Chapter Five
Rouge
I swung my legs back and forth as Leland and I sat at his kitchen counter, flipping through the binder he’d made. It had a zombie unicorn on the front and blood splattered dividers separating the contents. It was obvious he’d put a lot of thought into picking out something that would match my aesthetic and I was really touched.
“Do you understand everything?” he asked, handing me a pen.
“Yes, sir.”
He had been abundantly clear in his expectations of me and he’d obviously given his crazy plan a lot of thought. We’d been negotiating for a little over two hours and he had been wonderful. There had been several things I hadn’t been sure about, and two that were a hard limit. He’d listened to all my concerns and made adjustments accordingly. I was happy with the end results.
My biggest concern was that I didn’t want our dynamic to be super obnoxious at work. People already knew, but I didn’t want it to be in their faces. Leland assured me we could keep it discreet. He’d been very supportive of my hard no on public spankings and punishments that required me to be completely naked. Nerves had made my breathing shaky when he’d asked me to explain my worries over being nude while punished. Telling anyone about my marriage, well, fake marriage, in the cult was hard. We were put through so many terrible things and I hated to relive it, much less tell people about them. It was embarrassing to admit the abuse sometimes. He’d held my hand as I explained that the predator the cult married me off to took my clothes away as punishment when I tried to run away the second time. After he and some of the elders had beaten and tortured me for over twelve hours, I was forced to remain naked so his other wives could see the marks of my punishment. After I finished, Leland hugged me tight and told me how sorry he was that life had been so unfair to me.
Hugging, well physical touch in general, still made me a bit itchy, but I was starting to like hugs. The Little girls in my life hugged me all the time, but Little hugs were a whole lot different than adult hugs.
“And what happens if you say ‘red’ in anger?” he questioned.
“We take a break for an hour.”
“Do we separate during that hour?”
“No, sir. We stay together so other emotions won’t affect our judgment.”
“That’s right. What happens after an hour?”
“If I still say ‘red,’ you will honor it and our arrangement is all over. I will move to a different position at Daddies Ink until I get the help that works for me.”
“Will I be mad at you?”
“No, sir. You might be worried about me, but you’re never mad at me.”
“If you change your mind, or calm down, in the hour and want to continue, what happens?”
“We will talk about what caused me to use my safeword and discuss my feelings before we decide what to do next.”
“Such a smart girl,” he praised. “What does it mean if I use a safeword?”
“That we need to stop and talk about it. Not because I did anything wrong, just because something didn’t work for you.”
“You listened so well, sugar.”
I felt a bit lighter at his praise. I was starting to see how helpful this would be for me and how lucky I was that Leland wanted to help me. I just hoped I would continue to be willing to accept his help.
“Do you need to be Little in order for this to work?”
I’d been worried he was going to ask that question. I swung my feet more aggressively.
“No.”
“Try again.” Even in correction, his tone was kind.
“No, Sir.”
“But if you decide you want to be Little, can you?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Why?”
I kicked the island in frustration. Why couldn’t he just let this part go? “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Do you need to use your safeword?”
I kicked the island again. “No, Sir.”
“Then let’stalk about it.”
“I don’t want to.” Pains tore through my belly and I rubbed it. Today had been good, but difficult. I didn’t want to tell him why I could never be a Little. He would be disgusted.
“I know. It’s hard when we have to talk about feelings we’ve buried for so long, but in order to grow, we have to do the hard things. So, answer me, sugar.”
“If I decide I am a Little, I need to tell you so that my needs can be met in that area too. Especially since I may be feeling vulnerable after a few days in our dynamic. You won’t feel like it’s extra work or that I’m pretending.”
“Great job, Rouge. I’m so proud of you.”
Ignoring his praise, I signed my name at the bottom of the contract where Leland had already signed.
Earlier in the day, I thought I’d feel nervous about signing the contract, but I actually felt hopeful. Maybe things would be better now.
“Great job, baby. We did a lot of hard things today and you handled them all so well. You’re being so brave.”
“Why is it brave? I messed up so bad I need help getting everything straightened out.”
