Chapter 28 #2
“We’ve been dating for three years.” My back-the-hell-off tone registers, but she doesn’t look affected by the warning in it. Instead, she looks me up and down, then says, “Okay.”
I continue down the bleachers, not bothering to say anything else. I’ve never been worried about Caleb cheating on me. But this is my least favorite part of being Caleb Winters’s girlfriend: the attention.
The interest.
I didn’t have to deal with it in high school. I’ve been protected from most of it since we officially got together. It’s not that I didn’t think girls here would be interested in him. It’s just different, seeing it for myself.
I reach the chain-link fence and lean one shoulder against it, hoping that girl doesn’t think she chased me off. I pull out my phone and text Cassie.
Lennon: Did you know you can buy clothes with Caleb’s name on it?
Less than a minute later, my phone begins to buzz. When I answer, Cassie is laughing. “Did you seriously not know?”
“How would I know? Half the kids in my classes wear pajamas every day. Not sports stuff.” To be fair, the community college I’ve taken classes at for the past three years doesn’t even have any sports teams to represent.
“So, you’re at Clarkson?”
“Yeah.” I scuff the toe of my sneaker in the dirt. “I missed him. And…I got in here. Figured I should take a look at the campus.”
“You got into Clarkson? Congrats, Lennon! That’s a big deal.”
“Thanks, Cassie.”
She pauses, so I know what question is coming before she speaks. “Are you going to go?”
“I don’t know. Part of me really wants to.
Not only because of Caleb, although it would be nice to not be in a long-distance relationship, for once.
Tom Stradwell told me I have a permanent position waiting for me at the Gazette after I graduate from RCC.
But a degree from Clarkson would open up a lot more opportunities. ”
It bothers me that’s the case, but I know it’s true.
“What’s holding you back, then?”
“I’d have to sell Matthews Farm. Clarkson gave me some financial aid, but I can’t afford to pay someone to take care of the horses and look after the property. But if I do that, I won’t have anywhere to stay during breaks.”
“You know you could stay with me. Or Caleb. Or apply to stay on campus. It’s a much bigger decision than that, Lennon.”
I exhale. “Yeah. I know.”
“I’m sure Caleb would…”
“He offered. But I…I can’t.”
“Why not? You know how rich his family is. Then you don’t have to pick one or the other. You can graduate from Clarkson and then decide if you want to keep the farm or not. See where Caleb gets drafted. Really think it through, before making a choice you can’t take back.”
“I don’t care how much money they have. This isn’t him buying me dinner. Horses are crazy expensive. We’re talking about hundreds of thousands of dollars.”
Cassie isn’t as shocked by the amount as I’m expecting her to be. “That’s probably the interest his trust fund makes in a month.”
I’m not sure if it’s a joke or if she’s being serious. Caleb and I have never discussed exactly how much money he has.
“Are you worried you’ll break up? Is that why you don’t want to take money from him?”
“No, I’m not worried about that. Things are good between us.” I think back to last night and this morning. “They’re really good, actually.”
“You should think about taking him up on it, then. It’s okay to accept help.”
“Yeah.”
I have accepted help from Caleb. Many times. Money is different. To me, at least. Cassie’s family is nowhere near as wealthy as the Winterses, but they’re more than comfortable. She has a different perspective on it than I do.
“Text me when you’re back in Landry so we can hang out.”
“I will,” I reply, before hanging up.
When I glance at the field, I’m surprised to find it empty. Players are trickling out of the field house carrying bags and water bottles. I was talking to Cassie for longer than I realized.
“Hey.” Caleb smiles when he reaches me.
“Hey,” I reply, suddenly feeling shy. None of the crowd in the bleachers has dispersed. It feels like we’re on display, like I’m on display.
“Who were you talking to?” Caleb asks.
“Cassie,” I reply. “I texted her about something and she called me back.”
“What did you text her about?”
I’m saved from answering by an unfamiliar voice.
“Never seen you leave practice on time before, Winters. Now I see why.” A tall, skinny guy with cropped blond hair has paused a few feet away from us, a wide grin stretching across his face.
“Your RBI could use some extra practice, Davis,” Caleb retorts.
Impossibly, the blond—Davis—grins bigger. “You gonna introduce me?”
Caleb sighs, but he’s smiling. “Lennon, this is Nick Davis, our third baseman. Davis, this is my girlfriend, Lennon.”
Davis—or Nick, I’m not sure what to call him—holds a hand out for me to shake. “Nice to meet you, Lennon. Don’t worry, I’ve heard all the jokes before.”
“All the jokes about—oh.” I realize.
Nick chuckles, probably in response to my blush. “We were sure Winters was making you up.”
I smile, but there’s a spasm of guilt in my stomach. Selfishly, I never really considered things from Caleb’s perspective.
Aside from having to make the three-hour trip to Landry, I figured me never coming to Clarkson didn’t bother him.
I’m antisocial on my best day and bored by baseball.
Now, I’m realizing how unfair that was. Caleb would come to Landry to fit himself into my life—spending time with Gramps and taking care of the horses—while I’ve never made any effort to step into his.
“Hey, Torres,” Nick calls out. “Come meet Winters’s girl.”
Instead of just one guy, five amble our way.
“We’ve gotta head—” Caleb starts.
I shake my head at him. “I want to stay.”
He studies me, clearly surprised. But in a good way, I think. There’s a warmth in his eyes that turns my insides to goo before I turn to meet more of his teammates.
* * *
Eight hours later, I park beside the barn. After breakfast, Caleb took me on a walk around campus. And then I had to leave. Come back to my responsibilities here.
Touring Clarkson’s campus, I could see it.
