Chapter Eighteen
CHRIST, SAINT HADN’T fucked like that in, well, maybe ever, with such a frenzied need to consume his partner.
He’d have absorbed Beth into his body if he could.
He’d also stay there, buried deep inside her for the rest of the night if he could.
Unfortunately, he had to deal with the condom.
And she probably wanted to take a deep breath without a two-hundred-plus-pound male crushing her into the mattress.
With a grunt of effort to help his sated muscles work, he pushed up off her. As he lifted, his dick slipped from her warmth.
Beth whimpered from the loss, as though she hated to sever the connection.
Me, too, baby. Me too.
Sleepy, satisfied eyes stared up at him with a hint of wariness. Made sense. He’d made some fairly strong, possessive statements while fucking her. Statements he fully meant and didn’t regret, but could understand how they might be too much for her at that moment.
“Be right back,” he whispered before kissing her swollen lips.
“Okay.”
He rushed to the bathroom, dealt with the condom, then gave his hands a quick wash. When he returned to the bedroom, he found Beth lying on her side, facing the bathroom. She watched him with unabashed interest, which he fucking loved.
“You going?” she asked, doing a shitty job of hiding the vulnerability in her voice.
“You want me to go?”
She worked her lower lip between her teeth. “No.”
“What do you want?”
Her cheeks turned pink, and she shrugged. “You first.”
“I want to crawl back into the bed, wrap my arms around you, and fall asleep. Then later I want to wake you up with my hands all over you and fuck you back to sleep.”
He thought for sure she’d tell him it was a terrible idea and send him on his way, so when she scooted over and said, “Yes. Please,” his heart went wild, and his spent dick tried to rally.
He slipped into the bed, beneath the covers she held open for him. As soon as he settled on his side, facing her, she snuggled up against him, all warm and soft.
This is where she belonged, right there in his arms, safe, happy, and protected.
He hiked a leg over her hip, trapping her against him. She didn’t seem to mind if her hum of satisfaction was any indication.
“This is nice,” she whispered, breath tickling his chest.
Nice didn’t begin to describe it. Her arms went around his back, then he felt her lips press a kiss to his chest. Then another.
His dick grew half hard at the contact. He gripped the back of her head, tilting her mouth up to meet his.
After a long, drawn-out, drugging kiss, he released her.
Her eyes had a renewed lust, and he really wanted back inside her, but after the way he went at her earlier, she was probably a little sore.
“The way you kiss…” She shivered. “It takes over my entire body and short-circuits my brain.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“Oh yeah. It’s the best.”
Smiling, he tucked her head against his chest and shut his eyes, enjoying the peace and calm.
Beth ran her hands over his back, pausing to explore every time she found a random scar.
After a few moments, she focused only on the scars.
He could practically hear the wheels turning in her head.
The questions she wanted to ask but wasn’t sure how to voice.
The answers were ones he never gave. Those physical scars were the reason he had tattoos.
Ink hid the worst. The mental scars, of course, were easier to hide, but far more damaging.
His past was the biggest trigger. Even Makenna didn’t broach the topic with him, and she’d lived through it.
Well, they’d lived parallel lives during that time, each enduring a unique hell until they finally escaped.
But for the first time in his life, he wanted someone to ask. Wanted her to ask. It was the only way she’d know him, and while his baggage was heavy as fuck, some instinctive part of him understood Beth was strong enough to help him carry it.
“Go ahead,” he whispered when’d she’d fondled a particularly long scar for a while. “Ask.”
She lifted her head from his chest, staring up at him. “From where were you raised? In the… cult. I guess. Is that the right word?”
He nodded. “Yes. It’s what Mak and I use.
And yeah. They’re all from that time. Well, I have one on my side from when Gator tried to fuck some dude’s girlfriend, and I stepped in to help him.
And another on my shoulder from when Gator was drunk as fuck and accidentally sliced me with his belt buckle. ”
She blinked, then laughed. “What? How does that even happen?”
God, that had been an insane night. “It happens when you’re Gator, and you drink a damn bottle of tequila then decide to use your belt as a lasso.”
“Wow. Maybe you should steer clear of him when he’s drinking.”
“Yeah, the other scars don’t have such funny stories.”
