Three
Leah
“L eah.”
Nudge.
Nudge.
Was she seriously waking me up at this ungodly hour?
“Leah, wake up!”
I opened my eyes slowly, exhaustion plaguing me as I glared at her.
“Christ, Mel!” I hissed, tempted to shove her off the bed.
Until I saw her face.
Immediately, I sat up, recognizing the no-bullshit look on her. Her eyes were wide and frightful. She didn’t look like her normal giddy self, and I felt my heart plummet.
“What?” I whispered.
With trembling lips, she put a hand over mine and her eyes glistened. “It’s Carter. They… they say the jet he’s on is missing. It… it never landed.”
I couldn’t hear anything out of her mouth after that.
There was nothing but silence all around me.
This couldn’t be right. She wasn’t real. It was just another nightmare. How many of those had I had in the past few years?
“Leah,” she said loudly, shattering the peace. “Are you hearing me?”
“How long?” I forced out. “How long has it been missing?”
“The plane was meant to land thirty minutes ago. They’ve just aired it now. It’s made breaking news. There’s been no communication from the jet either.”
“What are they saying could have happened?”
She looked at me with exasperation. “I don’t know, Leah, that’s why you have to come and watch with me! Right now!”
*
It’s one of those moments in your life you don’t think you’re really living. It’s an out of body experience, and that’s what I was feeling, sitting on the couch with an untouched cup of coffee that’d gone cold in my hands. I stared numbly at the television screen, hardly able to concentrate on the moving images.
One minute it was missing, and the next there’d just been a plane crash. They wouldn’t explain what happened, if there were any survivors, how many people were onboard.
Nothing.
They’re not saying anything because they’re all dead.
I shook my head at the irrational thoughts and bit my lip hard. I didn’t want to cry, but the thought of Carter being at the bottom of the Hudson River killed me.
“Why the fuck do they call it news if it’s not even news?” Melanie barked from beside me, angrily texting on her phone.
She looked like a downright mess too. I knew she was texting Rome’s parents. They hadn’t picked up on her phone calls. Hell, they were probably getting a million of them at the moment, but Rome hadn’t boarded the flight.
No one from the band except Carter had.
“I gotta go,” I muttered sometime later, staring absently at the clock.
Melanie looked at me in shock. “Are you serious? Your soulmate’s been in a plane crash, and you want to go make your appointment with your piece of shit aunt?”
“He’s not my soulmate,” I whispered under my breath as I slowly stood up. My legs wobbled a little. My body hadn’t caught up with my brain, it would seem. The turmoil was so astounding, it was almost impossible to hold still.
“Sit back down, she can wait a while longer.”
“No. Look, I’ll be fine. They’ll be airing this shit on the radio—”
“For fuck’s sake, Leah, you can’t seriously be cold-hearted enough not to be by the television to see if they’ve found him—”
“Can’t you see?” I cut in, shouting at her. “I can’t handle sitting here and waiting for them to pull him out of the fucking water, Mel! You think I’m strong enough for that after everything? I’m dying right now.” My voice broke at the end as I turned away from her and bent down to catch my breath. I gripped the arm of the couch and shut my eyes.
It was all my fault.
None of this would have happened had I just….
Just what?
Let him in?
Mel’s arms wrapped around me, and I sank into her embrace and cried.
“I fucked up,” I sobbed.
“You didn’t fuck up,” she stressed.
“I’m not strong enough for this.”
“You’re the strongest girl I know.”
I shook my head. “Not for this.”
“I know it’s been a long time since you’ve seen him, but I know those feelings haven’t died one bit. Which is why it’s important you watch this.”
I continued to shake my head.
I had a chance, and I blew it.
No, I couldn’t think about that.
“I can’t live in a world that he’s not in, Mel,” I cried. “I can’t.”
She took me back to the couch and I collapsed next to her. The tears fell from my eyes ceaselessly. I couldn’t stomach looking at the television. Any minute they were going to tell me there were no survivors. It was going to happen, and I was already mentally trying to prepare for something no person could ever really prepare for.
I did something I didn’t even believe in doing.
I prayed.
I’d make things right if he was alive.
I made that promise to myself, and I was going to stick by it no matter what.
I wouldn’t do what I did two years ago.
I’ll make things right.