Chapter 15 #2
Looking at the shadows of the two people who still haunted me, I heard sounds from the front room.
I reached my hand under the bed and grabbed the baseball bat I kept there before pulling myself upright and creeping out of the bedroom.
It sounded like someone was using a key to let themselves into my apartment.
I took a step to the side, hiding in the shadows as I watched the door.
I didn’t think a burglar would use a key, so I was starting to suspect that the other Williams sibling had helped themselves to a copy when my new door was installed.
As the deadbolt turned, I lifted the bat up in case I was wrong, or if the still-latched chain didn’t stop the door.
The knob turned, and the door was pushed open with such force that I was momentarily afraid the chain would snap.
Under the light in the hallway, Bash’s large form became clear.
I kept the bat up, my heart racing as the alarm switched to anger.
I took a breath to steady my voice and stepped into view.
“Can I help you?” I asked, an eerie calm overtaking me.
“Fee, baby. It’s just me. Can you put the bat down and let me in?” He sounded relieved, and I could tell he was anxious to get to me.
“I know it’s you. I didn’t invite you over, and I didn’t give you those keys, so I’ll ask again. Can I help you?” I didn’t make a move to open the door or disengage the chain.
“Fiona, I know you’re upset, but we need to talk about this. You can’t just lock me out.” I eyed the chain barring his entry.
“Actually, I can. I don’t know what there is to talk about. Seems like you could just ask Keys if you needed to know something. Would have saved you the trip over.” I kept the bat up, looking for a reason to use it at that point.
“Fee. let me in. I’m not having this conversation through a crack in the door.”
“Poor planning on your part. You had the door installed and made a copy of the keys. Seems like you could have figured out a way to avoid this situation.” I waved the bat, indicating the chain still barring his entry.
“Fiona. I’m not going to say it again. Open this door so we can talk.”
“If I throw a stick, will you leave?” I replied casually, trying to keep my tone even.
My breakdown was imminent, and I needed him gone. He sighed and dropped his head before stepping back into the hallway as if ready to leave. I dropped the bat to the floor, confused that he would give up so easily. Before the door could fully close behind him, a loud bang rang out.
I watched in shock as Bash kicked my door in, causing it to swing forward, breaking through the flimsy chain and nearly ripping the entire door off the hinges in the process. He stepped into the apartment, forcing the damaged door back into the place before quickly closing the distance between us.
“I’ll get you a new door, but none of this shutting me out shit. We talk, we work it out, we do it together. Now, I’m sure you’ve been chewing on some shit you want to say, so take the floor, darlin’.”
“You had no right!” I sputtered, my heart racing as adrenaline ran through me.
“No right to do what? Use your words, sweetheart,” he said, annoying me with his calm demeanor.
“All of it! The keys, kicking down the door, the background check. You could have asked me!”
“Could I have?” he asked, lifting an eyebrow. Rage ran through me as I blurted out an answer.
“Yes! If there’s something you want to know about me, ask me!
Don’t have one of your club Brothers put together a list of shit for you and Charlie to play Mad Libs with!
There are things in there you never needed to know.
Just like there are things that aren’t in there that absolutely should be.
You would know that if you had just ASKED me instead!
” I was yelling, my chest heaving as my arms waved around aggressively.
“Without that file, if Charlie hadn’t asked Keys to look into them, would you be able to tell me where your parents are now? Right this moment?” Bash asked, leaning against the back of the couch, calm as ever.
“What? What does that have to do with anything?” I asked, annoyed by the diversion.
“Because that’s why we have the file. That’s the question we needed answers to. That’s the question we couldn’t ask you because you did the right thing years ago by cutting them out and leaving them in the dust.
“You got rid of that poison, created a life free of it, but boundaries and knowledge are different things. You want to keep them away. That means preparing for them to come back—the one thing you absolutely avoid thinking about.” I preened at the praise before switching back to a scowl, annoyed that he was right.
I hated thinking about my parents. Fear, cold and clammy, swam through me at the mere idea of them. There was a degree of peace, knowing they had never left that doublewide. It appeared they were stuck, the chase for their next high never taking them more than a mile from their orbit.
