Chapter 10
Riley
The amount of drool I have to wipe from my face every time I wake up should be studied. Maybe we can measure it and see if the reason I wake up thirsty ninety percent of the time is that I’m my own dehydrator. Writing that on my resume.
I’m unusually sweaty, but I guess there’s a first time for everything.
Why is it so damn bright? I squint, opening my eyes little by little until the view shocks me; not because it’s not beautiful, but why am I in the middle of a pasture? And why was I sleeping?
I look around, putting all the pieces together. And then, it hits me like a freight train. I fell asleep watching the sunrise, with Dom just, what? Watching me?
I hop up to my feet, startling him from his fence-fixing activities. “You let me fall asleep?”
“Good morning, Riley.”
“You already said good morning to me when it was actually morning. What time even is it now?” I look at my watch. “Oh no, no, no.”
“What?”
“I missed it. Come on. We have to go.” I grab the blanket and rush to the truck, tossing it into the back seat and climbing in. I hit the side with two loud taps. “Come on, old man. Chop, chop!”
He walks like he has all the time in the world, long strides with sturdy steps, his face down and dark, intense eyes everywhere but on me. I’ve only known him for a few days, but damn it if he doesn’t piss me off.
He tosses his tools in the back, climbing to the front and going in reverse ever so slowly.
“Dominic, I do not have all day. I have to go!”
“Why the rush?”
“Nothing.”
“Then it’s not urgent, right? I can take my time.”
This infuriatingly grumpy old man. “Listen, I understand you’re set in your ways since you’ve lived, loved, laughed, and all of that, but I have to get back. I would appreciate it very much if you’d just take me. Now!”
“So grumpy,” he says.
I chuckle. “Me?” A louder laugh escapes me this time. “If you think this is grumpy, you haven’t met you, or is it a big deal because it’s me being grumpy right now and not you?”
He shakes his head and speeds up, the way I was hoping so we can get back to the other side and I can beg Lilly for forgiveness.
How did I forget our meeting? That was so reckless of me.
How am I supposed to show everyone I’m capable of holding responsibilities without forgetting or breaking something if all I keep doing is exactly both of those at once?
The drive is quick; either Dom was speeding, or I’ve been so lost in my thoughts, it felt like I blinked and we were here.
“Thank you. I owe you one.” I get out and start running, straight to Lilly’s office.
Except, her office is empty.
Damn it.
“You missed her,” Lainey says from behind me.
“Hi! Do you know where she went?” I ask, sliding into her arms for a sideways hug.
“She had a meeting with some important person, and she was going to show them around. Maybe you can catch up to her.”
I kiss her cheek. “Thanks, Lainey. You’re the best!”
“Now, eat, child. Don’t run off again!” she shouts behind me, but I don’t have time to waste. I need to find her and apologize.
I run into Dom as I rush outside. “Sorry. Um, have you seen my sister? Did she pass you? Where did she go?”
“No to all of those, and I don’t know about the last one.”
Ugh. “Okay, thanks.”
“Why don’t you try to eat something first? I’m sure Lilly’s got it.”
Look who’s concerned about me now. I will do just that, but not because he said so. I’m just hungry. “Fine, but I’m claiming my spot today.”
Lilly’s going to be so disappointed in me; so much for showing her I can handle more.
I fill my plate with food to match my brain flooding with worries that all I’ve ever been is one disappointment after another.
It’s in moments like this, when I try my best and still fuck it up, that I agree with what everyone has always said about me: I’m a wild one with my head in the clouds.
A rootless flower—beautiful to look at, impossible to keep from wilting.
“You okay?” Dom’s rumbly voice snaps me from my self-loathing sesh. Out of your head, Riley. This is not what we’re working on.
“Yup! Perfectly fine!”
He holds a plate, but he doesn’t ask to sit by me, letting me keep the boundary I set that this is my space. But something about his sad eyes and pouty lips—perfectly full lips, I might add—makes me want to give up the fight. “You can sit. I was being dramatic.”
