Chapter 24
VALENTINA
I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t know if it was Caden’s sister or that I had let my mother’s substance-abuse problem slip or perhaps the heat, but it was a fact. I twisted and turned, threw the covers off, then pulled them back up. And I felt awful, because I wasn’t the only one in the room.
I tried to remind myself I wasn’t supposed to care about what Caden thought—if he could sleep or not, if the noise I was making kept him up—but there was no point pretending anymore. It was exhausting, frankly, to convince myself I didn’t like the guy. Somewhat, at least.
After a thousand shared kisses, and four weeks in close proximity, who wouldn’t?
Something about this was different, though, and made him special.
He was still talking and laughing with me, kissing and touching me, even when I’d shown him my worst side.
When I’d been cranky, and sassy, and mean, and I hadn’t tried to impress him at all—Caden still seemed…
impressed. At the very least interested.
We should get back. Before I can’t guarantee ever letting you go again.
I’d said no to him more times than I’d said yes, and he was still here. I’d frowned at him more times than I’d smiled, and he was still here. Caden was still here, when I hadn’t tried my hardest to get him to stay. When I’d pushed him away, over and over again.
I threw the blanket off me again, groaning into the crook of my arm. Caden? I whispered into the darkness around us. The only light was coming through the crack in the curtains beside the bed. Are you awake?
For the first time in thirty minutes, the blanket below me rustled, like he’d been waiting to get an opportunity to move. Of course.
It surprised me a little bit, how quick it came, how naturally. Of course? I wondered. Is it that obvious?
He huffed in amusement, and I wish I could’ve seen how his lips twitched when he was trying his best to keep them at bay. It usually takes you a while to fall asleep, so I wait until you do. Make sure you’re fine—that you won’t need anything. I sleep better that way, too.
I froze in my bed. Breathing shallow, eyes on the ceiling. Caden— I warned, but there was nothing threatening in my tone. It was a beg, a plea, maybe. That he needed to stop being this nice, and this considerate, and this… lovely. Plain and simple.
Valentina, he smiled in answer. I could hear it in his tone.
Still, I wanted to cling onto reason. I hadn’t even tried to make him like me, so how could he? That’s impossible. You fall asleep almost instantaneously. There’s never a sound coming from your bunk.
Caden snickered. Because I try my best not to make a sound. Because I don’t want to accidentally wake you—or, well, keep you from falling asleep.
I was about to melt. Not from the heat—which was climbing into my cheeks more furiously than the temperatures in this room could make it—but his words. I was about to break, crack in two, and leave the part behind that told me I couldn’t have him. But I shouldn’t do that…
I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t.
The room was spinning, and I was sweating, and everything was a little too much—for the fact that it was midnight, and that I’d been unable to fall asleep, despite how tired I’d been. I short-circuited. I didn’t mean to ask, Come down to the beach with me?
At least it would be cooler there, I thought. At least there’d be a breeze, and the sound of waves gently rolling against the sand that would fill the silence between us. I thought it would be a good idea, and he must’ve, too, because he agreed. He didn’t even hesitate.
Without thinking, I’d grabbed my blanket to sit on, and he’d grabbed his, and it reminded me a little bit of that night I’d tried to run away from him, too.
When I’d packed my things and slept on one of the lounge chairs outside—and I’d genuinely thought getting rid of Caden Callahan would be that easy.
But he was a very persistent man. That much was clear. And despite all my efforts, he was still here.
It was too hot in there, I said when I could finally feel that breeze, and hear those waves. When we were lying next to each other on our blankets, at the beach, looking up into the night sky. I could barely breathe.
I honestly wasn’t sure if I could blame the heat for that or if it had been entirely Caden’s fault. But I liked to imagine it was the former. For my own peace of mind.
He nodded beside me, then turned his head. I could see it out of the corner of my eye. And with the way my stomach dropped when his eyes found me, then intently scanned my profile, I shouldn’t have returned his gaze.
But I did, of course. And that feeling in my chest intensified in sync with his smile.
He sighed, but never took his eyes off me.
He muttered, still smiling, I’m so fucked.
Like he didn’t mind at all. I didn’t have a spare breath to ask why, but he told me, anyway.
