Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CLOVER
Sir
Tonight. My office.
Clover
Can’t. My parents are expecting me for dinner.
Sir
Cancel. I need you.
Clover:
much as I wish I could, my dad will hunt me down if I don’t show up.
Sir
Then come here now.
Clover
It’s one o’clock in the afternoon. Are you sure we should risk it?
Sir
I guess you’ll have to be quiet.
Clover
Ha! I thought this was a booty call.
Sir
Don’t get mouthy with me.
Clover
Stop me.
Sir
Get your sweet ass down here and I will.
Clover
Promises, promises.
D espite my efforts to maintain a strictly professional relationship with Dr. Rosi during work hours, I’ve failed. He has my body so worked up and ready to break all the rules.
I don’t hesitate to answer his request. I shut down my computer and practically run out of my office and downstairs before Maggie can ask me where I’m going. She’s so nosy and has taken even more interest in my whereabouts lately. It’s annoying.
I make it three steps out of the stairwell and toward Dr. Rosi’s office when Dr. Carver steps out of the main office. I smile and have every intention of continuing past him, but he clearly has other plans.
“Ah, just the person I want to see.” He smiles and waves me over. “You got a second.”
“Of course.” I press my hand to my stomach and will my hormones in check. I’m focused on one thing right now, and it does not involve Dr. Carver. Dr. Rosi and my raging hormones are going to have to wait. “What can I do for you?”
“I’ve heard nothing but good things about you. Dr. Rosi is very pleased with your work.”
My cheeks warm and I fear I’m turning an embarrassing shade of red. I know he’s talking about my academic performance, but my mind is stuck in the gutter.
“That’s great. I’m so—”
“Clover!” Maggie’s voice cuts through the air and whatever sexual excitement I had remaining for my upcoming tryst with Dr. Rosi is crushed. Her voice grates on my nerves like no one ever has. “I’ve been looking for you.”
I furrow my brow. “You just saw me leave the grad student office.”
Her cheerful expression slips, but only for a second. She didn’t like that I called her out on that in front of Dr. Carver.
“Oh, were you at your desk? I didn’t even notice.” She touches my arm like we’re close friends and lets the fakest laugh I’ve ever heard escape her lips. I have to fight not to roll my eyes.
“You looked right at me when I walked out,” I say. I’m failing at hiding my irritation with her. Even I hear the attitude in my tone.
“Must have been in a daze.” She smiles at Dr. Carver like he just said something to praise her. He’s looking at her with a strange and confused look on his face. He doesn’t know what’s happening either. “I’ve been so absorbed in my research, I hardly notice anything that goes on around me.”
Lies. All lies.
This girl makes it her business to know everything that goes on around her. It’s intrusive and borders on stalker like behavior.
I fight back every retort I want to blurt out. This is not the time or place to confront Maggie. Instead, I turn my attention back to Dr. Carver. “I’m sorry, sir. You wanted to talk to me about something?”
“Ah, yes.” He shakes his head like he was in a momentary trance and smiles at me again. “I wanted to congratulate you on your nomination for the Alumni Award. It’s our most prestigious award and you should be proud of the nomination.”
“Oh, wow!” I press my hand to my chest and try to control my excitement. “I didn’t even know we had such honors.”
He nods. “We have a few. This is the largest one and extends to the entire university. This one is specially for first year students. It’s very competitive and requires multiple compelling letters of recommendation from your home department. You have those in spade so I’ve every reason to be hopeful you’ll be selected.”
“Really? I didn’t know enough faculty even know who I am.”
“Enough do,” he continues. “Your committee unanimously agreed you were deserving of this honor.” He leans closer to me and lowers his voice. “And of course, I agreed to write a letter too. I don’t do that often.”
“Thank you.” I feel my cheeks warm for an entirely different reason now. I’ve never been one to take compliments well. They always leave me feeling embarrassed and unworthy. “I appreciate that, sir.”
“I’m happy to do it. The only other thing needed is an essay from you,” he says. “It has to be a minimum of a thousand words. Most students find that a daunting task, but I’m sure you can handle it.”
“A thousand?” My eyes widen. “That’s a lot for an essay.”
“It is. But there are very specific requirements that will make it easier than you think. I’ll send you and Dr. Rosi an email later today, outlining those requirements.”
“Okay, great.” I relax a little, but not much. I always struggle with letters like this. It’s hard to brag about myself, which is what these things expect us to do. “When is the essay due?”
“You have about a month, I think.” He furrows his brow like he’s thinking. “I can’t recall the exact due date, but it’s toward the end of next month.”
“At least I have some time.” I let out a nervous chuckle. “I always struggle with essays like this.”
He reaches out and squeezes my arm. “You’ll do fine. You’re a worthy candidate and it’ll show.”
Maggie makes a noise that suggests she doesn’t agree. Dr. Carver looks at her like he forgot she was even standing there.
“Well, I’ll let you get back to it.” He forces a smile at Maggie before he looks at me. “I believe this one needs to talk to you.”
