Chapter 22
22
Ever since the appointment with Miss Cohen, Chloe had seemed much more like her old self. She was still spending a lot of time online, but she seemed more animated and hopeful than she had before. Even when a friend of hers from work had made the questionable decision to send her a screenshot of Mike’s photograph on an online dating app, she hadn’t seemed fazed.
‘I couldn’t care less what he does now.’ Chloe had genuinely sounded like she meant it. ‘I know what I want my future to look like and Mike isn’t a part of that. I’ve got a plan and, as soon as I feel strong enough, I’m going to start taking steps towards making it happen.’
‘Would it help to talk about what you want to do?’ Wendy had continued to tread carefully, not wanting to shatter the fragile progress Chloe seemed to be making.
‘I know I need to work out how to say goodbye to Beau and find a way to move forward without him, that’s my priority. After that, I want to have the chance to be a mum, whatever that might look like, and I’m not scared of doing it on my own. After all, nothing could be worse than losing Beau, could it? If I’ve survived that, I can survive anything. One thing this has taught me is that I’m stronger than I’d ever have believed.’
‘You really are.’ It had been an easy statement for Wendy to agree with. If she’d been asked when she first met Chloe whether she thought she’d have the strength to turn her back on Mike, Wendy would never have believed it, especially as it had taken her decades to do the same thing. It was getting easier and easier to believe that Chloe would be okay, and so she didn’t panic when it got to 10a.m. and there’d been no sign of her, or even the slightest sound coming from the guest bedroom. She was probably just catching up on the rest she so badly needed. Ever since she’d lost Beau, Chloe had insisted on having Stan, Gary’s Border Terrier, up in her room with her at night. The little dog was undemanding company, and she seemed to get comfort from having him close by. But she must have recognised the need for a good night’s sleep, because when she’d gone up to bed the previous evening she’d shut Stan in the kitchen for the first time.
‘Chloe, love, are you okay?’ When there was still no sign of her at eleven, Wendy tentatively knocked on the door. Zara had told her that they were both due to go to an eating disorders support group meeting in the early afternoon, and she wanted to make sure Chloe had enough time to get ready. When there was no answer, she knocked a little bit harder. ‘Chloe, you need to get up now, or you’ll miss your meeting with Zara.’
Met with only silence, Wendy slowly pushed the door open expecting to see Chloe still sleeping; instead, the bed was neatly made.
‘What’s up?’ Gary looked at Wendy as she came into the kitchen, after running down the stairs. But that wasn’t the only reason her heart was thudding as fast as it was, a horrible feeling of dread had settled in her chest and it was even worse than it had been before. She knew she was overreacting, but she couldn’t stop her mind going to the worst-case scenario: that something awful had happened to Chloe.
‘She’s not in her room and it looks so tidy, almost like she was never there.’
‘She’s probably just gone for a walk.’ Gary held out a hand towards her. ‘I love how much you worry about everyone, but you really don’t need to. I expect she’s just tidied up because she feels a tiny bit better, and she doesn’t want to be surrounded by clutter.’
‘Maybe.’ Wendy really wished she could believe him, but the feeling of dread seemed to be getting stronger all the time, and Gary could obviously see it on her face.
‘If you’re really worried, why don’t you give her a call?’
‘I don’t want her to think I’m checking up on her, or that I don’t trust her to remember that she’s due to go to the meeting with Zara.’
‘Just ask her what she wants for dinner tonight.’
‘Okay.’ Even a simple question like that had to be handled carefully, so it didn’t sound like Wendy was being the food police, but she’d got used to treading on those particular eggshells with Zara, and that was definitely something she could handle. As soon as she connected the call, she heard the sound of a phone ringing in the distance.
‘I think her mobile must be in her room.’ Wendy followed the sound, taking the stairs two at a time, reaching the bedroom just as the call went through to voicemail. Disconnecting the call, she was about to ring again, so she could locate the phone, but then she saw it, on the bedside table. As she moved closer, the sense of foreboding threatened to overwhelm her altogether, as she spotted an envelope with her name written on the front. Ripping it open, her hands were shaking, even before she began to read the words.
Dear Wendy,
I can never thank you enough for what you’ve done for me, but I can’t stay any longer. I thought I could say goodbye to Beau, but when I tried to call the hospital yesterday, I just couldn’t go through with it. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to make the decision to let him go, until I’m holding another baby in my arms. I’ve been trying so hard not to think about it, but after I put the phone down it was all I could see. Beau lying there, all alone, waiting to be laid to rest. I feel terrible that I’ve left him on his own for so long, and I need to do whatever I can to make sure I’m ready to let him go as soon as possible. I can’t wait around to make it happen, and not even you can help me with that.
Hopefully I’ll be able to get in touch when I’m settled, and let you know how you can contact me. But I can’t risk anyone being able to find me before I’m ready, so I’ve left my phone behind too. If I can’t find a way to say goodbye to Beau, then I’d rather just go with him. That might be the best solution anyway, but I owe it to him to try and make a different kind of life for myself first.
I’m so sorry I couldn’t say goodbye to you, Gary, and the girls; you’re the kindest people I’ve ever known.
With love and eternal gratitude.
Chloe xx
‘Oh my God.’ Wendy’s hand flew to her mouth and Gary had to steady her, as he came into the room.
‘Is that from Chloe? What does it say?’
‘That she can’t let Beau go until she’s got another baby in her arms and that, if she can’t have that, the best solution would be for her to be with him instead.’ Wendy’s eyes widened in fear as she looked at Gary. ‘You don’t think she’d do anything stupid, do you?’
