Chapter 6
CHAPTER SIX
CLOVER
Clover
OMG! I am soooooooooo stupid.
Sloan
Uh oh …
Clover
Uh oh is right. I did it again …
Sloan
I’m gonna need clarification.
Clover
I’m such a failure.
I ran into the man I hooked up with in the nightclub at a coffee shop close to campus.
Sloan
And …
Clover
I learned his name.
It’s Donnie.
Sloan
I feel like there’s more you’re not telling me …
Clover
I had sex with him in a very public park on campus.
Sloan
Hot damn!!!!
Y ou are not a failure.
I keep repeating these words to myself over and over again, but no matter how many times I say them, I don’t believe them.
Once again, I let my primal urges win. The last time I did that, I nearly ruined my life.
The only reason I’m getting a second chance at my education is because of my parents and their connections. If I screw up my second chance, I am finished.
My parents will never trust me again, and there’s no way in a hell a third university will accept me after two massive screw ups.
So much for being on my best behavior.
I take a sip of the fresh cup of coffee I ordered when I returned to the coffee shop. As far as I can tell, no one saw what I did. But just because no one seems to be following me, doesn’t mean there aren’t reporters lurking in the shadows.
I never saw them last time. I doubt I’d see them this time, either.
Glancing around the coffee shop, suddenly I’m seeing everyone differently. There’s a man in the corner holding a newspaper up. He’s reading it and seems to be intently occupied, but what if it’s just for show? He could be watching me.
There’s a young woman a few tables over who’s typing away on her laptop. She looks about my age and is most likely a student. But if she’s really a reporter, and she’s typing up an article about how the daughter of a prominent lawyer and socialite does it again.
At least if I’ve been caught, it’s not with a famous politician. No more famous people for me.
Before I can get too lost in my past transgressions, my phone buzzes. I groan when I see it’s my dad. I debate on ignoring it, but if I do, he will just call again. When my father decides to lecture me, it’s unavoidable. All I can do is push it off until a later date and time.
“Hello, Dad,” I say when I answer.
“Darling, where are you?” Dad asks.
“I’m working in a coffee shop close to the building I’ll be in on campus.”
“Oh, that’s right.” He sounds surprised. “I forgot you said that in your message this morning. I stopped by your apartment and when you weren’t here, I got worried. This meeting is important. You can’t miss it.”
“I know.” I struggle to hide my frustration. “Which is why I headed out early. This coffee shop is quiet and right next to campus. It’s a great place to work.”
“That’s all good, but don’t get distracted and miss this meeting. I painted you as a picture of responsibility to Fred. He’s a good friend. So don’t embarrass me.”
“I won’t.” I roll my eyes.
“Do you have any idea how many strings I had to pull to make this happen for you?” He says as if he heard my eye roll. “Especially in the middle of the semester.”
“I got it, Dad,” I say with way too much irritation.
“Do you?”
“Yes!” I squeeze my eyes closed and take a few deep breaths.
“Forgive me if I have my doubts.” Now he sounds angry. “After Harvard, I have … Well, what do you expect me to think? You lost a once in a lifetime opportunity for what …” he pauses and when he speaks again, it’s at a whisper, “sex.”
“Dad, it was more than that.”
He harrumphs. “It was reckless and stupid. Senator Klint is my age and married. Or at least he was until you.”
“It wasn’t like that. He—”
“Your little stunt cost you a Harvard education and him his career. Now your only option is public education.”
“My little stunt?” I yell before I can stop myself. I glance around and relax when no one is looking at me. “Did you ever stop to think that he pursued me? I didn’t ask for any of this, Dad.”
“Well, you got it anyway. Just be on your best behavior and don’t be late. Fred did you a huge favor.”
“And I am very grateful for that, but I don’t need you constantly reminding me of my mistakes.”
“Be sure you he knows that. And be on your best behavior. Your mother won’t survive another scandal.”
I drop my head onto the table and silently bang it a few times. He always drags Mom into these conversations as if my actions almost killed her. If anything, Mom handled the scandal better than Dad.
“I’ll be good, Dad,” I say like I’m an elementary school aged girl who’s got a reputation for getting in trouble. At this point, I’ll say anything if it gets my dad off my case.
“I’m trusting you, Clover.” His words are laced with doubt.
“I gotta go. I’m running out of time to get my proposal finished. I wanted to have it ready to give to Dr. Rosi when I meet him today.”
“Call me when you’re done. I’ll need an update.”
“Sure thing.” A force myself to smile even though he can’t see me. The smile is for me. I have to stay positive and keep my head up. It’s the only way I have a chance at making my parents proud of me again.
“Okay, love you.”
“Love you too.” The phone line goes dead before I get the words out.
