CHAPTER FIVE
Rori finished drying the container she’d used to make her overnight oats. After putting it in the still fairly empty cupboard, she turned her attention to making her lunch.
She needed to go get a few more groceries soon. The loaf of bread was almost gone, with just enough left for a sandwich for lunch and a grilled cheese sandwich for supper.
After carefully spreading a thin layer of peanut butter and raspberry jam on the bread, she cut it into two triangles and put them into a small plastic bag. There was one apple left in the marked-down bag she’d gotten on her last grocery trip. It was a bit bruised, but she didn’t mind.
She put both the sandwich and the apple into the lunch bag she’d been using for the past year. Leaving it on the counter, she went to one of her suitcases to find a pair of socks.
It wasn’t fun living out of suitcases, but hopefully, it was just temporary. The studio apartment she’d found wasn’t bad, just small. But that was fine for her, especially considering she didn’t have anyone to invite over, so the lack of furniture wasn’t a big deal.
She sat on the floor next to the air mattress and pulled on her socks and sneakers. Unlike the dentist office, which had required business attire, the clinic was much more casual in the clothing they wore. While Cheryl stuck to maternity clothes, Alys and the volunteers usually wore jeans and a T-shirt with the clinic’s logo, so Rori did too.
Pushing up from the floor, Rori grabbed her small backpack and put her lunch in it, along with her wallet, water bottle, and phone. After locking her basement apartment, she climbed the stairs to the main floor and exited the building.
A warm and sunny day greeted her, ensuring the walk to work would be enjoyable. It took her about half an hour, but walking saved on gas, so for the most part, she didn’t mind it. If rain had been forecast, she’d have taken her car, but thankfully that hadn’t happened yet.
The only downside to the walk was that it gave her too much time to think. The main thing on her mind was that she’d been in Serenity for a couple of weeks already and had yet to tell her mom that she’d made the move.
Essie knew, but she’d promised to let Rori tell her mom herself. The older woman called Rori every couple of days to check on her, and Rori wasn’t sure what to do with that. Even her dad, who knew of her move, hadn’t called or texted to see how she was settling into her life in Serenity.
Not that that was unexpected. She would have actually been more surprised if he had checked up on her, so Rori wasn’t disappointed.
What was taking up a lot of emotional space in her head was the realization that there were families out there who loved their biological children and still had enough for the ones they adopted. She’d known that, of course, on an intellectual level, but to meet someone—Lee—who was the recipient of such love was something else altogether.
It just reinforced what she’d come to understand at the tender age of ten. There was something that had made it difficult—if not impossible—for people to love her. To care for her.
Once she’d realized that, she’d known that at the end of the day, the only person she could rely on was herself.
She worked a lot of hours as a shelf stocker and then a cashier throughout high school, and while Rori might not have been able to go to college, she’d still done her best to educate herself. And one of the things she’d educated herself on was finances.
That knowledge was the main reason she wasn’t rushing to spend her money on furnishings for her new apartment.
She probably had enough in her savings account to buy furniture, but she had no idea if this job was going to pan out. If it didn’t, and she’d spent all her savings, she’d have nothing to fall back on. No safety net. And there would be no one to help her out.
Over the years, there had only been a handful of things she’d splurged on for herself, most purchased with the very generous Christmas bonuses she’d been given at the dental office. One was her car, another was her camera and some lenses, and the other was her laptop. Her phone was two years old and was the most basic model.
She hadn’t regretted any of those purchases, though the car—which she’d saved up for in high school—had required additional funds over the years. However, that had been something she’d taken into account when she’d made the decision to purchase it.
Being in a new place made her a little uneasy regarding her car, since she didn’t know if there was a mechanic that she could trust if she needed work done on it. Which was one of the reasons she walked to and from work whenever she could.
It was a pleasant walk along streets with large shade trees casting dappled shadows on the sidewalk. The houses on those streets were small, but their yards were well maintained. Some even had brightly colored blossoms in flower boxes along their fronts.
The clinic was on the outskirts of Serenity, on a street with other businesses, though it was the largest building on the block. And as she approached the building, Rori found herself smiling.
