13. Stop and Smell the Roses
13
STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES
“We are going to head back to the hotel to rest.” Hazel hugged Noah with a pat on the shoulder and reassurances that they were just tired from waking up early to visit Sainte-Chapelle.
“Hanna, take the day off and enjoy the beautiful weather with my grandson. It’s too beautiful outside for you to stay inside with us old ladies all day.”
“Are you sure? I can stay–” Hanna started.
“I am absolutely certain. After a week without a break, you need a day off. How you do this all year without your feet falling off is beyond me. The girls and I are going to lounge by the pool, nothing that requires either of you. We can fend for ourselves and I am sure the two of you can find something to occupy the time.” With a blatant wink towards Hanna and Noah’s flushed faces, Hazel slid into the car, Madeline closing the door behind her.
The tall blonde eyed the pair’s shifting posture, standing so close that Hanna’s hair brushed against Noah’s arm with the breeze.
Raising one slim eyebrow, Madeline asked, “Do you need me to pick you up later?”
Noah looked at Hanna for the response, always putting the power in her hands.
“No,” she answered firmly.
A broad smile covered Madeline’s face as she switched to French.
“I want the whole story later. Preferably with a bottle of wine.”
“Only if you’re buying,” a masculine voice replied in perfect French.
Noah placed a warm hand on Hanna’s lower back, as her mouth fell open in shock.
“ You speak French?”
“I never said I didn’t,” Noah replied.
“My grandmother is Belgian and helped raise me. Of course, I speak French.”
Damn if the light accent in his voice was not one of the sexiest things Hanna ever heard.
And she had heard a lot of accents.
Laughing at Hanna’s predicament, Madeline walked around the car with a wave.
“ Keep this one. I like him. And you– ” She pointed at Noah from the open driver’s door.
“Treat my girl right. The Seine has a history of making people disappear. ”
Blanching, Noah waved the car off before whispering in Hanna’s ear, “Remind me to stay away from the water.”
Hanna bumped their hips together playfully.
“You have nothing to worry about as long as you treat me right.”
Suddenly nervous that she played her cards too soon, Hanna averted her gaze to her shoes.
Sure, they had danced around the topic enough, and Noah said he wanted to be with her, but that did not mean he wanted a relationship.
In a world of dating apps and post-pandemic situationships, Hanna found the ambiguity frustrating.
Too many of her friends got played by people pretending to want a committed relationship when all they were after was a hookup.
In true Noah fashion, he tipped her jaw up with one hand, watching her as if working out a puzzle before his mouth ticked up on one side.
“I’ll have nothing to worry about then, for I plan to treat you very well.”
Her legs threatened to collapse at the same moment her core tightened, everything in her midsection melting with desire.
Those words. Uttered in his voice.
Hanna shivered in delight, wondering what other things he might rasp into her ear and when she could get the chance to find out.
“Well, in that case…” Hanna ran a hand down Noah’s arm, delighting in the way he shivered, before twining their fingers together.
“We should find somewhere quieter and finally have that conversation.”
Gesturing with one hand, Noah invited Hanna to lead the way, keeping the other firmly ensconced in his grip.
They made their way along cobbled streets, sunlight warming their skin as they strolled alongside gawking tourists and focused locals alike.
To any outsider, they were a typical couple, holding hands in the famed city of love.
Despite the fact that they were not any other couple, they were not a couple at all.
Yet.
Grabbing a selection of pastries from a local boulangerie, they settled on a bench in the Square of Saint-Jacques Tower, listening to the noise of the crowds and street fade away in the small patch of nature created in the midst of urban development.
From as far back as she could remember, Hanna loved being outside.
So much of her childhood was spent indoors, homeschooled and assisting her parents in their makeshift offices and hospitals, that Hanna yearned to spend as much time outdoors experiencing the world as possible.
Their shared love of spending time in nature was something they learned on one of their many phone conversations.