Suspended in the hell they built for themselves, they had devolved into pathetic creatures.
Nothing more than dogs chasing their tails.
I felt like I was losing ground, that Bash was deflecting and ignoring how he had invaded my privacy.
I hated that he wasn’t reacting, that he was acting so reasonable.
I ran back to the bedroom, grabbing the file before dropping it on the coffee table unceremoniously. Digging through the piles, I grabbed the photo of my mother that I had been studying so extensively before he broke down my door.
“What about this?” I asked, holding the photo up next to my face, so he could see the resemblance that remained despite her physical decline. Bash leaned forward, as if studying the photo seriously. He made a tsking sound before leaning back.
“That’s over a year old. She’s already out. Wish they had gotten her on more charges so she stayed locked away for the rest of her life,” he said, his tone filled with venom.
I couldn’t help but to look at him, confused, no response quickly coming to mind. He finally stepped away from the couch and approached me slowly. He got within arm’s distance and gently pulled me toward him. Making sure I was looking at him, he finally spoke.
“What is it you expected me to say? Be honest, Fiona. There has to be honesty between us. You have to tell me what it is you’re afraid of.”
Bash
When Charlie finally stepped through the front door, tears streaming down her face, I quickly pulled her shaking form into my arms as she began to sob.
“I think she—hates me. Us. I’m so—sorry, Bash. I should never—have asked Keys or—you to do this,” she said between hiccups.
“I betrayed her. I’ve never seen her look like that. What have we done?” Charlie wailed, and a chill ran down my spine.
“Give me your keys,” I said to her, and she passed them over without much thought. Taking her back out to her car, I got Charlie settled in the passenger seat before adjusting the driver’s side enough for me to fit.
“What are you doing?” she asked as tears continued leaking out of her eyes.
“Taking you to Mom. Let her calm you down while I go talk sense into Fiona.”
“Bash, give her some time. She was really upset.” I shot Charlie a look, and she wisely stopped talking. We reached the house, and I passed Charlie off to Mom, who looked greatly concerned.
“Everyone’s okay, but I need to go talk to Fiona. Can you keep an eye on Charlie?” Ma nodded, and I jogged back to the car, needing to get to Fiona before she twisted everything up in that beautiful head of hers.
Speeding, I tried calling her, but all my calls went straight to voicemail. I wasn’t sure if she had turned her phone off or was just not answering me. It didn’t matter. I would get to her apartment in the next twenty minutes anyway.
I didn’t imagine it was going to be easy. Knowing Fee, she would be fully in avoidant mode, but I wasn’t allowing that. She would realize soon enough that what we had was bigger, that there was no ignoring the situation. We were in it together now. It was too late for her to pull away.
Using the keys I had to her place, I swiftly made my way up to her apartment, making quick work of the dead bolt when the chain of the door stopped my entrance.
I sighed, not wanting to cause a scene, but was unsure how to contact Fee without scaring her.
I didn’t have to think too long about that when she stepped into the light, a baseball bat in her arms and fire in her eyes.
Kicking in Fiona’s door wasn’t exactly how I saw our weekend starting, but I wasn’t letting anything come between us. It wasn’t the piece of wood that I was worried about; it was the emotional walls my girl was busy trying to put into place to distance herself.
When I saw her through the crack, my alarm only grew. Even though she was looking and talking to me, it felt like she wasn’t actually seeing me, but through me. I felt her trying to pull away, lashing out so she could lick her wounds in peace.
What she clearly didn’t realize was that it was far too late for her to pull away from me, from us. She had let me in, had shown me what it could be like to live in her light, and I wasn’t letting her take that away.
Full of anger and fear, kicking the door in only provided a moment of relief. I wanted to shake her, to yell at her for trying to put something up between us. But once I got inside, the look in her eyes stopped me cold.
She looked shattered. That was the only word for it. Hurt and angry weren’t enough. It was as if something inside her had snapped. She looked lost and alone, which was the exact opposite of what I was trying to do for her.