I force my own smile as he turns around and heads back into the office. Then I look at Maggie and drop the fake smile. “What do you want?”
“I’m surprised you even have to ask.” Unlike me, she smiles like she won a prize. “You and I both know you don’t deserve that award. What did you have to do to get Dr. Rosi to nominate you instead of me?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I didn’t even know it existed until Dr. Carver told me.”
She snorts. “I don’t believe you.”
“I don’t care what you believe. It’s true.”
She steps closer and looks around like she’s making sure we’re alone. At least she’s still being discreet with her threats. But it’s her smile that really makes me nervous. She smiles like we’re best friends. Not like someone who’s attempting to blackmail me.
“You don’t exactly have a good track record, Clover. Nothing would surprise me where you’re concerned. Now be a good friend and write a horrible essay.”
My mouth falls open at her suggestion. “You want me to sabotage myself?”
Her smile grows. “I expect nothing less. Unless you want Dr. Rosi and Dr. Carver to know what really happened at Harvard. The choice is yours.”
“What’s wrong with you?” I ask. It’s a rhetorical question. I’m not expecting her to answer.
“You.” She drops her smile and narrows her eyes. She looks threatening even though I don’t find her particularly so. I probably should, considering what she knows about me. “You’re what’s wrong with me.”
My phone buzzes in my hand. I quickly look at it. Then I press it to my chest, close my eyes, and sigh. I cannot let Maggie see this.
Sir
Did you get lost?
There’s no way I can go to his office now. Not with Maggie watching me so closely. I spin around and rush into the stairwell. I don’t head back upstairs to my office. Instead, I run downstairs and don’t stop until I’m outside and out of view of the building.
It’s still chilly outside, but not so much that I’ll freeze without my coat. We’re getting closer to springtime weather.
I break out into a sprint toward the coffee shop. I’ve never seen Maggie there, so it should be a safe place to hide out until I can calm myself down.
How did this happen to me again? All I wanted was a normal grad student experience and to earn my degree. But no, drama has to find me wherever I go.
I stop outside the coffee shop, open my phone, and shoot a quick message to Dr. Rosi.
Clover
Sorry, Maggie followed me. She’s turned into my shadow. I had to improvise and leave the building to get rid of her. Sorry. Maybe next time.
I don’t wait for his response. I need to put as much distance between Maggie and me as possible. Opening the app, I order an Uber instead and head to the corner where they always pick me up.
It’s time I talk to my parents about Maggie. They’re the only ones that can help me with her. I’ll come back to my office later tonight to get my stuff once it’s safe.
By the time I step out of the Uber in front of my parents’ house, my anxiety is unmanageable. Images of me and Senator Klint taped on every door and along all the walls of my building haunt me. Faculty and students whispering as I walk by are what my nightmares are made of. I can’t go through this again.
And I hate that Maggie is the one that holds this over my head. My future cannot be up to her. It just can’t.
If she follows through with her threats, I don’t think I can show my face on campus again. I don’t even want to know what Dr. Rosi would think of me if he knew the truth. This is my secret past, and it needs to stay exactly that. A secret.
“Clover?” Mom looks confused when she sees me open the front door. “I didn’t expect to see you this early.”
“Mom.” My voice croaks as I struggle to maintain control, but that proves to be a fruitless effort.
I rush into the house and fall onto the couch next to her. My emotions get the best of me, and tears run down my face. The next thing I know, I’m sobbing with my head on my mom’s lap and she’s cradling me like a baby.
It doesn’t matter how much I disappoint Mom. She will always comfort me like this.
“It’s okay, dear.” She soothes me by rocking back and forth and running her fingers over my hair. “Whatever it is, we’ll fix it. Don’t worry.”
“You can’t,” I mumble through my tears. While I appreciate her optimism, I fear nothing can fix the mess I’ve made of my life.
We all thought leaving Harvard was the answer and the only way I’d escape this nightmare. If I was no longer a Harvard student, then I’d quickly be forgotten. No one cares about some random girl in New York City attending a state college.
Plus, with distance between Senator Klint and me, there’d be no more reason for the media to follow me or speculate on the status of our relationship. Because there’d be no chance for one.
As long as I’m here and he’s there, we won’t run into each other. Reporters can’t fabricate stories about us because we visit the same shops or restaurants. In New York City, I have a chance at a life without scrutiny, without the media following me, and without anyone knowing what I did.
Or so I thought.
I was so very wrong to think I could hide from this scandal. It’s just like Maggie said. Once pictures like this are published on the Internet, they will forever live on. Someone will always find them and use them against me.
This scandal will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Mom doesn’t push me to speak, and I’m grateful for that. She does exactly what I need, and she holds me—comforts me—without question.
“What’s going on here?” Dad asks as he walks through the front door.
“I don’t know,” Mom says. “She just got here a few minutes ago and hasn’t stopped crying.”