Noah grew up with his hands buried in the soil of Hazel’s garden, learning how to grow the plants used for cooking and their organic cleaning products.
Although he did not have space for a full garden, Noah admitted that his balcony was covered in pots and raised beds for herbs.
Sunglasses protecting his pale eyes, Noah tipped his face back to absorb the sunshine filtered through the canopy of trees above them.
“So–” Noah leaned forward to wipe a crumb off her lips, bringing it to his mouth and momentarily distracting Hanna.
“–are you going to keep me in suspense, or finally let me out of my misery?”
Hanna knew her decision, and Noah was right, it was finally time to get their feelings out in the open.
“I like you, Noah, more than I should.” She pressed her fingers against his parting mouth to prevent an interruption.
His warm lips pursed to press a kiss against her skin, a silent gesture to show he liked her too.
“But I am scared of what that means. Scared that the thrill of a new place and allure of an exciting trip makes this feel bigger than it really is. Vacation has a way of covering everything in rose-tinted glasses, and I don’t want to get hurt when you go back home and realize you don’t have time for a relationship that you did not really want to begin with. And I will not risk my professional reputation for sex.”
Hanna did not voice the secret thought that she worried Noah only liked her because she was temporary, good enough for a quick fling before he returned to his normal life.
Not someone worth tying himself to long-term.
“So, I guess what I need to know is what you want this to be, Noah.” Better to have her heart broken now, when she still had a chance at picking up the pieces, than after she gave it to him.
If it was not too late already.
Sliding closer on the bench, Noah clasped her hands between his, tilting his head down so that eyes the color of the sky met with gold-brown.
“I want this to be everything. When I first met you, I wanted you out of my life. Tried to push you away and scare you off to protect my grandmother. But, I think the one I was really trying to protect was myself. Somewhere deep down, after hearing countless stories about you from her, I think I knew that you were someone who would push me past my comfort zone. Break down the barriers I had and give me a reason to trust someone again.”
He pressed his lips firmly against her hands, eyes squeezing shut with a huff of laughter.
“But you weren’t scared away. No, you pushed back and showed me your brilliant mind and generous heart. I want a relationship, to learn everything about you, take care of you, and let you take care of me. We’ll have to figure out what that looks like, but I can work with your schedule. For you, I want to make it work.”
Hanna’s breath caught in her lungs and the world around her froze.
Nothing outside of her and Noah mattered.
Each of his words spun inside her, seeking out the bruised parts of her heart, settling over them like a salve.
Gone was the guarded look Noah wore when they first met, a wall constructed to keep people out after having his trust broken, replaced with an open vulnerability.
It was in the way the tension around his jaw and eyes relaxed, his sunglasses lifted so Hanna could view the soft, tender parts of himself that were worried about getting hurt again, but willing to risk it anyways.
“I want to make it work too,” she whispered, the words breathed against his lips.
Noah sighed into her mouth, letting her press their lips together without making a move to push her further.
They breathed together, chests moving in and out in synchrony.
An infinite number of moments passed as they held each other before Hanna pulled Noah’s head closer, her mouth opening over his.
She felt his eyelashes brush against her cheekbone as they fluttered closed.
When she ran her tongue along the seam of Noah’s lips, he groaned, plunging one hand into her hair while he gripped her waist with the other.
Seated on a bench, their ability to move closer was limited by the unyielding metal, but Hanna tried her best to shift in every possible way in an effort to get closer, to remove every millimeter between them.
Kissing Noah felt like coming home, the heady rush of excitement blending with the comfort of the familiar.
Hanna groaned in protest when Noah removed his lips, just to sigh in relief when he deepened the kiss by tilting his head to the perfect angle.
She needed his next touch as much as she needed air to breathe.
Finally Hanna knew what his hair felt like, running her fingers through the thick strands until they separated from the styling product and fell haphazardly.
Noah looked just as good as she imagined, rumpled and disheveled from her hands, face flushed and eyes bright with desire.
Mouths met and separated between deep breaths, their chests heaving in the space separating them.
