Chapter Two
Rouge
It had to be a crazy fever dream. There was no way Leland, my boss , had proposed this delulu plan to me.
“I’m sorry,” Leland said sincerely. Relief filled me, but so did disappointment. I opened my mouth to tell him I wouldn’t hold his moment of cuckoo against him, but he spoke before I could.
“I had this whole thing planned out and rehearsed. I didn’t mean to deliver it like this.”
“Y-you had this planned?” When he’d said he was sorry, I didn’t realize it was because he was sorry for the way he asked.
He sat on his ass in front of my chair and ran his hand through his hair.
“I did. I do. I want to help you, Rouge.”
I shook my head at his words. I didn’t deserve his help.
He placed his hand on my thigh, and the warm, heavy weight soothed a bit of my anxiety. His other hand reached out for the fingers I had unintentionally fisted in my hair. I took his hand.
“Listen to me.”
His plea got my attention. He sounded so desperate.
“You are so sweet. I know you’re the one who left the money in Kay’s drawer last week.”
It was true. She was having car trouble and money was tight. I left a few hundred dollars in her drawer. When I didn’t deny it, he continued. “You are thoughtful. You remembered when Sam had surgery and made sure he had a ride home.”
Sam was one of Leland's regulars. He and his wife had been in a car accident. Sam had needed surgery on his leg, but his wife wasn’t cleared to drive due to a bad concussion. I had given him a ride home, but I didn’t think I was thoughtful, maybe just available.
“You love so big, even though I think it terrifies you to do so.”
I hated how I loved people. It made me feel so foolish. They didn’t love me back the same way. It left me feeling a bit empty, but I wasn’t worthy of a love like that.
“You’re a good person, Rouge. You just struggle with your temper. I believe I can help you with that.”
“By being my Dom?”
“Yes. There are so many other outlets for your feelings. I think if you will work with me, we can explore which ones work for you.”
Twisting a loose string on my shirt back and forth, I considered his words.
“I already play at The Dragon,” I said, naming the local BDSM club.
“Right, you play.”
Looking up at his face, I waited for him to explain.
“You play with Blade. You don’t really submit to him, though. You let him spank you, and then you leave.”
I flushed. I didn’t realize he knew I played with our coworker. Or that I broke the rule about aftercare being mandatory.
“Let me ask you this, has Blade ever asked you to do anything besides your normal arrangement?”
I nodded.
“Can you tell me what?”
“He wanted me to d-do some journaling before and after he spanked me.”
“And did you?”
I shook my head.
“Why not?”
“Because we weren’t in a real dynamic…” I trailed off when I made the connection.
“Exactly. Because he’s your play partner, not your Dom.”
“Well, you couldn’t make me do anything.”
He nodded. “You’re right. That’s not how a D/S relationship works, is it?”
I shook my head again.
“But I think deep down, you want to get better and I think you know submitting to me will help you reach the goals you have for yourself.”
I hadn’t ever told anyone about the things I wanted to accomplish.
“And if I don’t, I’ll lose my job?”
“No. You will lose your position you currently have as an artist, but I will find other work for you to do here. Maybe a receptionist that works from home. You’re a great artist, but I can’t let you be in a position to hurt someone in the shop.”
That was very kind of him. I knew it would have been well within his rights to fire me.
“So, I couldn’t use my safeword?”
“Of course you could. I would be a terrible Dom if I didn’t honor your safeword.”
“Then what’s to stop me from just saying it if I don’t want to submit to your rules?”
“Nothing, sweetheart.”
“What would happen if I did?” I asked, although I was pretty sure I already knew the answer.
“It depends. If it’s a hard limit, then we find another alternative. If it’s because you’re not willing to commit to this fully, then we would end our agreement and you would move to being a receptionist.”
“No second chances?”
“No, sugar. Once you quit, it’s over.”
“I’m sorry,” I admitted, randomly.
“Why are you sorry?”
“That I made… That I was…” I trailed off, searching for the right words.
He raised his hand and stroked my face gently. “Nothing you say is wrong, baby. You can tell me anything you want to.”
“I feel like maybe I made you have to do this. I’m really sorry. I don’t want to be this way, it just… happens.”
Leland surprised me when he chuckled. “Oh, silly girl. I want to do this. You’re not making me do anything.”
“You want to top me?”
“No.”
Disappointment filled my belly.
Of course he doesn’t want to be your top. Who would?
“I want to Daddy you, but you’re not ready for that and I can wait until you are.”
“Why? Why would you want to do that?”
“I want to see you reach your goals, I want to help you succeed. I care for you, Rouge. I know you’re not operating at your full potential and that kills the Daddy Dom in me.”