I hear Dad drop his briefcase by the front door, followed by the stomp of his as he crosses the room. My entire body stiffens, and more tears fill up my eyes. Unlike Mom, I never know how Dad is going to react. He’s not as good at controlling his temper.
“Is it that professor of yours?” His tone is accusatory and angry. “I knew he was trouble the minute I saw him approach the table. Please tell me you didn’t do something stupid, Clover?”
“Kevin!” Mom’s voice is loud and clearly displays her irritation with Dad. “Don’t jump to conclusions. Give Clover a chance to explain.”
I wipe my eyes and sit up. Then I take a deep breath before I speak. “It’s okay Mom. I earned that.”
“No, you didn’t.” The scowl on Mom’s face says it all. Dad is going to pay for his comment later. “Everyone makes mistakes. That doesn’t mean we should be punished for them long after we made them.”
“It hasn’t been that long, Mom.” I wipe away the tears that keep streaming down my face. I can’t seem to get a handle on my emotions right now.
“No,” Dad sighs. Then he runs the bridge of his nose like he’s exhausted. Your mother’s right. It’s almost a year since the scandal broke. You’ve done everything we’ve asked of you. You gave up your life in Cambridge to set things right. I need to stop judging you so harshly.”
“Daddy.” I start sobbing again as I run into my dad’s arms. Hearing him admit how hard he’s been on me sends me right back over the edge. I may never get my emotions under control enough to tell them about Maggie.
He hugs me closer than he has in years. “I’m so sorry, princess. I never meant to make you feel worse.”
I sob even harder at hearing him call me princess. He hasn’t called me that since the day the scandal hit the media, and I broke his heart.
“I didn’t know how to respond,” he continues. “I just want to protect you from the evils of this world. I didn’t do that. This is my failure. Not yours. I should have prepared you better for men like Klint.”
I shake my head. “No, Daddy. You did a great job preparing me. I just didn’t listen.”
He brushes my hair back from my face and wipes my tears before pressing a kiss to my forehead. “Why are you crying? What can we do to help?”
I take a deep breath and step out of my dad’s embrace. I have too much nervous energy, and I’m going to need some space to get this one out.
It takes me a minute to calm down enough to speak. What I need to tell them isn’t going to be easy on either of them and will only create more worry. I hate that I’ve made my parents worry so much about me.
“A student at school knows,” I say quickly before I lose the nerve to speak.
“Oh dear,” Mom says.
“What do you mean by knows?” Dad asks.
“She found the original pictures leaked of me with Senator Klint. She knows why I left Cambridge, and now she’s blackmailing me.”
“What’s her name?” Dad asks. He’s all business now as he whips the small notebook out that he always keeps in the front pocket of his suit jacket.
“Maggie Clemons,” I say. “She’s a first year PhD student working with the same professor as me.”
“What does she want?” he asks. His voice is rough and aggressive. Dad is a nonsense lawyer known for his intense interrogation techniques.
“She wants me to quit and give her credit for all of my work.”
“Why on earth would she want you to do that?” Mom asks. “Doesn’t she have her own project to keep her busy?”
“She does.” I fall back on the couch and sigh. “She’s very jealous. It was obvious that she didn’t like me from the moment I walked through those doors. Somehow, she knows of your connection with Dr. Carver and the role that played on my acceptance into the program. She thinks I didn’t earn my place in the department. So she wants me gone.”
“Have you talked to Fred about this?” Dad asks as he scribbles a few more notes down.
I shake my head. “I didn’t want to draw unnecessary attention to myself. I had hoped I could make this go away on my own, but Maggie isn’t going to let it go. She’s determined to see my life ruined more than it already is.”
Mom takes my hand in hers and squeezes. “Your life isn’t ruined. You’ve just had a setback. That’s all.”
“Well, it’s one he—” I stop myself before I curse in front of my parents. They don’t accept any reason as acceptable to use foul language. “Heck of a setback. I feel like it’s going to haunt me forever.”
“I’ll look into this girl. See what I can find out about her. Did she give you a deadline?” Dad looks down at me. He’s in lawyer mode now and is only thinking about facts.
I nod. “Until the end of this semester.”
“Okay.” Dad writes that down. “That gives us a few weeks to take care of her.”
“You say that like we’re the mafia.”
He glares at me. “As if I’d ever do something illegal. I’ll fix this legally.”
I shake my head. “Maybe I should fix this. I need to learn to stand on my own two feet. Help me brainstorm ideas about how I can fix this. I can’t keep running to you and expect you to solve all my problems for me.”
“You can fix this by letting me do my job,” Dad says.
“Dad!”
He holds up his hand. “Clover, I’ll handle it. You just keep your nose clean between now and when I find a way to stop this girl. Everything will be fine.” He leans down and kisses the top of my head. “I promise.”
I want to believe him. I really do. But deep down in my gut, I feel like the world is opening up and swallowing me whole.
I created this mess, and the universe isn’t ever going to let me forget about it.