37. Delaney
CHAPTER 37
Delaney
A nxiety courses through me as I stare out the window of my cabin at the New Hampshire mountains. It’s early September, and the transition from late summer to fall, when the leaves start to turn, fills me with anticipation of my favorite season—autumn.
Usually, I soak in every minute of the beauty of the mountains surrounding me, loving that moment when the vibrant colors peak. My daily ritual consists of sitting on my porch, wrapped in a blanket, holding a steaming cup of coffee, and staring at the dew-covered beauty every morning before I get ready to teach a bunch of energetic fifth graders.
Every evening, I end the day the same way, letting the healing power of nature soothe me until darkness falls.
But not today.
My hands shake as I hold my coffee cup, my brows furrowed with worry.
Fifteen years ago, I left Green Haven and never looked back. I cut all contact with my parents, including my mother, after she refused to see my father for the monster he is. Yet somehow, my mother found me.
While I was teaching, she called me, but my phone was inside my purse. When I checked my messages during my lunch break, I figured it was a telemarketer when I saw a missed call from an unknown number. Until I listened to the voicemail and was thrust back into the past at the sound of my mother’s tearful, panicky voice.
The message haunts me, playing over and over inside my head.
“Delaney, it’s your mom. I know I’m the last person you wanna hear from, but I have nowhere else to go. I… I’ve left him. I left your father. I’ve been hoarding cash, preparing for this day for a while. I’m driving to your house in a car I purchased for cash from a private seller. The details don’t matter right now. Just… I’m scared. And I need to see you before I leave. I hope you’ll see me.”
Her sniffle came through the phone. “I know I disappointed you, and I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m a victim, and I made you one, too.” Her voice broke, and I heard her sob before she composed herself. “Anyway, I’ll see you soon. I hope.”
Then the line went dead.
I couldn’t sleep and called in sick early this morning, giving the school ample time to find a substitute. Since I seldom miss work, I’m sure they thought I was deathly ill.
But the truth is, I spent most of the night pacing the floors, wondering what happened to cause her to leave him after all these years.
I couldn’t help wondering what it would be like to see my mom again. The woman who was my best friend but became a stranger when she sat by, allowing the abuse to continue.
A long sigh escapes me as I pull the blanket tighter around my shoulders to ward off the chill that has settled into my bones.
I guess I’ll find out soon.
I’m sitting on my porch when I hear the crunch of tires as a vehicle pulls into my driveway. I stand, setting my water bottle beside the book I tried to read but couldn’t focus on.
Anticipation and dread fill me as I cross the porch and rest my elbows on the railing, waiting for the first glimpse of my mother.
She climbs out of the black Ford Focus, a large hat perched on her head. She tilts her head, and I get my first glimpse of her. My hand covers my mouth, trying to stifle my gasp.
The years have not been kind to my mom. Her face is pale and drawn, and she looks older than fifty-four.
“Delaney.” Her face crumples as she hurries toward me.
“Mom.” I run across the porch and down the steps to the sidewalk that leads to the driveway. We meet halfway, and I crash into her outstretched arms.
Tears roll down my face as I sob, engulfed by memories.
When I left Green Haven, I had only bad memories of my home life. But fifteen years later, I remember my mom and I baking cookies. The times we spent reading books and lying by the pool. Shopping trips and sneaking off to restaurants my father would never approve of. The way she cared for me whenever I was sick.
“I missed you, sweet girl.” She pulls back, taking in my face. The smile that curls her lips makes her look younger, easing some of the strain on her face when I first laid eyes on her. But the bruises in various healing stages make me ill.
“I missed you, Mom.” As I say the words, I realize I mean them. Even though I’ll never understand why she didn’t leave my father years ago, I’ve grown to realize abuse is more complicated than I initially thought.
In the ten years that I’ve been teaching, I’ve had students in my class who were victims of child abuse. I’ve met mothers who were victims of domestic violence, much like mine. Their loyalty and protection of their abusers, even at the risk of their children, was both terrifying and sad.
“Come on. Let’s go inside.” Interlocking our fingers, I lead her to my porch, then release her hand as I ascend the stairs. I turn to her when she reaches the top, her eyes full of awe and wonder.
“This is beautiful, Delaney. A slice of heaven.” Her gaze moves from the swing suspended from the rafters to the cozy chairs and benches I have strategically placed on the porch. Her attention lingers on where I’d been sitting when she drove up before turning to me. “Give me a tour, and then let’s come outside and talk.”
I smile at her before I open the front door. “It’s not much, but it’s mine.”
