The Choosing Ritual #5
They left, closing the door behind them as I listened to the line ring, my thoughts swirling with the mysteriously beautiful Shade from Thunder Moon.
My mate.
What to Know About Mates
SHADE
Sunny dragged me from the party the moment we were dismissed.
First she lectured me on how furious father was going to be that I’d made the final five. She felt that if Alpha Caelan were to discover what a “freak” I am, that it would ruin her chances.
She lectured me until it occurred to her that we could use this to her advantage. She then spent hours detailing how I was going to help her win over Alpha Caelan.
I stood at attention while she paced back and forth, telling me exactly how I was to behave around the alpha so she looked better by comparison. She wanted it clear I was her servant, there to ensure her well-being.
She outlined what she expected of me during any interactions I had with him.
“You won’t look him in the eyes. You won’t be witty or charming. You won’t touch him. You will be subservient, making it clear you don’t have what it takes to be a luna,” she ordered. “You’ll go out of your way to show him that you’d be a terrible choice.”
This all seemed so pointless. I had no plans to look Alpha Caelan in the eyes, nor would I even consider letting myself be so familiar as to touch him, despite how pleasant it’d been at the welcome party.
“Most importantly,” Sunny added as she finally pushed me into the hall. “You’ll talk me up every chance you get. The conversation should always come back around to me, and why I’d make the best choice for luna. Am I clear?”
She slammed the door shut before I could respond, not that I minded. I was exhausted and Sunny’s constant ranting had given me a headache. Like she has anything to worry about. The alpha will never be interested in me.
I rubbed my palm against my dress as I entered my room, remembering the tingles that had caressed my skin and the electric hum that’d danced through my veins from his touch.
I wonder if that’s an ability of his. ~I was no stranger to odd abilities. “Geez, took you long enough,” a voice chided.
I jumped, bracing for an attack as I spun toward the two chairs facing the fireplace. Beta Taffy was seated in one of them, her leg thrown over the arm and a book in her hands as she smiled at me.
“Where have you been?” she asked as she snapped it shut. “I was…ensuring Sunny’s room was secure,” I replied. “W-what are you doing here?”
Alpha Caelan must’ve come to his senses and decided to eliminate me. I tried to ignore the sudden ache in my chest at the thought. It’s for the best. If he cuts me, things can go back to normal.
“I figured we’d have a cup of tea and chat,” she said cheerfully, nodding toward the tray on the coffee table. “We didn’t get to talk much at the party.”
I fidgeted beneath the beta’s gaze. No one had ever wanted to just hang out with me before.
My father had kept me isolated from the other children in the pack so I wouldn’t have any distracting relationships. He’d also discouraged Sunny from considering me as anything but a servant, making it understood that we’d never be friends or equals.
“Do you want to change first?” she asked. “PJs are way more comfy than evening gowns.”
“Yes, Beta Taffy,” I replied automatically.
“No,” she scolded, setting her book to the side. “None of that. We’re friends. Call me Taffy.”
“We are?” I queried, the words tumbling out before I could stop them.
I slapped my hands over my mouth, eyes wide. I’d never directly questioned a beta in my life.
Much to my surprise, Taffy laughed.
“Of course, we’re friends,” she giggled. “As a matter of fact, I think we’re going to be best friends.”
“O-okay,” I replied hesitantly.
“Go on. I’ll pour the tea while you change,” she said, waving her hand at me as she reached for the teapot.
I turned, snagging a pair of pajamas and heading to the bathroom without another word. I changed quickly and tried to figure out what to say when I returned.
I couldn’t tell a beta that I wasn’t allowed to be her friend. Taffy outranked me, and I had no right to oppose her will. If she wanted me to be her friend, then I had to be.
But what kind of beta would befriend an omega? It wouldn’t help her standing in the pack, and I doubted I was great company. It didn’t make any sense.
What am I even supposed to do with a friend? I’ve never had one before.
I came back to the bedroom, taking a seat in the open chair. I clasped my hands tightly in my lap, a storm of anxiety brewing within me as I waited for whatever came next.
“Tell me what you know about mates,” Taffy asked as she handed me a warm mug.
My brows shot up in surprise. What do I know about mates? I panicked, trying to recall one of the fairytales my mother told me as a child.
“Oh…um…they’re the…” I paused, clearing my throat as it suddenly felt like I’d swallowed sand. “The…o-other half of your soul?”
