Chapter 9
Gia
“Wait, wait, wait.” Lottie holds her hands up.
The faces of my best friends fill my computer screen, all three of them looking at me like I’m crazy.
“You’ve been staying with a literal stranger this entire week?” Addie’s dark eyebrows are practically in her hairline.
My sister has been frowning at me since I shared the news that I’ve been staying with Holt. “What do you even know about this guy?”
I shrug. “That he’s super-hot?”
“Gia!” the three of them shout in unison.
I crack up laughing. “I’m kidding! Look, I know I can make some interesting choices, but I’m not that crazy. His name is Holt Basil, he’s a widower, and he has two incredible little girls. He also has a huge dick that he actually knows how to use.”
Lottie face-palms, her brown hair falling over her shoulder.
“Look, I didn’t have a whole lot of choices.
All the hotels are booked this week for the Ice Festival, and trust me, I searched everywhere.
Holt is actually a really decent guy. I’m not just saying that to justify my actions.
He hasn’t tried to make a move on me since I’ve been here, and everyone in town has told me Holt is a safe bet. ”
Addie makes a face of understanding. “If Pine Creek Falls is anything like Sonoma, they probably know better than most who you should interact with.”
“It’s even more than that. You guys, this town is…
I don’t even know how to describe it. We only got a small glimpse of it when we were here over the summer.
I keep waiting for someone to pop the bubble of warmth and safety here, but it hasn’t happened.
They learned fucking sign language to communicate with the coffee shop owner when they could’ve just used their sister to interpret instead.
Can you imagine that? An entire town learning enough of a second language to communicate with one of their own. ”
“So going to Pine Creek Falls really was a necessity,” Ginny says.
She’s got a weird look on her face that I can’t quite read.
It’s forlorn but has a bit of acceptance too.
It must be because we’re video chatting.
I can always understand my sister’s silent communications, but the computer screen must be messing with that.
“I think it was. I’m still learning my way around town. This place feels like home, but different at the same time.”
“Then you should definitely stay for as long as you need to.” She nods, a smile back on her face.
“I want to know more about Holt.” Addie grins.
I groan. “There’s nothing more to tell.”
“Which means there’s a whole lot of things she wants to say but isn’t,” Lottie says dryly.
“You like him,” Ginny states plainly.
“I can’t like him,” I whine.
“Why not?”
“For like a million reasons, Gin.” I tick them off my fingers. “He’s a widower and still very in love with his wife. He’s a single dad. His life is here in this town. None of those things make for an easy relationship when I live across the country and don’t actually know how to have one.”
Lottie whistles. “Did y’all hear what she just said?”
“Sure did,” Addie teases.
“No way you could miss that one.”
Ginny’s amusement makes me lash out. “What are you guys talking about?”
“You said the R-word,” Lottie says with a smug grin.
“The R-word?”
Addie curls her hands around her mouth to whisper, “Relationship.”
“You guys are idiots.” The three of them crack up at my annoyance. “I’m going to hang up on you.”
“You will not,” my sister says through her laughter. “You need our help to work this out too much.”
She’s frustratingly right.
Lottie starts. “So. The issue at hand is that you like this guy. He seems to tick all of the boxes you like in a man, except for the fact that he lives in a town you’re only temporarily residing in, right?”
“And he’s a single dad. I don’t know what to do with kids. I’m not a kid person.”
“Bullshit,” Ginny says with gusto. “You just don’t like the idea of pregnancy or having kids of your own.”
I throw my hands in the air. “How is that different?”
“Because they’re his kids. You could love them and take care of them, but you will never be their mom. They already have one, she’s just not there anymore.”
Ginny’s words stop my heart. It kills me to think about those girls losing their mom at such a young age. She’s also right. I wouldn’t ever want to try to replace the mother they lost. “How do I compete with a ghost? By all accounts, Holt’s wife was a saint. I can’t live up to that standard.”
“You could,” Lottie says softly. “But you don’t have to. If you want to do this, truly dive headfirst into a relationship like this, you can’t think it’s a competition.”
Addie jumps in. “It’s more like you’re walking next to her. She’ll always be a part of their life, and you have to decide if you can love them alongside her.”
