Chapter 15
Riley
Decision paralysis is something I struggle with tremendously, but this? Starting ten different tasks at once and not completing any of them is the actual worst.
I started taking inventory in the shed. I figured if I work fast enough on things here, I can submit the order, and then I’ll surprise Lilly with the schedule she needs.
Except, I found cardstock, and I thought I could start jotting down activities for the schedule.
I couldn’t find markers, so I started opening drawers and boxes.
I could’ve just done inventory while looking, but at this point, I don’t remember where anything is, and now, the shed is even worse than it was when I came in here the first time.
It’s clean, that’s a plus I guess, but holy hell, why is it so hard?
My executive functioning needs an executive function today.
Oh, there are the markers. I leap over a box of tissues and run to the back wall, where the markers and pencils are.
There are flags, too; we could play capture the flag.
That would be so fun. I grab the flags and walk to the other side, but I stop dead in my tracks.
Why am I taking the flags? I don’t need them; I just need to remember they exist. I put the box down, write flags on my arm, and walk back to… where was I going?
I search for a clue, one I don’t find. I do find Dom standing by the door instead.
“I’m going to give you a middle name. Dom Ninja Diaz.”
He chuckles.
“It’s not funny.”
“I didn’t mean to scare you. I came to check on you.”
“Why?”
He doesn’t answer. I bet Lilly sent him.
“I don’t need a babysitter, Dom. I can do this on my own. Tell Lilly she’ll have her inventory soon.”
“Why do you—”
“Boy, don’t lie to me. I know when my sister is conspiring against me.”
He raises his hands in defeat, leaning against the shed door with his sexy, worn jeans and boots. Never in my life have I found ranch attire sexy, but then, this man shows up.
“She’s just worried about you.”
“I’m fine. Perfectly fine.”
He looks around. “What happened here?”
I sigh. “My brain couldn’t keep up with all the stimuli, and now, I have too much of a mess, and I don’t even remember where I was supposed to start and where I’m supposed to end and everything is really overwhelming, and I was going to play capture the flag, but I also don’t need to do that.
I just remember all the times I played it as a kid and how much I loved it, and maybe the kids can do that, to revamp the camp, you know?
Lilly needs help with the schedules, and I’m actually really good with attention to detail if I don’t have distractions, but my entire life is a distraction and—”
“Riley,” he groans, right in front of me. When did he even move?
“What?”
“Breathe,” he whispers, his hands on my shoulders. I was pacing, I’m out of breath, and this mountain of a man is grounding me effortlessly. I should call my therapist and tell her all I needed was a grumpy, pain-in-the-ass hot neighbor.
I let out a breath. “Sorry. It’s a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day in my brain.”
“It’s okay, Alexander. Let’s figure this out.”
I beam in excitement. “You know Alexander?” I can’t believe we have so much in common. Even if we’re not the same in big ways, we are—the details, the things that count the most.
“Everyone knows that book. It’s a classic.”
“It was my favorite book as a kid.” He guides me out of the shed into the bright, sunny, perfect day. He kisses my cheeks, making me feel lighter immediately.
“Take your shoes off,” he commands.
I’m too lost, focused on how it feels to be under the midday warmth, feeling the gentle breeze in my face. All I shout is, “What?”
“Take them off.” His raspy tone elicits a response that is too natural when it comes to him. I’m always either on edge or turned on by this man, sometimes both at the same damn time.
He doesn’t waver, just stands in front of me, hands on my shoulders, and although his eyes are hidden behind dark glasses and the shadow of the New York Monarchs baseball cap he traded his usual cowboy hat for covering the rest of his features, I shiver at the intensity behind his stare.
I don’t need to look at his eyes to know he’s intense.
And bossy. So bossy. I like it, though, so I do as he says.
I slide my tennis shoes off, socks after.
His lopsided, barely there smile does the same to me as his tone. “Good. Now go walk over there.” He points to the clearing between the trees. “Stand on the grass for me.”
“Why?”
“You need to touch some grass. Literally.”
I chuckle but follow along, considering I believe him to be right.
I do need to touch some grass. I stand and close my eyes, letting the sun, the breeze, and the magic of this place do its thing.
My feet sink into the almost dry dirt; unlike early morning grass covered in dew, this one is crisp under my toes.
My breathing evens out, like the current of the river flowing so close, I can almost feel its fresh water on my skin, on my hair, kissing, touching, brushing every inch of me. This place speaks to my soul in ways nothing else does, if only I could sit down and listen for once.
“Feeling better?” Dom’s voice grounds me even more, putting this moment into perspective. He’s a wizard, I’m sure of it.
“Yeah, thanks,” I murmur, plopping myself onto the ground, completely lying down.
“I need sunglasses, and I can’t find mine, and now my eyes are hurting.
