Chapter 26 #3
She was right; I was making excuses. I could have done so much more to find her, but the ugly truth was that it was easier not to.
I was completely to blame for losing contact, and that made it even harder to reach out later.
I felt so much shame when I left the Army, realizing four years had gone by, and not once had I spoken to my sister in person.
I didn’t know anything about her life at that point, where she lived even.
It kept me up at night, how I convinced myself so deeply of something that didn’t exist.
How close I was to reconnecting with my sister again, what our lives would be like if I had just found her and spoken to her directly all those years earlier.
Instead, I assumed the worst and ran off, drowning in my own self-loathing.
It was hard to look in the mirror, knowing that I had failed the only person who needed me.
That shame clung to me like a second skin. I was unable to wash it off. Each new day passed, knowing my sister was so close, but never further away. Every memory, every decision I had made up until that point in my life, I was now questioning.
I finally caved and had Pen run a full background on my sister.
She had graduated high school and college with honors, was a respected accountant with perfect credit, and a blank criminal history.
Not even a parking ticket. I couldn’t have been more wrong on every level.
I had an entire story in my head about her that never existed.
Remembering how I showed up at the PA clubhouse, cocky in my belief that she was a club girl, made me sick to my stomach.
The response on the Brothers’ faces when I’d said it made me feel like a fucking fool.
They knew her more than me, without a doubt.
And if there were any sort of emergency, there was no question in my mind she would run to any one of those guys before thinking of me. Rightly so.
Over the years, I hadn’t had a ton of interaction with the other charters.
We met up at least once a year, but Reaper and Seph usually came by each of the charters every couple of months.
Most of my interaction with their club came during those meetings.
I had heard things about the different Brothers, just like I assumed the other charters talked about us.
Stepping out of the shower, I quickly dried off and got dressed.
Desperate for some coffee and Advil, I made my way out of my room.
Evidence of the previous night’s party covered every corner.
Candy, streamers, and costume accessories littered every surface.
Rather than smiling at the reminder of a good party, my heart sank lower, remembering Halloween as a child with Fiona.
I always did my best to make it fun for her, to try and hide how important that day was for us.
Halloween and Thanksgiving were the only times we had a steady source of food.
A room like that would have been a treasure trove for us as kids.
I took all of that for granted. I was beginning to hate myself.
The past few years, I felt powerful, part of something.
Suddenly, I felt like a fraud and a disappointment.
I would trade it all, any good thing that had happened in the last decade, to fix what I broke between Fiona and me.
To have a life where I had a sister I could talk to, a best friend who understood me in a way that no one else ever could.
Any chance of that was most likely ruined.
In the kitchen a couple of club girls were cooking for the few Brothers awake.
It was almost three in the afternoon, but the party went all night so I was sure there were plenty of guys still asleep.
The deep voices of some of the Brothers drifted from the offices down the hall from the kitchen.
Ignoring whatever shit they were talking about, I grabbed a cup of coffee and a plate of eggs and bacon.
While I was scarfing down my food, a door slammed down the hallway. Dagger and Wesson rushed past the kitchen toward the large office where Pen worked and had all of the security gear. Frowning, I wondered what was going on, but once again, couldn’t find it in me to really care.
After refilling my cup, I hovered at the corner of the kitchen, I felt disconnected.
My Brothers ate and chatted with each other, club girls on their laps or hanging over their shoulders.
It wasn’t what I wanted anymore. I felt like I was living in a frat house.
I wanted my own place, a woman I knew none of my Brothers had been with.
I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted anymore, and maybe some space and time alone would help that.
No more burying my feelings in alcohol and women, ignoring emotions by channeling them into parties, missions and maps.
I loved the club, but I didn’t need to live in the clubhouse to be a part of the Reaper’s Guard.
Tired and too hungover for all those thoughts running through my head, I looked toward the stairs, considering getting my keys to go for a ride. That was when I saw Dagger stepping out of the security suite, phone to his ear.
“Reaper, I filled a few of my guys in. Pen is syncing up with Keys now. If there’s anything at all you need us to do, let me know.” I didn’t have the best relationship with Reaper, who was very protective of Fiona, and took everything I did or said about her as a personal insult.
The idea that my sister needed protection from me was not how I imagined our future.
It seemed like, no matter what, nothing could distract me from my past or my need for change.
Part of me wanted to offer to help, but I didn’t think they would accept.
It hurt, and made me feel like everything I had tried to do the past few years was for nothing.
Throwing my dish and cup into the sink, I stepped outside for a cigarette, leaning against the side of the clubhouse, where no one would try to talk to me.
I inhaled deeply, letting the nicotine rush through my system, craving any feeling besides this depression taking over me.
A couple of bikes pulled in, and I was surprised to see the serious expressions on my Brothers’ faces as they stalked into the clubhouse.
Grimm and Havoc hurried past me, talking in low voices.