Hanna accidentally shoved her knee into Noah’s thigh in her impatience to remove any separation, her distant awareness that they were in a public park the only thing stopping her from climbing onto Noah’s lap.
The fingers fisted into the fabric at her waist squeezed, letting Hanna know she was not the only impatient one.
The next time their lips separated, Hanna opened hers to suggest they move somewhere private when Noah’s face scrunched in pain.
“Shit,” he bit out, jerking his body off the bench.
A plump pigeon shuffled its wings in indignation at nearly being kicked.
Noah leaned down to examine his ankle, pulling down his sock to look at the red mark forming where the pigeon pecked him.
Glaring at the offending bird currently giving Noah the side-eye despite mistaking him for food, Noah muttered, “Wrong bird for a cockblock.”
Checking for herself that Noah was not injured, Hanna let out an amused chuckle.
“It must have thought I was trying to eat you and wanted to see what was so delicious.” Recalling what they were doing moments before had Hanna covering her face with her hands in embarrassment.
“I was practically mauling you. In public.”
“Hey.” Noah pulled her hands down, smiling brighter than the sun.
“You’ll get no complaints from me. In fact–” He pulled her into his chest and brushed his lips against her ear.
“I cannot wait to do it again. Just in a more private place next time, yeah?”
“Yes, please,” Hanna said in a husky voice.
“Do you ever think about wanting to do something else?” Noah asked her, a little bit later as they walked hand-in-hand through a used bookstore.
Hanna shook her head, soft curls rubbing where they rested against Noah’s shoulder.
She’d been having a wonderful time, as they took turns lifting cracked leather spines from their shelves and whispering passages of poetry into each others’ ears.
Several times, Hanna found herself grabbing a fistful of Noah’s shirt, pulling him into a passionate kiss when he read something salacious in French.
His ability to locate the dirtiest passages was an unique skill.
“No. Getting to meet new people and explore new places is all I ever wanted.” Her lack of permanent address or solid community baffled many people, but frequent moving was all Hanna knew.
“What about you?”
“More than I should,” Noah confessed in a quiet voice.
He looked at her with wide eyes, guilt churning in their depth.
After everything he told her about the betrayal and subsequent work to build back his grandparent’s savings and business, Hanna surmised that Noah had never told anyone that he imagined working somewhere else.
His protective instincts would not let him.
The trust Noah placed in her by revealing that confession humbled Hanna and made her feel like she could fly.
She would never betray that trust. Family was everything to him, something she respected and envied, her own distance from family like a bruise she forgot about until something pressed on it again.
“What would you pick, if you could do anything else?” Hanna leaned against a shelf, giving Noah her full attention.
Light from the wall of windows at the front of the shop brushed his sharp cheekbones, highlighting the way his jaw clenched and relaxed while he thought.
He ran a hand over his hair, straightening some of the strands that Hanna set free as a nervous blush stole across his face.
Quiet settled around them in the way that only an old bookstore could, the aging books and furniture storing the secrets of the historied clientele.
With a small shrug, Noah admitted, “Probably something similar to what I do now, just…more. Ever since I was little, I loved sitting in the garden with my grandmother. Working with the plants and mixing the product. But mémé needed more help running the business than she did making product, so I went and got a business degree. I don’t regret the decision, I ended up really enjoying it, but I think I got stuck. Stuck in the same place, doing the same thing, because it was comfortable. Watching you this week, hearing about your business when we spoke on the phone, showed me how fearless you are. Leaving everything you knew and starting off on your own, I never had that kind of courage.”
The tips of Noah’s fingers traced the shell of Hanna’s ear, down the slope of her jaw, before curling around the back of her neck.
“You make me feel courageous. I want to be more involved in making the product. When we first started expanding internationally, I wanted us to partner with local vendors to get ingredients and create the products. Find ways to support the communities where we are selling the product. But it was risky, giving up control of creating the products ourselves. I feel brave enough to do it now, because of you.”
