Chapter 38
Gia
Iwalk down the stairs of Holt’s house to find him and the girls having a serious conversation on the couch.
I hesitate, not wanting to intrude on their moment.
He told me to stay in bed this morning when we heard the girls moving around.
He even brought me coffee to drink while I read my book. It was amazing.
Holt must hear me despite my attempt at being quiet. He looks over his shoulder and gives me a small smile. “Hey, Rainbow. The girls and I wanted to talk to you about something.”
When I’m close, the girls move so I can sit between them, and Holt sits on the coffee table in front of us.
“So,” Holt starts. “Today is Hannah’s birthday. We like to take flowers to her grave and have a picnic if the weather is nice.”
“Mommy loved having picnics outside,” Lauren tells me.
I smile at her. “That sounds like a wonderful way to celebrate her birthday.” I turn back to Holt. “I don’t mind hanging out at home while you guys spend time with her.”
“Well, we were actually going to see if you wanted to go with us.”
“You want me to go with you to the cemetery?”
“I think Mommy would like it if we spent a family day together,” Lauren says.
My chest tightens at how easily Lauren has included me in her definition of family. I swallow back my emotions when I look at Holt. “Are you sure you want me there?”
“Only if you’re comfortable with it.”
“We could bring our book and read it to Mommy!” Leah suggests. “She would laugh so hard at your voices.”
A watery laugh falls from my chest. “I would love to come with you.”
“We were going to head out in a few minutes if you’re ready? I want to stop by the flower shop to pick out a bouquet,” Holt says.
“Sure, let me go grab our book.” I hop off the couch and run upstairs. Once I’m alone, I take a minute to get my emotions in check. They’re all over the place right now. I’m overwhelmed with love for this little family and how they’ve included me more than I ever imagined they would.
I want to be a part of everything they do, and yet I never expected to be invited. They were a unit before I came into the picture, and I was prepared to be slowly brought into the fold. Instead, I’ve been welcomed with open arms. It’s not something I’m used to experiencing except around my family.
I’m trying to take it at face value too. There are no ulterior motives behind their invitation. They didn’t ask for any other reason than because they want me there. Once I get myself back in control, I pick up the book from Leah’s nightstand.
I smile as I always do when I see the framed picture I drew for the girls. She put it right next to the photo she has of her Mom. It made me feel very honored.
When I get back downstairs, the girls have their jackets on, and Holt is grabbing a cooler from the kitchen.
We head out to the truck together and drive into town. We’re quiet, the radio on low in the background. Holt reaches over the console to hold my hand until we pull up to Garden Botanicals.
The shop is amazing. It’s designed like an old apothecary, with dried herbs hanging from the rafters and bottles of every kind of homemade oil and tincture imaginable. In the middle of the shop are buckets of gorgeous bouquets, and multiple types of potted plants are scattered around the room.
“Hey, Basil fam. Can I help you find anything?” Willa asks from behind the counter.
She’s a gorgeous brunette who can’t be any older than twenty-five.
She has this ethereal type of beauty that sort of floats around her.
Her nature is oddly calming too, which filters into her store.
It makes me want to come in here all the time.
Holt waves. “Hey, Willa. I think we’re good today.”
“Can we get this one?” Leah asks, pointing to a large spray of wildflowers.
“Yeah, that one’s perfect,” Lauren adds.
“Then we’d better get it.” Holt grabs the bouquet and takes it up to the counter to pay.
We’re back in the truck a few minutes later and headed to the cemetery. Nerves start to dance in my belly. I feel like I’m actually about to meet her, and I want to make a good impression. It’s crazy, but after all the things the girls and Holt have said about Hannah, it’s as if she’s still alive.
Holt parks and grabs the cooler from the trunk. Lauren carries a blanket while Leah handles the flowers. A lump sits in my throat at their well-practiced routine. This whole scene breaks my heart as they get settled over Hannah’s grave.
Leah is the first to say something. “Happy birthday, Mommy. I hope you get to eat lots of cake and open presents all day.”
Lauren goes next, her words making us all tear up. “I miss you tons, Mommy. I wish you were still here, but I know you’re always watching over us. Happy birthday.”
I rub her back, offering what little comfort I can.
Holt places his hand on the headstone. “Happy birthday, Han. You’d hate all this fuss we’re making, but we brought chocolate cake to make up for it.”
“It was Mommy’s favorite,” Leah tells me.
“And it’s my favorite too,” Lauren says.
“Shall we sing?” Holt asks.
The girls nod their heads, so Holt grabs a square cake pan from the cooler. He takes the lid off, revealing a homemade chocolate cake. “Dad has made this for Hannah every year since we got married.”
I help pass out the slices Holt puts onto paper plates, and then he puts a candle in each piece.
We sing “Happy Birthday,” and the girls grin when they get to blow out their candles.
Then Holt tells the girls stories about things Hannah did when they were little.
Lauren doesn’t have very many memories of her mom, and Leah doesn’t have any.
The things they know are things Holt or their grandparents have told them.
It’s telling to me that they know so much about their mom despite being so young when she died. Holt has worked so hard to keep Hannah’s memory alive, and I hope that I can help him in the future.
We eat and laugh the whole afternoon. I read another chapter in our book, making sure to put on a great show. We talk about the end of the school year and everything else under the sun.
Leah has been keeping her distance from her bully, and Farrah has gone above and beyond to help ensure that the students are safe.
Luckily, the other kindergarten teachers have been keeping an eye on Mason.
Farrah told us they’ve indicated he’s become a problem for their students too.
Principal Grant still hasn’t done anything about the boy, but after our meeting, I don’t expect her to.
Hearing Holt threaten her the way he did was seriously hot. I don’t want anything to happen to Leah, but it would be awesome to see him go scorched-earth on the principal.
Once we’ve finished our lunch, we pack up our picnic and get ready to leave. As Holt and the girls head to the truck, I tell them, “I’ll be right behind you.”
I lay my hand on top of Hannah’s headstone.
It reads, Loving wife, mother, and daughter.
Gratitude fills me for this incredible woman I never got to meet.
“I hate that you aren’t here to see your girls turn into the wonderful little people they are.
I wish they could grow up with you in their lives instead of me, but I promise they will never question how much they are loved.
I will protect them with everything I have in every season of their lives and will always be listening for your guidance. I hope I can make you proud.”
With a final, silent thank you to the woman who made this family who they are, I head back to the truck. Holt’s waiting by the passenger side. “Everything okay?”
I nod. “Thank you for including me today. It meant more than I could ever say.”
“Thank you for being here. You have no idea how relieving it is to talk about Hannah without worrying you’ll be annoyed or something.”
“She played a huge role in your life for a very long time. Not to mention, the girls wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for her. I’d be a horrible person if I never wanted to talk about her.”
“You don’t feel threatened or anything like that?”
“Threatened? Of course not. We’re all capable of loving each other in many ways. A part of you will always love Hannah, but that doesn’t diminish your feelings for me. I think knowing how much you love her has made me love you more.”
Holt’s smile turns cocky. “You love me, huh?”
“I do. Is that a problem?”
He grips my chin with his thumb and pointer finger. “Nope. Because I love you too.”
I breathe out a laugh. “Thank god.” I press up onto my toes to kiss him. It’s soft—reverent—instead of frantic. The lust is there as it always is when I kiss this man, but neither of us pushes it past the gentle presses of our lips.
“Come on, Rainbow. We’d better get these monkeys home before they turn savage.”