Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
RAWLING
“We love you, little girl.”
I was in floods of tears leaving Eira, but Scottie had been with us for a week, and he was great with our daughter. But I didn’t want to leave her.
“What if she needs me? I could drop out and start back next semester.” I was sobbing on Phelan’s chest. “She might think I’ve deserted her.”
My mate held me close. “I doubt she’ll forget you considering you’ve covered the walls with photos of us.”
I blew Eira one last kiss before Phelan dragged me out the door.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go back to my studies.
I did. And I’d enjoy being with my friends again and using my brain, but Eira was part of me, and she was so tiny.
Jack had pointed out that most parents didn’t get to visit their kids at lunch time or if they had a spare period, though that didn’t make me feel better.
And Phelan wasn’t in my first class, English lit, as he had it this afternoon. Okay, I could get my brain into gear and remember similes, metaphors, and alliteration.
We kissed outside his classroom, but I hated letting him go. He was my soulmate and the link to Eira. But he pulled away, telling me I’d be fine and to get to class.
I’d already missed so much and had assignments pending. Ahhh, I didn’t want to think about those.
“Hey.”
Shit, I knew that voice. I’d last heard it in Professor Shaw’s office.
“Holden.” I forced myself to smile.
“Congratulations on the baby.”
I nibbled my bottom lip and clutched the laptop, but Holden looked as awkward as I felt. He wouldn’t meet my eyes and stared at a place on the wall above my head. Thinking our conversation, such as it was, was over, I nodded and swerved around him.
“I need to talk to you.”
Damn. Just what you didn’t want to hear from an ex.
“Holden, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“It’s nothing to do with us.” He waggled his hand between us. “It’s other stuff.” Now he was looking directly at me and any awkwardness had vanished. “It’s important.”
“Ummm, yeah, well, I’m here now, and I have two minutes to spare before I give my opinion on a piece of great literature.”
“Library at one, please. It’s important. I wouldn’t ask otherwise.”
I put a hand on my chest. The last weeks and months had been turbulent, but since Atticus’s parents were no longer in our lives, things had calmed sort of.
I still had questions about my past and future and my place in the world, but considering the ups and downs I’d endured and we had as a couple, Phelan and I were content and happy, though lacking in sleep.
But now Holden was maybe going to upend my life again.
“Okay.” I’d been planning on spending my lunch break with Eira, but I’d have time to feed her before heading to the library.
“Okay, I’m here.”
Phelan had asked where I was off to when I left the infirmary, as he was aware of my schedule.
I’d told him about going to the library but let him assume I’d be working.
I was wracked with guilt at omitting any mention of Holden.
Even though Holden and I never slept together, my mate wasn’t his biggest fan.
Holden had chosen a study table in the corner, and he glanced around as I sat, but the library was almost deserted. He leaned in close, and a memory flashed before me of when we were together. But I told that image to get lost.
“Do you remember last semester when I told you I wanted to look into hunters?”
Fuck. Just when I thought I’d untangled myself from that issue, this guy had to yank me back in. I had to play it cool so this topic would go nowhere.
“Vaguely.” I shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant.
“I’ve been doing research on them.”
Great. Just what I needed.
“I’ve lost interest in the subject since becoming a father.” To prove my point, I pulled up a pic of Eira and shoved it in front of him.
“Nice.”
Hmmm, maybe he should join the “not interested in babies” club with Atticus, though his reaction was nothing compared to that other guy, the one I’d shared…
Ugh, I put my head in my hands. “Listen, I no longer think I’m a hunter.”
The second the words left my mouth, I regretted them and waved my hands around, trying to get them back. Holden froze with one hand in the air.
Shit, what had I done? I couldn’t look around because I was scared of what I’d see. Seconds, maybe minutes went by and Holden hadn’t moved. He was stricken with what? Fear? Indecision? Horror? All three?
Finally he swallowed and his lips parted. “Keep your voice down.”
A movement in the corner of my eye got my attention. Fuck. Bardoul. It had to be him. He charged toward the entrance, and his expression mirrored Holden’s. Jack entered just as he was leaving, and I sort of waved, but Bardoul grabbed her and they left.
If my secret, which might not be real, was out, I’d be hounded from college, and I should get back to the infirmary.
But Jack would talk sense into Bardoul. Hunters weren’t real, as Phelan insisted, and Mika was dead, so there’d be no more killing for twenty years.
Great, I’d just put that on my calendar so there’d be a reminder before I got the urge.
“Why would you say that? That’s why you were interested in them?”