He takes it, sliding into the old metal chair in front of me, the one my dad often used to take to just talk to his Riley Girl.
“Sorry I was being crabby.”
“You were not.”
“You called me grumpy, so I was being very crabby if you thought so.”
He lets out a soft laugh, or something like it.
A raspy, almost happy sound, so I’ll call it laughter.
And I want more of it. I want a full one.
I bet this man’s keeping them buried deep within him, and the day he lets himself face the sun and let them out will be the day the whole world starts spinning again.
“To be fair, you’re obnoxiously happy and sassy, so I wasn’t expecting that.”
I shrug. “I try.”
“What?”
“To be happy!” The corner of my lip tugs. “Sassy is a birth defect, I fear.”
He shakes his head. “Not a defect. Trust me.”
See? This is my problem. He’s all rough around the edges and withdrawn, but then he says little things like that. He can’t mean them the way my mind is taking them, but I’m so starved for praise, I’ll take all the crumbs I can get.
“Why are you freaking out over Lilly?”
Freaking out? That’s cute. More like unraveling. I let out a sigh. “How much of a trauma dump do you want at—” I check my watch, “eight in the morning?”
“I’m no stranger to trauma.”
“So all of it? None of it? Speak your mind, cowboy.”
He grunts, making me laugh. He’s so irascible, pushing his buttons will become my favorite hobby. I lift my hands in defeat. “Not a cowboy, I know, I know.”
He takes a sip of his coffee, wincing for a second before softening his features. “What’s wrong with your coffee?”
“Don’t change the topic,” he replies, setting his mug down and stabbing his biscuit with his fork.
Lainey’s coffee is incredible, so I don’t get it, but none of my business, I guess. “I was supposed to meet with her, and I missed it because I fell asleep. Which is not usual for me.”
“If it’s not usual for you, she will understand.”
I shake my head. “Oh no, no. Me missing things is one hundred percent on brand for me. The falling asleep part is not.”
“Oh?”
“I’m trying to prove to her I can take on responsibilities and do hard things, but it’s hard if I keep fucking up when I’m supposed to show up for her.”
“When did you fuck up?”
“Were you not hearing me? I missed our meeting.”
“A meeting. One. She’ll be fine. Just explain.”
If it were any other person, yeah, sure, she would be.
But it’s not just this. It’s years and years and years of mess-ups that have drained the giant bucket of patience she was given at birth.
There’s only so much people can take before they don’t trust you anymore, and, unfortunately, Lilly is at that point.
I don’t blame her either. I’ve been, well, a chaos goblin most of my life.
“Sure.”
I go back to eating my food in silence, bouncing ideas inside my head on how I’m going to approach this with Lilly.
What deal am I going to have to make for her to know I mean business?
I’m so lost in thought, I miss finishing my food, and Dominic finishing his, for that matter.
He stands, taking my plate with him. “You don’t have to take that. I can,” I say.
“It’s no problem.” He disappears behind the wooden doors, and I keep my gaze locked on the tranquil lake.
It won’t be like this in a month, when this place is full of children living their best summer life, just like I did most of my life—or at least, until I turned nine and Mama got sick, and life took a turn for the absolute worst. They all, my sisters and parents and everyone working the ranch, made sure my childhood stayed as innocent and happy as possible, but there’s only so much you can do when the woman who brought light to the place had hers dimmed bit by bit as her body deteriorated.
“Let’s go,” Dom says, standing back in front of me. I’m giving the head in the clouds comment a good example today, Jesus.
“Where? I have to wait for her.”
“Let’s go find her.” He turns on his heels, leading the way back to his truck.
“We don’t know where she is,” I say, even if it doesn’t mean anything, considering I’m climbing in the truck regardless.
“We’ll find her.” Dom gets the truck started in no time as I beam with excitement.
And then, dread.
Oh my God. If we find her, she’s going to yell at me and treat me like a child, and I’m going to look like such a fool in front of the hot, grumpy cowboy.
Fuck my whole life.
