Chapter 60
Elizabeth secured the needle on her embroidery and placed it down beside her when she heard the knock on the door. Her heart had begun beating faster as the calling hour approached; she knew he was always there right at the very earliest polite moment.
She attempted to look more collected — Jane’s serenity would serve her well, if she could manage it. But she did not wish Mr Darcy to know her emotions; not yet, not before she knew and trusted them herself.
He entered the room, his gaze warm as he looked at her, and she rose to greet him.
“Good morning, Elizabeth.” He bowed over her hand, and she dipped her head.
“Good morning, Mr Darcy.” She knew he did not want the continuance of such formality, but she was not yet ready to suggest it, and he would not, not unless she indicated such to him.
She must acknowledge that he had never once tried to impose on her; he deferred to her with whatever he considered. Had it been long enough? Would he wait until she was dependent on him once more before returning to his previous autocratic self?
She did not know. And, until she was sure, then she could not entrust herself to his care, whatever the feelings he engendered in her.
But she must push all this inside her, to consider at a time when she was not in his presence.
“I am sorry that the weather is not conducive to walking out today.” His voice was warm as they sat in their usual seats. “You appear to need the peace of the outdoors to think.” He glanced at the window. “We might walk in the gardens, with your aunt’s permission, between the showers.”
“That would be nice,” she replied. “I am discovering, that, although this is the home where I want to be, I do miss the opportunities of the countryside to walk out freely, whatever the weather.”
The door opened a little wider. “Yes, Edward and I have noticed that, Lizzy,” her aunt said, and her father and uncle were coming in, too, behind her. Aunt crossed the room and sat in her usual chair, while Papa came to sit on the sofa beside Elizabeth. He took her hand.
Elizabeth met Darcy’s gaze. It seemed as if her family believed it was time to ‘sort things out’.
But Darcy’s gaze was warm. He leaned closer and touched her arm.
His whisper was for her alone. “I knew nothing of this. But it is your choice, Elizabeth. You may listen and not decide as yet. I will follow your decision.”
Aunt Gardiner spoke. “The first thing to be said is that you may stay here with us for as long as you wish, Lizzy. But I feel that you will not be content to stay for long, I know you are someone who values living in the country. We considered that you might want to begin to discover what other possibilities there are, before perhaps making a choice in haste.”
Papa squeezed her hand. “There are a number of choices available to you, Lizzy, and we would like to name them. But …” he flickered a glance to Mr Darcy on the other side of her.
“You will, of course, have to gain the consent of your husband. Regardless of your feelings, he is your husband, and has the ultimate say in where you go.”
Another touch on her arm. “Do not be anxious, Elizabeth. I will at all times, follow your wishes.” Mr Darcy’s murmur was quiet.
Uncle Gardiner had not heard him. “We wanted to talk to you, Lizzy, while Mr Darcy was here, so he knows what the possibilities for the future are.”
She glanced at him, he seemed very serious, and she frowned. “What concerns you so, Uncle?”
He shook his head. “Let us discuss the matter at hand, first. It may be that there is nothing to worry about.”
Elizabeth felt vexed, but long practice held her silent, and she drew her hand from Papa’s and folded it with her other hand into her lap.
Serene. Like Jane. However, it was Longbourn. They would discuss that first, she knew. Papa would say he needed to return, and would like it if she went with him.
She was right. Papa drew breath. “I have been here with you a number of weeks now, Lizzy, and it has been a joy and a privilege and I thank your aunt and uncle for allowing me to stay so long. But I must return home soon. It has been very hard on Mary, alone there with your mother while Kitty and Lydia are at school.” He ran his hand through his hair.
“She writes to me often and says that your mama is beginning to chafe under the rules I have set her, and Mary does not think she will be able to manage longer without my imminent return.”
He tried to grasp her hand. “Please will you consider coming home with me? Kitty and Lydia have been at school for two years now. When Kitty comes home, she is much improved, but Lydia is not yet ready, I am told. And your mother has been, and is, secluded from Meryton company.” He kept the most pressure until last. “Mary will very much appreciate seeing you.”
Aunt Gardiner gave Papa an exasperated look.
“But you must consider your own feelings, Lizzy. Do not allow guilt to sway you, although I know you have always felt responsible for those in need.” She glanced at Uncle.
“When your Papa is home, we were going to invite Mary here for a time. She might access a music master.”
Elizabeth glanced at Mr Darcy before turning back to Papa. “I am sorry, Papa, but I will never return to Longbourn. “What was said about me, was believed by the gossips …” she shuddered. “No, I can never return.”
Papa looked shocked. “I could send your mother away again.”
“Do not do so on my account. I will not return. If you, or Jane or Mary are away from there, I will gladly meet. But not at Longbourn.” It was no longer home.
“What about Jane? She and Mr Bingley are at Netherfield of course. You could stay with them. Jane is delighted at the thought. And I could call on you there.”
“Papa.” Elizabeth took his hand. “It is not you. But I can never return to the Meryton neighbourhood. Well, perhaps a long time in the future. But what they said I did — they had known me for twenty years. I had grown up there. And all for some salacious gossip, they believed terrible things of me.” She shivered again.
“No, while I would love to see Jane, I will not go to Netherfield.”
Mr Darcy leaned a little closer. “You have a considerable settlement. You may decide where in the country you wish to live and make any sort of household you wish. Or you may stay with my sister, if you feel that Mr Price would be no danger to your peace of mind. Anna would welcome you.” He drew a deep breath.
“And last year, I had the dower house at Pemberley refurbished and decorated, using the style you had chosen with Mrs Kerr for your apartments.” He smiled slightly.
“The dower house is nearly half a mile from the main house, in its own grounds. You would be able to live your own life, but in the style that you are entitled to.” He leaned forward to whisper quietly.
“And I will go out if you need me to, when you go to take books from the library.”
Elizabeth had been looking down at her hands, but allowed herself to lift her gaze to his eyes. He shook his head slightly. “Tomorrow. You can think about what you have heard. More details tomorrow will give you enough to consider over the next days or weeks, as you wish.”