She really did love the clinic and her new job. She’d been there a week and a half, and she thought everything was going pretty well. Better than she could have hoped.
It hadn’t taken too long to get the hang of the software they used for appointments and keeping track of patient visits. They’d also shown her the process for when someone came in to adopt an animal.
Pulling open the back door of the building, Rori stepped from the warmth of the morning into the cool interior of the clinic. The first person she spotted was Lee coming out of the staff room with a travel mug in his hand.
His smile when he saw her was instantaneous and warm. “Good morning, Rori.”
With flutters in her stomach, Rori returned his smile and greeting. She’d kind of thought that the more time she spent around him, the less infatuated she’d be with him. That’s how it had worked with previous crushes.
She doubted Lee was a perfect man, but there were qualities about him that reached deep into her heart and made her long for things she knew she’d never have.
The man showed a gentle side when dealing with the pets and owners who came to the clinic. In the conversations she heard him have, he always spoke respectfully, never swearing.
And it was so endearing to listen to him share stories about his siblings and nieces and nephews. It was clear that he loved them very much.
Rori had never been around a man her age like him, which made her admiration of the man grow and fueled her crush. The crush that was starting to feel more serious than any crush in her past had.
However, regardless of how she felt, Rori had tried her best to keep those feelings hidden when she was at work. Thankfully, it wasn’t too hard because Lee didn’t spend a ton of time around her.
And that morning wasn’t any different. With a tip of his head, Lee turned and headed down the hallway to his small office.
Rori watched him until he disappeared, then sighed and went into the staff room. After putting her lunch in the fridge, she carried her backpack and water bottle to the reception desk.
“Morning, Rori,” Cheryl said with a smile from where she sat relaxed back in her chair, her hands resting on her rounded stomach.
“Good morning.” Rori sat down on her chair and put the backpack into the drawer Cheryl had said was hers when she’d first started.
Lee was there, leaning against the elevated desk as he sipped from his mug. This was often how the day started. He usually hung around chatting with Cheryl, Alys, and sometimes Carmen or Cap. Rori rarely participated, but she always listened, eager to learn about the new people in her life.
“Do you have Instagram, Rori?” Alys asked after she’d joined them.
“Yes.”
Alys waggled her phone at her. “What is it?”
After a brief hesitation, Rori gave her the username for her account. It was a public account, but it was a side of herself she hadn’t shared with anyone at the clinic yet.
“Wow, Rori,” Alys exclaimed. “You’re a photographer?”
“Not a professional one. I just enjoy taking pictures.”
“These are beautiful.”
“Let me see,” Cheryl said, wiggling her fingers at Alys.
As Alys handed her phone to Cheryl, she said, “Did you take those on your phone?”
“No. I have a DSLR camera for my photography.”
“What’s DSLR?” Alys asked.
“It’s a digital camera that I can swap lenses on.”
“These are lovely, Rori,” Cheryl said. “Do you ever photograph people?”
“Or animals?” Alys tacked on.
“No.” Rori shifted in her seat, uncomfortable with the attention on something no one else in her life knew about. “My focus has always been on land and cityscape.”
“If Rachel finds out that you’re a photographer, she’s going to push harder for us to set up a social media account for the shelter.”
Cheryl sighed. “I should probably just agree, huh?”
Alys grinned at her. “Yep.”
“And you’re going to tell Rachel about this, aren’t you?”
“Of course.”
“Brat.”
Alys laughed, and even Lee chuckled. With humor lighting his face, Lee was even more attractive, making Rori’s cheeks heat and her heartbeat surge.
When the phone rang a moment later, Rori was grateful for the distraction. Grabbing the receiver, she scooted back, drawing her keyboard out from its place under the lip of the desk.
And with that, their day began.
Lee and Alys walked together to the hallway that led to the back of the clinic. The only person who didn’t move was Cheryl. She stayed leaning back in her chair with her fingers laced over her stomach.
