Chapter 23
LENNON
“L ennon!” There’s an urgency in Gramps’s voice that makes me abandon Gallie in the cross-ties and sprint out of the stallions’ barn, grooming brush still in hand.
Gramps is standing out on the front porch of the farmhouse, leaning against one post that has the important task of keeping the railing upright. My heart rate slows when I see he’s standing and smiling. Relief swamps me.
It’s not until I reach the bottom stair and spot the white piece of paper he’s holding that I regret running over so quickly.
Some more time to figure out what I’m going to say to him about this would be nice.
Although, I’ve had a week to come up with the words to tell the other person I really need to show that paper to—or at least share its contents with—and I’ve still got nothing.
A few extra seconds now probably wouldn’t accomplish a whole lot.
“You got in?” Gramps shakes the sheet of paper in front of me, as though I didn’t memorize every word it says the day it arrived.
“Yeah, I did,” I confirm unnecessarily. I can read the bold Congratulations! from here.
Gramps scans my face. “Look a little less enthused, huh?”
“Gramps…”
I weigh how to play this. Caleb’s going to be a tougher conversation for several reasons, but at least I can be honest with him about exactly how worried I am to leave Gramps alone.
Telling that to my grandfather’s face is a whole other matter.
Even if stubbornness isn’t hereditary, I most certainly inherited it from him.
“You’re going, Lennie.”
“And how are you going to take care of the farm by yourself?” I challenge.
“I’ll figure something out.”
I scoff. “That’s what you always say. I’m not going to leave you here when I’m perfectly capable of helping out. RCC’s been fine for the past few years. One more won’t make any difference.”
“You belong at a school with more than one faculty member in the journalism department, Lennon,” Gramps informs me. “Where you couldn’t get A’s in your sleep.”
“I work hard for those A’s,” I reply, scowling.
Gramps smiles. “I know you do, darling. But you deserve to be at a college where everyone else in your classes are, too.”
I kind of regret telling him about the humorous anecdotes involving some slackers who attend Richardson Community College with me now.
“I’m happy at Richardson,” I insist.
“Then why did you apply to Clarkson?”
I look away from his knowing gaze. “You know why.”
“What did Caleb say?”
“I haven’t told him yet,” I admit. “That I got in, at least. I told him I applied. Honestly, I didn’t think there was a real chance I’d get in. They hardly ever accept senior year transfers.”
And that’s exactly why I applied. A gesture I wouldn’t have to follow through on. Except now, I could.
“Why haven’t you told him?”
I scoff. “Stop asking me questions you already know the answers to.”
“Because you know he’s going to be thrilled about it?”
I keep studying the peeling paint of the porch. “Plenty of couples make long distance work. We see each other when we can.”
“It’s been almost three years, Lennie.”
“I can’t believe you’re telling me to chase after a boy. Read a parenting book.”
Gramps laughs. “I’m telling you to chase your dreams. I know you love this farm, but there’s a lot more out in the world than just Landry.
And there’s more to college than just classes, too.
It’s a life experience you’re missing out on by driving three towns over twice a week to take a few classes. ”
“You’re telling me to go to Clarkson, specifically. Not just a good college.”
“There’s a reason that’s the school you applied to, right?”
I look back over in time to catch his knowing smile. “He has a whole separate life there. Friends, teammates, classes. I don’t know how I’d fit in there. If I’d fit in there.”
Gramps gives me a reassuring smile. “You will.”
“What if things don’t work out between us? What if I transfer and we break up? He’s going to get drafted next summer or end up at some fancy job like his dad. At least if I stay in Landry, I’ll have my life here to focus on. If I uproot everything for him, I’ll have nothing.”
“That boy doesn’t love a thing in this world anywhere near as much as he loves you, Lennie.”
A lump the size of Kentucky forms in my throat.
“Maybe,” I whisper.
The truth is, Caleb’s never given me any reason to doubt his feelings for me. He’s proven how much he loves me over and over again ever since I agreed to give us a chance.
It doesn’t change the fact our lives are wildly incompatible.
Unless one of us makes some major sacrifices, that’s not going to change anytime soon.
I’m the obvious option between us; Caleb is at Clarkson on a full athletic scholarship. And he’s a big deal in the baseball world. But I’m not sure how I can justify choosing a boy over my only living family and the farm that’s been in my family for generations.