I shake my head. “This has gone way beyond the scope of the issue. I’m not dating this guy, let alone in a relationship with him.
He hasn’t even indicated that’s something he wants.
” Oh, I’m sure Holt would love to fuck me again.
I’ve seen that in his eyes, but dating is a whole other thing.
I’m not the kind of woman men look for as a girlfriend.
I’m too opinionated and have too many sharp edges to keep them around. Holt would be no different.
Lottie looks at me like I’m stupid. “Honey, he’s letting you stay in his house with his kids when he barely knows you. He wants more than a one-night stand.”
I bite my lip, debating whether to voice my worry or not.
I never let anyone see my vulnerabilities.
Not even my best friends. Ginny is the only one who has caught glimpses of my insecurities, and even that made me uncomfortable.
I learned the hard way that by letting people see your weaknesses, you open yourself up to heartbreak.
And now I don’t know how to be anything other than a hardass without feelings.
“Just tell us, Gia. You’re always here for us when we need you—let us return the favor,” Lottie says softly.
With a deep breath, I share my biggest fear. “What if I fall for him but he doesn’t love me back?”
“But what if he does love you?” Ginny throws back. “Are you willing to push him away just because you’re afraid? How do you know he’s not the man you were meant to fall in love with? If you hold yourself back, you’ll never know what could have been.”
“And if he does break your heart, we’ll send Michael out there to break his kneecaps.” Addie’s grin is terrifying, but it makes me laugh. It’s exactly what I needed to curb the overload of emotions swamping me.
She’s also right. Her fiancé absolutely would defend me if I ended up brokenhearted. Not that I’d let him do anything like that, but it’s a good reminder that I have a lot of people I can lean on if the worst were to happen.
“I hear what you’re saying, and I promise not to make any decisions out of fear. But I’m still not sure if this is something I want.”
“The only thing we care about is your happiness, G,” Lottie says. “As long as you’re doing the right thing for you, we’ll support you.”
“And you’re not running away because you’re scared of the unknown,” Ginny adds.
“Yeah, yeah. I got it. I need to finish some work because this project for Pine Creek Falls is going to be a whole lot bigger than I anticipated.”
“You’ll keep us updated?” Lottie asks.
“For sure. Love you guys.”
We end the call after saying goodbye, and I sit surrounded by silence in Holt’s living room. His house really is incredible. The exposed beams running along the vaulted ceilings give it such an elegant vibe. It’s hard to fathom that he built this whole thing on his own.
I pour another glass of wine and take it up to my bedroom. I really do have work I need to do, but I also wanted to stop talking about my feelings. It was all a little too much sharing for someone who never shares anything.
I settle into bed and pull out my iPad to work on a few drawings. I like to mock up my ideas to get a baseline for certain graphics I’m creating. Sometimes it’ll just be quick and easy designs I don’t have to think about. Others will require more intricate details that take more time to flesh out.
While I draw, I listen to my new audiobook. The narrators are amazing, and I get lost in the story more than my drawing. It seems backward, but it keeps me from being too critical of the imperfect details.
But then the male narrator suddenly growls, “Good girl,” in my ear, and my brain fritzes out. My attention turns wholly to the story as things begin to get steamy.
I’ve become a little pent up as the sexual tension has grown between me and Holt.
I haven’t felt comfortable taking things into my own hands, given that the girls are right across the hall from me and Holt is only a few doors further away.
Since he’s at his friend’s house and the girls are gone, now would be a perfect time to get a little relief.
I scoot down in my bed, listening to the narrators banter back and forth while clothes start to come off. My hand drifts down my belly, teasing the skin under my cropped T-shirt. If I’m imagining a certain cowboy’s callous-roughened hand, then that’s nobody’s business but mine.
Pressure begins to build in my core, my heartbeat pulsing in my clit, and I can’t hold back from swiping my fingers across the tight bud of nerves.
It makes me suck in a breath as pleasure crashes through my body.
I circle my fingers around my clit as the male narrator says some seriously dirty things in my ears.
It reminds me of my night with Holt, and his name slips from my lips without conscious thought.
A noise that’s not my audiobook makes my eyes fly open, and they crash with wide blue ones.