Most of what needed to be done each day, Rori was now doing. Cheryl was there only for support and to answer any questions that might pop up that she hadn’t covered yet. Her plan was to gradually cut down on the hours she was there each day, though she promised to always be available by phone if questions popped up.
If the office had been busier, Rori might have been uncertain about being able to handle things on her own so soon. However, the clinic had a nice slow pace, and everyone she’d dealt with had been patient and understanding.
Each day at the clinic got a little better, and so far, she hadn’t regretted making the decision to uproot her life and move to Serenity.
As it turned out, a conversation with her mom was what ended up making Rori regret her decision.
“What do you mean you’ve moved to Serenity?” she demanded when Rori finally worked up the nerve to tell her about her news.
It had taken her far too long to get to that point. Three weeks had passed since she’d driven into town with all her belongings, and now that she was in the middle of the conversation with her mom, Rori wished she’d waited even longer.
“When I was cat-sitting Queen Charlotte, I found I really liked the Serenity area, so I decided to move here.”
“What about your job?”
Her mom hadn’t been too worried about Rori’s job when she’d essentially demanded she come help with the cat. “The dental office closed down a couple of months ago when the owners retired, so I didn’t have a job to go back to.”
“What are you doing for money, then?” her mom asked. “I hope you’re not calling to ask me for some.”
“I’m not. I have savings from when I was working, plus they gave me a termination bonus. I also have a job here.”
“Where?”
Rori hesitated, not wanting her mom to know where she worked, but it would be worse if she came into the clinic and saw her there. “I’m working as a receptionist at the vet clinic.”
“How did you get a job there?”
“I took Queen Charlotte in to make sure she was okay, and I asked if they were hiring.”
“You took my sweetie to the vet?” her mom demanded.
“Yes. She wasn’t purring as much as I thought she should have been, so I just wanted to make sure she was okay. They said she was fine, and she probably wasn’t purring as much because she missed you,” Rori told her. “And it seemed that was true because she purred like crazy when you got back.”
“Well,” her mom huffed. “As long as you don’t bother me, I suppose it should be okay for you to live here.”
A sarcastic response flitted through Rori’s mind, but she bit it back. “I won’t bother you. I just wanted you to be aware, so you weren’t caught off guard if our paths crossed.”
“That’s fine then.”
Rori knew better than to expect her mom to prolong their conversation by asking how Rori was doing, so she said goodbye and ended the call. This would probably be the last time they spoke for an extended length of time, unless her mom needed her for something.
Though that wasn’t out of the norm for their relationship, Rori still felt a pang of longing for a mom who truly cared. It was a wasted emotion, however, so Rori worked hard to let it go.
Just like she’d done throughout her entire life.
She was sitting on her bed later, working on some photo editing on her laptop, when her phone rang. Smiling when she saw Essie’s name on the screen, she tapped to accept the call.
“How was your week, darling?” Essie asked.
“It was good. I’m really getting the hang of everything. Cheryl is going to cut her hours down next week. She’ll only be in from nine until one.”
“That really speaks to how much she trusts you.”
“I hope so. I really don’t want to let her down when she’s taken a chance on me.”
“I’m sure you won’t.”
Rori doubted that Essie knew just how much Rori cherished the woman’s confidence in her. It hadn’t been something she’d had a lot of in her life.
“Do you like music?” Essie asked.
“Yes. I love music.”
“Would you like to come to an evening of singing at our church on Sunday?”
“What type of singing?” Rori asked, her curiosity piqued.
“Southern gospel. Hymns. That sort of thing.”
Rori wasn’t familiar with any of that kind of music, but the pull to go to an evening of live music was strong. And spending time with Essie and her husband would be nice as well.
“Sure. I’d like to go with you.”
“That’s great! It starts at six-thirty, so we’ll swing by and pick you up around six.”
“Would it be easier if I just meet you there?” Rori asked. “I don’t mind driving myself.”
“This first time, let us pick you up.”
Rori wasn’t going to argue. It would be easier to walk into the church with Essie and her husband than by herself.
Happy to have something to look forward to, once their call was over, Rori opened her music app and searched up some Southern gospel music to familiarize herself with the genre.
