Chapter Thirty
“H ave you lost your fucking mind?”
I was in the process of updating my files, categorizing all my clients by asset ratios and length of service. One of those tedious grunt tasks I’d been procrastinating on forever. I’d been at it all morning and would soon need to find more drudge work to tackle.
Oh, yeah, and I also just casually mentioned to Perry about Mike moving back in. Temporarily.
“No, actually, my mind is pretty well with me lately,” I said. I was good. I was getting shit done.
“It’s only been two days, Jills. Two days. How are you supposed to grieve properly when your ex is hanging around? I’m sure he doesn’t know the story, so he’s going to be questioning your every breakdown. That could get annoying as hell. I agree that you shouldn’t be alone, but Mike’s not the one who should be there. Maybe I should move in for a while instead.”
I started laughing. “I told you, I’m helping him out. He’s not here to babysit me. I don’t need to grieve, Perry. No one died. And I’m not going to cry, so no worries there.”
Perry curled her hand over mine, preventing me from making another mouse click. Then she swiveled my chair around to face her, and I narrowed my eyes at her. “And it’s a holiday. You shouldn’t even be working at all.”
“And you should be spending the day outside with Stephen, grilling out and having fun.”
“Come with me.”
“No, Perry, I’m staying here. I’m getting way too much accomplished today.”
She pinched her lips together and drew in a loud breath through her nose. I understood her frustration, but I didn’t know how to help her out. I didn’t want to leave when I was plowing through things I’d neglected for a while. Her face softened. “Just don’t lose yourself in your work again, Jills, because I think this time would be a million time worse.”
I gave her my best smile. “I’m not planning on it. Honest. I’m just being productive.”
“You appear okay, but I don’t think you are, Jills. You and Chase loved— love —each other, and a sane person doesn’t get over that in two days.”
Then I must be a ‘lock me in a rubber room with a straightjacket’ crackpot because I got over it in one. It didn’t mean I stopped caring about him; it just meant I recognized it was for the best. There was no reason to be a sobbing mess when something was meant to be. And before I knew it, that love would be replaced with a pleasant memory. From here on out, it was only going to get easier.
“You and Chase,” Perry said. “Are you sure this is really for the best? Are you sure he’s not the one you’re supposed to be with?”
“I’m sure.”
After Perry had left and I finished as much stuff as I could for the day, I went for a long walk, proving I could do something other than work. I wasn’t going to get back into the habit of seventeen-hour days. I knew how unhealthy that was to sustain for any length of time. She didn’t need to worry; I could stay balanced.
Softly pounding my feet on the pavement wasn’t as effective at taxing my body as hauling around a lawn mower, but it did the job. I felt light and clear as I headed back to my house. I’d even stopped to talk with Michelle a bit while she was out walking Sasha. I told her my fling was over, and she agreed it was only matter of time. It was an easy conversation.
Mike’s car was parked in the driveway when I arrived home. He’d been out all day, hopefully working things out with Candace. I was crossing my fingers for some good news when I came inside.
He was sprawled on the couch, feet up on the table, which he abruptly removed when he saw me. I barely gave that a care; my eyes were too focused on his hand.
“Where did you get that?” I asked calmly.
“Your fridge. Where else?”
He took a long sip as my blood started pumping harder and harder. Deep breath, Jillian . My skin was pulsating, the surface ready to break open. I clenched my fists. My deep breaths were not doing shit.
“And who the fuck gave you the right to take whatever you wanted without asking?”
“Jillian?”
“This is how you fucking repay me for letting you stay here? I didn’t think I had to hide my shit from you. I didn’t think you’d be that inconsiderate and take whatever the hell you wanted as if it were yours to take. My house, Mike. Not yours.”
He set down the bottle of Spotted Cow. It appeared to be nearly empty. “I’m really confused here, Jillian. I’ll pick up more, okay? I didn’t know that taking the last one would be that huge of a deal.”
His clueless expression just seemed to anger me further. He took without asking and then thought he could make it all better by offering to buy more?
“Um, is it that time of the month? If so, I totally understand. I’ll, ah… be more careful.”
I was shaking, fuming, ready to shove that bottle up his ass. Yeah, that would get him back for trying to shove his dick up mine.
“If that’s all you’re worried about, I suggest you make yourself scarce in five days. I have some pretty sharp knives in the kitchen. I’m liable to slice off your balls and feed them to you.”
“Fuck, Jillian. What the hell? You’re kinda scaring me here.”
I stormed back out to take another walk. Fucking ungrateful prick. I did him a favor, letting him stay in my house after he fucked up with his girlfriend, and how’d he show his appreciation? By taking over the place like he owned it again. By taking what was rightfully mine.