“Yes,” Taffy said, blowing on her cup. “But I meant more like do you know how fated mates recognize each other?”
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. No one ever bothered to talk to me about mates. The sage had assured my father that because of my afflictions, the Goddess would never grant me a mate, ensuring that my problems weren't passed down to any pups.
But I’d overheard my sister and her friends discussing their dream mate and what would come after they found them many times.
“Oh…uh…” I blushed, hiding my face behind my teacup. “By their scent?”
“Yes,” Taffy answered, her smile growing wider. “The scent is almost always the first sign. It’ll be the most delicious thing you’ve ever smelled in your whole life. Your favorite scent in the entire world,” she continued, a dreamy, far-off look in her eyes.
My mind flashed back to the party and the aroma of freshly brewed coffee with just a hint of vanilla and masculine musk.
Is that what she means? That’s impossible though. I can’t have a mate, right?
I almost dared to ask but thought better of it. Not only would it show how naive I was, but it would also raise some curious questions about why I couldn’t possibly have scented my mate. I couldn’t allow that.
“What else?” Taffy pressed.
“Um, something about the eyes?” I shrugged.
Taffy nodded. “The mate bond cements into place the first time you look directly into the eyes of your mate. It’s like this invisible string stretching between your heart and your mate’s, tying you together for the rest of your lives.”
Her fingers brushed the crescent-shaped mark at her neck.
“Of course, the bond isn’t actually permanent until you’ve marked one another, but we don’t have to get into that tonight,” she said softly. “Did no one ever talk to you about mates?”
I shook my head.
“What about your mom?” she asked.
I stared down at the mug in my hands, that familiar pain rushing back as I thought about my mother. “Uh, no. My mom died when I was very young, and it never came up in my training.”
I glanced up, catching the flash of sorrow that flickered across her face. “I’m sorry about your mom,” she said softly. “That must’ve been very difficult.”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.
“Um, well, there isn’t much more to it than that. You might get a feeling when you touch,” Taffy added. “Sort of like an electric buzzing.”
I couldn’t help but wonder if that was similar to the feeling I’d had when Alpha Caelan touched me.
That’s ridiculous. Alpha Caelan isn’t my mate. I rubbed a hand across my face.
“Don’t worry. We have plenty of time to get you up to speed,” she said with a wink.
“Why bother?” I scoffed, snapping my mouth shut before I could say more.
What’s wrong with me? I’ve never had this much trouble minding my words before. I can’t let my guard down just because she says she wants to be friends. She’s still a beta.
“Why not?” she retorted. “Like it or not, you’re a final candidate in the choosing. You’ll have to go on dates and such. It’s expected.”
I allowed my gaze to drift back toward her.
“The alpha won’t pick me,” I admitted, unsure of why I felt the need to convince her that I’d never be Alpha Caelan’s mate. “I can’t have…a mate.”
“What? Who told you that?” she inquired with an incredulous look.
“My father and the pack sage,” I explained quietly. “I have a condition, and the Goddess would never risk it being passed down to future pups.” I brought my mug to my lips. “At least, that’s what the sage said.”
“That’s ridiculous. What condition could you possibly have that would make the Goddess punish you like that?” she demanded, her playful personality gone in an instant.
I wasn’t sure how to answer that. As a guest in their pack, they had a right to know that I wasn’t dangerous, but if I shared it, my own pack’s shame would be brought to the surface. Sunny’s chances would be destroyed, and I’d be punished.
They’re going to find out soon enough. I can’t hide my wolf forever. The longer we’re here, the more likely it’ll be that I have to shift. Then what? Will they be impressed that Sunny has a monster like me under her control?
“Shade, what is it?” Taffy asked, her voice soft and low. “Why do you believe you can’t have a mate?”
I realized I wanted to tell her. Even if she recoiled in disgust, even if she called me a monster and had me thrown out of Harvest Moon, I wanted her to know about the real me.
I knew it was risky. But part of me didn’t care. I’d never had anyone ask what I thought or how I felt. No one had ever shown any interest in me or asked to be my friend. Was I being selfish for wanting such a thing?
I focused back on my hands, taking a deep breath and wondering if I’d lost my mind completely as I glanced back at Taffy.
The Cursed Wolf
SHADE
“My mother…” I paused, gripping my mug tightly. “My mother died because of me.”
My eyes closed, tears threatening to spill over my cheeks at the admission. I let out a trembling sigh as I turned toward Taffy.
“I don’t think I’ve ever said that out loud before.”