Over the next couple of days, Rori listened to gospel and hymn playlists whenever she had her music on. And interestingly enough, she actually ended up enjoying the songs.
By the time Sunday rolled around, Rori felt more prepared to attend an evening featuring hymns and southern gospel music, and she was looking forward to it.
Essie and her husband, Al, were right on time, and Rori greeted them with a smile as she climbed into their car. She and Essie had agreed early in their friendship that they wouldn’t talk about Rori’s mom, so their conversation as they drove to the church centered on other things.
When they stepped into the foyer, Rori heard a familiar voice and turned to see Rachel hurrying toward her.
“I didn’t know you were going to be here,” Rachel said after she gave Rori a hug. “This is great!”
“Essie invited me,” Rori said, gesturing to the woman.
Rachel smiled at Essie, then said, “Lee goes to church here too, and so does Alys.”
Rori tried not to react to the news that she might see Lee that night, but there was no way to control the butterflies that had suddenly fluttered to life in her stomach. That wasn’t why she’d come, but it was a definite bonus if he did show up.
“If I don’t see you later, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Rachel said as a girl around her age approached them. “I’m glad you came.”
Once Rachel and her friend had left them, Al led Rori and Essie to a pew about midway down the aisle. Somehow, Rori managed to keep from looking around for Lee. But when Essie turned to greet someone, and Rori followed suit, her gaze landed on Lee where he stood talking with a small group of people.
Though she tried not to stare, she couldn’t help but observe the people that stood with him. There was a cluster of men and women around him, as well as a few children.
Rori wasn’t sure if Lee had a girlfriend. He’d never said, and, of course, she’d never asked. So it was possible that one of those women was with him. Or maybe they were his sisters, since she knew he had several. Although that was probably wishful thinking on her part.
Essie introduced her to a few people but thankfully didn’t overwhelm her with names. The rows were filling up quickly, and by the time people climbed onto the stage, there weren’t many empty spaces left. It seemed that this was a popular event.
Lee ended up on the opposite side of the sanctuary. He sat next to a woman with dark hair, but it was the man on the other side of her who had his arm around her. Also, the woman now held a baby in her arms, which made Rori think that she was his sister, Charli.
One of the men Lee had spoken with took the seat behind a set of drums, a smile on his face as he gazed out at the congregation. Perhaps another brother.
While the person at the piano played softly, a man on the stage welcomed them to the service and then said a brief prayer.
Immediately after, the other musicians joined in, and lyrics appeared on the screens mounted on the walls on either side of the stage. Though Rori didn’t know the song, she appreciated being able to read the lyrics, and she found that she could pick up the melody quite quickly since there was some repetition.
She’d always appreciated songs that made her feel like she was not alone in her struggles in life. In the hurt and loneliness that sometimes overtook her. There were plenty of songs out there offering understanding, but the songs that night offered both understanding and hope.
One song in particular moved her, bringing a very rare sting of tears to her eyes as she listened to it.
Why should I feel discouraged? Why should the shadows come?Why should my heart be lonely and long for heaven and home?When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
Some of the singers on the stage lifted their hands, tipping their faces up toward the ceiling.
I sing because I’m happy,I sing because I’m free,For His eye is on the sparrow,And I know He watches me.
“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
I sing because I’m happy,I sing because I’m free,For His eye is on the sparrow,And I know He watches me.
Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
Rori had never felt like anyone had ever seen her in her hurt and loneliness. She’d never felt like anyone had cared what she might be going through. It was easier to keep a smile on her face, no matter how much she might be hurting, because what would hurt worse was if people saw what she was going through and still did nothing.
But this song…
It said that God not only saw her struggles, He cared about them. He cared about her. And in that care, she could be happy, regardless of what she was facing.
Was that real? Or just some platitudes in a song?
Rori blinked rapidly as a longing grew within her heart to embrace that hopefulness. To trust that, insignificant as she was in the world, God would still see her.
But she was afraid.
Afraid that believing God saw her would just be setting herself up for disappointment. And she’d been so very careful not to do that in order to minimize the hurt she felt in her life.