Hanna’s heart squeezed tightly.
“That’s wonderful, Noah. What you are trying to do will help so many people, and I know Hazel would support you. Just because you aren’t making the products, does not mean the quality suffers. If you need some contacts, I can share mine with you. It might not be exactly what you are looking for, but I know several boutique hotels that partner with local business–”
Smiling lips sealed over hers, the warmth of Noah’s body molding with hers as he pressed her into the shelf.
When her eyes fluttered open, Hanna watched Noah’s crinkle with mirth.
“There you go, offering help without me even needing to ask. You are the most selfless, giving person I’ve ever met. Let me figure out this next step first, but I’ll promise to ask for help as soon as I do.”
She laughed into his shoulder.
It was the unexpected joy of being with him that sent a wave of longing through her.
Hanna wanted to keep them here, in this feeling, forever.
Noah pressed his lips onto her forehead before resting his cheek on the top of her head.
“You don’t think I’m being selfish? Asking for more when I’ve already been given so much.”
“No.” She nudged him back so that she could meet his eyes.
“I think dreams should be bold and ambitious. The worst that can happen when you aim for the stars is that you land on the moon, and that’s still better than only admiring them through a telescope.”
It was something she reminded herself of daily.
Her business might fail, but if it did, she would make damn sure that she did everything in her power to keep it going.
No one could say that she failed because she did not work hard enough.
“And what are your big dreams, Hanna? What stars are you aiming for?”
Folding her arms around her waist, Hanna found the belled, elbow-length sleeve of her blouse and rubbed the fabric between her fingers in a nervous gesture.
“Right now? Keeping my business going.”
Some days, the black and red numbers on the spreadsheet mocked her, stress spinning tighter and tighter, faster and faster in her mind, causing her chest to restrict her breaths until it felt like there was no escape from the endless worry.
“I have mostly been booking itinerary-only trips, ones where I am not with them. Which is still business,” she rushed to say, “but I love leading the tours. Someday, I want Luxe Travel to be the premier name in tours and have the ability to hire employees to help me. Ideally take a vacation every once and a while.”
Noah’s hand found hers, spreading his palm beneath her fingers so that she was rubbing his skin instead of the fabric, the rhythmic motion and rough texture of his skin soothing her anxiety.
Instead of trying to stop the nervous gesture, Noah helped her through it.
Surrounded by his steady presence, Hanna felt protected.
He was the lighthouse in a storm, guiding her to safety while giving her the freedom to get there on her own.
“You’ll get there.” He pressed another kiss to her forehead.
“You are too damn stubborn and brilliant not to. Anyone who cannot see that does not deserve to stand near your spotlight.”
The memory of her parent’s lack of support dimmed the glow she felt in Noah’s arms and he tightened the pressure of his fingers on hers.
His eyebrows pinched together in concern, silently asking her if she wanted to talk about it.
A trio of teenage girls rounded the corner, their bright laughter and rapid conversation bursting through the bubble around Hanna and Noah.
Still leaning against the bookshelf, Noah pressed further into Hanna, giving the girls space to pass behind them.
They giggled and whispered behind their hands as they walked past, blatantly checking Noah out as they did.
Instead of politely continuing on their way and giving the couple privacy, the girls stopped a few shelves over and pretended to look at books while batting their eyelashes at Noah.
There was no reason for Hanna to feel possessive when the teenagers had no chance with Noah, but jealousy was not a rational emotion.
Staking her claim, Hanna slid her arms around Noah’s waist, kissing him deeply before sending a smug glance at the teens.
She felt his huff of amusement through their connected chests.
Tipping up her chin, Noah staked his own claim by kissing Hanna softly.
“Want to get out of here?”
Mutely, Hanna nodded.
A quick glance at her watch told her that they should be getting back to the hotel anyway to freshen up before dinner.
Time had flown by, evident by the bluebirds’ position on the watch face.
They only had a few days left in France, and it was already slipping through her fingers faster than Hanna wanted.