“Oh, baby. No. You didn’t mess anything up. People in your life failed you and caused you to survive the best way you knew how. Now that you’re safe and healthy, we’re learning new habits. And it’s very brave that you’re accepting help because you want to learn how to handle your feelings better.”
“Really?” I asked, turning on my stool so I could see him better.
“You’re the bravest person I know, sugar.”
***
Leland
Pulling into Rouge's apartment complex was harder than I’d imagined. We’d had a great day together and I wasn’t ready for it to end.
“I had a really good day with you today,” Rouge admitted, breaking through the silence. I was pleased to hear she felt the same.
“Me too, sugar.” After switching off the ignition, I stepped out of my truck and walked around to her side.
“Why do you call me ‘sugar’?” she asked when I opened her door.
“Because you’re sweet as sugar.” I didn’t have an elaborate thought process on it. My reasoning was simple. She was so very sweet.
She scoffed at my answer. “I’m not sweet. I’m… a fucking mess. I made Kay cry.”
I helped her climb from the truck and made sure she was steady on her feet, before gripping her upper arm firmly and swatting her bottom.
“Hey!” she squealed, trying to get away from my firm hand.
“You don’t get to talk badly about yourself. You also don’t get to dismiss the honest things I say about you,” I scolded, spanking her a few more times before releasing her. “You have some struggles you’re working through, but you are very sweet. I call you Sugar because I know you’re a sweet girl despite your anger. Now, when you hear it, you’ll be reminded of your sweetness too.”
She rubbed her bottom with both hands and her eyes sparkled with anger. Her breathing quickened, and she scrubbed her foot into the ground, but she didn’t stomp off or say anything unkind. I’d take it as a win.
“Okay,” she bit out, her teeth clenched in anger.
“Try again,” I corrected gently.
She took a few deep breaths before her body slowly relaxed.
“Yes, Sir.”
“Good job, Rouge. I am so proud of you. I know you were angry with me then, but you did such a great job.”
Confusion flickered across her face and I realized something wasn’t clicking with her.
Guiding her toward her building, I waited until she’d unlocked her door and walked inside before asking if she understood why I was proud of her.
“No. Because I still got angry.”
The sincere look on her face broke my heart all over again. Poor baby. Reaching out I cupped her chin. She bit her lip, and I used my thumb to pull it free. “You did still get angry, but you didn’t pitch a fit. You didn’t stomp off, or yell, or throw a mug at me.”
She flushed and looked sheepish at my words. I chuckled before learning forward and kissing her forehead. “It’s okay to be angry. It’s an emotion, everyone has it. What matters is how you handle it.”
“Oh.” Her simple response hurt me all over again. It was clear she’d never had the guidance she needed in her life. I was glad she was letting me lead her on this journey.
“And, baby?”
“Yes, Sir?”
“If Kay has forgiven you for your fit of temper, you need to forgive yourself too. You’re a good girl who just made a mistake.”
“Yes, sir.”
I had a feeling we’d be working on that goal for a while. She was incredibly hard on herself.
“Okay, sugar. I hope you get some rest tonight. I’ll see you at work tomorrow. We’ll go out to that weird pizza place Paisley likes so much for lunch, okay?”
She grinned, a real grin, and I knew then I was done for. This wasn’t going to end in six weeks, not when I already wanted forever.
“ Triangles ?” she squealed. Actually squealed.
“Yes, have you been?” I hadn’t been because it seemed like some kind of social experiment.
“No! But they have chocolate pizza!” She bounced on the toes of her combat boots.
“Chocolate pizza? No way!” I teased, enjoying her excitement.
“Yas-huh. I bet it’s so good!”
I didn’t comment on her Little peeking through, but gently encouraged her to keep telling me how excited she was and about all the types of pizza she wanted to try in hopes I could coax her out a bit more.
“Leland?” she asked, suddenly.
“Yes, baby?”
“Thank you for this. I-I didn’t know, I-I didn’t know this is what I needed until now. I’m g-gonna have a chance to get better because of you.”