CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
The next morning, Rori got up and checked her phone to see if Essie had responded to her text the previous evening.
After experiencing the deep love and care of the Halverson family and friends the previous evening, Rori knew in her heart that it was because they were reflecting their Heavenly Father. Just like Layla and Amelia had reflected the love and care of their parents.
And she desperately wanted to know the God who inspired such love and devotion. She wanted her life to reflect Him, the way Lee and his siblings’ lives were.
Essie: Yep. Come on out any time in the morning. We going into CDA in the afternoon, but my morning is free.
I’ll be there around ten. This time I won’t cancel!
After she replied, Rori took a quick shower, then dressed in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. Lee had invited her to hang out at their place that afternoon. Apparently, they were doing some work in the yard. That had sounded like a great idea, mainly because it meant she could hang out more with Lee.
But first, she needed to have that conversation with Essie.
As she drove down the driveway that led onto her mom’s husband’s property, Rori hoped they didn’t spot her. Not because she didn’t want them to see her, necessarily. But if her mom realized she was there to visit Essie, it might not go over well.
Essie and Al’s home was by the stables and wasn’t anywhere near as big as the main house. But it was cozy, and Rori thought it suited the pair perfectly.
Essie greeted her with a warm smile, then took her into the kitchen, where it was clear from the aromas in the air that she was baking.
“Your boss is with Al,” Essie said.
Rori frowned. “Is there a problem with an animal?”
“Mr. Cannon’s favorite horse is in labor, so he wants the vet to be here.”
It reminded her of how she and Lee had met Carisa.
And it seemed that the woman was determined to become Rori’s friend. Where Rori might have once been more cautious, she was now definitely more open to a friendship with Carisa.
“Would you like some coffee?” Essie asked. “To go with your cinnamon bun?”
Rori grinned as she took a seat on a stool at the pass-through counter. It gave her the perfect view of the cinnamon roll Essie had put on a plate.
“I think coffee is a must with that.”
After Essie had given Rori a large mug of coffee and the plate, she returned to the dough she had been working with.
“What are you making?”
“This is sourdough bread. I’m taking a loaf, along with cinnamon buns, to my daughter.”
“Oh, I’m sure she’ll like that.”
“Yep. She’s a bread-lover.” Essie dropped the dough into a large ceramic bowl, smooth side up. “So, what’s up?”
Knowing she didn’t have a lot of time with Essie, Rori got right to the point. “I need you to tell me how to become a Christian.”
Essie had been scoring the top of the bread, but at Rori’s words, she paused and looked at her, eyebrows raised. “Really?”
“Yes. I’ve been listening at church and spending time with the Halversons, and I need to understand how to have what they—and you and Al—have.”
“I’m more than happy to tell you about that,” Essie said as she returned to her task. “First off, do you have any specific questions about it?”
Rori considered all the thoughts that had been in her head over the past few weeks, trying to sort through everything. “I think I’m a good person. I mean, I try to treat people kindly and with respect. Would God really tell me I’m not good enough for Heaven?”
Essie nodded without hesitation. “Most of us would assume that if we follow the rules and are generally good people, we’d be good enough for God. However, God views it differently. In His eyes, we are born sinners.”
“What do you mean?”
“The Bible tells us that we are all sinners. It doesn’t matter if the sin is big or small. It’s all sin, and as sinners, we can’t gain entrance to Heaven. Not on our own.”
The word sinner seemed harsh to Rori, but she didn’t argue about it with Essie. She wasn’t there to have an argument. She wanted to know what to do.
“But God provided a way for us to gain entrance into Heaven when He sent Jesus, His only Son, to die on the cross for our sins.” Essie covered the bowl with a cloth and set it to the side. “All we have to do is acknowledge that we are a sinner, and then accept the gift God gave us when Jesus died for our sins. In doing so, we have eternal life with Him.”
Rori mulled over what Essie had told her as she sipped her coffee. Was it really that simple? Really?
“But I’m not perfect,” Rori said. “What happens if I sin again? Do I lose my place in Heaven?”
Essie shook her head. “God knows that we aren’t perfect. But what He wants from us is a desire to strive to live in a way that honors and glorifies Him. When we do sin, we must ask Him for forgiveness.”
Rori nodded, wondering if she’d always know if she sinned. She knew the big sins, of course. Murder. Stealing. Lying. But were there more? The last thing she wanted was to get into a situation where she sinned and didn’t realize it. Hopefully, with time, she’d become more aware of what she needed to ask God’s forgiveness for.
“One thing I would encourage you to do is to search your heart regarding the situation with your mom.”
Rori frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I know that we haven’t talked about how things are with her and your family, but I’ve seen enough that I know she isn’t the mother she should be to you. If you have anger and resentment in your heart toward her, you need to let that go and ask God’s forgiveness for it.”
“I need to forgive her?” Rori asked. “Even though she’s never said she’s sorry?”
When Essie didn’t reply right away, Rori tilted her head to look at the woman. She saw compassion on her face.
