Chapter 53
Darcy had remained vigilant during the meal so that Elizabeth did not feel overwhelmed by Anna’s desires to maintain their friendship. Hughes had assisted him — he was a good man, and having been a clergyman, understood much of human nature.
Soon after lunch, Darcy found himself sitting alone with Elizabeth on the terrace, a tea tray on the table before them.
They did not need a chaperone here; Anna and Hughes knew they were wed and Darcy was glad of it, and especially that Elizabeth seemed to trust that he would not force her to obey him.
The silence between them was peaceful and he gazed out over the gentle hills in the distance beyond the park. Elizabeth seemed similarly occupied and not inclined to talk. He would wait for her to lead the conversation.
Finally, she sighed and turned her head to look at him. She smiled ruefully. “Thank you for the peace and quiet.”
She turned back to the landscape. “I must admit I am feeling rather … adrift, I suppose, is the word that best fits.” Her eyes unfocussed.
“I was quite fortunate, really, and when Nan saw me walking down the road past her house, she called out Lucy! And I thought she said Lizzy, so I answered and that’s when it began. So I was never so lost as I feel now.”
Darcy thought there might well be rather more to it than that, but he dare not risk saying much. “How many days had you travelled to reach Lincolnshire?”
Those fine eyes turned to him with some amusement. She knew what he was about. “Not very long.” At least she did not seem too upset.
“I think adrift and lost seem exactly how you would feel. You have not had much time to plan what you would like to do next.” He spoke carefully.
“That is only partly true,” she murmured. “I knew once Nan passed, that I would have to move on fairly quickly, and also that I could not stay in this area.”
Darcy’s thoughts darkened; surely Price was the only reason Elizabeth would choose to leave the community she had settled in. But he ought not to speak.
“But the anger that had sustained me the first time was gone and I knew not whether I could find anywhere else that would suit.”
“Now you need not hide from being found, might you wish to go home while you consider your future?” Darcy kept his voice quiet. He longed to offer her the chance to return to Pemberley to live under his protection; but it was too soon, he knew that.
She shuddered. “No! How could I face my family and my old neighbours — even meet my mother again? After all the scandalous things that were believed about me, and she was the worst. I do not think I can ever forget.”
He could do nothing to help; no words would help, he could not take her hand, and he looked blindly out to the hills again, acutely pained because of her pain.
He had a thought. “You could stay with your aunt and uncle. I am sure they would welcome you.” He could tell she hesitated, but there was an interruption as the butler came through with a silver tray.
“Mrs Hughes instructed me to bring these express letters to you at once, sir.” He held the tray towards Darcy. They were both addressed to him and he recognised the hands that had written the directions. Bennet and Gardiner.
He winced, he had hoped they might direct their letters to Elizabeth. He held them towards her. “I am sure there are messages in there for you and I know of nothing that might be for my eyes only.”
She smiled understandingly. “If they were for me, I am sure they would have directed them so; but Papa in particular may be wary of addressing a letter to Mrs Darcy.” Her gaze was amused. “You open them, sir.”
He smiled back hesitantly, hope blooming in his heart. Both communications contained a further sealed letter addressed to
‘Lizzy’.
“It seems you are as astute as always.” He handed her both letters unhesitatingly, and turned towards his own, still somehow acutely conscious of her mood.
5th inst
Longbourn
Darcy
I am sure you must be aware of the joy with which I read your letter which arrived late this evening, and I am writing in haste to enclose a letter for my Lizzy so that she may read of my love and happiness that she is safe and well.
Please give her the enclosed note and I will write further once this one is on its way.
Thank you again, son, for all your efforts, these last months.
Bennet
Darcy smiled at the brevity of the note, swallowed the lump in his throat for being called son, and hoped that Elizabeth’s was longer. Then he turned to the one from Gardiner.
5th September
23 Gracechurch Street
Darcy
You know not with what delight both my wife and I received your letter and the message from Lizzy at the bottom.
As I write this, Madeline is scribing a note to Lizzy.
She will be assuring her that her bedroom here remains hers and is ready for her if she wishes to come to us, where she can think of what she wants in her future and where.
We will make no demands of her whatsoever, and Maddie has explained to me precisely why Lizzy may prefer to come here, rather than return to Longbourn.
There was a slight gap following these words, and then Gardiner had resumed writing with fresh ink.
Maddie tells me she has finished Lizzy’s letter and that I must hurry and finish this so they may be sent without delay.
You have our eternal gratitude for all you have done to attempt to find our niece, and to prove that you have learned your lesson and will love and care for her in the future, however she may wish to make her life.
Yours, etc
Gardiner
Darcy looked over at Elizabeth, who was curled over both notes, a few tear tracks on her cheek.
He settled back in the chair. He would wait for her to read and reread them as often as she wished.
Perhaps the offer from Mrs Gardiner would sway her decision to go there.
And he must remember that it was not sixteen months since she had heard from them; it was the six months of their marriage as well.
Nearly two years. How badly his anger and bitterness had served her.
And yet, she was willing to sit here with him.
It was a gift he could barely have hoped for.
He decided to send to Darcy House and arrange for it to be opened in preparation should she choose to go to town.
Finally, she looked up and across at him. “Thank you for giving me the time to enjoy them.”
He glanced at her. “Would you permit me to call for the tea to be refreshed, or would you care to stroll in the gardens while you enjoy what you have read?”
“Oh, the walk, please. I have had so little opportunity to walk freely of late.”
They had been walking in the grounds now for nearly an hour, mostly in silence. Elizabeth had asked him a few questions about Longbourn and a few of the Gardiners, and had a thoughtful air about her when he had replied.
His thoughts were all about how much he still needed to change to deserve her trust. He was impatient to hear what she thought, what Bennet and Mrs Gardiner had said, and what she would decide.
But he would never ask, and he must hide that impatience while he learned more of the tranquil nature that would allow her to lead her own life, free of his constraints.
Only when he had learned all he needed to might he deserve to walk beside her.
And he wondered how he had known, even back then, when he had sat reading her devastating letter, all he had needed to learn and that this was the most important task of his life.
Her soft voice interrupted his harrowing thoughts.
“I believe I would like to accept my aunt’s invitation to go to Gracechurch Street, Mr Darcy.
I know your visit to your sister is going to be of some weeks’ duration.
But thanks to the funds you gave me, I will be able to hire a private coach to take me and Molly and then it may bring Molly safely home. ”
Darcy cleared his throat. “I have seen my sister is happy here in her marriage. I would be honoured if you would accept the offer of my coach to town. And if you consent, I would be pleased if you would accept my escort — I will ride alongside.” He calculated in his head.
“About 160 miles. It will be two long days of travel. The night stop would be near Huntingdon, perhaps.” He tried to smile.
“Are you able to read while on a journey? I have a number of books with me.”
He was delighted when she laughed out loud. “I can read while travelling, but not for long. I hope the countryside is interesting. I can watch scenery for many hours.”
She frowned slightly. “The replies to the letters you sent came so speedily, that I had not realised how far it is to town. I think it may be another day or two before we can start.”
She said ‘we!’ Darcy’s heart leapt in hope that it was not merely a figure of speech. He would ensure he had understood her correctly and not impose his own assumptions on her.