Chapter Twenty-Seven Griffin #2
“I almost got kicked out after my junior year.” I clenched my jaw, imagined her face if she were sitting next to me.
“They were going to take away my scholarship, boot me from the team. I got arrested for indecent exposure for climbing up the outside of this famous building on campus—naked as the day I was born.”
Ruby exhaled a soft, shocked laugh. “Of course you did,” she murmured, and if it weren’t for the blatant affection in her voice, I might not have kept talking. “But they didn’t kick you out?”
“Because of Barrett.”
“Ah.”
I smiled a grim smile. “He went to the disciplinary board and convinced them to let me stay. Vouched for me, as his brother. Said the team needed me if we wanted to win, and he’d personally make sure I didn’t screw up any more if they gave me one more chance.”
She hummed in understanding. “And they listened to him?”
“Yeah. All he said when he came to my apartment to tell me he’d done that was, ‘Why do you think I have to work so hard? So I’m the one they’ll take seriously when shit like this happens. And as long as you’re around, it will keep happening.’”
“Oh, Griffin,” she sighed. “He never even gave you a chance to change, did he?”
“Just wait,” I added lightly. “Story time isn’t over yet, birdy.
It gets better.” I wanted to knock back a strong drink, but I took another sip of my water instead.
“We both stayed in Oregon that summer instead of going home, but we kept out of each other’s way as much as possible.
While I was out one night, I met this girl.
Rachel. She was beautiful. Smart. Driven.
We didn’t have anything serious, but at the time, I thought .
. . this is exactly the kind of woman who’d make me want a real relationship. ”
“Rachel,” she said slowly. “Didn’t your brother . . .”
“Marry her?” I said in a dry tone. “He did.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “We weren’t aware she was dating both of us at the same time.
Then . . . she got pregnant with Bryce. We hadn’t slept together in over a month by that point.
I went on a trip with Marcus to visit his family, was busy when I got home, so she knew it was Barrett’s.
She came clean to both of us after that.
They got engaged because my brother, of course, stepped up to do the right thing and take care of her.
Barrett and I stopped talking when they got married. ”
There was a telling beat of silence—thick and loaded—while she took that in. Her brow was probably pinched, eyes big in her face. If she were in front of me, I’d smooth my thumb in that space between her eyebrows and tell her not to worry.
“Isn’t he divorced now?”
“He is. Lucky guy. She’s a fucking snake.”
“So why don’t you talk now? If she’s out of the picture.”
I managed a tight grin, thankful she couldn’t see. “Because the night he asked for a divorce, she showed up at my apartment in New York, and he followed her. Found her coming out of my place not long after she showed up.”
“Oh.” She cleared her throat. “D-did you—”
“No. But he assumed we did. Couldn’t bring himself to actually ask.”
“Didn’t you tell him? I can’t believe he’d think that.” Her indignation came through the phone like a heat wave, and I had to smile. Still defending me, even when I didn’t deserve it.
“I told him she wasn’t there more than a few minutes.” I swallowed, staring up at the stars, brighter now in the ink-black sky. “And I guess that wasn’t enough of a denial to him.”
“He didn’t believe you?”
“Why would he? All Barrett ever saw me as was the fuckup little brother who skated by on luck and a big personality.”
“That is not true,” she said hotly. “You’re . . . you’re so talented, Griffin. And smart and kind and funny.”
“You gonna fight my battles for me, birdy?”
“Yes. He’s not being fair.”
“No, he wasn’t,” I admitted. The next words came out slower, like I had to tear them from my throat. “But . . . sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I would’ve reacted any differently if I was him.”
She paused. “What do you mean?”
I swiped a hand over my mouth and tried to figure out how to say all the things looping through my brain.
“I’m just as stubborn as he is, you know?
I acted out, made childish decisions, pushed his buttons when I could’ve just .
. . backed off. I was so focused on not being him that it became this mask I was wearing, you know?
Dropping it got harder and harder the older I got. ”
“You weren’t wearing a mask with me,” she said, and I smiled at how certain she sounded.
“No, I wasn’t.”
Ruby sucked in a breath. “So . . . what would happen if you told your brother that? He was wrong too. He judged you unfairly, and he owes you an apology for that. But maybe . . . maybe you could take the first step, if you wanted to try and fix things.”
I laid a hand on my chest and did nothing more than breathe. When I finally spoke, I could hardly hear the words. “And what if he still doesn’t hear me? What if . . . what if we’re just doomed to always live in the mold people place us in?”