“The Lord’s prayer in the Bible has a part that asks God to forgive us as we’ve forgiven those who sin against us. So if we don’t forgive, why should God forgive us?”
Rori frowned as she stared down at her partially eaten cinnamon roll. Could she do that? If she was required to forgive in order to be forgiven, could she do it?
“It is freeing to forgive,” Essie said softly.
“You’ve had to forgive someone you didn’t want to?”
Essie wiped down the counter, her expression tight. “I lost my brother because of a drunk driving accident when he was just fifteen years old. The drunk driver was my cousin. He survived but my brother didn’t. I struggled for a long time, particularly since he refused to take accountability for what happened.”
“But you still forgave him?”
“I did. I had to. The anger I felt toward him was tying me up in knots. It affected my relationships with my family. I hated everyone.”
Rori had a hard time imagining Essie like that because she’d never seen any signs that the woman had those tendencies.
“But God met me in my anger one night at church and gave me the strength I needed to forgive Bruce. I couldn’t have done that on my own. But in my weakness, God was strong.”
It was hard to deny the power of God when she saw the person Essie was now compared to who she said she’d been before. Rori wanted to be able to let go of the hurt that had built up over the years.
Though she tried to tell herself that it didn’t matter. That they couldn’t really hurt her. That she didn’t need them. The truth was that deep down, the hurt and anger lingered, simmering.
But she knew that she wanted to begin her Christian life without being chained down by the pain and anger of her past.
“Do you have more questions?” Essie asked. “This is an important conversation, so if you have any, I’m happy to answer them.”
Part of Rori felt she should take the time to think it all over, but another part—one that grew in strength because of Essie’s story about her brother’s unexpected death—made her realize that tomorrow was never promised. What if she didn’t make the decision right then, and on her way home, something happened to her?
“I don’t have any more questions right now.”
“Would you like to pray now?” Essie asked.
“Yes. I would.”
Essie smiled broadly as she came around to sit on the stool next to Rori. Taking her hands, the older woman said, “Let’s pray together.”
As she prayed with Essie, Rori felt a peace settle over her. This was the right decision. She was a child of God now. A part of His family. A family that would be together for eternity.
“I’m so happy for you,” Essie said when their prayer ended. She released Rori’s hands. “I have something for you. I’ll be right back.”
As she sat in the quiet of the kitchen, Rori felt a pang of regret that she hadn’t made this decision sooner. However, she didn’t let the thought linger. Though it would have been better if she’d pursued this sooner, at least she’d finally made the decision.
This was definitely a better late than never situation.
“Here you go,” Essie said as she walked back into the kitchen.
Rori took the items Essie held out to her. After setting them on the counter, she looked them over.
“I bought that women’s devotional Bible a few months ago. Even though, at the time, I didn’t need it. But now you do.” She sat down on the stool again. “Unless you already have a Bible.”
“I don’t. I’ve just been using the app on my phone at church.”
“That works, but this is also good, too,” Essie said, tapping the Bible. “And here is a carrier for it. I got it at the same sale as the Bible.”
Rori ran her fingers over the fabric cover. It was purple—her favorite color—and had black line-drawn butterflies all over it. She loved butterflies and often came across them as she was taking pictures.
Now, though, they represented something more to her. Rebirth. A new creation. From caterpillar to butterfly.
By becoming a Christian, she had shed who she used to be to become something more. Something better.
“There is room for pens and notebooks, too,” Essie said as she flipped it open. With quick movements, she removed the plastic protecting the Bible and fitted it into the cover.
“Thank you so much,” Rori said. “For everything.”
Her words of thanks seemed inadequate these days, but what more did she have?
Essie leaned forward to hug her. “I’m glad that Al and I have been able to help you out. It’s been our pleasure.”
It would have been her mother’s inconvenience. If she’d had to actually lift a finger to help Rori, she would have found it very inconvenient. But God had provided friends who were more like family, and she couldn’t be more grateful.
Rori knew that if it hadn’t been for the support Essie and Al had offered her, and their invitation to attend church with them, she wouldn’t be where she was physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
Essie got up to refresh Rori’s coffee, and they spent the next half hour chatting as Rori finished up her coffee and cinnamon roll. Essie had pulled out a notebook and jotted down the references for passages of the Bible that she thought Rori should read.
When she’d written them all out, Essie tore the paper from the notebook and tucked it into a pocket on the inside of the Bible cover. “And if you have any questions, be sure to text or call me. But then, you could also ask any of the Halversons, since you’ve gotten so close to them.”
“Lee told me he loved me last night,” Rori revealed, unable to keep from smiling.
Essie’s smile grew. “Guess things are progressing nicely.”
“It’s been so amazing. I never thought I’d experience something like what I have with Lee.”
“And now you share a faith, which will only help to strengthen your relationship.”
Rori was sure that Essie was right. What she wasn’t as sure about was telling Lee that she’d just become a Christian. She didn’t thinkhe’d get upset that she hadn’t been a Christian when they’d started to date. He’d never asked her, so she hadn’t lied about it. Surely it wouldn’t matter now.
