Chapter 12
VALENTINA
Being that good, trustworthy, reliable friend required me to stay away from Caden.
And staying away from him was kind of hard when I crawled into my bed every night, and it was directly above his.
Harder when, after a week of ignoring me, his head poked over the safety rail of my bunk. At six-thirty in the morning.
I wasn’t sure if I was still dreaming when his first words were, We’re going running, sleepyhead.
I mumbled an incoherent reply. I don’t think I actually tried saying anything with substance.
Morning light peeked through the curtains, drenched parts of the room in a soft orange—his face, for example.
The sun played in his short, platinum-blond hair, softened his features and made the smile in the corner of his lips seem…
ethereal. I blinked at what others might call a heavenly sight, sleep still slurring my thoughts.
What? Caden said ironically, and his head tilted in amusement.
I read your list. You wanted to go for a run, which is something I do almost every other day.
It seemed selfish not to take you eventually, he explained.
I was too tired to argue that it just seemed odd, after he’d ignored me for a week.
Odder, because I was supposed to ignore him as well. Now more than ever.
I wasn’t known to sleep late, but that didn’t mean my mornings had to start at six. Let someone try and wake me before eight, and it usually didn’t end well.
Now, though, I yawned again, then actually meant to sit up. To go running? With Caden?
Only that I was still so tired, I forgot that the ceiling was barely fifteen inches above me, and I would’ve hit my head. Hard. Borderline-concussion hard. If it weren’t for the hand that rushed out, curled around me and kept me from a potential hospital visit.
Caden’s hand lingered on top of my head, and I groaned when I let myself fall back into the pillow.
See, I said gruffly. Nothing good comes of me being awake at this hour.
Or us, talking to each other. When I turned my head, it might’ve been the first time we’d had eye contact since last week, but I was sincere when I added, Thank you.
Caden swallowed thickly, then took a deep breath during which he probably weighed his options. Be nice to Valentina, who’s gone out of her way not to be. Or give her the cold shoulder like you have been.
Get your ass up, Valentina. We’re leaving in ten.
I cannot believe I’m doing this. I cannot believe I’m wearing leggings and a sports bra. I cannot believe Caden is carrying my water bottle. I cannot believe I’m running. With him.
But I was. Uphill. And at a pace that was probably four minutes a mile slower than his usual time. Partially noticeable by the fact that Caden had barely broken a sweat in the two miles so far. Meanwhile, I didn’t remember the last time my pulse had been this high.
We’d almost reached the top of whatever hill he had me running up.
At this point, I felt so slow, a fast-paced walk would’ve probably been faster.
I briefly considered stopping, but saw Caden slowing down—which meant that he’d made it, which meant that I was about to make it.
Probably. Hopefully. If I didn’t collapse before.
I did not.
I made it to the top, even if barely, and immediately slumped over.
My hands landed on my knees, my eyes closed, and I waited for my breathing to become less ragged.
In the corner of my eye, I noticed my bottle and took it without even looking at Caden.
And I chugged all sixteen fluid ounces of water.
I think it took me five minutes to fully come back to my senses. My breathing slowed, the taste of blood in my mouth disappeared, and I looked around for the first time.
Caden sighed. Aren’t you glad that I forced you up now?
Unfortunately, I had to admit that I was lying when I shook my head and said, No.
Because it was, in fact, breathtaking. In one direction, the sun reflected in the water of the ocean this early in the morning, making it glitter a blinding white.
And the fog, still settling over the land behind us in the other direction, cloaked it in an eerily beautiful grey.
Everything about the view, in every direction, was beautiful.
It seemed like he was returning the favor for our stargazing.
There was a bench overlooking the sea, and the grass it stood on was so green that it seemed painted. The pain of getting here was almost forgotten, and the only reminder was my breathing, still not quite back to normal.
No? Caden confirmed. The smile on his lips said he knew I was lying.
I shook my head, finally turned toward him. No. Especially because it was without a warning. Especially because you forced me out of bed after ignoring me for a week.
His eyes narrowed in amusement. The corner of his lip curled deeper, and he tilted his head when he took a single step toward me.
One step too close, my rational thoughts screamed. Go on, take another one, an entirely different part of me begged.
Isn’t that what you wanted? he asked, entirely unconvinced.
It is. It was what I wanted. It was. It was. It was. Maybe if I repeated the words enough times in my head, I’d believe them.
He cocked a brow. Then what’s the issue, Valentina?
There is no issue, Caden, I mocked back. Hoping it would change the direction I could tell this was heading in. Kind of wishing it would lead us further toward it.
Good. He nodded, his eyes flitting away from me. A second later, he was back. Attention on me, stepping closer once more. All I’m doing is trying to respect your boundaries. I might’ve been ignoring you, but that’s only because every time I looked at you, none of my thoughts were holy.