She paused. “Do you really believe that?”
“I don’t know. Maybe,” I told her. “I think sometimes you hear people talk about you long enough, you start believing what they say. You start acting the way they expect, because why not, you know? Saying stupid shit because everyone thinks you’ve got a big mouth anyway.
And then before I know it, I’ve become the exact kind of guy my brother thinks I am. ”
“You’re not, though. You’re not.” She sniffed again, and the thought that Ruby Tate would lose any tears over me made me feel like tearing at my own skin. “You are wonderful, Griffin. I wish you could see it.”
My eyes burned at the plea buried in her voice. “I think you’ve made me better, Ruby. So I guess I owe you a thank-you too.”
“Me? I didn’t do anything.”
“You gonna argue with me about my emotional growth?”
“Well . . . no. But I don’t think I can take credit for it either.”
“You probably should. All this time, I needed my own little birdy to knock me back into line,” I said lightly, but my heart was racing at the truth of it.
I had to grit my teeth, claw my way back into some semblance of composure, because I was seconds away from asking if I could drive to her place, no matter how late it was.
Seeing her would be enough to satisfy the craving that had throbbed constantly since I’d left. Touching her would send me to my knees.
“I don’t think you needed me to put you anywhere,” she insisted. “If anything changed for you, it’s because you wanted it to.”
I scrubbed my face as I sat up in the chair. Everything in my head was spinning out of control, and until I heard her voice, I didn’t realize how bad it had gotten.
“Do you want to fix things?” she asked. “With your brother, I mean.”
I want to fix things with you, I thought desperately.
Bring us back to where we were before. I didn’t spend my time wisely when she was right in front of me.
Every night, I should’ve slept with her in my arms and memorized the perfect way she fit against me.
Every day, I should’ve spoiled her rotten, kept her warm and safe, held her hand in the dark and felt the steady thrum of her heart under my cheek while I curled my body over hers.
I chose my words carefully. “It should be easy, shouldn’t it? To put yourself out there with someone who . . . who means a lot to you.”
Ruby was quiet for a moment. “It should.”
My eyes pinched shut. “But what if they don’t want what you want? What if you give them a glimpse of what you’ve been hiding underneath all the bullshit and they still walk away?”
Through the phone, I heard a trembling breath escape her mouth, and I had to tilt my head back to fight for control.
“I think you have to decide what you’ll regret more,” she said slowly. “If the risk is worth it.”
It was a humbling thing, to admit how much of my life I’d been held back by a fear of truly disappointing people. Oh, I’d done that in spades, but it wasn’t me trying to be the best version of myself. Wasn’t me trying at all, really.
But when you finally find someone who makes you want to be better? The fear becomes a looming shadow you can’t escape and you can’t ignore. I didn’t want to just be better for Ruby; I wanted her every fucking day I could have her, and there was no denying it anymore.
A flash of her face looped through my mind, when she’d asked me to teach her. When she’d set down her own fears and asked for help. When she’d risked something important because the regret would’ve weighed too heavy at the end of the day.
Sitting there in the dark, underneath the blue sky and the bright stars, I knew that when it came to Ruby Tate, I’d regret doing nothing. I’d regret it until the day I died.
“I’m going to change the subject for a second,” I warned her.
“Okay.”
“Will you come to the first day of training camp? Players invite friends and family, and . . . and I’d like to have you there.” My chest expanded on a deep breath. “I don’t usually have anyone out there for me.”
Ruby let out a shocked noise. “Really? I . . . Are you sure? That seems like a big deal.”
“It is,” I admitted slowly, heart hammering.
“For me, it is. I’ve never asked anyone, but .
. . will you come? It’s not for another couple weeks, and .
. . I know you’re busy, and so am I. But I’d love to see you.
Maybe you could come over after and see my place. Climb up in my tree and test it out.”
“If that’s a euphemism, you need to work harder.”
I laughed deeply, the smile in her voice sending a warm jolt through my veins. “It’s not, but I’ll take that into consideration.”
“Okay,” she said shyly. “Text me the date, and I’ll . . . I’ll see if it works in my schedule.”
Hope bled through my chest, and even though half of me wondered what the fuck I was playing at, I knew I had to do something. Anything.
After so many weeks, she hadn’t faded from my mind in the slightest, and I knew one thing for certain: I wasn’t willing to be nothing to her anymore.