20. Zayne
CHAPTER 20
Zayne
D riving home from the bonfire took everything I had. I ended up pulling over a couple of times and throwing up. I think it was a combination of heart and back pain.
Once home, I stumbled out of my truck. I took one step, and my knees buckled. I clung to the door of my old truck, hoping to compose myself enough to walk the rest of the way to the door. Or maybe I’d crawl. I didn’t give a shit, as long as I could find my bed.
My dad pulled in right at that moment, his headlights blinding me as I turned my head, foolishly hoping Delaney was coming to make things right.
My dad rushed over to me and helped me inside. As soon as my mom saw me, she panicked and nearly became hysterical as she fussed over me, helping my dad get me to my bed. They wanted to take me to the hospital, but I convinced them to give me a moment.
They did… and then they practically carried me to my dad’s car and took me to the ER despite my protests.
The ride there was uncomfortable as hell as my parents drilled me for details.
Luckily, nothing was broken, and while the pain pills and muscle relaxers the doctor prescribed ease the pain, it does nothing for my heart.
I’ve never experienced heartache like this, which is saying something after being bullied so intensely in ninth and tenth grade. Most of the assholes at Green Haven got off on my pain, so I learned to hide it until I figured out a way to do something about it.
I spent the entire summer between tenth and eleventh grade working out like a maniac, eating a ton of protein, and balking up. A couple of older kids in the trailer park taught me how to fight.
It worked.
The second I stepped onto the school grounds, I saw the fear in my enemies’ eyes as they sized me up. Hell, some of the assholes thought I was a new student until I slammed them into the trashcan like they did me.
The girls who laughed at me and wanted nothing to do with me suddenly flirted their asses off, making it quite clear they’d do anything I asked. The number of lewd propositions I received was ridiculously embarrassing.
I declined them all.
There was only one girl I wanted.
The one girl I was never destined to have. Delaney.
Simply thinking of her name brings on a fresh wave of pain, making it hard to breathe.
“You’re not going around any of those assholes again.” My dad’s enraged face fills my vision as I lie there, wishing I were dead. My back hurts so fucking bad as I lie on a heating pad on my bed.
I don’t say anything as rage builds inside of me. I’ll make those fuckers pay.
“Zayne. Are you listening to me?” My dad’s impatient tone snaps me from my thoughts.
I’ve been wallowing in a state of severe depression, repeatedly running my hand over my chest, my heart aching. “Yeah, I hear you. Don’t get near those assholes.”
My father throws up his hands. “Maybe you don’t think this is serious, but Richard Warner called me this morning. He told me about the injuries his son and two of his friends sustained at the bonfire. Injuries you caused.”
I smirk. “Good. Those fucking assholes deserved everything they got—and more.” I shoot to a sitting position, which is a huge mistake. My head swims, and my vision clouds.
“Jesus, Zayne. You can’t be moving that quickly.” My dad helps me lie back down on my bed. I focus on my breathing until the pain eases.
“I’m not trying to be a heartless prick.” My bed dips as my dad settles on the edge. “Your mom and I are worried about you. I don’t know how the hell you drove home last night.”
“Rage. Raw, unfiltered rage.”
My mom comes into the room. “Zayne, honey.” Tears are in her eyes as she rushes over to the bed. “I couldn’t help overhearing your father.” She bites her lip. “I know you loved Delaney, but?—”
“I still love her, mom.” Even though I wish like hell I didn’t. It would make things so much fucking easier.
Her fingers go through my hair. “I know, honey.” She meets my dad’s eyes before continuing. The sorrow and sympathy on her face make my stomach twist into knots. “But the fact that she walked away from you, leaving you like that….”
It’s as though someone dropped a massive boulder onto my chest, making it seize. I can’t fucking breathe.
Although it’s like knives being thrown into my spine, I roll onto my side, turning away from them.
I don’t want them to see me beaten and broken. Utterly fucking destroyed.
My dad squeezes my shoulder gently. “Let’s give Zayne some space right now.” The bed shifts as he stands. “If you need anything, let us know.”
“I will.” I hate the way my voice cracks, tears filling my eyes.
It’s not physical pain that is causing my symptoms. It’s her.
The one I trusted who betrayed me. The girl who found it so fucking easy to walk away from me, as though I never mattered to her. The girl I gave my virginity to. The one who gave me hers.
As soon as my dad closes the door, I give in to the grief and betrayal that I’ve been battling back in the presence of my parents.
The anguish washes over me as sobs wrack my body. My head is full of memories of Delaney and me—from the first time we met until she left me on the sand at the lake. Left in the dark, broken and defeated.
Why did she do this to me?
I’ve heard nothing from her.
My muscles are stiff, cramping as I continue mulling over the events until I feel like I’m losing my sanity. And still, I wonder where it all went wrong.
I have no answers.
Call me delusional, but I still believe she loves me. It was in the anguish in her eyes when she was in my arms near the bonfire.
Why did she betray me?