You wouldn’t know, with your perfect chocolate brown, but blue eyes and the sun are no go.
The sun, oh, the sun.” I rest my hand on my forehead.
“The damn sun. I need it, but it hurts. And I would really, really like to keep them, you know? My eyes, I mean. I wish we could trade.”
“No, those are too pretty for that,” he says, standing over me, shielding me from the sun, his damn perfect eyes holding my gaze.
“You can’t be saying things like that. You have a reputation to uphold.”
“What reputation?”
I smile, which earns me a curious look from his handsome face. “Of Mr. Grumpy Cowboy, of course.”
He chuckles.
Yes, give me more of those please. I’m going to start counting them and keeping score. He’s stingy with anything that’s not a scowl, so I want to collect them all.
And I want them all for me.
“Can I ask you something?” He sits, taking the spot next to me, right by my head.
“You already did.”
“Smartass,” he mouths.
“Thanks. I like to think I am.” I cross my legs at my ankles and close my eyes. His are too intense for me right now, and I would rather avoid them. “But yes, you can ask me anything.”
“Um, have you—” A low grunt leaves his lips, and I dare to open my eyes to find him shaking his head. “You know what? Never mind.”
“Dom, what? Just ask me. There’s very little I won’t share.” He pinches his nose. I love getting a rise out of this so put together man.
“I don’t mean disrespect, and if I’m out of line—”
“Spit it out. You’re making me nervous.”
“Have you ever talked to someone about ADHD?”
I burst out laughing—one I can’t contain, no matter how hard I try. I cover my mouth, but it’s relentlessly trying to leave me, hurting my throat and prickling my eyes in the process. It overtakes me, jerking me upward so I don’t choke on this fit.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.” His baritone voice carries so much feeling, and damn it, I scared him.
“No, no, it’s not that.” I shake my hands in the air, folding over, unable to stop laughing. “I one hundred percent have ADHD. I thought it was obvious.”
It was to my parents too. They knew from a very young age that my brain was different, but, as usual, it took a while to get the diagnosis, since I did well in school and was labeled chatty and friendly. Which I am.
Finally, one day, I broke down in tears—I couldn’t ever get my brain to stop. I couldn’t think before acting. I just couldn’t stand still, ever. That, and after they couldn’t keep me from breaking things and just flat out being a menace, they asked the doctor.
“Oh, it is. I just didn’t know if you knew,” he mentions.
“Aww, were you just a little bit worried about me, sweetie?” I reach over to pinch his cheek, trying to make this moment cuter, but it backfires, terribly so.
Because now, I’m all up in his space. Rich, damp soil, and juniper, and something sweet, like honey, hits me, and I want to sit right in the middle of it and let it consume me.
His breath hitches as my eyes bounce from obsidian gems surrounded by perfect amber skin and thick, dark brows.
He’s gorgeous.
He has to know it. If I looked like that, I wouldn’t talk to anyone ever.
Oh my God.
This is why he’s so grumpy. He can be. He has pretty privilege.
He clears his throat. Fuck. I was ogling.
“Sorry.” I pull my hand away from him. “Thanks. That was sweet of you. And yes, I do have ADHD. For the most part, I can function. Medicine makes me jittery and I hate it, so I don’t use it often. That’s why I run so much. Being physically active helps my mind settle.”
He nods.
“Some days, I struggle, especially with tasks like that.” I point to the mess hiding under the worn tin roof.
“Executive functioning,” he replies.
“Wait, what? It’s very rare I hear anyone talk about executive functioning.”
“My brothers both have a best friend with ADHD, and I’ve learned a lot. One of them won’t stop educating people about it.”
“I’m pretty open about it too. I just…we haven’t talked that much, which is weird, considering you’ve saved me thrice now, and it was bound to come up in conversation.”
“Five times, if we count this one.”
I smile at him and nod in agreement. “Thanks. I needed that break. I need to finish, but the thought alone is overwhelming.”
“I have time if you want help,” he offers.
I gasp. “You? Offering to help? For no reason at all?”
He freezes. I knew it. He won’t lie, so he would rather not answer. Lilly sent him. I knew it. She doesn’t trust me, but it’s okay; she has good reason not to, since clearly, I can’t do it on my own.
“I’m not saying you can’t do it. You can. You might just need to structure some things first. I happen to be good at that.” He pops up, offering me his hand, pulling me up effortlessly. Again, I’m in his space. Earth and flowers wrap around me, and desire fills my bones.
It was one thing when he was just the grumpy neighbor, but I’m starting to think he’s not really that grumpy, maybe just shy? Misunderstood? Direct? Something. And seeing the sweet side of him is more dangerous than I thought.
His gaze searches my face, taking me in before dropping to my lips. I suck in a breath but clear my throat when he looks away. I put my shoes back on silently before I follow him back into the shed to get this done, again.