Chapter 17 #3
Priorities became glaringly clear in the aftermath of making a poor decision. When it came to the club, to the garage, and even to my family, I found strength and comfort in making sure everyone was on the right path. Making tough choices was the area in which I was most confident.
What I hadn’t realized, though, was that my mentality was of a person used to working with a group, a boss, or team leader. Where the opposition quieted down with the knowledge that my directives were in the best interest of the whole. Fiona was right to call me out on acting like her VP.
I didn’t want to have dominion over Fee. I wanted to support her, watch her flourish as she received everything she never thought she could have. I wanted to be her safe haven. She could go out and spread her wings, knowing I would always be waiting to make sure she landed safely.
Thinking about that night brought a variety of feelings out of me.
I hated my actions and berated myself over my stupidity.
Getting Fiona’s door fixed only helped me feel slightly better.
The strongest emotion, though, was fear of losing out on something monumental before it had even gotten started.
That was what solidified everything for me. Whether I had realized it or not, showing her my house was the first step, and putting her on the back of my bike was the second. Fiona was it for me; she was my future.
Racing to her that night, the idea that I might have fucked that up, lost her trust to an irreparable degree, ate at me. When I first got to her apartment, I was determined to push my way through to make her understand that what I did wasn’t so bad because it was done to protect her.
Instead, when I finally got to her, I realized just how much I had hurt her instead. That was what broke me, how much pain I had unleashed with that file. It made me realize I had to dig deep, reach down, and share parts of myself I had locked away from everyone, if I was asking her to do the same.
I still cringed at the reminder that I didn’t ask her; I took that option away from her.
I didn’t remember all that I’d said that night, just a desperate desire to explain how much she meant to me, how poorly I handled the situation, and how I had allowed the need to prove I could take care of her to override common decency.
What I didn’t expect was for that night to end up the way it had.
Trying to explain what it felt like every time I touched Fiona was impossible.
If I thought I was attached or possessive before, it was nothing like what she had unleashed when she gave herself over to me.
I could have died a happy man after that night, and every time since felt better than the last.
At that point, I didn’t think I would ever get used to the effect Fiona has on me.
Touching her, tasting her, being inside her.
I never wanted it to end, and was always ready to go again.
Whenever sanity broke through, and I started to question if I was pushing Fee too hard, asking too much of her, she looked back at me with equal fervor.
She trusted me to make her feel good and show her all the different ways to accomplish that. I was insatiable, sometimes taking her multiple times a night. I would find myself waking up out of a dead sleep in the middle of the night, an inexplicable feeling of panic running through me.
Fee, always at my side now, wouldn’t notice as she was lost in a deep sleep. Sometimes, I would stay up and just look at her, trying to memorize every detail, down to each and every freckle. Other times, I needed to remind myself that she was there and mine.
She never complained when I woke her up, joining our bodies so we were one. The high from that night lasted a couple of days, taking us through the weekend until Fiona decided it was time to talk with me and Charlie.
Every time I thought about that conversation, it felt like a bucket of cold water was dumped over my head.
Hearing Fee tell us about her childhood in her self-deprecating but cold tone was its own sort of hell.
I was ashamed, and hated myself for pushing her to that moment, for forcing ourselves into her business.
With every bit she told us, every question she answered, my rage burned even deeper—at myself, but mostly at her parents and neighbors.
It made me want to tear the whole town down, knowing that not a single person had tried to help those kids.
They all stood idly by, watching my girl get beat, ridiculed, starved, and who knew what else.
Some days, it took more energy than I wanted to admit, keeping myself from riding over there and ending those fuckers.
It made trying to work peacefully with Atlas on our latest project much more difficult. Knowing what I did now about their parents and Fiona’s childhood, I could barely stand the sound of his voice. Every interaction with him was a reminder of something awful Fee had to put up with.
The only reason I didn’t jump down his throat was the reminder that he had spent his childhood protecting Fiona, that he did as much as he could for someone his age with no resources or help. It wasn’t enough, but it was something.
It didn’t help matters that he was clearly trying to get intel on Fiona during each call or meeting.
I tried to keep my shit locked down tight, knowing the biggest form of punishment was denying him the information he so desperately was looking for.
But it didn’t make the desire to beat the shit out of him any less urgent.
The group working on the new safe house was supposed to come through in a few weeks to finalize the building blueprints. After everyone had gotten off the phone, my cell rang. Recognizing Atlas’s number, I hesitated before answering.
“Atlas,” I said on a grunt.
“When we come through in a few weeks, is my sister gonna be at the clubhouse? Does she have a room there?”
“Why the fuck would she have a room here?” I asked.
“Thought the girls got housing,” he replied, and fury lanced through me. I remembered his assumption that Fee was a club girl when he first saw her, but I didn’t realize he actually believed it.
“Listen, fucker. Fiona is my girlfriend. I met her through my sister. Her only association with the club is through my family. There’s a lot more I want to fucking say about your idea that she’s a club girl, but you don’t deserve to know a fucking thing about her.
I’m warning you, though, you treat Fee with anything other than the respect every Old Lady deserves, and we’re gonna have problems. I don’t care how much work you’ve done on the Seph’s Trail.
I’ll make sure you never leave South Carolina again. Now fuck off.”
After that, Atlas didn’t try to ask me any further questions. I made sure to give Fee a heads up that he would be in town soon, but she shrugged me off with a cryptic comment.
“Jackson is gonna do what he wants to do. There’s no stopping him when he thinks he’s on a mission. Let him come try to save me. It might be time we talked anyway.”