“You care for me?” The hopefulness in my voice immediately irritated me.
Way to be fucking desperate, you’re pathetic.
***
Leland
Rouge was breaking my damn heart. The look of hope that flickered across her face before she shut it down would probably haunt me forever. I couldn’t imagine the monsters she had faced to make her feel like she was worth so little.
Sliding my hand from her cheek to under her chin, I lifted her head and forced her to look at me. “I do care for you, Rouge, very much. I have for a long time. I hope one day you’ll feel the same about me, but there’s no pressure.”
I’d wanted to state my ideas and feelings much more confidently. It was driving me crazy that everything felt so garbled, but as long as Rouge understood my intentions and feelings, I guessed everything else was okay.
“No sex?”
“No, not during our six-week arrangement. I want you to be able to work through things with no distractions.”
She nodded.
My heart pounded rapidly in my chest and I could feel the sweat running down my back. I wanted so badly for her to agree.
“I’ve never had sex willingly,” she blurted suddenly. Judging by the way she slapped her hands over her mouth, she hadn’t meant to say it.
Her statement made bile rise into the back of my throat. Pulling her hands away from her mouth, I lifted them to my lips and kissed them softly.
“Can you tell me more, sugar?” She rolled her eyes at the nickname but didn’t try to pull her hands back.
“You know about the cult.”
I nodded. I did.
“You know about my forced marriage.”
I nodded again.
“T-That’s the only sex I’ve ever had.”
“Oh, Rouge.” I dropped her hands and pulled her into my lap. Surprisingly she didn’t fight me, but kinda melted into my chest. I wondered if this was the first time she’d ever been held like this. She seemed too prickly to imagine it happening before.
“I-I’m not sure why I told you that.”
“I’m so glad you did, though. You can tell me anything you want to about your past, or your future. I’m happy to listen.”
“I want to have sex one day, sweet sex with someone that loves me.”
“That’s a beautiful goal.”
With each bit of encouragement I gave, she relaxed a tiny bit more.
“I think it’s going to be a lot of work.”
“What's going to be a lot of work, Little one?”
“Topping me,” she answered, “and I’m not a Little.”
Chuckling, I patted her back. “All dynamics are a lot of work, but it’s something we work for because we want it.” I ignored her comment about not being a Little.
“Yeah. I-I do need help, though.”
We sat in silence for several long moments. Each second that ticked by felt like an hour. I wished I could better gauge how she was feeling or tell what she was thinking.
“We can try, okay? But I can’t promise anything. I’m really messed up.”
“Oh, honey. You’re not messed up. You just have some issues you’re working through, but we all do. We are all working on personal goals; that’s life, babygirl.”
She nodded, but it felt forced. She’d learn soon enough, though.
“Where do we start?”
“Well, first I want you to go home for the weekend and think about it. Talk my offer out with your friends, with Blade, whoever you need to be a sounding board. I’m going to email you a list of people you can call that can give you a reference of my character or answer any questions you have about me as a Dominant. I also want you to write down any questions or thoughts you have. Sunday we will meet at The Baker’s Dozen to go over them. You can give me your official answer then.”
“Those are good things to do,” she responded, almost sounding like she was relieved.
“Were you worried we would just jump right in?” I asked, jokingly.
Her silence answered for her.
“Oh, baby,” I soothed. “I’m sorry you were worried. I really planned this much better in my head. I just got nervous and well, I kinda blew it.”
Looking up, she studied me for a minute. “Why are you nervous? It can’t be because you want to help me that badly. This is my problem, not yours.”
Her words just deepened my sympathy for her. She had been through so much. “It’s not just your problem, Rouge. You have so many people that love you and when you love someone, you help them carry their problems.”
She struggled a bit in my arms and I let her go. She quickly stood to her feet and took several steps away from me.
“I don’t have anyone that loves me. Well, except Emily.” The look of hurt and the vulnerability in her eyes was genuine. She really didn’t understand how loved she was.
“Oh, silly girl,” I scolded, shaking my head. “You have so many people who are cheering for you in life. Why do you think Blade, Kay, Smoke, and Bash worry about you so much? Because they care.”
“No, I’m just a… a coworker. They don’t... I think...” She struggled.
“Blade is your play partner at the club because he wants to give you what you need while keeping you safe. Smoke drives fifteen minutes past the shop to pick you up on rainy days. Kay is always bitching about how little you eat and then orders pizza because she knows it will appeal to you. Bash... fucking Bash checks into the credentials of everyone you interact with. Your therapist, your doctor, and that damn oral surgeon that tried to convince you that you needed veneers.”
Her eyes were wide as the implications of what I had explained finally hit home.
“You’re so loved, sugar.”