn’t sure when it had happened, but I was beginning to think I’d give this woman whatever she asked for. A motorcycle ride by moonlight. A moment to hide herself away. A safe place to fall apart.
On shaky legs, I stood and reached for the packet from my wallet on the bedside table. I stepped out of my underwear and rolled the condom on before finding Bonnie’s body with my own.
Her kiss was wild as I settled between her thighs and pushed home. She was hot and wet and perfect, and I knew this wasn’t going to last long.
My hand wrapped around her thigh, encouraging her to spread wider as I tugged her leg up and over my hip. She made a desperate sound against my lips as my cock hit somewhere deep inside.
“Fuck,” I cursed as her orgasm shook her small frame.
The pressure and the warmth intensified until I was thrusting hard and fast, chasing my own release, desperate to be with her, to be close.
Pleasure ripped from the base of my spine outward, everything going bright and loud for a split second before I was coming.
I pressed my face into Bonnie’s neck, tasting the salt on her skin and the heat beneath my tongue. Her sweet honeysuckle scent filled my lungs, and I wished this feeling would never ever end. But I knew it couldn’t last forever because nothing good ever did.
She was mostly asleep when I climbed back into bed after taking care of the condom. But her body still curved toward mine. I lifted my arm to make room, and she snuggled into my side, her small hand resting right over my heart.
“Stay,” she murmured, voice slurred and drowsy.
I smiled. Where did she think I was going?
“For as long as you’ll have me,” I whispered in the dark, knowing she was already asleep.