Chapter 23
“Whoa,”Sutton remarked.
“Whoa, what?” I asked.
“Whoa, your house…sorry, I said that out loud, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, but I get it. Let’s not make it a thing though. Deal?” I asked with a smile.
She grinned. “Deal. So tonight, seven-thirty at Spurs. Bring your honkey-tonk.”
“Consider it brought.” I smiled. “Thanks for the ride.”
“Anytime.”
I climbed out of her car and headed up to the front porch. I punched in the code to the door and unlocked it. While my hand was on the knob, I turned and waved to Sutton. She waved back and then pulled out of the driveway.
Charlie’s shoes were in the foyer. “Charlie?” I called out.
She appeared like an apparition. “Where have you been, young lady?”
“Sorry, Mom. I went to the drive-in with Scooter and lost track of time.”
“Hmm. I see no hickeys on your neck. I’m disappointed. I thought you were having a romantic night with Bones.”
“Change of plans,” I said as I headed for the stairs. “We can talk, but I have to shower. I’m running late as it is.”
“I ate the left-over filet,” she said as she followed me up the stairs.
“You had steak for breakfast?” I asked in amusement.
“Absolutely. I left the sweet potato puree though. Why do chefs always puree vegetables? Is it to make them more palatable?”
“Not for you, apparently. By the way,” I said as I walked into my bedroom. “Savage said he asked you to hang out last night but you told him you were spending the evening with me. And I didn’t know I was supposed to be your alibi, so when he saw me at the clubhouse last night, he put two and two together and knows you lied to him. So that might be a mess.”
I stripped out of my jeans and sweater, tossing them on the bed before I went into the bathroom.
“So, are you going to tell me what you were really doing last night?” I asked.
“Only if you tell me why you weren’t doing what I thought you’d be doing last night.” She followed me into the bathroom and sat down on the closed toilet seat and waited.
I turned on the shower and let it steam for a moment. “Bones came over for the fork lesson and we were going to have a sleepover.”
“You’ve already had a sleepover.”
“A naked sleepover,” I clarified.
“Ah.” She smiled. “So, how did it go?”
I tested the water with my hand and once I was satisfied, I quickly stripped out of my tank and thong before hopping in. Charlie and I had known each other since we were infants and neither one of us was modest around the other.
“There was no naked sleepover,” I replied.
“What happened?” Charlie asked.
I told her what had occurred at dinner and how we’d wound up at the clubhouse.
“Oh, wow,” she said.
“Oh, wow? That’s all you’ve got to say to me.” I closed my eyes as I rinsed my hair of shampoo and then I added conditioner.
“What do you want me to say?”
“Is he right? Am I right?”
“Both of those things can be true,” she said. “You can be wary about getting involved with a biker, and he can be treading softly about what he’s involved in so as not to scare you off.”
I rinsed one final time and then turned off the water. I reached for a fluffy white towel and wrapped it around me.
“If you were seriously dating Savage, would it bother you not knowing what he’s involved in? And when you ask, he’d just say ‘it’s club business’.”
“But I’m not seriously dating Savage.”
“But if you were,” I pushed.
“What does it matter what I think?” Charlie said. “You clearly don’t like that Bones won’t tell you stuff. What I think doesn’t matter.”
I wrung out my hair. “I’m at a crossroads. I know I am. I’ve never felt this way before. I want him. And every time I try to step back and take space, he shows up, reminding me that my life has been lackluster…empty. I don’t want empty, Charlie. I want something real.”
“You do?” she asked quietly.
I nodded. “I really do. I’ve made the right choice so many times and where has it gotten me? Nowhere. I kind of…want to make the wrong choice and see how that goes.”
“I think that’s incredible,” she said. “I think you’ve been hiding from life for far too long, so I support this one hundred percent.”
“How do I let him in, Charlie?” I stepped out of the tub onto a white bathmat. I curled my toes into the plush surface as I stared at her.
“I don’t know how to answer that,” she said quietly. “I think the fact that you want to says it all. Even with your head telling you it’s a bad idea. What’s your gut telling you?”
“That he means what he says and that I can take him at his word. That this isn’t about the chase for him.”
“That’s hard to find. Background be damned.”
I moved over to the sink and began to comb out my hair. “Now, tell me why you lied to Savage and told him you were hanging out with me last night.”
“Because I didn’t want to see him.”
“Why didn’t you want to see him?” I asked.
She looked at me.
I looked at her.
“Charlie, no.”
“Yes.”
“You caught feelings for him?”
She sighed. “Yeah. And I don’t even know how that happened.”
“You sure it’s not just really great sex? I hear that clouds the mind.”
“It wasn’t just the really great sex. I know what it is. God, I’m such an idiot.”
“What is it?” I asked. I slathered on my face lotion and then walked out of the bathroom to get dressed.
“It’s the fact that he’s completely unavailable. Like, completely unavailable. And I thought…”
“You thought you were the exception, not the rule.”
She followed me into the bedroom and flopped down onto my bed.
“Are you sure he doesn’t feel the same way about you?” I asked.
“Like I’d even admit it to him so I can find out if he feels the same. So he can call me Cling-on Barbie or something? No thanks.”
“Maybe he has feelings for you, too,” I said gently.
“He doesn’t,” she insisted. “I know he doesn’t.”
“How do you know?”
“The same way I knew Eden Swinton was hooking up with the married varsity coach when we were seniors. I just knew.” She rubbed her forehead. “So instead of hanging out with him and falling even more for the wounded bird I want to fix, I lied and said I was hanging out with you.”
“I don’t get you,” I said from the confines of my walk-in closet.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you’re fully in support of me opening up to Bones. To letting him in. But you won’t do the same thing with Savage?”
“There’s one major difference between Bones and Savage.”
“Which is?”
“Savage isn’t capable of falling in love. Bones is.”
“You thought you yourself were incapable of falling in love,” I pointed out. “And now you’re clearly going down that road.”
“I never said I was incapable. I just purposely avoid it. There’s a difference. I know I can fall in love. I just didn’t expect it to actually happen. Not like this. Damn it.”
I quickly pulled on a pair of jeans and grabbed one of my favorite sweaters.
“So, girls’ wallowing night tonight?” she asked.
“Ah, I have plans.”
“Cancel on Bones. Chicks before dicks. Hoes before bros.”
“It’s not with Bones,” I admitted. “I was invited to Sutton’s bachelorette party.”
“The Old Lady who’s getting married?”
“Yes.”
“Well, isn’t that an interesting turn of events. The Old Ladies inviting you to the bachelorette party is them bringing you into the fold.”
I took a deep breath. “I’m going to be late.”
Charlie nodded. “Yeah. Okay. I wouldn’t want to talk about it either. Not if my whole life was about to change and I wasn’t ready for it.”
“Are you ever ready for something like that?” I asked quietly. “My entire life changed three years ago and it’s never felt…you can’t go back. No matter how much you want to. I’d give anything to go back to before. But I can’t. And living in the past, wishing reality was different…I’ve wasted enough time wishing for something that can never be.”
“You’re going to tell him. Aren’t you?”
I nodded slowly. “I think so, yeah. I have to. If I want…”
“If you want…”
“Him,” I finished. “If I want him.”