I can’t tell him that either, can’t talk about being treated like a child. Oh yeah, Dom? Forget I was spiraling. I can’t find her because she’s going to treat me like a little kid and embarrass me in front of you, and for some reason, I care about what you think very much, even if I just met you.
It’s fine. Everything is fine because we won’t find her.
And we found her.
Damn it.
She’s walking back to her truck from the shed she gave me to organize. At least that’s done.
She smiles at the truck when she sees it, but as we approach her and she notices me in the front seat, her pleasant expression morphs into what I’ve come to associate her with: disagreement and disapproval.
I all but leap out of the truck. Is it still moving? Not entirely sure.
“Hi, so sorry I missed our meeting.”
She raises her hand, stopping me. “It’s fine. I was expecting it either way.”
“No, I was trying to— wait, what? You were expecting me not to show up?”
She nods, crossing her arms over her chest, phone in one hand, my livelihood on this farm in the other. “Yes. Two days of responsibilities seem to be your M.O.”
Ouch. “Lilly, that’s not fair. It was one meeting.”
“Sure. Out of the many you’ve missed over the years.”
“I’m trying to do better here. Why can’t you see that? I think you’re overreacting.” I lower my tone. “It was one meeting, and I truly wanted to go, but I fell asleep.”
She scoffs. “Are you so out of excuses that you’re resorting to that one? You don’t sleep.”
“I know! I was up, and then I went for a run, and then the sunrise, and then I fell asleep. I promise. I really want to do more. Give me more things to do. Look at the shed!” I point to it. “I did good. Can’t you see that?”
She lets out a breath, one carrying years of disappointment. It’s been a lot on her since our parents died. I get it. “You did a good job there.”
I smile, beaming with pride.
“Except.”
Jesus, here we go.
“There’s an empty shelf. Did you throw away all those totes? I hadn’t gotten a chance to go over them.”
I shake my head. “Of course not. Give me some credit. I took them to my cabin so I can go through them. There’s a lot of good stuff there.”
“Okay, good.”
“Yay! Can we do our meeting now? I want to know what else you need help with.”
She looks at her phone, her demeanor changing from annoyed at me to annoyed at whoever is on the end of the line. “I can’t now, but maybe later? Or tomorrow morning?”
Okaaaay. “What can I do today?” I know she needs help with things. I know she does. Please trust me.
She looks around for answers she won’t find, since she’s the one holding all of them either way.
“Please.”
Dom is still in the truck, but I’m glad he didn’t get out to witness the pathetic begging session going on right now.
“Do you want to go into town?”
No. “Yes!” A little lie; she won’t have to know. Do I want to go into town and see all the people I left behind and never even reached out to while I was gone? Nope. Phony ass friend, some of them called me, and they were right. But sooner rather than later, I’ll have to, so yup, sure, I’ll go.
“I need to deliver eggs and honey today. You can grab the eggs from the coop, and the honey should be outside the apiary. I was supposed to deliver vegetables, but the garden is struggling right now, and I simply don’t have the time.”
“I can go! Do you need help with the garden? I can he—”
“Don’t touch my plants, Riley!”
Okaaaaay. So grouchy. Maybe she and Dom can hang out and swim in their sea of misery together. How can you be so upset when the Earth is this beautiful? “Yup. Got it. No plants, just honey and eggs. I can do that.”
“Thanks. I’ll leave a note in the main house on where they need to go.”
I surge forward, wrapping her in my arms in a hug. “Thanks. You won’t be disappointed.”
“God, I hope not.” She frees herself from my hold, taking determined steps to her truck and shouting, “Let me know how it goes!”
Dom steps out of his truck, his eyes narrowing in question while I offer him a thumbs-up.
“Crisis averted. You can go now!”
“I can take you back.”
I shake my head. “Nope. All good! Go do all your rancher things.” I skip past him, not paying him any mind, before I turn and say, “Since you’re not a cowboy after all.” I wink and get on my way to my cabin.
Phew. That wasn’t that bad. Now, all I have to do is get the eggs from the chickies, honey from the beekeepies, and deliver them all safe and sound.