The open floor plan connects the kitchen, dining, and living rooms. The stairway to the right leads to the second floor, which has two bedrooms and two bathrooms.
“It’s beautiful. Rustic and cozy.” She moves around the room, taking it in before turning to me. “I’m so damn proud of you. You’re strong and independent.”
A twinge goes through my chest. For the most part, I agree with her assessment. But there’s a part of me I don’t show to anyone. The lonely woman who fell in love with a boy at fifteen but didn’t realize it until she was eighteen. Even though he broke her heart, she could never find anyone to measure up to him. Zayne Morine has a piece of my heart that no one can claim.
A piece? Try the whole damn thing.
I push the nagging thought away and beam at her. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Give me a tour.” She inhales deeply. “What is that decadent smell?”
“Pot roast, potatoes, carrots, and green beans. It’s been in the crock pot all day, awaiting your arrival.”
“Delaney. You remembered my favorite meal.”
I swallow hard, tears pricking my lids. “Of course.” Before I start crying, I move into the kitchen. “Come on. I’ll give you a tour before dinner to the porch.”
As my mom follows me up the stairs to the second floor of my cabin, she whispers, “This is the best day I’ve had in years.”
I turn to her as I reach the landing. “Don’t jump the gun. We haven’t discussed the past and what prompted you to leave after all these years.”
The smile dies off her face. She bites her lip, a troubled expression on her face. “I’m living in the moment right now, Laney. The hard parts are ahead, but I’m clinging to every bit of happiness I can.”
I’m an asshole.
Regret courses through me, knotting my stomach. Memories of the past abuse she suffered churn through my head. She encouraged me to leave and never look back. I need to focus on that instead of how she failed me.
“You’re right, Mom. Life is too short. You have to cling to every moment of happiness that comes your way.”
She reaches up, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “You’ve grown into such a beautiful, mature, strong woman. I’m so sorry I missed it.”
I heave out a long sigh. “It’s not like I gave you a choice. I disappeared without a word.”
A knowing look gleams in her green irises. “I knew what you were planning to do. You may not think I know you, but I know you better than you think. Besides, I encouraged you to leave.”
I start down the hallway, showing her the guest room first. “You knew?”
“I played dumb because I didn’t want your father to suspect anything. Why do you think I had so much cash in my purse?”
A smile curls my lips as I shake my head. “I never suspected a thing.”
“You wouldn’t. I’d perfected the art of acting over the years.” We continue, and I point out the bathroom and then take her to my bedroom.
“This is a dream, Delaney. I love it.” She steps inside, slowly turning as she takes in the huge windows on either side of my bed, the floor-to-ceiling stone fireplace with a wide-screen TV hanging above the mantel, and the two built-in bookcases beside it.
“Check out the view from the balcony.” I open the double doors, and we step outside. A hot tub is built into the far end, a roof covering it. The forest stretches around us, the late afternoon sun accentuating the colors of the changing leaves.
“Jesus. This is paradise.” She stands beside me, inhaling the crisp air.
“I saved up every penny I could to buy this place. Callie lives three miles away with her husband, Mark.”
“Mark the concession stand guy?”
I laugh. “Yup. That Mark. He came to Cape May to visit us during the July Fourth holiday after we left Green Haven. They tried a long-distance relationship, but it didn’t work. Callie also teaches at Mountain View Elementary School. Guess who accepted a teaching position there five years ago? They were married a year later.”
“That’s a beautiful story.” Her hand covers mine. “Life can sometimes get in the way and separate people for a time. But if they’re meant to be together, they always find their way to one another.”
I shiver, staring at her with a myriad of emotions running through me. From the look in her eyes, I have a sneaking suspicion she’s referring to Zayne and me.
Never gonna happen.
There’s too much bad history between us. He abandoned me when I needed him the most. That cut so deep that it left permanent scars that will never heal. And I betrayed him, even though I didn’t want to.
“Come on. Let’s go eat and talk.” I turn around and head through my bedroom, not wanting to think about the past.
Her voice causes me to pause. “Not everything is as it seems, Delaney. There are a lot of misunderstandings between you and Zayne.”
I whirl around, anger bubbling inside my veins. “Dad came to Zayne’s father’s bar and assaulted me. I stumbled inside and saw Zayne dancing and kissing some skank.” My breath rasps from my lungs as the anger consumes me. “I’ll never forgive him for that, Mom.”
Then I hurry down the stairs, pushing thoughts of him from my mind.
Some things are better left in the past.
Zayne Morine is one of them.