“I wouldn’t be pushing it if I thought you really didn’t want to go, Lennie. But I think you do want to, and I don’t want to be your excuse. Nothing would make me happier than seeing you spread your wings.”
“I’ll think about it,” I promise. And I mean it. I’ve thought of little else since the paper Gramps is still holding arrived in the mail a week ago.
“And tell Caleb,” Gramps advises.
“You just want to be able to gang up on me with him,” I accuse. Most of the time, I love that Gramps thinks the world of Caleb. Not so much when the two of them join forces against me.
Gramps grins, not denying it. “Well, he managed to get you to apply, and that’s more than I’ve been able to do.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m headed back to the barn.”
“I’m proud of you, Lennie,” he tells me, and the love overflowing in his voice makes tears prick my eyes. “No matter what you decide, I’m always proud of you.”
“Thanks, Gramps,” I manage.
“What time are you leaving tonight?”
“Cassie’s picking me up at six.”
“All right. I’m heading over to Mike’s shortly. Mary will probably convince me to stay for dinner, so I doubt I’ll be back before you leave.”
“Okay.” I’m worried about leaving Gramps on his own for the next two-and-a-half days, but after the conversation we just had, I know better than to raise my concerns right now. The knowledge he’ll have company tonight is somewhat reassuring. “Have fun at Mike’s.”
I close the distance between us to give him a hug.
The familiar scent of leather and tobacco surrounds me, and I inhale deeply.
Gramps gave up his evening pipe years ago, but the clove smell still permeates most of his clothing.
Probably because he hasn’t added any new clothes to his wardrobe in just as many years.
“Have fun at the lake. But not too much fun, all right? I’m too young to be a great-grandfather.”
“Leaving now!” I announce, making a show of covering my ears before I turn back in the direction of the barn. It was embarrassing enough when Gramps would make those sorts of comments when Caleb and I first started dating. It’s even more mortifying now that I have a sex life to speak of.
Gramps’s deep laugh follows me back to the barn. Gallie is tossing his head impatiently, clearly unhappy about the prolonged time in the cross-ties. I pat his smooth neck before running my left hand down to his rump and continuing to groom him from where I left off.
I’m picking his hooves when I hear the old farm truck start, sparking to life with a loud roar that gradually quiets to a rumble. Gramps honks twice as he passes the barn. I wave, watching the dust raised drift off toward the training track and then disappear into nothingness.
The clock hanging in the tack room reads 5:20 by the time I’m finished in the barn. I speed walk back to the house, shower, and then stand dripping in the center of my room, surveying my limited outfit options.
I’m confident Cassie is not going to drive me to Colt Adams’s twenty-first birthday party wearing my standard uniform of jeans and a T-shirt.
I survey my three dresses, two of which she let me borrow last summer and refused to let me return.
I settle on the most casual of the three: a blue cotton one with thin straps that reveal the new freckles dotting my shoulders.
It’s been too hot to bother with sleeves lately.
Gramps left the letter from Clarkson on my bed. I study it for a few minutes before tucking it inside a book on my bedside table.
I pull my old duffel bag out from underneath my twin bed once I’m dressed, tossing most of my wardrobe inside.
Caleb is returning tonight from baseball camp in Georgia.
He’s only back home for five days before heading to Clarkson for yet another baseball camp that will lead into the start of senior year.
After Colt’s birthday party tonight, we’re going to Colt’s family’s cabin for two nights. Ironically, it’s on the same lake we traveled to for the senior trip in high school.
This is the first time I’m returning to it since that disaster of a weekend. I’m just as apprehensive about leaving Gramps now as I was then, but he assured me he could handle it.
Cassie’s voice echoes through the house just as I’m zipping up my bag.
“Coming!” I call back, grabbing my phone off the charger and heading for the stairs.
Cassie is leaning against the wall that separates the kitchen from the entryway when I descend the steps.
She smiles approvingly when she sees my choice of attire, which is a first. For once, we’re dressed similarly.
Cassie is wearing a pale pink sundress that pulls out the lighter shades in her dirty blonde hair.
“Damn, girl,” she tells me. “You look hot .”
I laugh. “You sure you don’t want to rifle through my collection of fleeces before we go? For old times’ sake?”
Cassie rolls her brown eyes. “You ready?”
I hike the strap of my duffel bag up on my shoulder. “Yup. Let’s go.”
“Is Caleb back yet?” she asks as we head outside.
“I don’t think so. He said it’d probably be closer to seven.”
“Excited for your weekend getaway?”