Her fierce frown made something in his stomach quiver. It felt like she was furious on his behalf, hating the very idea that someone would hurt him. “Who gave you these? Your father?”
“Some of them. But not most. Mak and I lived very different lives in that compound. Her life’s mission was to get married off to some old fucker who’d keep her knocked up for the rest of her days while he collected a harem of wives.
My job was to become a weapon. A good little child soldier ready for the end of the world or an attack on our compound, whichever came first. My entire life was spent on manual labor, prepping for the coming apocalypse, farming the fields, and training to fight whatever threat came our way, real or perceived. ”
He said it in a manner one would if they were reading from a boring book—flat, monotone, detached.
In reality, he felt anything but those emotions.
They were the mask he’d constructed over his entire life.
Thinking about that time brought a galloping heart, nausea, and horrific memories.
Speaking about it made his skin prickle with a burning itch as though thousands of fire ants went to town on his flesh.
As though sensing his mounting distress, Beth ran her fingers over his back in random soothing patterns. “I’m sorry you lived that life. No child should ever live that way.”
Her eyes held no judgment, which he didn’t know how to handle.
She should judge him. Anyone would. Hell, she should probably fear him on some level.
By the time he was five, he knew twenty ways to kill a grown man.
By the time he escaped the cult? Well, he’d been more feral than human, tamed only by the need to protect his siblings.
“It’s still in there,” he said. God, he couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth.
His chest felt cracked open, exposed. What a perfect example of self-sabotage.
Beth would run screaming by the time he finished vomiting his feelings.
Any sane woman would. But now that he’d started, the dam broke, and he couldn’t shut his mouth.
“Those experiences, they’re always there. They…”
How on earth did he describe this to someone with such a vastly different upbringing?
“They shaped you.”
Yes, but he hated the truth in those words.
“They fucked me up.”
She gave him a sweet smile tinged with sadness. For him? Or because of him?
“Maybe, but you escaped, and you turned yourself into someone amazing. You got all your siblings out. You helped give them a sense of normalcy and a healthy childhood. You have a family, both blood and chosen, who love you. You’re good, Saint, and kind, and…”
“Beth.”
She shook her head as she kissed the underside of his chin, then placed a hand over his mouth. “No. You’re gonna hear me out.”
He growled and nipped her palm, making her giggle.
“You, Lee, are an incredible man. Of course, you have a mountain of baggage. Your childhood was as traumatic as it gets, and I’m guessing you haven’t had much professional help to deal with it.
But you don’t scare me. I’m onto you. You’re trying to warn me away, but it won’t work.
I know shitty men. I lived with one for almost two years.
You’re not that. You’re a good man, Lee, really fucking good. ”
Lee. She hadn’t used his real name since he’d told her his club handle in her Texas apartment. But hearing it now somehow made her words that much more meaningful, and he didn’t have a clue how to process that.
“You don’t scare me, Lee,” she whispered again.
“You’ve seen me at my lowest point. Hell, you rescued me from my lowest point and never once judged me for staying with Jason or for how I handled the situation.
You deserve the same grace. I will never make you feel bad for surviving hell and becoming the man you are today. Never.”
She spoke the words with such sincerity that if he didn’t have proof otherwise, he’d start to believe her.
“You make me feel safe. I’d gotten to the point where I didn’t recognize how constantly tense and on edge I was around Jason.
I never felt safe, and not just from the outside world, but from him.
No matter what you’ve done or who you worry you are, the fact that I feel safer with you than any other man says it all. ”
The way she talked made it sound like they were more than a few secret hookups. Wild thoughts, but maybe they could find a way to try for something more.
Though if Copper killed him, it would put a damper on the plan.
“You’re thinking hard.”
He grunted. “I guess.”
Beth rested her head back on his chest as she squeezed him to her. “Come on. It’s late. Let’s get some sleep.”
“Beth, I can’t stay all night. Or more accurately, I can’t wake up in here tomorrow morning.”
Her sigh punched him in the chest. “I know. Can you stay for a bit?”
No. Of course, he couldn’t. That would only make him want her more. “Yeah. I can do that.” He tugged her hair, tilting her chin up for a soft kiss before tucking her back against his chest.
Her breathing evened out almost instantly, and the arms that had been squeezing him slackened but didn’t fall away.