I didn’t like the sound of that, and didn’t want Atlas anywhere near Fiona, period.
I knew Fee was capable of taking care of herself, but she didn’t need any more strife, didn’t need Atlas’s venom spewed at her.
I didn’t trust him not to hurt her, not with the opinions he had revealed so far.
With that said, I had already learned my lesson, and had to trust Fee’s judgment.
As much as I wanted to interfere, I knew Fiona could handle herself.
The best thing I could do was hope that she would let me know if she needed my help.
On a positive note, Fiona convinced me to tell my family about my property.
Finally sharing that with my family and friends was another weight lifted I hadn’t realized I was carrying.
The Brothers all offered to help, and the guys at the garage were more than okay with the idea of me taking on the custom jobs since the business was already overbooked.
One morning a few weeks before, Fiona and I had been asleep at the farmhouse. Around 5 a.m., my phone went off. I remembered grabbing it and heading out of the bedroom so as not to wake a sleeping Fee. Seeing it was my dad, I answered as soon as I was far enough away from the bedroom.
“Dad. You okay?” I asked, instantly on alert.
“Why do you always answer like that? Do I got to be dying for you to pick up your phone?” he barked back, and I sighed, making my way toward the kitchen.
“Alright, you have my attention. What’s up, old man?” I asked as I started the coffee machine.
“I’m on my way over to see that property of yours.
I’ll be there in ten minutes, so get decent and make me a cup of coffee.
” He hung up, and I looked at my phone, confused.
Leaving the coffee to brew, I put a tee and pants on before grabbing my boots.
Just as I finished pouring the coffee into two mugs, I heard Dad’s bike.
Cringing, I turned my head upstairs, as if I could somehow hear Fiona waking up. I had worn her out the night before, and was feeling a bit guilty about how greedy I was. Trying to walk quietly, I slipped out the front door to stand on my porch, watching as my dad climbed off his bike.
Rather than walk over to me, he took a minute to look around, eyes taking in the entire property. I walked down to him and waited quietly, knowing my dad was in one of those moods. Guard was typically laid-back and easy-going. He was always the one to crack a joke to break up a somber moment.
It was rare that he spoke to us seriously, but every once in a while, we knew he had something on his mind that he had to get out.
I was curious to see what he’d been stewing on.
I made my way over to him, silently passing him a mug of coffee as we started to walk around the property as I pointed things out, explaining my vision.
“I’m going to convert the barns into garages for my custom work.
The larger one is for cars and trucks. The smaller one is for bikes.
Already got most of the rooms in the main house set up, walls and floors stripped.
Maybe I’ll get some animals once construction is done and I get the fence line fixed.
..” I muttered. Stopping near the creek, the rest of the property was laid out behind us. Dad turned to me.
“There a reason you didn’t tell us? Not once did you mention it, not about wanting it or even when you officially purchased it,” he said. I sighed, having known the question was coming.
“Not a good reason, sorry to say. There was something about this place. I just needed to keep it to myself for a little. Figure out if this was a wild goose chase or something real for me. Then, the longer I went without telling you guys, the harder it got.”
“What changed your mind?” he asked.
“Fiona. She made me realize it was okay to have something, do something just for me. That you guys wouldn’t be upset or, I don’t know, think I was selfish or trying to get away from the family.”
“Smart girl. Notice you got her riding on the back of your bike,” he said with no follow-up question, which had me feeling tense.
“Yes. What about it?” I gritted out
“Are you ready for what that means? I’m assuming she doesn’t understand the significance.”
“Yeah, I’m ready. And she doesn’t understand, but she will soon. Gotta make sure I’m good enough, that she knows how important she is, and what it means to make her my Old Lady.”
Dad studied me, his face serious.
“Well, damnit, you just stole my lecture about doing right by that girl. Was sure I was gonna have to smack some sense into you.” Grinning, he shook his head.
“You’re definitely my son, though. I recognize that look in your eyes, and seeing this place now, I get why you told Fiona before us. Wanted to get the wife’s opinion first. Smart man. Make sure you learn now. That little woman is your new boss.”
I barked out a laugh, but couldn’t deny any of his words.
Whether I realized it or not, I had been frozen at the prospect of moving forward on the property once the purchase went through.
It wasn’t until I took Fee there, showed her around, and heard her ideas that I finally had a vision.
Now, the house was being customized to all Fiona’s preferences.
The walk back around the land was more relaxed, Guard’s questions and warnings now entertained. He gave his two cents about what to add and what to get rid of, and soon, we were rounding the front of the main house again.
“I was thinking of giving Charlie my house on the compound,” I told him, gauging his reaction.
“You know she’s been itching to get out of the house.
My old place is on MC grounds. The guard booth and clubhouse are both close.
She would be safe there and have some room to get out from under you and Ma. ”
“Not a bad idea. Let me give your mom a heads up, then go ahead and ask her. She told us about wanting to go to law school the other night,” he said, eyeing me.
“Yeah, I’m excited for her. I think this is a great opportunity. I know I wouldn’t want to go up against her in court,” I said, proud of my sister for pursuing her dream.
“That’s for sure. That girl is meaner than a gremlin after midnight.” I laughed at the accurate description.
“Proud of you. Both of you. Thank you for helping your sister, and congratulations on the place. When are you and Fiona moving in?” he asked, side-eyeing me with that last bit.
“Give me some time, old man. I’m working on it.”
“That’s my boy,” he said with a contagious smile.
The place was finally starting to feel like home. All it was missing was a delightful but infuriating accountant who was terrified of commitment. She may have been the one good with numbers, but I was working to make sure the odds were in my favor.