“Do you know what’s going on? I just heard it was an emergency at HQ and they pulled Pen from our project to help Keys out.”
“I think Bash’s Old Lady was kidnapped or is missing. I know the whole club is pretty protective of her.”
I froze. Are they talking about Fiona? Even though everyone told me to leave her alone, I was still trying to keep tabs on her.
I wanted to make sure she was okay, even if I had to do that from the shadows.
As far as I knew, she and Bash were still dating.
I hadn’t seen or heard about a cut or her becoming his Old Lady.
Then again, I would have been the last one they told.
I tossed the cigarette to the ground and stomped on it before heading back into the clubhouse.
Going straight for the security room, I didn’t bother knocking before letting myself in.
Dagger, Wesson, Grimm, and Havoc were all hovering around Pen and his wall of computer monitors.
Each screen showed different angles of the PA clubhouse, but I stopped short at the images of Crow carrying an unconscious woman through the house.
The girl was blonde. Whoever she was, at least it wasn’t Fiona.
“Atlas. Hey, man. I’m not sure Reaper would want you here for this. Not trying to start shit, but maybe you should go for a ride?” Wesson said, and I reared back.
“You kicking me out? The fuck is this? I’m here, I’m not doing anything, and I am happy to help. If you guys don’t trust me anymore, what am I even doing here?” I snapped.
A snort rang out as Keys’ voice drifted through the computer speakers.
“Sounds like Atlas. As soon as his sister’s in trouble, he’s out the door. Good riddance. Can we get back to work now?”
“What about Fiona?” I said, stepping closer to the computer as Pen pulled up the video chat where Keys was visible.
“Crow kidnapped her. We can’t find either of them. Now that you’re filled in, let the men get to work, bring our girl home.” There was a ringing in my ear, and I took a step back, my eyes darting around the room.
Looking back to the computer scenes, I zeroed in on a screen shot of Crow and the blonde chick, her head tilted back, revealing Fiona. My fists clenched, and I looked for something to punch.
“C’mon. Let’s go outside and have a cigarette. Get some air,” Grimm said, always the calmest of the group. Instead, I pushed past him until I was visible on the screen, looking at Keys.
“Get Bash now.”
“You ain’t in any position to make demands right now. We have bigger issues at hand. Like saving your sister’s life. Dagger….” Keys warned, but I slammed my hands down on the desk, everyone turned to look at me.
“I know how to find my sister. I need to talk to Bash right the fuck now. I’m not joking,” I said, and Keys froze.
“I’ll have him call you,” he replied, before disconnecting the call.
“FUCK!” I yelled, ripping at my hair as I pushed away from the desk.
How did this happen? Why Fiona? She had suffered enough. If they weren’t going to let me help, then I’d go and get her myself. As I tried to calculate how long it would take me to get there, I realized I needed to get to my laptop ASAP.
Running out of the room, I sprinted upstairs. Slamming the door open, I quickly grabbed my laptop bag and ran back downstairs. I didn’t care what anyone said. I was going to help find my sister, and they couldn’t stop me. By the time I got back into the room, Keys was back on the screen.
“Atlas, what the fuck?” Dagger exclaimed, looking at me with frustration.
“I don’t have time for bullshit, Atlas. Keys said you knew how to find Fiona. Fucking talk,” Bash’s voice rang out.
“I put a tracker on her. I can pull up her location.” The whole room went silent.
“What? When?” Bash and Keys said at the same time.
“The bracelet I left her. Does she ever wear it? Did she have it last night?” I asked as I opened my laptop and pulled up the app.
“Yeah, she’s been wearing it a lot recently. I’m pretty sure she had it on last night. I don’t know, though?” Bash’s voice rang out.
Typing as fast as I could, I waited impatiently for the screen to load. Once it finally did, I frowned in confusion. Putting the laptop down so everyone had a view of the green dot, we all looked at each other once they recognised the location too.
“It says she’s at the clubhouse,” I replied.
“We checked. There’s no way she’s here.”
“Well, check again, unless she left that bracelet at home, she is definitely in the clubhouse somewhere,” I replied, and was greeted by silence.
For a minute, I was terrified they were going to ignore me, dismiss my help.
To my relief, Bash appeared to take my words seriously, and started barking out orders.
“Keys, get everyone in that house looking for her or that bracelet. Top to bottom, until we find one or the other. I’m heading back now.” Bash disconnected as Keys stood up from his desk, ending the video call.
“I’m heading over there,” I told Dagger, my tone leaving no room for argument.
“Alright. We’ll keep you posted as we hear anything else. When you get there, though, you mind what Bash tells you. This is a delicate situation. I ain’t gonna stop you from going there, but I can’t protect you from how your arrival is greeted. You hear me?”
“Understood. Thanks, Prez,” I said, and he nodded. Fiona needed me, and this time, I would be there. I could finally fulfill my promise.