Warm, sexually satisfied, and comfortable, Saint couldn’t resist the lull of sleep for more than a few moments.
He shut his eyes and drifted off, promising himself he’d only take a short nap.
The next thing he knew, someone pounded on the door like a damn SWAT officer. He didn’t have time to register the feel of Beth sprawled all over him before she shot up. The blanket slipped down, baring her tits. It did nothing to erase Saint’s morning wood.
“Oh my God,” she whispered, frantic. She brushed her hair out of her face. “It’s morning, and you’re still here.”
Another loud knock sounded, followed by Gator’s voice. “Sorry to wake you, Beth, but your dad is on his way here. Thought you might want to, uh, have breakfast with him.”
Her eyes widened to the size of bike tires. “He knows,” she whispered. “Oh my God, he knows you’re here.”
Christ, it was too early and too brutal a wakeup for so much drama. He smoothed a hand down Beth’s silky back.
“Maybe, but he’s trying to help us, so don’t leave him hanging.”
“Oh, uh, thank you, Gator. I’ll be out in a few minutes.” She drew up her knees, wrapped her arms around them, and dropped her head against them with a groan. “The loudest and most obnoxious club member knows you stayed here last night.”
“Yes, but he’s also a loyal motherfucker who loves both of us and saved our asses right now.” Saint continued rubbing her back as she turned her cheek, resting it on her knee to watch him.
“That feels nice.”
“For me too.” On the outside, it seemed he touched her to comfort her, but he did it for himself as much as for Beth. Touching her grounded him, as though some of her confidence in him transferred through the contact.
Her eyes fluttered shut as a happy hum left her.
Saint couldn’t resist leaning forward and stealing a kiss.
She sighed against his lips, then wound an arm around his neck and shifted into his lap.
The kiss, which started soft and sweet, turned ravenous within seconds.
His dick, which softened the second Gator knocked, hardened once again.
Beth rocked against him, whimpering before she tore her mouth away.
“Shit. We can’t do that now.”
He chuckled. “You started it.”
“Uh, pretty sure you kissed me.”
He gave her ass a light pinch. “Technicality.” Her sassy eyeroll made him laugh. He loved how she could give him hell without fear of repercussions, the way she’d had to worry with her ex. “Get dressed and go out there. I’ll slip out the window and wander in through the front in a few minutes.”
She shook her head, whipping her hair around. “What? No, that’s ridiculous. You can’t go out the window like some naughty teenager caught sneaking into his girlfriend’s room.”
“You got a better idea? You want me to waltz out from back here while everyone is hanging out in the room?”
“Shit.” Her head fell back on a groan, exposing her throat.
Not the time, buddy.
“Ugh, I’m so sorry. This is ridiculous.”
He kissed her quickly, then smirked. “Better get moving.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Beth climbed off him and disappeared into the bathroom. Of course, he stared at her ass the whole way. They’d have to pluck his eyes out to keep them from zeroing in on her naked ass.
He had to resist the urge to join her in there. Even something as simple as brushing teeth would turn into a temptation.
Less than two minutes later, she returned dressed in a T-shirt and jean shorts. “Had these in my car,” she explained as she pulled her hair into a high ponytail. “Okay. I’m heading out. See you in a few?”
“Yep.”
Her gaze went to the window, then she frowned.
“I’m good, babe.”
She huffed and rolled her eyes, but walked to him. “Kiss?”
“Of course.” He gripped the front of her T-shirt and yanked her to him. They shared a short but brutal kiss that had his dick twitching with anticipation.
And then she left, leaving him to flop back on the bed with a heavy sigh. After rubbing a hand over his face, his gaze went to the window. The small-fucking-window.
“Fantastic,” he muttered. “Fucking teenager is the only one who could fit through that thing without injury.”
Still, he’d rather scrape the shit out of his arms, climbing through the window and spend the entire night wrapped around Beth, than be wound-free but have slept alone in his bed.
Hell, the thought of turning in without her tonight held no appeal, and he’d only had a few hours of sleeping next to her.
He forced himself to sit up. The small window loomed a mere six feet away, mocking him with its stream of sunshine pouring into the room. How the fuck was he supposed to stuff his full-grown man ass through that small window?
Guess he was about to find out.
What a fucking disaster.