Chapter 42
Cormac
After Darragh shows identification that matches the fax the cop had, he seems satisfied and accepts that I said I was the father, so there wouldn’t be a delay in treatment. That and all the guards staring him down made him leave before he shit himself.
If he’s been on the job in Astoria more than a day, he knows who Ana is.
“I’m taking Scarlett home,” I tell my brother and steer her toward the Quinlan SUV. “I’ll call you later for an update.”
Good luck, he mouths to me.
I’m gonna need it…
We ride back to Manhattan in silence. Scarlett can’t even look at me, and now I feel sick. She vibrates with disbelief at hearing me tell a stranger I had a son, but I couldn’t tell her.
Back in our condo, she marches to the locked door of J.P.’s nursery.
“Open it,” she says, voice strong.
My stomach drops clean through the floor. “Scarlett, please.”
She reaches for the handle, but it won’t budge. She pins me with a look of betrayal that kills me. “Open. The. Door.”
I feel empty. Like someone drained me at the hospital and left a husk walking.
My palm lands on the keypad, and I can’t even feel my fingers as I punch in the code. The lock clicks softly, but it might as well be a gunshot.
Hand splayed against the door, stalling for just one more breath, I rasp, “Scarlett, please.”
But she pushes right past my arm and steps inside. She hits the light, and her gasp at the nursery I’ve been hiding under her nose tears me to shreds.
“Why didn’t you tell me about him?” Her voice cracks, not weak but wounded. “Why did you keep your son a secret?”
I lean back against the crib, trying to protect the last shred of her respect because she’s about to look at me like I’m a disgusting human being.
“It was easier,” I choke out. “Easier to tell you I was an addict than a father who isn’t good enough to raise his own kid.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, and the pressure forces burning tears to fall. I hate this.
She steps closer. “Who told you you’re not good enough to raise your own child?”
“Me. I didn’t want him.” The words scrape out of me like glass shards, and I break down. I can’t believe I’m crying in front of her. My chest hurts like I’ve been knifed. “I wanted to give him up.”
Scarlett goes pale. One hand grips her stomach like she’s been punched there.
I force myself to look at her, to remind myself what I really am underneath all the forgiveness. I bite my lip so hard I taste blood.
“That’s why I didn’t tell you,” I say hoarsely. “You think I’m some fantasy, this hot professor, and now your secret husband. How does that line up with a man who didn’t want his own kid?”
She bravely refuses to look away. “You said you were on drugs,” she whispers.
I shake my head. “That’s no excuse.”
She rushes at me like she’s walking into fire and grabs my shirt with shaking fingers. “It is the reason. Your mind was poisoned, Cormac. You were scared.”
A broken laugh escapes me. “Damn right, I was scared.”
Scared of being killed by Alexei Koslov and Lachlan, but I don’t voice that.
I drag a hand through my hair. “There’s more to this story.
It’s even fucking uglier if you can believe it.
You can walk out that door right now. Check into a hotel, and I’ll send you divorce papers.
You can have half of everything. You’ll have more than enough to finish school and get through your residency.
Even buy yourself a better condo than this. ”
She goes white, steps back, and sits in the rocking chair. “I… I don’t want your money. I want you. The real you. The you without secrets. Because no matter how bad it got, you found your way through the darkness. You’re not pretending to be a good man now, are you?”
“No,” I say quickly. “But it’s something I struggle with every day.”
“Then tell me.” She sits back, legs crossed, arms folded, “Because I’m not leaving.”
Where the fuck did this woman come from?
“My son’s mother, Ana, who you saw at their house—”
“She was beautiful,” Scarlett says, looking self-conscious, and I hate that.
“Ana is the daughter of the Russian mafia boss in Astoria. She faked her own kidnapping to get out of a marriage contract and fled to Vegas. Her father is a monster. He tore the city apart looking for her. Killed a lot of people.”
Scarlett blinks, then tilts her head. “That’s on that guy,” she says. “Not you.”
