Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
RAWLING
I couldn’t stop thinking about my conversation with Phelan yesterday. I tried everything, from classwork, eating, a crappy movie, even a blow job. Nothing came close to pushing it out of my head where it was currently living rent-free. I hated it.
I lay in bed that night, going over the conversation on repeat, focusing on each detail as if it would magically reveal knowledge to me all of a sudden. It never did.
It was near one in the morning when Phelan rolled over and wrapped his arm around me, his eyes open. He apologized, thinking he was waking me up. I didn’t correct him. He didn’t need to know that I was losing sleep over this. He worried about me enough as it was.
The next morning, when he got up, I had already made breakfast. It was nothing fancy, just toast and scrambled eggs, but it gave me an excuse to be awake so he wouldn’t realize that I’d been up all night, catching a few minutes here or there, never hitting REM.
I should have known he’d see through it.
In the time we’d been together, he’d grown to know me better than anyone else ever had, even Rawlins.
I put the plates down at our spots and started to take my seat, but he wrapped an arm behind me, stopping me. He rested his hands on my belly and kissed my neck. “You didn’t sleep at all, did you?”
“What makes you say that?” I wasn’t going to lie to him, but confessing my insomnia didn’t seem like the best idea either. Not if I didn’t have to.
“Because your eyes are sunken. Your voice is scratchy. And all three times I opened my eyes last night, you were already awake.”
“You woke up that many times?” I’d known about the first, but he didn’t say a word about the other two.
“Yeah,” he said and kissed my shoulder again. “I have a lot on my mind and didn’t sleep well.”
Same.
I couldn’t get yesterday’s conversation out of my head, especially the weirdness of Professor Shaw’s letter.
He really thought Charlie was his mate, to the point of deceiving Rawlins into thinking they were friends.
How creepy do you have to be to become part of someone’s circle just so you can have access to that person?
I got chills thinking about it, and I wasn’t the object of his obsession.
“Me neither. I kept thinking about that letter and how ewww Professor Shaw was.” I leaned my head back, twisting it enough to give him the hint I wanted a cheek kiss.
He got the hint. This wasn’t the kind of affection I’d ever longed for before, but either the mating bond or the pregnancy or both had me needing it.
The one thing that kept gnawing at me, first as a flicker and then more steadily as a possibility, was the quesion—what if that meant the professor was my father and Charlie was my mother?
But I had pics of my mother and a couple with my dad, though none where I was in the photo.
My mind was racing. Could the professor have slept with Charlie and… and… and…
Part of me wanted to ask Phelan his thoughts on it. A larger part of me wanted to forget I ever got the spark of an idea.
“Hey, please try not to stress too much. Because when you’re stressed, our little one is too.”
I pushed his hand away. “That’s not helping.” Immediately feeling guilty for shoving him, I turned around to hug him as best I could, “I don’t want to be stressed either. Thank you for always looking out for me.”
And before he could respond, I kissed him until we both forgot our own names.
He mentioned that next week I was going to have to attend my midterms in person. I smiled and nodded, but the truth was, I wasn’t ready for that. There would be too many eyes on me, too many comments under people’s breaths, and too many students actively avoiding me.
I was pregnant, and that alone would have me standing out and not fitting in. But also, deep down, I knew I didn’t belong here, which only amplified my anxiety.
“I don’t have a morning class today. Why don’t we go get some cocoa?” He meant well, but it was too peopley out there.
“You know what I really want to do? I want to go do some target practice.”
“No.” It was the answer every time I asked lately. Didn’t stop me from asking.
He was worried I was going to pull a muscle with my balance being off-kilter. And he was right, but I hated it. I hated it so much.
“I think I’m just gonna rest instead,” I said. “Why don’t you go grab some on your way to class.”
I kissed his cheek, left my breakfast uneaten, and climbed back in bed, chasing sleep.
I must have found some, because the next thing I knew, it was afternoon and my mate was gone. I didn’t like how my emotions switched randomly lately. Go, pregnancy, go.
Looking back, there was no reason for me to have gotten that upset this morning. Phelan deserved a gold medal for putting up with my hormones.
Watching the clock wasn’t getting Phelan home any earlier.
I got dressed and headed to meet him as his class got out.
I needed a hug. That was something I’d never thought would be a driving force in my life, and I chalked it up to pregnancy hormones.
It would give me practice for walking around campus during normal hours.
Better to have people stare at me now and be used to it, than right before an exam.
At least that was what I told myself as I made my way toward his building.
Of course, who did I run into? Freaking Atticus.
And he couldn’t just walk by me. No, that would be too nice.
But what surprised me was that he didn’t lead with a “knocked-up” joke.
Although it shouldn’t have surprised me, because what he led with instead was, “You really should be more careful not to bump into the top archer of Sombertooth.”
I wanted to argue back, tell him it was unfair to pick on a pregnant person, tell him that his position was temporary, but I held it in.
That was until he said, “Didn’t think Phelan would stoop so low as to be with the likes of you. He should’ve wrapped it up.”
Something inside me snapped. It was one thing to put me down, but another to put down Phelan, not when he was the one who stood by my side no matter what.
“You are only the best because I’m not there,” I seethed.
“So count your days, because they’re going to be short.
This baby’s due soon, and when they’re here, they will watch me kick your ass again and again and again.
And don’t you ever talk down about my mate again.
He’s a million times the alpha that you are! ”
His beast flashed in his eyes, and I put my hands over my belly. I refused to allow him to hurt me or the baby.
And then came the voice, Calm down. Breathe.
It was weird, because shouldn’t he be telling me to be afraid? To run or maybe fight.
Calm down. Breathe.
“I was... Sorry… Pregnancy hormones.” It wasn’t the best apology, but his eyes went normal, so it worked enough to keep me safe.
“Yeah, pregnancy hormones made you think you’re a big shot. But you know the truth. I’m the one with the skill. You just had a little luck.”
And with that, Atticus walked away.
That should’ve been the end of it. He was gone, and I could focus on getting to my mate. But what in my life had been going as it should’ve? Nothing.
I closed my eyes, continuing to try to calm myself, and instead of relaxing, I envisioned following Atticus, stalking him into the woods, making him my prey. And that terrified me more than anything else, because in that moment, it felt like exactly what I should be doing.
It took all the strength I had to force the thoughts from my head. I hurried toward Phelan’s class. I needed his calming touch.