My steps hit the ground a little harder this time until I was practically running. I needed to do what I could to let off steam, to diffuse the pressure in my head.
I moved hard until I couldn’t anymore, then dragged myself back home. Mike was wisely in his room with the door closed. I quickly downed three full glasses of water before going into my office.
I didn’t speak to him for two days.
By the third morning, I’d come to my senses. I didn’t usually freak out so badly before my period, not since my twenties. I didn’t know what had taken control of me like that. Maybe I was going into early menopause.
Mike tiptoed around me as I poured myself a cup of coffee. “You want some?” I asked. He froze in his tracks, then took a step back. He obviously didn’t want to be in my vicinity. Poor guy. He had every right to be leery of me in the kitchen. Or anywhere. I’d been a little psychotic the other day.
“I can stop and pick some up on my way to the office,” he said.
“Don’t be silly.” I pulled a mug out of the cupboard and handed it to him. “I have plenty here.” He eyed me skeptically, and I laughed. “It’s not poisoned. Promise.” I took a big sip off mine. “See?”
He filled his cup. “Thanks.” Then he leaned back on the counter and watched me as he drank. Probably waiting to see if the other Jillian was going to come out and play.
“Listen, Mike. I’m really sorry. Of course, you’re going to help yourself while you’re staying here, and you don’t need my permission to eat or drink anything. I… I don’t know what came over me.” I smiled. “Maybe I was just really craving a beer that night.”
By talking about it, I realized just how absurd I’d been. I had that damned Spotted Cow sitting right out in the open. If I’d wanted the pleasure of dumping it in the sink myself, I should have at least hid it from sight. Mike actually did me a favor. Now I didn’t have to look at it anymore.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “Just glad to see you back.”
“Any word from Candace yet?” He was more than halfway through his week.
“No, she’s still playing hardball, but I’m working on it. She thinks I’ll cave and give her what she wants in exchange for being with her again.”
“Will you?”
“No, it doesn’t work that way. I’m betting on her being the first one to bend.”
Hmm… Either he was against a second marriage and family that adamantly or he just didn’t love her enough. Whatever the case, he couldn’t just hang out with me forever.
He went into the guest room and came out with a piece of paper. “I’ve been wanting to show you this. Look what I found. I think he was ten?”
I unfolded the paper, and my heart nearly burst. “He was eight,” I said. My eyes followed over the crayon drawings of me, Mike, and Daniel. We were all holding hands, a gazillion hearts around us. One big, happy family. At least in Daniel’s eyes, we were, and that was what mattered. That was what we were able to give him.
“I forgot to mention. He wants to hop over to Zurich next, after Rome. It’s pretty cool that he has the chance to see some of the world before real life sets in.”
“Yes, I’m the one who told you about that, remember?”
“So, I’ve been here several days now, and I haven’t heard anything about that… friend of yours. You still spending time with him?”
At least he put it nicely. I drank the rest of my coffee before responding. “No, Mike. I’m not.” He nodded. I suddenly had a panicked thought. “You didn’t mention anything to Daniel, did you?”
He shook his head. “Why would I? It’s not like anything was going to come of it, and what kid would want to hear about his mother being friendly with someone his own age?”
I exhaled slowly. Yes, good. “You’re right,” I said. “It’s all over with, and that’s a positive thing. Daniel didn’t need to hear about it.” I looked down at the drawing again. I couldn’t wait for him to get home so I could give him a big ole hug.
“We did good, Jillian. Lots of happy memories here.” I nodded and folded up the paper, setting it on the counter.
I rinsed out my cup and placed it in the dishwasher. “I’m jumping in the shower now. You leaving soon?” I asked.
“Yeah, I have an early appointment.”
I glanced at the calendar hanging on the wall, reminding me about the scheduled water delivery. “Are you able to put out the empty water bottles on your way out? They’re coming sometime this morning.”
“Sure.”
I headed off to the bathroom and had just sudsed up my hair when I heard the doorbell. Shit, they’re here already? I slid the shower door open a crack. “Mike, can you get that?” I yelled out. He must not have left yet if they were at the door looking for the bottles.
It rang a second time while I was squeezing out my conditioner. “Mike?” Often, the delivery guy would try again after he went around the neighborhood. I jumped out and dried off just enough to throw on a robe. Then I darted past all the empty bottles sitting there to see the truck pulling out at the end of my driveway.
Argh. We missed the delivery. Sometimes they’d leave new bottles without the empties, but this wasn’t one of those times. I was going through a lot of water lately, and my tap tasted like a swimming pool. I was going to have to take time out of my work schedule to go pick some up.
I groaned. I’d asked him to do one simple thing before he left, and he agreed. I wondered if he’d even been listening to me.
Dammit, Mike. Thanks for paying attention.