Chapter 19 - Quinn
NINETEEN - Quinn
What exactly is the dark devil? I don't know if I've ever taken the time to really define or diagnose it. It’s a darkness inside of me. One that is more than just how I feel when I'm having sex. It’s volatility. It’s an urge to let go and fuck shit up.
No laws are safe from being broken, no face safe from being slapped if I feel disrespected, and no kink too dark for me to explore.
I've been running from it for a long time—since my father was arrested and taken out of our home nine years ago.
Seeing him carried out in handcuffs filled me with shame and embarrassment, and I knew that if I gave into the darkness, I would end up just like him, and that was the last thing I wanted.
But now that I'm with Olivia, I want to understand the depths of what I'm feeling.
There is a new and growing part of me that doesn't want to run from it anymore, even though I know I should. But I need to make sense of all of this, because I feel myself slipping away and becoming what I’ve always feared.
Why do I want to hurt her? Being with Olivia today showed me something.
As she knelt before me, looking up with eyes made of black magic and asking me to make her forget the whole world, a new desire came into my body and took it over.
This desire possessed my heart, and when I tried to fight it off, Olivia’s encouragement kept it in control.
It grabbed me by the throat when she kneeled, and it took full control when she lifted her ass for me on that desk.
When I hit her, I knew it was undone, and I fucking loved it.
I wanted to hurt her. I wanted to see her skin change colors from each time I smacked her ass. The sound intoxicated me. The sting on my hand was a beautiful pain. The way her ass shook with each blow, and the unimaginable beauty of her skin blemishing made my cock as hard as fucking diamond.
When I came, it was an explosion of monumental proportion.
My vision blurred. My muscles cramped. My world detonated, and I knew in that moment that everything I’d just experienced was what I'd been missing for so long.
Linda couldn't give it to me, and before her, I ran too fast for the darkness to catch me.
Well, today, the darkness had its way, and I think I learned something brand new about myself.
Something I never would've imagined being true.
The dark devil is my truth. It’s how I really feel.
It is my deepest desires fighting to manifest in my reality.
It is all of the depravity, violence, and rage that I want to unleash on the world, and my desire to watch the world bleed for me.
The darkness is my light. That’s why I feel no shame for what I've done after I've done it—I only feel fear beforehand. It is everything I want. It is the answer to all of my questions, and it makes sense that it terrifies me, because people usually do fear the truth. But how do I own it when I know what it makes me? The label of it. The name society will stamp on me and weaponize. I know what it’s called, and I'm afraid to claim it.
I'm scared to own it, but I know it’s true.
The dark devil is the real Quinn King, and I am a sadist.