Chapter 5 #2
Whatever she’s threatening Josh with must be pretty bad, because he nods furiously.
The three of us pile into Cassie’s car, and she immediately turns the stereo up, assaulting our ears with some pop ballad about a broken heart.
I don’t know if she’s trying to prevent Josh from speaking or keep me awake, but she accomplishes both as we whizz along the empty roads.
More than awake, I feel…normal. Listening to a song about making an ex pay while headed to a party with a friend might be commonplace for most high school girls, but for me it’s a rare event.
Exceedingly rare. I savor the feeling as best I can while simultaneously feeling like I might keel over from exhaustion, despite the fact I’m already sitting.
I give Cassie directions for a while, but stop bothering once we turn on to Marcus’s street.
It’s obvious where we’re headed toward. The actual house is quiet, with only a couple of lights on, but the path to the right of it is lined with cars, and the sound and sight of activity is evident through the trees as we all climb out of the car.
There are a few other groups arriving at the same time as us, and I attract a lot of stares as we walk along the mowed path. I’m not sure if it’s simply because I’m here, or if it’s because I’m here with the “new girl” and a strange guy, but it’s annoying either way.
Josh notices. “You a local celebrity or something, Lennon?”
“Or something,” I mutter back as we emerge into the clearing. And that’s all it is. A large patch of browning grass ringed with trees and filled with people.
This is it? I can’t help but think.
For years of Monday mornings, I’ve heard about the wild Friday nights that take place here. The stories I’m accustomed to hearing don’t seem to fit with the scene in front of me. I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this. I feel strangely let down; like an illusion has been shattered.
Cassie takes in my lackluster expression and laughs. “Come on. Let’s get a drink and try to find Will.”
“I’ll catch up with you guys,” Josh says, before heading toward a group of girls.
Cassie tracks his movements closely as we head in the direction of the two kegs perched on the periphery of the clearing, next to the few cars fortunate enough to avoid being parked on the sloping path.
“He better not embarrass me,” Cassie mutters as we walk along. I don’t answer, busy taking in my surroundings.
I study each group closely as we pass them by, feeling like an anthropologist sent to observe a foreign culture, rather than a high school senior in the midst of people I’ve known since kindergarten.
Although, the peer I’m most concerned about encountering has only attended the same school as me since ninth grade.
I scuff my sneakers along the tufts of grass, interspersed with dirt patches worn by decades of teenagers partying at this very spot.
“Come on, Lennon,” Cassie urges, finally losing patience with my pace and grabbing my hand to tow me along faster. “Try not to look like you’re being tortured just by being here, please.”
I paste the widest, fakest smile I can muster on my face as she drags me past a couple making out against the truck parked closest to the keg.
Cassie laughs at my expression as she fills two plastic cups with beer. “Much better.”
I drop the fake smile and try to muster a real one as I take a long sip of the cold, frothy liquid filling the cup she hands me.
The malty smell is strangely comforting, reminiscent of lazy Sunday evenings spent sprawled out on the living room rug studying while Gramps nursed a bottle of beer until it was lukewarm at best.
“Let’s go over to the bonfire to wait for Will,” Cassie suggests.
“Okay,” I agree, feeling a little less like an outsider with a red cup in hand and hops coating my tongue.
The power of peer pressure.
I spin around to follow Cassie toward the roaring flames, and then the next few seconds seem to happen in slow motion.
My left foot catches on something—an errant stick, or maybe an empty beer can—and I’m suddenly off-balance, falling forward when I want to be upright.
I take a quick half-step to right myself, and watch in horror as beer sloshes out of my full cup and drenches one half of the couple kissing against the truck.
The person I soak turns out to be Madison Herbert. The girl who, as she’d be the first to tell you, is considered Landry High’s most popular is now dripping with beer, courtesy of my clumsiness.
Despite the fact she ranks quite high on the long list of people I don’t like very much, horror hastens my apology. “I’m so sor—” The last word dies on my tongue when I realize who she was kissing.
Blue eyes burn mine. All of a sudden, it feels like the oxygen has been sucked out of my lungs.
I tear my gaze away from Caleb. “It was an accident,” I inform Madison.
My ex-best friend glances up from her dripping clothes with venom spewing from her eyes. “What the hell are you even doing here, Lennon?”
“I invited her.” I glance over at Will, who’s approaching with two other guys. Uneasily, I realize they aren’t the only ones looking this way. Most of the clearing’s attention is aimed over here.
“Of course you did,” Madison drawls. “You two make perfect sense.”
Maybe I’d walk away, if it was just me she was insulting. That’s a storm I’ve successfully weathered many times before. But it bothers me she’s dragging Will into it, that she’s willing to slight him just to take a dig at me.
I toss my mostly-empty cup and cross my arms. “What does that mean?”
“It means you walk around with your nose in the air, like we don’t all know your dad was a deadbeat druggie and your mom was a slut who—”
“That’s enough.”
It takes me a moment, to work past the ball of pain and rage and realize who spoke.
Madison—everyone—is gaping at Caleb.
“I’m just stating facts.” Madison recovers first, pairing the statement with a fake laugh.
