Chapter 18 #2
I should be relieved. It should make tonight more enjoyable. Less trepidatious.
Instead, there’s a sinking disappointment.
Dinner is possibly the most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted. Aside from special occasions, Gramps and I eat a rotation of the same five or six meals. Tonight, there’s a salad with zesty dressing, pepper-crusted filet mignon, lemony green beans, and crisp potatoes.
After the dinner plates have been cleared, a spread of desserts is set out along with coffee, tea, soda, and water. The piano music that’s been playing in the background stops, and a DJ takes the stage. Pop music starts as soon as some of the tables have been cleared, revealing a dance floor.
A few people begin dancing. But most everyone remains seated, talking or eating dessert.
Not long after, Tina sits up straighter in her seat. “Here comes the cool crowd.”
She’s looking toward the door. I twist my head before I can stop myself.
He’s here. Walking toward one of the open tables amidst a group of his friends, baseball teammates, and an awful lot of girls. Including Madison.
I look away quickly, before anyone can catch me staring.
Cassie gets a bunch of desserts from the buffet. I take a brownie when she offers the plate to me and listen to the gossip about the couples dancing. More and more people are beginning to head out to the dance floor.
My eyes stay on the front of the room, but my gaze wants to look to my left, over where Caleb went. Eventually, my empty glass provides me with an opportunity to scan the room and preserve my pride.
“I’m going to get some more water,” I say. “Anyone else want anything?”
Suddenly, there’s silence.
“ Alright , then.” I laugh a little as I stand. “I’ll be ba—”
I turn, the word dying in my throat when I realize someone is blocking my path.
He’s wearing a tux. That’s all I register at first. A whole lot of black and white fabric. Then my gaze travels up, until it reaches blue eyes. My heartrate accelerates to a rapid, uneven rhythm.
After holding my gaze for a few seconds, his drops, looking at my dress. He’s close enough I can see his throat bob with a swallow.
“Hey.” That’s all Caleb says. No compliment. But he’s still looking, and maybe that says more.
I know I’m not unattractive. Guys have shown interest in me. But none of them have ever looked at me the way Caleb Winters is looking at me right now: like I’m oxygen and he’s just run out of air.
“Hey,” I echo, not sure what else to say. I never thought he’d come over here. Not after everything. I’m sure people are staring, but for once I genuinely don’t care. They can say or think whatever they want.
Caleb shoves his hands into his pockets. “Do you want to dance?”
I nod, then clear my throat. “Sure.”
He nods back as he steps to the side, allowing me to pass by and walk in the direction of the dance floor. Halfway there, his hand settles on the small of my back. I can feel the heat radiating from his palm, sinking through the thin fabric of my dress and spreading across my skin.
The DJ is already in the middle of a song. Caleb guides me toward one corner with some open space. The melody is upbeat and fast, suited for grinding or gyrating. But we stand like we’re waltzing, my hand on his shoulder and his on my waist.
“I wanted to ask you,” I admit.
Somehow, Caleb became the more vulnerable of the two of us, but it doesn’t make me feel powerful. It makes me feel inadequate.
One corner of his mouth twists cynically in response to my confession. “Sure,” he says easily.
“I didn’t know…if you’d want me to. I wasn’t even sure if you were coming. And I was worried you might say no.”
In response, he says nothing.
“You look good.” I half-smile, so he’ll know I mean the compliment. Although, I doubt I’m the first girl who’s told him that tonight.
“You look beautiful, Lennon.” Embarrassingly, those four words, delivered in an earnest tone, make my eyes prick.
The next song begins playing. We weren’t quite in tune with the last melody, but this beat is slower. I stop moving, fully expecting Caleb to drop his hands and return to his friends.
He doesn’t.
He tugs me closer.
I can’t see his face anymore, just the starched black fabric of his tuxedo jacket.
The song is melancholy, making it perfect for this moment. It’s one I’ve heard played dozens of times before on the radio when I’m cleaning the barn. But I don’t focus on the familiar words or the haunting melody. I’m fixated on the weight of Caleb’s hands resting possessively on my lower back.
I love him , I realize. I’m in love with him.
Instead of weakening my resolve, it strengthens it. We’re close—so, so close—to the end of high school. Despite staying here, it will be a fresh start. No school. No responsibilities, aside from Gramps and the farm and hopefully, the Landry Gazette .
Caleb might think he loves me. But that will fade, once he’s left Landry. I want to ask if he’s committed to Oakmont yet, but I know it’ll probably hurt to hear the answer.
The music ends, and his hands drop. We stare at each other.
I muster a smile. “Thanks for the dance.”
“I wouldn’t have said no, Lennon.” Caleb holds my gaze, watching those words sink in before he walks away.
I can’t stand out here alone, and I’m not ready to return to my table. So, I head toward the dessert table. I fill a fancy glass with sparkling water and take a couple of long sips. Bubbles tickle my throat as I drain the glass, set it on a tray, and then continue to the bathroom.
The marble restroom is empty when I enter it. My heels create a foreign echo as I cross the glassy surface. It’s a challenge to go to the bathroom in the long dress, but I finally manage.
When I exit the stall, I’m no longer alone. Madison is standing at the mirror, carefully painting her lips red. Her dress is a bright shade of teal that would probably look terrible on anyone else, but on Madison, it’s just audacious enough.
“Lennon,” she acknowledges, lowering her hand and adjusting her dress so the daring back dips down a bit further.
“Hi, Madison,” I respond, walking to the sink next to her so I can wash my hands.
“You’re looking less like a farm girl than usual.”
Instead of replying, I ask, “Why did we stop being friends?”
Madison drops the lipstick in her clutch and snaps it shut before turning toward me, eyebrows raised. “What?”
“You heard me. We were friends. Good friends. You’ve spent the last four years acting like we never were. Just because of my dad?”
“At first, yeah.”
“At first?”
“Caleb Winters was moving to town. I wanted to distance myself from you, because I knew that the Winterses care about appearances. Reputations. Money. Even before Caleb got here, he was the most popular guy in town. He and I made sense. I was obsessed with boys and being popular back then. You know that.”
“And that’s changed?” I tease.
A reluctant smile forms on Madison’s face. “Not really.”
“So it was all because of my dad.”
“I didn’t want to be associated with you, because I thought it would drive away Caleb.
” She shakes her head, pursing painted lips.
“And then you turn out to be the one girl he gives a shit about. I thought he’d get over it, honestly.
I mean, he’s Caleb Winters. Every girl has a crush on him.
And you, you barely acknowledged him. But any time someone would say something about you, he’d defend you.
Until no one would say anything about you, around him.
I kissed Ryan in front of him once, trying to make him jealous.
Ryan mentions talking to you at your locker?
Caleb hasn’t spoken to him since. That’s why we’re not friends, Lennon.
Because I’m in love with Caleb. And he’s in love with you . ”
I blink at her. “That’s not—”
“Save it, Lennon.” Madison holds a hand up. “You asked me a question. I answered it. But a little friendly advice? As far as I can tell, you’re making things a lot harder than they need to be.”
With one last knowing look, she walks out, leaving me wondering what it means that the last person I ever thought I would take life advice from seems to be making an awful lot of sense.