Chapter Nineteen
Evelyn
Bree is staring at Asher and I wide eyed and very, very confused. Which I really can’t blame her for when I’ve let her believe that I’ve been staying at Jake’s for most of the week, but I also don’t have the energy to explain.
The only thing on my mind is my dad.
It all makes sense now. The erratic behaviour, the anger and violence, the weight loss; it was all a sign that I stupidly missed. I bite my tongue against the fresh wave of tears that threatens to break. It just doesn’t make sense. He’s been an alcoholic for years and not once has he made a motion to use anything harder.
A warm hand takes mine, squeezing with surety.
Asher smiles. “It will be okay.”
“We don’t know that.” I whisper and catch Bree eying me in the mirror. I turn to her, still clutching Asher’s hand. “What exactly did your mom say?”
“That he … it was bad, but that he’s in a stable condition now.” Bree’s hair is pulled up into a bun atop her head, her silk bonnet still there from the sleep she was pulled from by the phone call.
I lick my dry lips. “Thank you, Bree. For coming.”
She nods and smiles. “I’m here for you. Always.”
Turning back, I rest my head against the car window and watch as the world zips by.
He looks awful and suddenly I wish I had waited for Asher to park the car before heading in just so he can hold me up. I take a tentative step forward towards my dad, and then another, and another until I’m rushing over to him. Tears drip down my cheeks and splash onto the pillow beside my bed as I lean over him, taking in his awful complexion. He’s lost even more weight than last time, the skin falling gauntly against his cheeks, his body barely even a husk.
A nurse is checking his vitals and I stumble over my words.
“Is he okay?”
She smiles kindly at me, fiddling with a machine. “He’s doing as well as can be expected. We’ve flushed his system as best as we can and now it’s up to him.” She walks over to me, squeezing my shoulder. “If it’s something, he’s definitely a fighter. He had enough heroin in his system to kill a horse.”
After she’s gone, I sit in the seat beside my father, watching and counting the breaths that rattle through his chest. It’s so strange, to watch someone you love ruin themselves. When we see it happen to others it’s so easy to say that you’d stop them, that you’d find a way, but that’s very rarely the reality. My father’s been a drunk for so long, I don’t even know who he would be without the alcohol.
There’s a knock at the door, and Asher walks in, his eyes softened as he takes in my father. When I see him, the tears fall harder. He rushes over, holding my face in his hands and whispers soft words into the crown of my head.
“I didn’t know.” I say helplessly.
“He didn’t want you to know.”
“Heroin, Asher. Of all things why did it have to be heroin?”
Asher shakes his head, neither of us having the answer. We stay like that for a long time, me soaking up his strength. After an hour or two, Bree heads into the room after speaking to her mom who’s a nurse on the ward.
“Hey. How’s the old man?” She asks.
I swallow, Asher moves to sit beside me. “He’s stable, but the nurse said that it’s the withdrawal that will cause the most issues.” I wipe a hand down my face. “God, I don’t know what to do.”
“We can get him into rehab.” Asher says.
I shake my head. “We don’t have health insurance. And even if we did, trying to get him to go would be another issue all together.”
Asher goes quiet and Bree shakes her head. “Nope, let’s not think on this now. Come on, let’s go get a coffee. You need a break from this room.”
I look to my dad, not wanting to leave him but …
“I’ll stay with him.” Asher kisses my palm. “Go.” He orders.
I smile, grateful and follow Bree. We walk in silence until we come across a waiting area equipped with a coffee machine and a tray of donuts. As the bitter smelling beverage pours, I turn to Bree.
“Are you mad?”
She shakes her head. “I’m just confused.” She bites her lip. “And I didn’t think it was the time or place to ask.”
“It’s okay. I need the distraction.”
With our coffee’s in hand, we both sit in the waiting room seats, the conversation that’s long been coming waiting in the space between us.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen.” I start.
“These things rarely are planned.”
I nod. “But when I met Asher there was just something … it was like we were connected. At all moments this little string between us would tug and jerk, trying its best to force us together and we fought it but … well in the end, I decided I didn’t want to fight it.”
“How did it happen? Like when?” Bree shakes her head. “I thought you were with Jake.”
I smile guiltily. “Well things have been happening from the beginning, you know the looks and the almost kisses but we didn’t really solidify anything until thanksgiving after the whole thing that happened with my dad. Since then, we’ve just been living like a normal couple, I guess.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Her voice is tense like a piece of string held taut. “I wouldn’t have said a word.”
“I guess I was just struggling to admit my feelings to myself and then when I finally did, I didn’t want the high to end. I didn’t want to risk you having a bad reaction.” I take her hand. “Can you forgive me?”
“Of course, Evelyn. Just know that you can trust me with these things, okay?”
I nod, feeling lighter than I did a moment ago.
“So, what are you two going to do?”
I shrug, the ball of nerves turning in my stomach. “I have no idea but what I do know is that you were right.” Bree’s brows furrow in confusion so I offer her an explanation. “I can’t live my life doing things that don’t make me happy. Asher was the first thing I did to rectify that, majoring in Art History is the second.”
Bree smiles, her white teeth flashing a second before she hugs me. “Thank fuck for that! No offense, but you would have been a miserable accountant.”
I knock my coffee cup against hers, feeling hopeful, and whisper, “True. So, so true.”