A humorless smile ghosts my mouth. “That’s not how it works in the mafia, little Ford.”
Her breath stutters, the nickname hitting her differently because of my tone.
“She was the girlfriend I mentioned,” I continue.
“We hooked up. And when things went south, I dragged her down with me. The drugs. The scams I was pulling for money because I hit rock bottom. Then she got pregnant…” I swallow hard.
“I didn’t see a child. My child. I saw a ticking bomb.
A war. One that would kill every O’Rourke back in Astoria if her father found out what I did. ”
“You were scared, strung out,” Scarlett murmurs. “You were alone. You weren’t talking to your brother. Cormac, did you…” Her voice drops to a terrified whisper. “Did you ever hurt her?”
The world goes red.
“No,” I grind out. “Not like that. Not with my fists, but I mistreated her just the same. I hate admitting this, but I didn’t love her. She didn’t love me either. We used each other. It just got ugly.”
I breathe deeply, steady, controlled.
“When I found out she was pregnant, I took anything I could get my hands on. I wanted to die. I thought if I died, her father wouldn’t burn the O’Rourke name off the map.”
Scarlett leans back and takes a deep breath. “Whoa, Cormac. That’s deep. Have you talked to anyone about it?”
“Yeah. In that prison camp I mentioned to you.”
She stands and takes the stuffed bear from the shelf. “Where was your son born?”
“Seattle.”
I step beside her, staring at the crib. “That accident I told you about that landed me in jail for drug possession? Ana was in the car. A detective who knew my brother called him. Darragh flew into Vegas that night.” My voice fractures.
“When he saw who I had with me, he thought the same thing I did. Holy fucking shit. He knew what her father would do. So, he took Ana to Seattle. To hide her.”
Scarlett blinks, putting every jagged piece together. “And now they’re married?”
“Yeah.” I huff out a laugh. “Ironic.”
“That cop said you were pretending to be his father at the hospital?”
“Darragh put his name on the birth certificate in Seattle,” I whisper. “Told Ana’s father he was the one who got her pregnant. He…” I choke. “He risked his life for me.”
Scarlett rests her head on my arm. “He must love you very much.”
“He does,” I scoff. “The idiot.”
“Stop saying things like that!” She swats at me.
I look at her. Really look at her and think about the mess I’ve just made all over again.
“So that’s the whole horrible story,” I say.
She sweeps her eyes across the room. “Did you do all this because you want him?” she says softly.
“I do.” My voice cracks. “Not full-time. I would never take my son away from Ana or Sophie. She’s eight. But she knows he’s my son. To her, that’s her little brother, and she adores him.”
“Of course.” Scarlett looks around again and smiles like she likes the idea of a baby here one day.
“He’s part of the reason for my recovery in Dunbar. The goal of getting back to him helped me stay centered. Focused.”
She turns toward me. “Do your brother and Ana know? That you want to be in his life?”
“Darragh knows I want more. Just not how much more.”
“I think you’re ready.” She reaches for my hand. “You have this beautiful apartment. This amazing nursery. And a wife. I’ll—”
“You’re temporary.” The words slip out before I can pull them back.
She flinches like I hit her.
“That’s what you want, right?” I ask quietly. “You said it yourself, you didn’t want a husband. That’s why you said no to Pierce in the first place. Why you kept telling me no.”
She shakes her head. “There’s no comparing you and Pierce.” With tears in her eyes, she adds, “What I’m feeling right now for you, about all this, and all that you told me… This doesn’t feel temporary, Cormac.”
She wants me. God help us both.
“Can we…” I don’t finish.
Scarlett steps back and looks at me. “You look exhausted.”
“So do you. Can we sleep for a few hours?”
“Come on.” She takes my hand.
I flick off the light and step out of the nursery. But I don’t lock it. No need to anymore.
Scarlett notices, and in the hall, I feel her warm hand in mine.
No. This isn’t temporary.
Not anymore.