No one joins her. It’s eerily silent, everyone frozen in place like scared animals. But they’re not staring at Madison—or me. They’re all focused on Caleb, like they’re waiting for him to react.
“Whatever.” Madison flips her hair. “Help me get cleaned up?”
“Not a fucking chance.”
I thought I’d heard Caleb angry. But the ice in his voice is new. Its cold edge cuts through the night air like a sharp blade before he turns and walks away.
I flinch, and I’m not the only one. Madison glares at me before she spins and disappears into the crowd too.
“Whoa,” Cassie breathes. “I, uh, I can’t believe that happened.”
I’m still frozen, staring at the spot where Caleb was standing.
“Hey, Lennon.” Will approaches, hands in his pockets. “Hi, Cassie,” he adds.
“Hey, Will,” she responds, and I smile.
“Can I get you ladies anything to drink?” he offers.
I chew on the inside of my cheek and nod, appreciating his effort to act like that scene didn’t just happen.
“Drinks would be great,” I tell Will.
“You okay?” Cassie whispers, while Will’s over by the coolers.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
Cassie excuses herself a couple minutes after Will returns with our drinks in an obvious attempt to leave the two of us alone.
We chat easily, although Will does most of the talking.
He’s in the midst of explaining the joke gift holiday tradition in his family when one of his basketball teammates stumbles over to us, clearly drunk.
I tell Will I’m going to grab another drink, and he nods, preoccupied with keeping his teammate upright.
Rather than head for the beverages, I hike up the edge of the small hill that slopes into the clearing and take a seat on a random truck’s tailgate.
I spot Cassie standing next to the bonfire and watch her chatting with a few of the girls we eat lunch with before turning my gaze upward at the stars.
I’ve just started tracing the shape of the Little Dipper when I feel the tailgate dip from the added weight of another body.
“Heard you soaked Madison.” When I glance over, Colt Adams is also looking upward.
“Unfortunately, it wasn’t on purpose,” I reply, glad my voice doesn’t reveal how shocked I am Caleb’s best friend is voluntarily speaking to me. That’s happened…never.
Colt chuckles. “He’s pissed.”
Something twists in my stomach. Worse than the confusing state of things between me and Caleb is others noticing it. Whenever people talk about me, it’s always in a negative context. “No idea what you’re talking about, Colt.”
“How much do you want to bet he’s going to come over here? Twenty bucks?”
“I don’t have twenty bucks.”
My honest admission doesn’t have the effect I hoped for, because he keeps going. “Fine. If he doesn’t come over here, I’ll give you twenty bucks. If he does, I’ll have the satisfaction of knowing I was right.”
“Whatever.” I resume staring at the star-strewn sky.
“So…why did you come?”
I glance over at him. “You sound like Madison.”
“Probably because she’s worried about the same thing I am.”
“Once again, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I know.” Colt sighs. “That’s the whole damn problem.” He shakes his head, then hops off the tailgate in one smooth motion.
“You’re leaving before our bet is resolved?”
He nods to the right. “Better luck next time.”
Colt pauses to say something to Caleb, then disappears into the clearing. Caleb continues toward me, taking the open spot next to me silently.
“You just lost me twenty bucks.”
Caleb is silent for a few minutes. “Why’d you come, Lennon?” He sounds frustrated. Angry, even.
“If you’re mad that I interrupted your makeout—”
He scoffs. “Has she always treated you like that?”
“ Everyone has always treated me like that, Caleb. Including you.”
That’s enough to turn Caleb’s attention from the stars to me. “Are you fucking kidding me, Lennon? I’ve never—”
This time, I interrupt him. “Never insulted my parents? Never called me a name? Which one qualifies you for sainthood?”
Caleb leans closer. Too close. I’m suddenly very aware we’re not at school. As stupid as it sounds, that’s where we always interact. There are schedules and witnesses and light . Sitting here in the darkness feels different. “I think you like it.”
“What?”
“I think you like it,” he repeats. “I think you like arguing with me, Lennon Matthews.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Am I? If I ignore you on Monday, you wouldn’t care?”
“I’d be thrilled. Best day of high school.” I’m saying the words. But I’m thinking, Would I? Because I’ve always taken Caleb’s presence—his attention—as a given. I’ve wished for its absence but never considered what the reality would feel like.
Caleb doesn’t say anything, and I make the mistake of looking over at him.
Those piercing blue eyes aren’t looking at the party, or the sky.
They’re looking at me. My clothes. My face.
I don’t know how much he can see in the dim light, but something tells me Caleb has noticed the changes in my usual appearance.
A warmth that has nothing to do with the borrowed wool I’m wearing works its way through my body.
I lift my gaze back up to the stars, thoroughly unsettled.
“I didn’t know you’d be here. You never come to these things.”
“What difference does it make?”
“None, obviously. Have a good night, Matthews.”
I open my mouth to respond but nothing comes out. Caleb shakes his head, then jumps off the tailgate and walks away. Something sinks inside of me, like an anchor dropping into my stomach.
If I ignore you on Monday, you wouldn’t care?
I have my answer.
And it isn’t the one I wanted.