I could picture myself there. I finally understand why people say college is more than an academic step.
At RCC, I go to class and come home. It’s never felt all that different from high school.
But Clarkson felt like a whole other world. It is its own world.
And that appeals to me more than I thought it would. But being back in Landry, stepping out of the truck to survey the familiar acres that make up Matthews Farm?
My feelings are all snarled up again.
I head inside the farmhouse to dump my overnight bag and grab a snack.
My appetite seems to have finally returned.
I swap out my sneakers for a pair of paddock boots and walk out into the field to fetch Geiger.
Gallie isn’t thrilled about being left behind, racing back and forth along the fence line as soon as the gate clangs shut behind his pasture-mate.
I tack Gallie up and head in the direction of the training track. Then come to a sudden stop.
Caleb’s truck is parked next to mine.
I blink at the black vehicle, certain I’m imagining it. I’ve barely been home a half hour. Caleb would have had to leave Clarkson just after I did.
No matter how many times I blink, the truck is still there.
“Caleb?” I finally call out, feeling foolish.
No answer.
I continue toward the training track and there he is, leaning up against one of the few posts still standing. Caleb straightens and smiles when he sees me, unknotting the fear he’s here because something is wrong.
“Uh, what are you doing here?”
He drops my gaze, looking down at the dirt track. My eyes focus on the white papers he’s tapping against his thigh.
“Caleb?” I prompt.
He sighs. “I was just going to have the bank send these to you, but I decided it would be better to give them to you in person. The mail wasn’t delivered until after you’d already left, and I wasn’t sure how to tell… It doesn’t matter. Here.”
Caleb closes the few feet between us and holds the papers out to me.
“What is it?” I ask, transferring the reins to my left hand so I can take the papers in my right. Geiger snorts and tosses his head.
“Money.”
Breath leaves me in a whoosh . “Caleb…”
“I know, Lennon. I know you don’t want it. But I can’t just sit back and not do anything. I have the money. Let me help. You would do it for me.”
I swallow and look away. He’s right. I would, if our roles were reversed. But he’s the one who’s actually doing it. That’s different from a hypothetical handout.
“It doesn’t have to be for college,” he continues. “The account is in your name. Spend it however you want. Fix the farm up. Buy new yearlings to race. It’s yours.”
“It’s too much.” I haven’t looked at the dollar amount yet, but I’m sure it’s an obscene amount of money.
“It’s not ,” Caleb replies. He glances down at the ground again, then back at me. One hand rubs the back of his neck. “I’m fucking serious about us, Lennon. If you say yes when I ask, a lot more than what’s in that account is going to be yours one day.”
Shock spreads through me. Marriage isn’t a topic that’s ever been broached between us. I had no idea it’s something Caleb has thought about.
“Oh,” is my brilliant response.
Caleb laughs. “Did I freak you out?”
“No. I just…we’ve never talked about it.”
“I know you’re not ready. I’m not ready either. We have a lot of other stuff to figure out first. But one day…”
“One day sounds good,” I tell him. God, if my freshman year self could see me now. When I dropped that form off, I never, ever would have imagined having the last name Winters one day.
Caleb steps forward and presses a kiss to my forehead. I close my eyes, absorbing his presence. “I’ve got to go. I have a film session tonight.”
I can’t believe he drove all this way, just to give me a packet of papers.
“ Tell me what you’re thinking, Len,” he says. “Don’t shut me out.”
I hold his gaze. “I promise.”
“Okay. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
One final smile, and he turns to leave. I grab his arm before he can take a step and kiss him. It’s more than a peck. I loop my arms around his neck and bite his bottom lip. Caleb pulls me flush against his body, returning my passion.
Gallie whinnies impatiently, pulling on the reins I’m holding. I’m surprised I didn’t accidentally drop them.
We’re both breathing heavily when Caleb reluctantly pulls away. “I really have to go, Len.”
“Yeah, I know.” Now would be the obvious moment for him to remind me that if I transfer to Clarkson, our relationship wouldn’t be this series of rushed moments anymore. But he doesn’t mention it. Doesn’t push me. “I love you, Caleb.”
His face softens into my favorite smile. “Love you too, Len.”
They’re words we’ve exchanged plenty of times before. But I’ll never take hearing Caleb Winters tell me he loves me for granted. It doesn’t have anything to do with the fact he’s the only person alive who I love.
Caleb has the world at his feet. He’s choosing to include me in it. He makes me feel safe and adored, and to me that’s far more valuable than the contents of the bank account the papers I’m holding declare me the new owner of.
He kisses me again, the pull between us almost magnetic. We’re rarely completely alone like this. We’re at a lake with his friends or at a house filled with his teammates. When he stayed at the farm until Gramps’s funeral, I was too dazed to really register it was just the two of us here.
I fist the soft cotton of his shirt, trying to keep him here. To tether him to me. My reservations about attending Clarkson University have nothing to do with not wanting to spend every possible second with him, and I hope he knows that. I try to tell him with each swipe of my tongue against his.
Caleb looks pained when he pulls away for a second time. Gallie has started stamping the dirt with one hoof. “I really, really have to go now,” he tells me.
“I know.”
He smiles, kisses me once more, then turns and heads in the direction of his truck.
“Caleb!”
He spins back toward me. “Yeah?”
I hold up the papers. “Thank you. It’s way too much and I’m not sure if I’ll ever spend a penny of it. But thank you .”
He’s given me options. Choices. Thank you doesn’t seem like enough, but it’s all I have to offer him.
Caleb nods, then keeps walking. I remain in place. He doesn’t glance back before he disappears around the corner of the farmhouse, and I’m glad.
I know indecision is written all over my face.