I know I’m not supposed to kiss you. I’m not supposed to want to kiss you.
You don’t want me, and that’s why I shouldn’t want you, but—
I kissed him. I rolled over, pressed him into the blanket below us, straddled his hips, and kissed his confusion away. The confusion I’d put there.
It was never about— I wanted to explain, but he pressed his mouth to mine again, and kept his hands behind my head to keep me put. I tried again. Never about not wanting you.
Because it never had been. The problem had always been that I wanted him too much for my own good.
More than I should, given the No-Fraternization-Rule I’d tried not to think about whenever I looked at him.
Given the fact that he was the reason I was lying to my friends, acting carelessly and selfishly for the first time in my life.
No? he asked, teasingly biting my bottom lip.
No. His hand slid from the back of my head, down my neck, shoulder, back, until, without a second thought, it slipped into my panties.
I was only wearing those and an oversized shirt, and apparently, that made access a lot easier.
He groaned into my mouth when he squeezed my ass, and I instinctively rolled my hips against him.
It drew desperate sounds out of both of us.
What was it about, then? he asked, breath heavy, voice guttural and raw against my lips.
Not being able to have you. Wanting you so much, and knowing I cannot have you. Knowing that, if it came down to it, I’d choose my friends over a man any day of the week. Even if that man was Caden, and I was really starting to like him.
None of what you say makes sense, he said, but he didn’t sound angry.
He didn’t give me time to explain, either.
But it’s okay. It doesn’t have to. Just tell me what you want now, sweetheart, and I’ll give it to you.
He turned us, swiftly and without much fuss.
When I looked up at him, eyes wide, he only smiled.
My chest was heaving underneath his, breath uneven and messy. What if it’s the moon and the stars?
I’ll get those, too. I’ll find a way.
But I shook my head, tried to ignore the way his words tugged at my heartstrings. Squeezed the whole damn thing tightly in my chest. Just you, I said, almost pleading. With him and myself. I just want you.
So you’ll have me. It’s that easy.
The way he kissed me was different. Like a promise, and a plea.
For what, I wasn’t sure. The weight of him settled between my legs, my knees angled on either side of his body.
It was addictive, the way his tongue danced with mine, the sounds he breathed into my mouth, the way he buckled under my touch.
What used to be a neatly shaved buzzcut had turned into hair just long enough to run my fingers through, and he groaned against my lips again, then trailed his kisses to my neck, sucking and nibbling and coaxing the same sounds out of me.
You taste so good, he muttered, took a deep breath, head still buried in the crook of my neck. Smell so sweet. Like vanilla and candy.
My back arched at his efforts against my neck, or his words, or just him, groaning against me. I wondered if he was thinking about how good he’d feel buried deep inside of me, too.
And like he was, he confessed, I want you. I need you.
I chuckled, threw my head back in a laugh and a moan and disbelief. Can you read my mind, Callahan? Is that why you’ve been so good?
He emerged from the depths of my neck to look at me, a playful grin on his lips.
The moon illuminated his face just enough to make out his rugged nose, the thick eyebrows.
The blue of his eyes was less intense, but still there.
Deep and dark and perfect to get lost in—hoping to find some spark of its actual color in the moonlight.
Why? he asked teasingly, and his fingers trailed down my chest, stomach, hips.
Played with the hem of my shirt. I squirmed under his gentle touch, still dampened by the fabric separating us.
Are you thinking about my head between your thighs, too?
Or are you just wondering how long it’ll be until I’m finally inside of you?
His hand dipped lower again, below my shirt and to the waistband of my panties.
Black and lacy, but it hardly mattered—they were off in seconds.
In a skillful motion, he slid them down my legs and nudged the fabric of my shirt up with his head.
Simultaneously, I felt his teeth scrape my nipples and the breeze against my core.
Yes, I moaned. No sense in anything but the truth, I thought as my back arched off the blanket below us. I need to feel you, Caden.
He hummed against my skin, a groan of approval, and it sent shivers down my spine. You moan my name like that again—
He kissed his way up my body, until his face hovered above mine again. Until we looked each other in the eyes, and he said, I’m afraid I’ll come right there and then. It was a fact, that’s how he’d stated it. No embarrassment, no shame—just the truth of the matter whispered onto my lips.