Tears threaten to break free from my eyes. I quickly wipe beneath them and glance around to make sure no is watching me. I don’t want to start this opportunity on the wrong foot, and crying in a coffee shop that I suspect students frequently visit will not do.
Then again, neither does fucking a stranger in a public park.
Before I make a complete fool of myself, I toss my things into my messenger bag and rush toward the door. If I’m going to get emotional and cry, I’d rather do it in private.
God, what’s wrong with me? I get excited about the prospect of getting caught having sex in public, but it’s the end of the world is someone sees me crying.
I’m going straight to hell.
Wandering around campus does nothing to ease my mind. I’ve been walking in circles for what feels like hours, but in reality, it’s only been twenty minutes. That’s long enough for my toes to feel numb and my fingers to hurt from the cold temperatures.
If I don’t get inside and warm up, I’m going to be an ice cube for my meeting. My dad will kill me if I show even the slightest bit of unprofessionalism.
It’s still too early to show up at the department for my meeting. The last thing I want is to appear desperate. Dr. Rosi probably already suspects something isn’t right about me since I’m coming in mid-year. I don’t need to add more reasons for him to doubt my abilities.
Instead, I head toward the campus library that I spotted two buildings over from where my new department is housed. I can familiarize myself with the stacks and available resources for my research.
Hopefully, this school has a comparable library to Harvard. If not, I might be buying a lot of books to continue my work.
A wave of heat warms my cheeks the moment I step through the doors. Within seconds, my fingers and toes itch as they adjust to the sudden change in temperature. I really should have worn gloves today, but I hadn’t planned on spending so much time outside.
I walk through the library until I find the section on classical literature. Thankfully, it’s large and diverse. From a quick glance, I should be able to find everything I need.
But what strikes me most is how quiet the library is. I take a seat at one of the tables and glance around. No one is staring or pretending to not notice I’m here. There isn’t a crowd of reporters on the other side of the glass screaming questions loud enough that they can be heard throughout the library.
No one is calling me a slut or a home wrecker or gold digger.
I’m just here. In peace.
No one seems to know who I am, and that is a fabulous feeling.
I received so much negative attention that Harvard wanted me to go. But they had no grounds to do so. I had a 4.0 GPA and was well respected in my department. From an academic perspective, I was a top student.
My morals and values, on the other hand, were highly debated during my last months there.
My academic advisor when to bat for me. She fought hard against the systemic male rule of the university and won. That infuriated my father. He wanted me home so he could lead my reformation efforts.
My parents are very religious and prominent members of their church. My actions were not only an embarrassment, but a great sin in the eyes of God. Dad thinks I need saving. I’m sure Mom thinks the same thing, but she’s been much more supportive when it comes to the scandal.
Despite Harvard’s official decision to allow me to stay, my dad insisted that I withdraw. When I refused, he threatened to cut me off.
No more tuition payments.
No more books.
No more apartment in Cambridge.
I would be on my own.
He gave me no choice except to move back to New York, where he could keep a watchful eye on me. At least he agreed to allow me to live in a small apartment close to campus and not at home.
If I can even call my place an apartment. It’s a tiny, one-room studio that’s not much bigger than a standard sized bedroom with a kitchenette and a closet for a bathroom. The shower is so small, it’s hard to turn around to wash my hair.
But it’s better than living at home.
Dad would probably have me reading from the Bible after dinner every night. I would not survive that.
I love my parents, and I know they love me. They want what’s best for me. It’s just what they think is best does not align with my beliefs.
I don’t conform to their religious beliefs. I don’t conform to any religion. It’s just another means to control us and create a false sense of security. Don’t get me wrong. I believe in God or some form of higher power. I just don’t think it’s as complicated as religion makes it.
And no matter what my dad says, my separation from the church did not lead me down a path of sin. I developed my sexual curiosity long before I left my parents’ house. If they only knew the things that went on in my head. They’d probably send me off to a convent.
I rub my hands together and blow warm air on my fingers. They’ve just about recovered from the cold air outside. So have my toes.
Glancing around at the few people here, I smile. No one knows who I am or the hell I’ve been living in over the past twelve months. I’m anonymous. Anonymous is good.
Now I just have to keep it this way. As long as no one finds the articles or the pictures of me from the darkest pits of the Internet, then I’ll be fine. Dad assured me he got them all taken down. Fingers crossed, he’s right.
Stay under the radar, do my research, and earn my degree. Simple enough.
I can do this.
A notification dings on my phone. I frown when I see it’s an alert on Senator Klint. That’s something I set up after the scandal broke, so I’d know any time he was mentioned in the media.
He’s going to be in New York City for a climate summit. It’ll be the first time we’re in the same city since I left Cambridge.
It also means it’s the perfect time for reporters to make up some salacious news about us.
Sometimes I have the worst luck.