I was fucked. “It was hormones. I was also seeing little green men and hearing voices.” I wasn’t pregnant when I’d first read about hunters, but Holden might not be able to count. I trusted that he couldn’t or it was a minor detail and he wouldn’t get fixated.
“Okay. I was freaked for a moment.” He wiped a hand over his brow. “But as far as you know, latents can’t be hunters, as they’re shifters. With the information you have, only humans are hunters.”
I put my head on the table and thunked it three times. Not only had I told him I’d convinced myself I was a hunter, but I’d pretty well revealed my true status and species. And what was that bit about as far as I knew?
I wriggled my ring finger. I could ignore what I’d blurted out or fill him in. We couldn’t have an honest conversation without him having all the details. “It’s a long story and I won’t get into the deets, but this ring makes me scent latent.”
If Holden was freaked before, he now appeared shellshocked. His pupils were tiny, and he gripped the table with trembling hands.
“You…” he spluttered. “You’re human.” He slapped his brow.
“And you have to keep my secret now that I’ve shared it.” I preferred not to guilt him, but I was going to. “Because if you blab, you’ll put me and my innocent baby daughter in danger.” I dangled the phone in his face and showed him her pic again.
He rubbed his fists in his eyes. “Fine. I didn’t want to, but your daughter’s innocent in all of this.”
“So, what have you found out?” I never thought I’d be eager to talk about hunters.
“In my research, I discovered an aberration.”
“Yeah, okay.” My mind was back on Bardoul, and I sent a message to Phelan asking if Eira was all right. Holden needed to wind this up so I could get to my daughter.
Holden went on about the time centuries before hunters supposedly split from shifters, which I knew about, but he added that some remained shifters and also developed a hunter side.
Eira is asleep. All well here. I breathed easier on reading my mate’s text. Are you coming back before your next class?
I understood how Phelan couldn’t understand why I wasn’t with our daughter when I’d had such a hard time leaving her this morning.
Not sure.
But Holden was still jabbering on about hunters and freaking me the fuck out.
“And the dual identities almost drove them insane.”
And I’d opened my mouth and blabbed to him about hallucinations. Maybe I could pretend I’d eaten mushrooms that made people see weird stuff.
“So, what? They terrorized the population and killed more than one person per generation or what?”
“They reacted differently. Some vanished, others died an early death, a few sat in the woods and meditated, some had visions, and others were jailed or had their heads lopped off.”
I ran a hand over my throat because I was fond of my head. The visions he mentioned, did that include the apparition or ghost or vision I’d had last semester near the woods? I decided not to mention it because it might give the guy a heart attack. I’d already said hallucinations, so that counted.
“Be honest, Holden, do you think hunters are real?”
He sat back and folded his arms. “I can’t answer that yet.
So far it reads like any other legend or myth, but there are patterns of deaths that could be attributed to hunters.
Or they could be what the people in power conjured up to keep the population in line, telling everyone to report anyone who was different.
We all know how that works. So I can’t say yet or maybe ever. ”
That wasn’t what I wanted to hear, and while I wasn’t a hunter shifter, maybe I was just a hunter. And what did that mean for Eira?
Perhaps we had to leave shifter society and go live in the woods in a hut. Phelan could hunt and I’d fish and we’d be happy. But I was never very good at fishing. Farming, that was what I could do. I’d grow stuff.
There was someone else I was biologically related to who, if I was a hunter, he might be too.
“Atticus.”
“What about him?”
I didn’t give a shit about that fuckwit, but as he shared my DNA, he could be one.
Present-day Atticus was bad enough, but the thought of him with a killer instinct was horrifying.
But I repeated in my head what Phelan had said.
If hunters were real, the hunter of this generation had already killed their mark.
“Nothing.” I changed the subject. “I haven’t heard the voice since I gave birth, and it was almost muted during the pregnancy.”
Holden shuffled papers and pulled out one with highlighted text and sticky notes.
“This is maybe too personal, but the rumors going around are that your heart stopped after the baby was delivered.”
What was with this guy? He was a real party pooper dredging up my worst memories.
“Mmmm. Phelan brought me back to life.” I rubbed my chest, thankful I had no memory of that. Though what came afterward was even more horrifying, when I discovered Atticus was my brother.
“Okay, well, I need to do more research, but from what I've gleaned from my reading, dying kills a hunter, and technically, you did die.”
That was a cheery thought, me dying and leaving my daughter and mate. But if what Holden was saying was true, I was in the clear. We could forget about hunters and live our lives, though I was still lying about being latent.
And that was a huge deal.