But what if she was wrong?
The thought lingered in her mind as she ended her visit with Essie and returned home. When she reached her apartment, she settled on her bed and unzipped the cover of the Bible.
Fishing out the paper Essie had put there, Rori decided to take a little time to read one of the passages she’d suggested.
It took her longer to figure out where the first verses were than if she’d been using the app, and she knew that if she was going to get comfortable using the physical Bible, she’d have to get tabs or something to mark the books. Even better would be memorizing the books of the Bible.
Finally, she got to second Corinthians chapter five, verse seventeen. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
She didn’t feel like a completely different person, and it made her wonder if she really was a Christian. Aside from feeling a bit more at peace, she didn’t think she’d experienced a significant change. She still loved Lee. Cared for Essie and Al.
Hunching forward, Rori probed her feelings about her family. That was perhaps the place where she needed to change the most.
The anger that usually swelled when she allowed herself to feel the hurt of her childhood was muted. Tolerable even.
She’d worked hard over the years to push back the hurt and the anger. To the point where she didn’t think about how she felt most days—as long as she focused on the present or the future. Never on the past.
Please help me with all of my anger, God. I don’t know if I can do it on my own.
As the time neared for Lee to pick her up, Rori set aside the Bible with the paper tucked inside. She resolved to get herself a notebook and some highlighters like Carisa had. These verses that Essie had given her would be among the first that she’d highlight.
She got off the bed and went to check that she still looked okay. Thankfully, if they were hanging around outside, she didn’t need to be dressed up with perfect hair and makeup. And she didn’t think Lee minded when she wasn’t polished. He’d seen her at her worst and had still fallen in love with her.
Lee: Thy knight and his trusty steed are preparing to depart to fetch thee, his beloved fair maiden.
Rori chuckled at the message. I, thy beloved fair maiden, shall await for thee, my beloved knight, to arrive posthaste.
It only sort of made sense, but Rori was confident that it would make Lee smile. Maybe even laugh. Sure enough, she got back a laughing emoji followed by a heart.
His text usually gave her ten minutes, so she used the bathroom, and then decided to change into a pair of shorts since she had felt warm in jeans when she’d been out earlier. After she was ready, she locked the apartment and went up to the main floor.
Though she’d said she could drive herself over to the house, Lee had insisted he’d come pick her up. And since it meant they could spend a few minutes by themselves, Rori hadn’t objected too strongly.
She’d just stepped out of the door to wait for Lee in the fresh air when his car pulled up. The flutters in her stomach and her increased heart rate prompted her to walk with quick steps to his car.
He met her by the passenger door and pulled her in for a hug and a quick kiss. “Missed you.”
Warmth filled Rori as she stared up at Lee. “Missed you too.”
After one more kiss, he released her and opened the car door. On their way to his place, they chatted about what the plan was for the afternoon, which was basically just hanging out at the house and then having dinner there with the others.
“Did you have lunch already?” Lee asked as they made their way up the sidewalk to the front door of Charli and Janessa’s.
“Not really. But I went to visit Essie, and she fed me the biggest, most delicious cinnamon bun ever and a cup of the most glorious coffee.”
Lee chuckled as he opened the door. “I didn’t know you were a coffee connoisseur.”
“I’m not really, but the coffee my mom’s husband gets is… wow!”
“I guess it’s not a brand you can buy off the shelf, huh?”
They made their way into the kitchen, where Charli was wiping the counters while Shiloh snoozed in her swing.
Charli smiled when she saw them. “Hey, Rori. How’re you today?”
“I’m good.” The urge to spill what had happened with Essie grew stronger, but she held it back. They likely already thought she was a Christian, so telling them wasn’t really necessary. Was it? “How about you?”
They chatted for a few minutes while Lee went to the fridge and pulled out a couple of bottles of water. When they headed out to the back porch, Charli picked up the baby monitor and followed them.
Blake was in the backyard with the older girls, both of whom came running over to hug Rori when they saw her.
“What are you guys doing?” Rori asked.
“We’re helping Dad trim the bushes,” Layla said.
Lee set the water bottles down on the table, then took Rori’s hand as they walked down the steps to join the others. Charli was talking to Blake where he stood next to a small pile of branches.
“Do you want to see our garden, Rori?” Charli asked.
“Sure.” She’d never grown anything, let alone planted a whole garden.
“This is my first year growing vegetables. In the past, I’ve focused mainly on flowers.” They approached a large patch of tilled earth at the back corner of the expansive yard. “We’ve got lots of tomatoes coming. We’ll probably have to share them because there’s no way we’ll eat them all. Do you like tomatoes?”
“I do.”
“Great! We’ll be sure to pass some on to you as well.”
They continued the tour of the garden, with Charli promising her some of every vegetable she liked. Lee came to join them, slipping his arm around Rori’s waist. Contentment swirled through Rori as she leaned into him.
Could life get any better?