‘No, but I think we need to find her.’
‘What if we can’t?’ Nausea was rising up inside Wendy now. ‘I wouldn’t even know where to start.’
‘I think we should try the hospital first. It’s where Beau is, and she might want to try and see him again.’ Gary put his arms around her. ‘It’ll be okay, we’ll find her, I promise.’
‘Thank you.’ Leaning against him for just a moment, Wendy took a deep breath, desperate to believe he was right and the worst thing she could do was lose hope. ‘Okay, let’s go.’
Grabbing Chloe’s phone, she hurried out of the door, praying that Gary’s hunch about her heading to the hospital would prove to be right. If it wasn’t, she’d have absolutely no idea where to look instead and it already felt as if grains of sand were passing all too quickly through a timer. The countdown to bringing Chloe home safely and before she did anything stupid, was well and truly on.
By the time Danni was ready to be taken down for a scan to check that the medication Pieter had prescribed was working, she was every bit as confident as he’d been that it was. So, when Charlie had asked if she wanted him to come with her, she’d said no and left him cradling their son in his arms. She’d been gone less than half an hour, but the longing she had to be reunited with her son was already a physical ache. And when she got back to the room, she was disappointed to see that he wasn’t still with Charlie, because it meant he was asleep in the crib by her bed, and it would be hard to justify waking him up just so that she could have the cuddle she was desperate for.
‘How did it go?’ Charlie stood up as she came into the room, a note of anxiety in his voice. She’d been taken down for her scan in a wheelchair, by one of the midwifery assistants, Sam, but she was beginning to feel a bit of a fraud. Especially as she’d had Geeta, a senior midwife, with her too, so that she could review the results and explain things to Danni. Thankfully, as it was, there was nothing much to explain, but both Geeta and Sam had accompanied her back to the room.
‘Everything’s fine and the best news is that we can go home as soon as the baby wakes up.’ Danni smiled and gestured towards the crib, as Sam wheeled her to the bed.
‘Oh, he’s not asleep; one of the midwives took him for his day-one blood test a few minutes ago.’ Charlie had returned her smile, but a shiver went up Danni’s spine. She’d read everything she could get her hands on about newborn babies, in an attempt to feel more prepared, and she hadn’t come across anything about a day-one blood test. If they’d taken the baby away, it had to be because they suspected something was wrong with him, and the story about a blood test was just an attempt to stop them panicking. All her fears about something awful happening came rushing to the surface, and when she saw the expression on Geeta’s face, her blood ran cold.
‘Are you sure they said a blood test?’
‘Definitely. She said it’s the test all babies have in the first thirty-six hours. She said it would take ten minutes at most, so they should be back any minute.’
‘Did she tell you her name?’ The urgency in Geeta’s tone made Danni’s spine go rigid and, even though she’d opened her mouth, no words would come out. A few seconds earlier she hadn’t been able to imagine a worse scenario than something being wrong with the baby, but suddenly she could, and she was frozen with fear.
‘She said her name was Millie. Why, is there a problem?’ Charlie was suddenly looking panicked too, and Danni felt as if she’d forgotten how to breathe.
‘We need to raise the alarm. Right now . Call security and let them know we’ll have more details as soon as we’ve got them.’ Sam shot out of the room almost before Geeta had finished speaking. Danni’s lips were moving now, but there was still nothing coming out. It was as if she’d been plunged into freezing cold water and even catching her breath was impossible.
‘Oh my God, are you telling me she isn’t a midwife?’ Charlie’s eyes shot open, his face a mask of the same terror that seemed to have paralysed Danni.
‘There’s no one on the team called Millie, and there are no routine blood tests we give babies until they’re five days old. Can you remember anything about this woman?’
‘She must have been a midwife, because I recognised her.’ All of the colour had drained out of him now. Danni’s stomach was churning so hard she was almost sure she was going to be sick, and she’d clamped her mouth shut. This couldn’t be real and if she pinched herself hard enough, she’d prove it was all just a nightmare she was going to wake up from. But it didn’t matter how hard she squeezed her fingers, or how much pain it caused her, Charlie was still talking and it was all still horribly real. ‘I’ve definitely seen her before, I was sure it was here, but maybe…’
‘For Christ’s sake, Charlie, you let her take our baby, what the hell did she look like?’ The words had suddenly spilled out of Danni’s mouth like venom, but she didn’t feel any guilt, even when Charlie reacted as if he’d been struck. She couldn’t worry about his feelings right now. Getting their baby back was the only thing she cared about.
‘She was very slim, about five feet three I guess, fair-skinned and blonde. She was wearing glasses, but I didn’t look at her that closely…’ There was so much pain in Charlie’s eyes as he reached out to her, but she couldn’t comfort him. ‘Dan, I’m so sorry. I was convinced I knew her, that I’d seen her here, she looked so familiar, and she sounded so plausible. She knew my name and yours. I just?—’
‘This isn’t your fault.’ It was left to Geeta to try and comfort Charlie. ‘The security team will put the hospital in lockdown, and with any luck we’ll stop her before she even leaves.’
‘And if you don’t?’ Danni was shaking so much as she asked the question, that her whole body seemed to vibrate. And, when Geeta didn’t answer, an unearthly scream suddenly filled the air around them. It wasn’t until Charlie took hold of her, wrapping his arms around her too tightly for her to be able to scream again, that Danni realised the sound was coming from her.