My breath grew heavy again, but it had nothing to do with my cardio, and everything to do with what was happening in the pit of my stomach. Heat that unfurled, and memories that shot through my head with lightning speed. They weren’t holy, either.
Right then, on a cliff miles away from my friends—so early, none of them were even aware I was gone—I wanted to kiss him.
I played with the possibility, ran the scenario through my mind over and over again.
And tried to push every voice in my head (one of them belonged to me, the other to Iris, repeating every reason that I shouldn’t do this a million times) away.
But perhaps getting this out—this incessant, continuous need for him—would help.
Would let me get over whatever it was that made my eyes follow him whenever he crossed a room, and had had me end up here, in the first place.
Maybe if I’d just do it once, I could stop thinking about doing it every time I saw him.
I could stop feeling bad about every time my thoughts were leading me down this exact path; if I just did it now, and got it over with. We always wanted what we couldn’t have. So having him, technically speaking, should make me stop wanting him.
Caden—
I know, I know. He took a step back, and I panicked. I didn’t know what I was doing until I felt myself follow his lead. His brows furrowed. I know we shouldn’t do this. I don’t know why, but I know that. Don’t worry—
You’re right, I said, then took another step forward. He blinked down at me, motionless. I thought he might be holding his breath until he tilted his head.
I’m right, he repeated, as if to affirm it to himself. And yet you’re still here. With here, he didn’t mean this cliff, although he might as well have. He meant here, in his orbit. Chest almost touching his, hands inches from interlacing with each other.
I swallowed thickly as I nodded. Yeah. At this point my voice was barely above a whisper. We shouldn’t do this. But maybe we have to. You know? I traced a single finger up his chest, and he froze under the touch.
Do I? Know?
Well. I shrugged, hoping to get my nerves under control.
I’d kissed enough guys that I shouldn’t have felt nervous about this. I’d kissed this particular guy before, and I hadn’t been nervous then, either. I guess I’d just never kissed a guy while knowing it kind of meant I was betraying my best friend.
I hesitated. Licked my lips and discreetly wiped my sweaty palms on my clothes. My logic was flawed, but it did make sense. And now, standing this close to him, it felt like there was no way back.
So I stopped thinking, and just went for it. Whatever would come out of my mouth first. No second-guessing. No over-thinking.
I don’t know about you, but I can’t look at you without remembering how you taste.
And I can’t believe I just said that.
Valentina, Caden warned, my neck craned upward to keep my eyes on his. Don’t say that if you don’t mean it. I can’t—
I do. I interrupted him. I do mean it. I think we should just get it over with. Get it out of our system. If you feel the same—
I swallowed the rest of my words when his lips landed on mine.
And his hands were in my hair, then on my waist, then cupping my ass—like he wasn’t quite sure where to place them first, only that he didn’t want to miss any part of me.
In case I’d regain my ability to think logically and stop this, maybe?
But I’d lost that ability. Right around the time he’d groaned against my lips.
It must’ve looked ridiculous. Two people in unflattering workout clothes, standing on top of a lonely cliff, eating each other. Basically, anyway.
My hands ran through his short hair, and he whispered something against my lips that sounded dangerously close to a plea. I couldn’t make it out, but his next words were clearer.
I really wish, he began. By now, he’d walked me backward against the bench.
I leaned against it, and his body pressed mine further into the wood.
It should’ve been uncomfortable, but there wasn’t a single part of me that cared about anything but the way he tasted, felt, sounded.
I wish you would’ve changed your mind somewhere else.
Closer to civilization, preferably. Where I wouldn’t have to consider the possibility of taking you right here, right now. It’s unbecoming.
Despite every urge his words brought up, I managed to get some distance between us.
My lips were no longer on his, and his hands fell from my hair back to my waist. A sound of disapproval left him at the distance.
What’s unbecoming? I asked, breath labored, eyes wide, hands still locked behind his neck.
My desperation. How much I want you.
You don’t usually consider fucking your conquests on a bench overlooking the ocean? If I’d cared about his opinion of me, I wouldn’t have said it so… candidly. But I didn’t want Caden to like me. In fact, I still needed him to dislike me after this—if I wanted to successfully stay away from him.
He huffed, the sound somewhere between a laugh and a groan, and kissed me again, despite the distance I’d brought between us. Apparently I’d never wanted them enough, no. Would you say I’ve conquered you, then?
His kisses moved from my lips to my neck, and I vehemently shook my head. No, I moaned. I was surprised by the sound myself. Caden hummed against my skin, I could feel the smile on his face. It takes a lot more to conquer me than a good kiss, Callahan.
But I wasn’t all that sure about it anymore.